Renewed Faith (CSA Case Files 3 / Military Romance) (18 page)

“I think you and Kevin are perfect for each other,” Lauren said, raising her bottle in salute. “Whatever I can do to help, I will.”

Elle waited for more, but when Lauren didn’t continue realized that was all she meant. Nothing more, nothing less. She relaxed her shoulders and then joined Lauren at the table. If she was telling the truth, then maybe she could answer the question that had been rattling around in Elle’s head for days.

“How are we perfect for each other?” Elle crossed her arms in front of her and waited for the answer. If Lauren could tell her, maybe her nerves wouldn’t be so chaotic. “I just don’t see it, Lauren. We are so different.”

“That’s what makes you two good for one another.” Lauren screwed the cap back on the bottle. “You know the old saying
opposites attract
.”

“Lauren, let’s face it,” Elle said, trying to get the woman to see reason. Kevin certainly didn’t listen and his threat if she finished her thought had Elle thinking twice…about saying it and also believing it. If he didn’t see it as an issue, why should she? Because it damn well did matter, that’s why. “He’s a farm boy at heart and I’m an ex-hooker. That’s not just opposite, Lauren. Sometimes that spectrum is too far apart to even contemplate inside my head.”

“You put yourself down because of what you’ve done, yet the way you speak and the words you use defy that you kept yourself limited to that lifestyle.” Lauren looked at her quizzically. “You’re obviously well educated.”

“I have a high school diploma, but I’m not college material,” Elle argued, not seeing what that had to do with anything. “I read a lot. I like to learn. And I’m not putting myself down, I’m facing facts. Why would Kevin want to be with someone who sold her body for money? I’ve made choices that people would find morally, abhorrent, or highly questionable to say the least.”

“I’m sure there are judgmental people, but remember the lifestyle we live. The majority of our friends, along with Connor and I, enjoy BDSM and other kinks. We don’t judge. Why would Kevin?”

Elle could see the point Lauren was trying to make, but she wasn’t privy to Elle’s past. She didn’t have the upbringing that Kevin had. She was a different person with a separate view on life. How did people accept that? It seemed a hell of a lot easier to just keep to herself. There was still time to back out.

Much to Elle’s surprise the last hour had been enjoyable. Lauren was fun to be around, seemingly going to extra lengths to make sure that Elle was comfortable. The first few minutes were awkward, but then Lauren started chatting about random stuff that had happened around the club. When the topic of Kevin came up, along with Elle’s predicament regarding her wardrobe, Lauren became a woman on a mission. It was fun to witness and even more fun being used as a model for said experiment. In the end, both were satisfied with the outcome.

“You know what I think?” Lauren asked after Elle didn’t answer right away. “I think you’re judging yourself way too harshly.”

A knock came at the door. Elle would have sworn her heart stopped for that moment. This was it. She wanted to share with Lauren that not only was this her first date with Kevin, but this was her first date period. As in ever, but she couldn’t bring herself to speak. She’d never gotten to experience the joys of being a carefree teenager. Instead, she’d been on her back in a seedy motel earning money for food. Another knock sounded. Is this how she was supposed to feel?

“Well, that’s my cue to leave.” Lauren stood and picked up her jacket.

Elle bit her lip to keep from panicking and telling Lauren to make Kevin go away. That would be cowardly and if there was one thing Elle prided herself on, it was that she was an independent woman capable of handling her own problems. As she’d told Kevin numerous times, she’d done it her whole life.

Lauren leaned down and quickly hugged Elle before heading to the door. She whispered something about having a good time this afternoon and not fretting over the little things. The moment was over within a blink of an eye and Lauren had already opened the door. Kevin stood there with a surprised expression, his gaze going back and forth between the two of them.

“Hi Kevin.” Lauren’s tone was cheerful, as if she wasn’t aware of the turmoil Elle was feeling. She turned and sent a wave Elle’s way. “You two have fun.”

“Lauren, wait,” Elle called out, not ready for what was about to happen. Anything to delay it. Lauren had walked past Kevin and was outside in the entryway before she turned around. “Thank you for stopping by and keeping me company.”

“We’ll do it again soon.” Lauren gave her a thumbs up, partially hidden by her jacket so that Kevin couldn’t see. “Have fun.”

Elle watched helplessly as Lauren left, leaving her alone with Kevin. He was looking at her expectantly but didn’t ask about Lauren’s visit, for which she was glad. She took a deep breath, fortifying whatever barriers were left and gave herself a pep talk. One afternoon. How bad could it be?

Chapter Sixteen

A
few hours later, after the shock wore off that Kevin had taken her back to his house for their
date
, Elle found herself relaxed on the couch in front of the magnificent fireplace complete with a roaring fire. They enjoyed lunch in the dining room, where another wall of glass adorned the room similar to that of the living room, giving a view of the snow-covered land that merged into a conservation area. The sun only made the vision even more beautiful.

“Here you go,” Kevin said, walking into the room with two mugs of hot chocolate. As he handed one to her, she saw that mini-marshmallows floated on the surface. “Careful. It’s hot.”

Elle murmured her thanks and carefully took hold of the cup. Their fingers brushed, but she purposefully didn’t show her reaction. It wasn’t the heat from the ceramic that set her flesh aflame. Using the time that Kevin poked at the fire and made sure it continued to burn evenly, Elle thought back over the afternoon. Whereas she thought their time together would be taut with tension, Kevin had kept the conversation light, not even discussing the case. She’d asked numerous times about the progress, but he evaded her questions time and again. She finally gave up and discussed the topics he wanted to cover, which ranged from their favorite foods to their preferred books and then to his friends. Technically, she wondered if she should start calling them her friends, but didn’t want to dwell on that at the moment.

“I still can’t believe you renovated this yourself,” Elle said, feeling the need to contribute to the range of subjects. He’d been carrying it the entire time. “I know how often you were working the streets, talking to snitches back in the day. When did you find the time?”

“There’s always time,” Kevin responded, finally standing and joining her on the couch. She was grateful when he sat in his own space, not crowding her. He placed his own mug on his thigh as he twisted his body so that he was facing her way. “This is my home. It deserves to be taken care of. I don’t know if I mentioned it, but my parents’ house is over a hundred years old.”

“Really? It didn’t show signs of aging. If anything, with all the upgrades, I wouldn’t have thought it could be more than ten years old.”

“Where did you grow up?”

Kevin’s question came out of left field, but it was asked in such a nonchalant and nonthreatening manner that Elle knew she would answer him. It did put her on guard, but all that his gray eyes contained was curiosity. She took a calming breath and hoped that her opening up just a little didn’t give him the impression that it was a free for all.

“St. Paul.”

If Kevin was surprised in any way, he didn’t show it. He sipped his drink as if she’d told him that it was snowing outside. She expected him to follow up with another question, but he patiently waited for her to continue. Reaching up, she felt the locket through the material of her sweater. How much should she share? And if she divulged too much, would this end before it even truly started? Wasn’t that what she wanted? He still sat silently, studying her.

“I never knew my mother. My father felt that he’d done his job by providing a roof over my head.” Elle felt that same old apprehension start to saturate her pores as the past started to grab hold of her. She pushed on, hoping that once it was out, they’d never discuss it again. “When I graduated high school, he kicked me out. He drank and dabbled in drugs, so I didn’t have any close friends that I could stay with. I took the money that he kept in a can in one of the cupboards and hit the streets. You know the rest.”

Elle was aware that she’d rushed the words together, but that pretty much summed up her life story. It was very similar to that of the other girls on the street. A loveless home where they weren’t wanted. The road was a vicious circle that normally couldn’t be broken. She wasn’t any different than they were, so there was no need to dwell on it.

“Is your mother’s picture in that locket?” Kevin’s head tilted toward the ornament she was now tracing. His question didn’t surprise Elle, but yet it did. She knew she had a bad habit of fiddling with it, but he’d been taking a wild guess as to what it contained. “It’s clearly special to you.”

“Yes.” Elle took a sip of her drink, thinking of how to switch topics. Hadn’t she done her duty and shared a piece of herself? What more did he want? “She died in a drive-by shooting. At least that’s what my father told me. We didn’t live in the best neighborhood.”

“May I?” Kevin gestured toward the locket with a nod.

Elle had never shown anyone and she wasn’t sure she wanted to now. How could she explain to him that the picture within the locket was the only dream of what her life could have been like? She used to stare for hours at the beautiful woman with long black hair so like her own and fantasize about having had a different childhood. It would never be her reality and she knew that, but showing her mother’s picture to him meant facing it.

“Sure.” Elle’s mouth felt dry as she tried to sound normal. For some reason, she didn’t want him to know how much this affected her. Without giving herself any more time to think it through, she reached inside her sweater and withdrew the locket. The chain was long enough that all she had to do was pull it over her head, which she did and handed it over as if it didn’t mean anything. “Here.”

Kevin slowly reached for it, indecision within his gaze. He knew. He knew that it meant more than she was willing to admit and Elle couldn’t help but wonder what he would think of the woman within the gold accessory. His fingers once again brushed hers, but they were numb. He placed his cup on the coffee table in front of him and then concentrated on carefully opening the locket. It was as if he were afraid his large hands would break it. She didn’t realize how still she’d become until he smiled tenderly at the picture within.

“She’s beautiful. You look just like her.”

And as simple as that, Kevin handed Elle back her necklace. Instead of putting it on, she held it tightly in her palm and feared that whatever this was between them would never last. It astounded her how her uncertainties had changed on a dime. At first, she hadn’t wanted it to progress this far. Now she was worried she’d lose this chance at something more. Lauren had been wrong about opposites attracting one another. It was when couples complemented each other that their relationship lasted. She had nothing to give Kevin that would do that and once he heard how she’d entered the life, he’d wash his hands of her and that would be that. She’d be able to go about her life, albeit changed in knowing that the life she’d always dreamed about did exist…but that was something she’d have to live with. Explaining why she’d traded her body for a warm meal wasn’t something he’d want to hear.

Kevin’s cell phone rang and Elle breathed a sigh of relief. A part of her wanted to tell him the rest of her story and get this over with, but there was another part of her that wanted to extend this afternoon. Taking away the last fifteen minutes of apprehension, she’d really enjoyed his company and the mundane topics they’d covered. For once, it made her feel as if this was truly a date and that her life had a little normalcy instead of being a woman who hoarded away every penny in terror of having this newfound life ripped from her hands.