Reservation (Preservation Series) (26 page)

“Will is just a friend, but you refuse to believe that because you have this ridiculous habit of overreacting. You jump to conclusions and freak out when another male so much as looks in my direction. I’ve told you before and I’ll say it again. I sympathize for why you act that way, I really do. I understand what Jamie did to you. But this has to stop. The only reason I was even in his bed was because I lost my keys at work last night and got locked out of my apartment. There aren’t many locksmiths on the island, and by the time one showed up, I had already passed out. He offered me a place to crash until I could get inside. We live in the same building, remember?”

Remember? How could I forget?

“He slept on the couch,” she insisted. “That was it.”

“He answered your phone and started running his mouth. He wants you, Kate, and you of all people should see right through him. Now I’m done having this fucking conversation on the phone. I’m catching a flight and I’m coming to you right now.”

“No. You’re not coming here. I need space.”

“You’ve had
enough
space. I won’t sit back and watch you lean on this asshole’s shoulder. He’s taking advantage of you, and you’re letting him.”

“I’m not blind, Ryan. You know, you go on and on about my intuition and how smart you think I am, but you sure as hell don’t give me much credit. I never claimed Will’s intentions were noble, or even honest. Hell, I know he wants me, he’s told me. But I’ve made it perfectly clear I’m taken. I’m not interested in him.”

“He had his arms around you on the beach,” I fumed, my voice dripping with disgust. “The memo couldn’t have been that clear.”

“I had a rough day. He tried comforting me. That was it, nothing more. I won’t let you turn this around on me when you’re the one who betrayed and humiliated me. Those pictures and Amy’s interview are everywhere, I’m a laughing stock!”

Damn it, this was crashing and burning fast, and if I didn’t find a way to break through to her, I’d lose the brave, receptive Kate I so desperately needed right now.

I took a breath and spoke smoothly. Evenly. “Don’t let these things you’re hearing shake the confidence you have in me, in us. For the last time, I swear to you I never touched those girls in the picture, and despite my past with Amy, my history with her is just that—the past. I haven’t laid a finger on her since I’ve been with you. We discussed this, Kate. You were the confident one from day one, from the beginning, before all of this crazy shit started happening. You were the one to reassure me that I’d make it through this new career and all that came with it—that we’d make it through this, together.”

“I said those things because I meant them...at the time, I meant them, Ryan.”

“Then stop seeing Will. Don’t let him near you, do you understand me? Let me get on a plane and come to you, and we’ll focus on us again. We’ll tell the world to go screw itself. Please, Kate. I’m losing my mind over here. We’re too far apart, this shit is getting out of hand.”

“It’s not that easy, Ryan, this isn’t black and white. You never know how hard something is until you actually walk that path yourself. And I’m walking it and I don’t know if I can—” her voice cracked. “God, I want to believe you, I do. But I don’t know if I can do this.”

My heart leapt up into my throat, and I gripped the edge of the kitchen counter for leverage. “What? Yes, yes you can. Don’t talk like that, do you hear me? Don’t fucking talk like that. Now I’m hanging up. We’re going to sort this shit out in person. I’m done with this phone bullshit. Done.”

“I don’t know if we can sort this.” Another cry broke from her lips, but she cut it off with an infuriated sigh. “This is so beyond anything I ever wanted...this is beyond me, Ryan. I’m so out of my element. I’ll never be able to trust you again after seeing those pictures, after hearing the things Amy said, after meeting her in person and seeing the way she affects you. And you clearly don’t trust me. What are we doing? Look at us, at each other’s throats over pictures in the tabloids. Rumors and your past. Scandal and lies. I can’t tell truth from fiction anymore. It’s insane. How is any relationship supposed to survive it all? And the distance…it’s too much.”

And there it was. Everything I dreaded, right there, wrapped in a fucking shiny box with a fancy bow on top.

“No,” I spat firmly, pounding my fist into the counter. “This is just your fear talking, Kate. You know me. You know
us
. I believe you when you say you don’t want Will, but that won’t change the fact that I don’t want him near you. I don’t trust him. The things you’ve seen and heard about me, they don’t change anything. They don’t change the man I am. These stories are a part of my past, part of who I was. You were the one who told me that shit was dead and gone. Don’t back pedal, please, Kate. Don’t do this, don’t you dare fucking run again! You swore you wouldn’t. You made a promise!”

“I’ve accepted who you were before me, and you know it! But this is about the present. Amy Mercer was right there, in Sam’s house, pursuing you while I sat at the same table. She still wants you. You’re still attracted to her.”

“No, I’m fucking not! I’m not, Kate. The feeling isn’t mutual.”

“Yes you are. That’s why you’re terrified of her. It was all over your face that night, you were gripping the steering wheel for dear life when you drove us home. There’s something about her, something you didn’t have with these other girls. Something I don’t understand and something I don’t think I want to. You’re afraid of who you are when you’re around her...I could sense it. I won’t put myself through this, Ryan. I can’t worry, wondering if you’ll wind up reverting back to your old ways, if you’ll end up running back to her or back to these clubs, to your old lifestyle. I can’t do it, I won’t survive it.”

My God, she really was slipping between my fingers. There was no reaching her, especially not on a telephone, thousands and thousands of miles away. This was where the truth commenced. This was the fork in the road I’d never wanted to hit, where my past and my present collided, once again reminding me of my place.

I wasn’t King of the Universe.

There was no dictating what happened or when it happened. There was no directing, no hitting the brakes, and no way to reverse. Life was a rabid, unpredictable, often merciless animal, and if you didn’t learn to roll with its punches, it didn’t hesitate to take out you and everything in its path.

“I’m getting on a plane.”

“No. You’re not.”

“If you think I’m going to give up this easy, you’re out of your damn mind.”

She sucked in a ragged breath, and it cut me in half. “I love you, Ryan. But I can’t do this right now. I need space. Don’t get on a plane. I mean it.” The line clicked and went silent.

“Kate. Kate? Goddamn it!” My fingers curled around the phone and I ripped it from my ear, hauling it across the room. It smashed into the wall and tumbled to the floor, leaving me a pacing lunatic, loosening my shirt buttons and cracking my knuckles.

Space?

This wasn’t happening. She wasn’t doing this. She couldn’t mean it. She believed in me, she swore she did. She was the only one who ever saw my potential. I’d given up on the mere possibility of potential until she came along and brought that fight in me back to life—the one that told me I was worth more, that I deserved more. That I had more to offer.

My fingers floated down my neck and over my chest, over my sunrise tattoo.

She was the only one who loved me so wholly, so completely, and she wanted
space
? Everyone knew what space meant. And coming from Kate, it was a guaranteed death sentence.
Fuck!
Space?!

Fine. If that’s what she wanted, that’s what I’d give her.

My arm shot out and my fist collided with the wall, sending splintering pain through my wrist and images of Jamie and Jason crashing all around me, each flashback striking me hard in the stomach and chest. My breathing was growing erratic, my pulse pounding hot and desperate against my too-warm skin. More memories bombarded me—memories of my time with Amy at The Chateau and all of the women we’d propositioned to join us, memories of the suffocating panic I’d felt when I saw Will touch Kate, heard his voice on her telephone. The string of events that had culminated over the weeks I’d spent away from Kate storm surged me full force, snapping my sanity in half and sending any sense of calm I’d had spiraling into oblivion.

Suddenly my skin was crawling, my head throbbing and heart racing, my feet carrying me into a full-on sprint out the apartment door and down into the city street.

Horns honked, middle fingers were raised, and brakes screamed as I dashed in front of traffic. I somehow made it to the other side of the street, and the next thing I knew, I was bolting down the sidewalk, unable to focus, unable to think of anything else other than Kate’s final words to me on the phone.

As fast as my pace was, my coordination was obviously off. My steps were shaky, hands trembling, and stride frantic. A warm stinging sensation called my attention to my right hand, the skin cracked and bleeding along my swollen knuckles. Each coherent thought that formed didn’t stand a chance. It was smashed and shredded into a million pieces by the desperate need to be somewhere other than where I was right now. I didn’t need to be here, I needed to be in the West Indies.

What was stopping me? Why wasn’t I headed to the airport? Damn it, where was I headed, anyway? Did it even matter?

I continued to stumble down the sidewalk, taking turns as I pleased, not bothering to pay attention to any street names. It wouldn’t be long now until someone recognized me, but I didn’t give a shit. Not anymore. Hell, did I even want this career anymore? Did I ever want it in the first place? I actually missed teaching.
Fuck!
How did that happen?

And what about Kate? Was my life with her the best path, anyway? If she was so quick to give up on me after all that devotion talk, was she really the one? Had I been fooled again, just like I’d been fooled by Jamie? Had I not seen it all along? Was she down there in Saint Lucia, laughing at my naïve idiocy?

The muddled mess of questions, anger, and hurt didn’t have time to rage in my head for long, because just as I’d thought, paparazzi were now hot on my tail. And here I was, without a phone, without a hat or any disguise at all, without my bearings, and wandering to God-knows – where while my mind was plummeting into a complete tail spin.

Darting right at the next avenue, I made the effort to take note of the street name. It was time to start paying attention to where the hell I was going, or my escape attempt would crash and burn. I swung a left at Parson and then another left at Rosewood, unease creeping up my spine when the realization dawned on me.

I knew this part of town.

Knew it too well, in fact, but where else to turn? What else to do? I couldn’t get a hold of Sam or Jess right now, and I didn’t want them to see me like this, anyway. I felt pathetic. Enraged. Blindsided by fury and confusion—not a good combination. There was no way Carter would speak to me, and even if he would, I didn’t have a phone to reach him. No way in hell was I going to chance stopping to use payphone when the photographers were pounding pavement behind me.

My stomach continued to churn as I made my way south, my heart in my throat when the sleek, urban sign came into view.

The Chateau.

The lights on the sign were glowing bright against the evening darkness as it fell over the city. A mixture of relief and apprehension swam up the back of my neck at the sight of the familiar club. I didn’t think, just picked up the pace, rushing up to the steel door. The comforting scent of incense greeted me as I stepped inside, and I released a deep breath when I spotted Charles. His big, bald head hadn’t changed. Neither had his wardrobe choices. A sharp navy suit and silver tie covered his stocky body, and a gold ring sparkled on each finger.

He cocked a brow with that arrogant smile of his when he saw me. “Ryan Campbell. Long time no see. Finally comin’ home, brother?”

I clapped his shoulder and whipped out my wallet, handing him a bill. “Good to see you, Charles. I want a VIP room immediately. I need privacy.”

Charles glanced down at the bill with a satisfied grunt, turning to unhook the velvet rope to let me pass. His voice was a low rumble. “Anything for you, brother. Room three is available. Help yourself. Are you waiting for someone? I’ll put her on the list.”

“No. I want to be alone.”

He lifted his brow again. “I’ll send you our evening’s finest.”

I slipped him another bill. “Don’t bother. I just want to drink. No one is to bother me, clear?”

“Crystal.”

Leaving him with a nod, I stalked up the spiral staircase and was assaulted by more sweet-smelling incense. It lingered in my nostrils as I ascended the stairs. The club’s main floor came into view as I reached the top, the pounding techno beats thumping into the soles of my feet. Gold cages were suspended all along the perimeter of the room, and the same old posh grey sofas were aligned in various arrangements around the bar. Men and women danced, drank, and chatted amongst themselves while laughter and the smell of sex permeated the air.

I bypassed the main floor and bar for the next spiral staircase, ascending again until I reached the VIP sections, each door closed except for one. Room three. I shrugged off my jacket and loosened my tie, dropping to the purple velvet chaise. My eyes landed on the bar near the mirror, and I stood to wander over to it, choosing my poison for the evening. I downed two shots and then a third, pouring and gulping them sloppily with shaky hands. I savored the burning sensation in my throat.