Renewed Faith (CSA Case Files 3 / Military Romance) (21 page)

“No, but I like to read.” Elle nibbled on some bacon, wondering where Kevin was fitting all of the food he was eating. It had to be triple what was on her plate. He washed it down with some orange juice and she found herself doing what she always said she wouldn’t. She asked about his past. “Your mother said you went to college?”

“Yes, after I came back from Afghanistan. It was either sulk over not being able to reenlist or take action over my future.” Kevin sat back in the stool and kept talking while she ate. His right hand rubbed his injury. “The rehab on my knee was quite extensive, so my studies gave me something else to concentrate on. Walking the campus also aided in rehabilitation.”

“When did you get involved with the Heroes Benefit Society?” Elle figured she’d opened the door, so she might as well step right on in. It was liberating. “And what made you leave Wisconsin?”

Kevin’s slow smile seemed to light up his face and somehow she sensed there was approval in that grin as well. A flash of irritation washed over her, feeling like he was laughing at her, but she forced herself to relax. Her initial reaction over a lot of things tended to be exaggerated and she didn’t want to ruin a nice evening. One that she was really enjoying.

“I started out wanting to connect with those facing the same decisions I was facing. Turned out some of the men and women didn’t want to accept their future.” Kevin’s smile disappeared, replaced by regret. “The adjustment from military to civilian life cannot be explained with words. I could see who they once were and what they’d become.”

“Is that how you view me?” Elle pushed away her plate, suddenly not hungry. “You think of the girl that I used to be and wish I’d maintained that innocence? We’re all given our path, Kevin. No one can walk it but us.”

“There’s that bad habit of yours. Putting words in my mouth.” Kevin leaned forward to pick up a piece of bacon that she’d left on the plate. He lifted it to her mouth, waiting patiently until her lips parted to accept the food. “Is it so bad for me to see the good in people? When tragic moments take hold of a person’s life that forces them to make choices they normally wouldn’t make, that doesn’t brand them a bad person. It’s other people’s judgments that do that and those people should be ashamed of themselves. You are right about walking in each other’s shoes, but I don’t need to do that to know that you did what you had to do to survive. Just as I had to do in order to endure my ordeal in combat, we sometimes have to do things that we wouldn’t normally do given an alternative. We’re creatures of our environment, but that setting can change if given the opportunity.”

“Is that what you’re offering me?” Elle asked, after having swallowed the bite he’d offered her. He brought the bacon up to his lips and ate the rest, his tongue licking his lower lip. What exactly
was
he proposing? “A change in my environment? I’ve already grabbed a hold of it, farm boy. There’s no need to go further.”

“Is there someone saying you can’t have more? Or is it you’re afraid to hope for more?” Elle was sure that Kevin wasn’t really expecting a response, so she remained silent. He continued to stare at her as if he knew she was trying to figure it out, because in all honesty, she didn’t know the answer. “I watch you when I’m at the club. When I take my turn as a Dungeon Monitor to ensure the scenes are in accordance with club policy, I see the yearning in your eyes when you happen to look over at the play areas. Do you know how long I’ve waited to satisfy that desire? To throw my vest down on the floor and become one of those Doms whose sub is restrained to a bench?”

Elle slipped off of the stool before he said another word, or worse, reached out for her. It was one thing to know how she felt in regards to observing the submissives being pleasured whereas it was another for Kevin to know. She’d also seen the other side of being a submissive—serving one’s Dominant. Is that where he was going with this? She’d always wondered what it would be like, but did that make her like those women?

“Do you think I want to be a submissive?” Elle blurted out the question, for there was no other way to put it. She pulled the lapels of his robe tighter across her chest. “I spent years doing what men told me to do. I’m not about to do it again.”

“Your mind certainly travels a hell of a lot faster than most people.” Kevin stood up in between the stools, but leaned back against the counter and crossed his arms as if he had all the time in the world. “I was speaking in general terms of making love. You had sex with those men. There was no trust, passion, or caring involved. You’re old enough and smart enough to know the difference. I was just pointing out the fact that you are a woman with desires and I want to be the one to tap into them because I don’t think anyone has ever taken the time.”

Another defensive barrier came down and her fingers loosened their grip on the material that was now bunched inside her palm. Elle shifted her feet on the hardwood floor, the sensation of her flesh suddenly making itself known. Kevin had the ability to take her mind off of everything but him. Hearing his words and knowing that he had no secret agenda caused a flush in places she’d not thought of in a long while. She wasn’t used to simple and he had a way of making everything sound so easy.

“Does that mean I won’t want to try things with you? Does that mean I won’t tap into some submissive place inside of your heart and mind?” Kevin took a step away from the counter, slowly closing the distance between them. Elle’s heart started racing and her palms started to tingle, sending streaks of electricity up her arms. Was this what the women felt at the club? Desire ripped through her at the opportunity he was presenting her with a chance to find out. She wasn’t made of stone and the woman inside of her raged to claw its way to the surface, wanting to give him the chance to do all of the things he’d just said. “City girl, I want to explore every bit of you…physically, mentally, and emotionally. Yes, I’m a Dominant. I want to show you what I think is underneath all of those barriers that you’ve put into place. You’re surrounded by the lifestyle almost every night. You might not have practiced and partook, but you certainly know all the rules and guidelines. All you have to do is say yes and select a safeword.”

Elle’s blood rushed through her ears, drowning out all sounds. The fabric of the robe became almost too much for her flesh and a vision of herself with it draped around her feet floated through her mind. What would his reaction be if she was to do that and stand in front of him bare? Kevin
did
make it seem so simple. He only wanted one answer and one word. One word. As if all of the events leading up to this hadn’t altered her life in any way and he would accept one word to take things further. Her stomach felt like she was getting ready for the ride of her life and as if the tracks were set to go, her whispered reply flipped the switch.

“Yes. Firefly.”

Chapter Nineteen

K
evin turned his head ever so slightly, straining to hear the one answer he’d been waiting on for more than a year. Elle’s brown eyes were wide with apprehension and her knuckles had once again turned white. Her cheekbones were flushed while her lips parted as if she couldn’t get enough oxygen. She was exactly how he wanted her and he had to clench his jaw not to just pick her up and carry her upstairs to have his way with her. This needed to be so much more.

“Let me see you and I want you to repeat your safeword just this once so that I understand you realize its significance.”

Kevin had told her the truth. He wanted to know every nuance of her, in every way possible. If there was something Elle didn’t like or that made her uncomfortable, he wanted to know about it. If he did something that caused her desire to ratchet higher, he’d do it again and again until she got her fill. When her pupils dilated and her breathing became shallower, he knew he’d have her strip again and again in the future. It almost killed him not to move from the spot he was in.

“Firefly.”

That was all Elle spoke before her trembling hands fumbled with the thick navy blue belt. Once the material parted, Kevin was able to see her pale flesh, which looked like silk and practically begged to be touched. Her tiny belly button sat perfectly in the middle of her abdomen. He lowered his eyes, catching sight of her mound. What he considered a landing strip was situated perfectly over her clitoris and while he preferred his women bare, Elle was perfect the way she was.

“All of it.”

Elle shrugged her shoulders ever so slightly, causing that material to fall around her elbows. It was as if she was taking her time in revealing herself to him in case he didn’t like what he saw. Kevin wanted to assure her that would never happen, but his mouth dried upon the sight of her breasts. They would fit perfectly in the palms of his hands. Seeing the swell of her flesh made his cock harden. He hadn’t even touched her, yet his fingertips felt as if he’d already traced the supple complexion. He tightened his grip on his biceps.

“Drop it.”

The heavy material fell at Elle’s feet, leaving her standing there in all her glory. The sight of her evaporated whatever oxygen had been left in Kevin’s lungs. Though she was taller than most women he’d been with, there was a fragile air about her that he felt the need to shield. Pleasure and protect. He would show her the first and she would feel both by the time he was done.

“Widen your stance.”

Kevin stayed where he was and watched closely as Elle did as he requested. A slight glistening appeared on her inner thigh, just enough so that he knew she was reacting the way he needed her to. He wished he could have questioned her about the men she’d been with, not in an insulting way, but to know if any had ever given her the pleasure that she deserved. In realization that she had probably never been treated the way she should have been and that they needed to keep her past separate from this moment in time, he slowly crossed the room and continued around her until her back was pressed to his front.

“Are you wet?”

“Kevin, I’m not good at—” Elle had immediately shaken her head at his question, her actions causing her hair to tickle his chest.

“It was a yes or no question, Elle,” Kevin murmured against her head. She’d used his shampoo and smelling it on her emitted a distinctive scent that had his balls tightening. “I want a yes or no answer.”

“Yes.”

“Second yes of the evening.” Kevin dipped his head and left a searing kiss on the back of her neck. “We’re making progress. I’d like to see for myself though. Inspect what you expect. That’s an old saying that I heard numerous times in the Corps. I’m thinking it translates just as well in this situation.”

Gently, Kevin brought his hands down on Elle’s shoulders. He kept them there for just a moment while he savored the heat from her body. She was truly standing in front of him, accepting his touch. It was beyond surreal and one he wanted to sear into his memory. Gradually he caressed her arms, her hands, and then transferred his fingers onto her hips. He stroked her abdomen and found it just as smooth as he’d thought her flesh would be. He heard her swift intake of air and then felt her go as still as the deer he’d see out in the field when they knew a presence surrounded them. Stopping for only an instant, he assertively moved his hand downward until his palm covered her silky mound. His middle finger sat securely over her clitoris.

“Mine.” The word came out more guttural than Kevin had intended, but it was a primal instinct. Elle exhaled and amazingly, her body relaxed into his. Her tell let him know she responded to his commands and dominance, yet it was the wetness leaking from her core that assured him she relished what was taking place. “Do not move. I want to trace every inch of you and should the need arise to come, please do.”

Kevin had been placing a kiss on her left shoulder when Elle’s head whipped to the side, her darkened eyes connecting with his. The skepticism that shined through them tore at his heart. He’d been right and no one had ever taken the time to really get to know her body. Not wanting to release her pussy, but knowing that was what was best, Kevin ceased touching her and stepped around her until they were face to face.