RETRACE (11 page)

The only thing that’s strong enough to maybe help sedate this madness would be to bury myself in Nia, continue where we left off just a couple of hours ago. That would surely help me forget, take me to better places. I just know it. And now that I've felt just how heavenly she feels, the want has intensified to levels I can't even deal with. The thought of any other pussy to calm the situation down is not even an option. Not even the twins, Ella and Eva, aka the Sisters of Mercy, that start a threesome party faster than you can roll on a condom, could kill this obsession. Bless their charitable spirits, of course.

Given her far from being tranquil reaction when I left her earlier, I decide to first text Nia before actually showing up at her door.

Hey, are you home?

I watch the phone stay still for five minutes. That turns into ten, and as expected, a reply doesn’t arrive. I don’t have it in me to go over there and apologize, explain myself, or whatever it is that might appease her. There’s just so much I can really deal with right now. I certainly am not in any condition to carefully cull my words, or even try to act civilized. While knocking on her door and pinning her to the wall doesn’t seem like something she’ll go along with. I give the closed drawer a second glance, heave deeply with the aim to keep my sanity intact and walk out the room.

I throw back the fourth shot of the frozen numbing liquid and embrace the desensitizing effect that doesn’t fail to show. As it starts spreading through my body and the light buzz takes over, I fill another glass to overflowing and down it, and the next one, and shortly after, another. When the room starts to blur and my feet begin to lose the ability to hold me, I lumber to my bedroom and crash to the bed. I close my eyes, let dear oblivion take over.

For as long as I can avoid the world, I bunker in my apartment. I shove my phone under a pillow and skim Spotify for new songs. I listen to a tune that catches my attention, closing my eyes, thinking of possible dance steps. When five o’clock finally crawls in, I leave my bedroom, throw my duffel bag across my shoulder, and start for the door. I run by the coffee shop for an energy enhancement shot and head to work.

Today will be the first time I give Lily a private lesson. I worry my lips, taking the last few steps into the studio. When I asked Mrs. Perry about using the studio after hours for practice, she took the opportunity to brief me some more about Lily’s situation. She thought it would be easier for me to approach her if I knew her delicate state. As Mrs. Perry explained, Lily’s parents are going through an ugly divorce, one of those “money is all that matters, kids are but a pawn” kind of disgraceful disunion. She warned me of Lily’s vulnerability and tantrum tendencies. It’s not that I’m not capable of dealing with the mentioned challenges, on the contrary, if there’s anyone who’ll be perfect for the job, it would be me. It’s true what they say: “practice makes perfect.”

Unfortunately, I’ve mastered dealing with vulnerability and uncontrollable tantrums before my twentieth birthday. It’s actually these same things that brought me to where I am today: far away from home, owning only a part of the whole that used to be my heart. The other half had been buried away over three years ago, together with the remaining of my happiness, and my Patrick.

As Lily’s smile blooms on her lips, mine quickly joins. It takes me the better half of the lesson to get her to cooperate, but eventually she does and the glee she radiates warms me all the way to my core. I watch her with a thin smile as she clumsily, yet charmingly, sways to one side and makes a little twirl that ends with a light jump.

As opposed to the majority of my other students, her clothes are less polished. She has a stain at the hem of her short, wavy skirt. Her red braid could use some readjusting, but still, she is as sweet as the rest of them, if not sweeter. I decide to have some fun with her for the remaining ten minutes of the lesson and put some kids’ techno music on. We swap places, it’s me imitating her moves now. I make a whole show of having a hard time keeping up with her, making her giggles be heard above the music. When I thank her as the music winds out, she hugs me tightly with an embrace I keenly echo.

Lily helps me tidy up the room, and we both shrug pullovers on, ready to leave. My brows knit as I check the clock again. The lesson ended fifteen minutes ago and there’s no sign of Lily’s parents.

As Lily notices my concerned expression, her face falls. “Sometimes they need to be reminded.” Her voice comes out weak, stretching a chord in my heart along the way. I gently smile at her.

“I’m sure they’ll show up soon, the traffic gets busy at these hours. Here, let me re-braid your hair, okay?” I ask and lower to my knees. She comes over and sits with her back to me. I untangle her red curls and comb them with my fingers.

“They are always late,” Lily says, and it’s her next words that make me want to hug her tight. “They even forget me sometimes.”

“Tell you what,” I say, turning her by her shoulders to face me. “Let’s go to the office and call them.”

I try to hold the thin smile on my lips, hearing Lily’s mom tell me she had indeed forgotten she was supposed to pick up her child, and the earliest she could be here is in an hour, not even excusing herself. I keep a light tone while telling her to pick Lily up from the coffee shop around the corner. I turn my head away as a frown veils my face when she just hangs up the phone, no apology, no thank you. Inwardly scowling, I turn back to Lily.

“Your mom is on her way. How about we go get some ice cream while we wait?” The radiating smile that lights the kid’s face sends my own lips to stretch in genuine contentment. I zip Lily’s pullover to the very top, holding the studio’s door open with my rear. “We’re good to go,” I say. Turning toward the street, I stop short.

“What are you doing here?” I ask Reeves who’s leaning with his shoulder against the wall at Tutu’s threshold.

“You didn’t answer my text.”

“Did you expect me to?” I secure my hold of Lily’s hand. Reeves’ eyes descend to my hand and wrinkles at the edges as he sees the kid holding it. He pushes himself from the wall.

“Hi there, what’s your name, beautiful?” His smile grows and Lily mirrors him.

“I’m Lily.”

Reeves squats and shakes Lily’s free hand.

“Beautiful name for a beautiful girl. I’m Reeves, Nia’s friend.”

I glare at him and he winks at me.

“We are going to get ice cream,” Lily sings, elated.

“What a coincidence,” Reeves’ grin broadens. “So am I. Can I join you?” Lily chirps a joyful hum of consent and I narrow my eyes at Reeves’ smirk. I start walking, Lily in tow.

“Hey Lily, do you want a piggyback ride?” Lily almost swoons when Reeves sends her another one of his melting smiles. He is good, that I’ve got to give to him.
Damn Reeves
. He won the little damsel over without so much as a blink.

I ask, “So they all fall for it, this cute smile you put on?”

“You think I have a cute smile?” His smirk my way is accompanied by a teasing glance.

I roll my eyes for the fourth time in five minutes.

“I didn’t say that. You think you can just show up here and that’s it?”

“No.” The cocky undercurrent is gone. “I really wanted to see you.” I can literally hear the crack in my tough exterior. “A good friend had been in an accident and she needed my help,” Reeves adds. “I was worried.”

“Hope she’s okay,” I say, and he nods confirmation. “This good friend of yours seems to have quite bad luck, it was her the previous time you ran off, right?” He nods again, his jaw flexing as he focuses his stare at some point ahead. “Is she
really
just a friend?”

“She is much more than a friend.” His eyes turn to me, holding great resolve. I’d be lying if I said that didn’t turn my stomach upside-down. “But it’s nothing romantic, if that’s where you are going with it.” He runs his stare over my face.

It’s my turn to nod. I decide to leave it as is. That’s what I wanted to know, other than that, any additional question might imply I might be seeking for anything more than just his company. And I definitely don’t want to go there.

“You know, you could have just said you were leaving to help a friend. It sure would have made me feel better about myself.” I say quietly.

“Noted.”

Utterly concentrating, Lily digs a spoon into her candy sprinkled, strawberry ice cream. The kid’s so captivated by the mound of sweet goodness that for a good ten minutes, Reeves and I become invisible. Out of the blue, she peeps her head above her goodie cup to look at us, more precisely at Reeves. I’ve kind of became a third wheel after Reeves showered her with his Reeves-charm.

“Have you ever seen Miss Nia dance?” Not waiting for an answer, she goes on, “I love watching her dance. I love how she moves.” Reeves gifts her with an encouraging smile and turns to look at me in pure sin.

“I could watch Miss Nia
move,
forever.” His voice is low, a husky accord seasoning his words. The heat wave washing over my middle makes me believe he might have spoken directly to my core. Our eyes latch for a brief moment.

“Are you boyfriend and girlfriend?” Lily asks next, digging a long spoon into her pink ice cream.

Our answer could not come out as synchronized even if we’ve practiced for years.

“
No
.”

The sweet kid frowns at us. Reeves and I exchange amusement with our eyes.

Breaking her little stare, Lily turns to me, “I need to use the toilet.”

“Do you need me to come with you?”

She shakes her head.

“So we’ll wait for you here, okay?”

“Do you have any plans for later?” Reeves asks as I watch Lily making her way to the restroom.

“No,” I answer and turn to eager green eyes. “Are you working tonight?”

“No, I’m hanging out with you.” His lips lightly pull at the side. “You are okay…”

“Oh, wow. I’ve just totally swooned all over the place.” For extra drama, I press my hands to my chest. He tips his head back in a short chuckle. Next, he takes my hands, laces his fingers with mine and tugs me toward him. I end up almost touching his chest. I lift my eyes to meet his and before I’m able to take my next breath, his lips brush mine.

And we kiss.

It’s not as desperate and frenetic as the previous times, but nonetheless, it’s still drowning us, rapidly. In no time we float into each others arms, and just like the times before, everything around me completely dissolves. We take turns in dominating our consuming connection which is a delicious combination of sweet and intense. His fingers lace in my hair, pulling me deeper, mine trail to hold his cheek that’s decorated with light stubble. My other hand finds its way to his warm neck, slowly sliding under the collar of his black undershirt.

“You are eating Miss Nia!” I hear a sweet voice scold, and flinch back, flames crawling up my cheeks.

“Oh, I wish I was…” Reeves murmurs under his breath, only for me to hear. Having him add his little comment doesn’t help my worked up body, nor the flush.

“Um… errr…” I just give up and look back at Lily who’s watching me carefully with a thin smile.

“
He is
your boyfriend.” She nods her head with utter determination and beams.

“Well, he is a boy and he is my friend.” I smile back at her. Reeves, by my side, lightly squeezes my waist, and my smile grows.

“Lily-pie.”

We all turn our heads to the woman mummified in tight black, carrying a small Prada bag, looking in our direction from behind enormous Chanel shades.

“Mommy!” Lily waves her way.

“Miss Mitchell?” The woman who looks as though she emerged from a Vogue Runway special edition, tilts her head in question.

“Hello, Mrs. Beckman.” I stand up, unable to stop my blatant gaze at her. She is skinny in an exists-on-wheatgrass-juice-only kind of thin. Courtesy of the thick layer of makeup she has on, her face looks frozen. Lily inches to hug her mother, and the breeder takes half a step back.

“You don’t want to stain mommy’s dress, right hun?” My heart sinks to Lily’s withering smile. I need to work the muscles of my mouth to keep my lips pressed together, keeping my next words in.

“Thank you,” she throws my way. Shifting her attention to her spawn, she says, “We need to hurry up. I have to drop you off at Nana’s before going out.”

Deflated, Lily turns to me and hugs me tightly, I reciprocate in the same manner. She then moves to Reeves and wraps her little arms around his significant bicep.

“Bye, beautiful,” Reeves says in a gentle tone, patting her ginger, curly mane. “Poor sweet kid got frosty for a mother,” Reeves murmurs. I nod as we both watch them exit the cafe.

“Honestly, I try not to judge, but it seems her kid gets in her way,” I say, my eyes still at the door. “I feel sorry for Lily.”

Reeves’ touch on my chin as he pivots my head his way cuts off my absorbed gape. “We are going,” he says, watching me. I counter with as much consent as I can incorporate into a single stare, with a double pacing beat, anticipating what’s coming next.

My eyes hungrily run over the side of his wide neck as Reeves turns the key to unlock the door to his apartment. It wasn’t actually discussed, where we are heading, but somehow we’ve ended up here.

I moisten my lips, very well aware of everything
him
. How his long sleeved, black Henley hugs his ripped, wide, upper body. The way his worn-out jeans hang around his lean waist. The closely shaved hair decorating the nape of his masculine neck. His fresh mixture of sea breeze and citrus scent.

He slides the door open for me to enter. With the tap of the closing door he turns to me. In parallel, without any warning, his lips land on mine, and I’m lifted up to be pinned against the wall in the most aggressive, yet welcomed manner. I wrap my legs around his waist. Reeves’ left hand cradles my ass, holding me suspended as he leans into me. His other hand moves to cup my cheek while his thumb lightly strokes my parted lips. As he presses against me where our bodies meet, I suck his thumb into my mouth, caressing it with my tongue.