Reunited with the Cowboy (13 page)

Heather rocked a bit in her seat, then finally released some of the misgivings that had been haunting her. “The problem is I don't know if I can do this. I don't have a history of making good choices. I've made mistakes that I regret. I've done things I regret. Sometimes I think I'm just like my mother.”

“You are
nothing
like your mother,” Keira snapped. “
Nothing
. You are loving and kind and caring. You're a good person. And the mistakes you made were when you were young and frightened.”

“I know. But I still...”

“I'm pretty sure you've learned from your mistakes, and I'm sure John doesn't hold that against you,” Keira continued. “You and he were meant to be together. I know that in my heart.”

“Thanks for the encouragement,” Heather said, giving her sister a thankful smile. “I just want to know that I can do this.”

“What do you mean?”

Heather was surprised that it was so hard to talk to her sister about this. “I'm nervous. About opening myself up to someone again.”

“Have you told John everything about Mitch?”

“What do you mean?”

Keira gave her a wry glance. “You know what I mean. About how Mitch treated you.”

Heather automatically felt for the scar at her hip, as if reminding herself what he had done. “No.”

“Are you ashamed? I know that's why I didn't tell Tanner about David. I thought I had brought it on myself.”

“That's part of it,” she said briefly.

“Part of it?”

Heather looked ahead of her, at the road winding across the open fields, the space flowing toward the mountains that she had been so taken with the first time she and her mother had moved to Saddlebank. She remembered praying to a God she had only a nodding acquaintance with, thanks to one summer living beside a church, and Vacation Bible School where her mother had sent her to get her out of her hair. Heather had prayed that she would be able to stay here in this beautiful place.

For a moment she realized that that fragile, half-formed prayer had been answered. At least for a part of her life.

And now? Would she be able to stay?

“Yes,” It was all she could say.

“So there's more,” Keira prodded.

“Yes.”

“And you're not going to tell me?” Her question was a gentle probing rather than a demand.

“I can't. Not yet.”

Keira reached over and caught her hand. “You don't have to tell me, but if you really want this to work with John, there is going to come a point where you have to open up and give him the whole truth. Trust me on this.”

Heather nodded, knowing her sister was right. But at the same time, the shame she felt was too hard to leave behind. She wanted to be a survivor, not a victim. She didn't want to live in the past and she didn't want it to define her.

But she also knew that if she did delve too deeply into her past, she would open herself up to her biggest fear.

That she was just like her mother, after all.

* * *

John set Adana's suitcase on the floor of her bedroom. All packed up. His mother-in-law had called half an hour ago, asking if Adana could spend the night. He'd reluctantly agreed. Though they had done this a number of times in the past, he still found it difficult to let her go.

He went to his own bedroom, pulled a fresh shirt off the hanger and slipped it on. He had gone to his house after feeding the cows to change before going to the big house. He'd been invited for lunch. Not a hard invitation to accept if it meant seeing Heather again.

But what also got his pulse racing was the fact that Monty had said he had something important to tell him, and it couldn't wait.

Was he going to talk about the proposal for the ranch? John felt a twist of nerves in his stomach as he walked from the bedroom. Was Monty going to agree?

So much depended on a favorable outcome. John knew his relationship with Heather was getting serious. He'd been making plans and he hoped to talk to Heather about them soon.

But first he wanted to hear what Monty thought about the proposal. He wanted things settled before he moved to the next step.

He pulled his hat off the hook, glancing around his home, trying to imagine Heather living in it. Then came the realization that Sandy had never lived here. Hadn't heard Adana make her first noises here. Hadn't seen that first smile, those first steps.

Sandy never wanted to, he reminded himself. She had loved her job in Great Falls. Loved her work as an engineer, and had been glad to leave Saddlebank.

Yet, as he thought of Heather working in the kitchen, doing the baking and cooking that he knew she loved, it seemed right. It fit.

A knock on the door pulled him out of his daydreams. He dropped his hat on his head and pulled the door open.

Only to see Heather standing there, hands clasped in front of her, smiling.

The sun burnished her long blond hair, casting her face into intriguing shadows.

He pulled her close and kissed her. She melted against him for a moment, her arms slipping around him, responding to his kiss. Then she reluctantly drew away. “That's...that's not why I came here,” she said, her voice breathless.

“Really?” John grinned down at her. “Then why did you kiss me back?”

“Habit,” she retorted with a mischievous grin. “Actually, I came to get another outfit for Adana. She made a mess of the one you packed in her diaper bag this morning.”

“Come on in, I'll help you pick something out.” He walked toward Adana's room, Heather trailing along behind him. “I'm a little short. I packed a few clothes for her already,” he said as he tugged a T-shirt off a hanger, followed by some leggings. “I don't know if I told you, but Sandy's mom is coming to pick her up this morning sometime.”

Heather didn't reply. He turned to tell her again, and caught her standing in the middle of the room, her arms wrapped around herself as she gazed at the crib with troubled eyes.

“You okay?” he asked.

“I had exactly the same one for...” Her voice drifted off as she ran her hand over the rails of Adana's bed.

John's heart sank.

“I'm so sorry.” He closed the distance between them and gently drew her into his arms.

“It's just something I have to deal with,” she said. “Something that comes with a lot of baggage.”

“What kind of baggage?” he asked, wondering why she was suddenly so stiff in his arms.

“Nothing. It's okay.” She gave him a tight smile, then stepped out of his embrace. John tried not to give in to the feeling that something else was going on.

He thought back to the moment when they were riding. How he'd sensed that she was holding something back from him. Uneasy questions sliced through his mind. Questions he didn't dare voice aloud.

He wanted to brush them off, but even as he looked at Heather's troubled face, he sensed that he would need the answers at some point if they were to move on with the relationship. He just wished he had a clue what it was.

“Okay. Then let's go have lunch.” He walked out of the bedroom, trying to stifle the misgivings that had been hovering since their ride in the pasture. It seemed the closer they got in some ways, the farther apart they got in others.

Help me to trust You, Lord
, he prayed as they walked toward the house side by side, but not holding hands.
Help me to put this relationship into Your hands.

He glanced at Heather, but she was looking directly ahead, biting her lip. Never a good sign.

“Something on your mind?” he asked, figuring it was worth a try.

“I'm thinking I might find a way to get to town this afternoon to talk to Marnie about running some clinics.”

John stopped and caught her by the shoulder, the implications of her comment hitting him like a brick. “What? Really?”

“Yeah, really. The pay isn't as good as the job I was thinking of interviewing for in Atlanta, but I'm sure I'll manage. I know I'll enjoy it more. And...it means I can stay here.”

His eyes held hers as his hand caressed her neck. “That would be the best part.”

“Anyhow, just thought I would let you know,” she said, gently pulling away.

“I'm glad you did.” He grinned and, thankfully, she returned his smile.

She seemed jumpy, anxious, and John couldn't understand why. But that would have to wait. Maybe tonight they would have a chance to talk. Maybe they would have a reason to celebrate, depending on whatever Monty had to say to him.

Adana was already sitting in her high chair by the dining room table when they stepped into the house, so John just set her clean clothes on the kitchen counter.

“Smells good in here,” he said as he walked over and brushed a quick kiss on his daughter's forehead.

“Heather made your favorite soup,” Ellen said, setting a basket on the checkered tablecloth. “And cinnamon buns.”

“Looks like a party,” John said, eyeing the table, which was decorated with bouquets of pussy willows and spring blossoms.

“The flowers are leftover from the shower,” Keira said, putting out a plate of cold cuts and tomato slices. “Seemed a shame not to use them.”

“Lots of reasons to celebrate,” Monty said as he walked from the living room. He had come from his study, John noticed, feeling a sudden onset of nerves.

Too many things going on at once, he thought, glancing from Monty to Heather. Too much riding on this moment.

“So, we're all here?” the rancher said, looking around as Keira hurried back to the stove to get the soup. The scent wafted past John, making his mouth water as she set it on the table. “Is Tanner coming?” Monty asked.

“No. He has work to do. We may be engaged but he's not exactly part of the family yet,” Keira joked.

“And where does that put me?” John asked with a light laugh.

“You've always been part of this family,” Ellen said as she carefully sat down, her neck brace making her movements stiff. She gave him a gentle smile that boded well for what he hoped Monty wanted to talk about. “Now, everyone sit,” she commanded.

Keira dropped into the chair that had always been her place at the table. John sat down on one side of Adana, Heather on the other.

“Let's pray,” Monty said, glancing around the table. “Thank You, Lord, that we could be here together. Thank You for family and friends and for the food You've blessed us with. Thank You for spring and the promise it brings. New growth, new changes, new opportunities. Help us to use all of these gifts for You. Amen.”

John held on to the prayer, thinking of the newness of his and Heather's relationship. And praying that they could find their way past old hurts to a future healing. He knew it was possible.

Monty picked up his napkin and spread it on his lap. Everyone started eating, chatting about the day. John tried not to let the tension overwhelm him. He knew he had to trust that God would bring him to the place he was supposed to be.

The conversation was easy and flowed from spring calving to Keira and Tanner's wedding to the ranch's upcoming 150th anniversary.

“I think we're getting an article done on the ranch by
Near and Far
, a travel magazine,” Monty was saying. “I was approached by them when the editor found out about the anniversary.”

“I heard Abby Newton works for that magazine,” John said.

“She's not the one doing the piece.” Monty frowned as he sliced his steak. “Someone named Burt Templeton will be.”

“Good thing,” Heather said. “I don't imagine Lee would be very comfortable around Abby.”

“Thankfully we won't have to deal with that,” Monty said, shooting a warning glance around the table. “Lee has served his time and paid his debt to society because of that accident. I'm just thankful he's coming back for the celebrations.”

It wasn't too hard to hear the defensive tone in Monty's voice, so John kept his comments to himself. The accident that Lee had been involved in had sent him to jail and had put Abby's father in the hospital. It had also kept Lee away from the ranch for many years.

“I think it's wonderful that a magazine with such wide distribution is going to do a story on our ranch,” Ellen commented. “We can be thankful for that.”

“You're right,” Monty said. “We have a lot to be thankful for. And right now I want to address one of the things I'm grateful for.” He picked up his glass of water and raised it high. “I want to propose a toast to John and to the new partnership we are about to embark on. Welcome to Refuge Ranch, partner,” he said, smiling across the table.

John felt his heart begin to race. He wanted to shout, grab Heather and spin her around. But he settled for a smile for Monty and allowing himself a silent prayer of thanks. Then he picked up his own glass and raised it.

“To Monty and Ellen and Refuge Ranch. Long may it produce and survive.” He paused a moment, then turned to Heather, who was looking at him, her own bright smile easing away the misgivings he had felt a few moments ago. He wanted to say something to her, but not so publicly. Besides, he wanted to talk to Monty before he made any other commitment to Heather. Instead, he tilted his glass toward her. “To new beginnings,” he said, trusting she knew what he meant.

Then John put his glass down, stood up and walked over to Monty, his hand held out.

“Thanks, Monty. I look forward to our partnership.”

“I do, too.” The rancher shook his hand. “I wish Lee could be here, but it is what it is.”

John just nodded, acknowledging the momentary pain of Monty's son and heir not being around for this occasion. Of course, John knew part of the reason Monty had agreed to this partnership was because of Lee's absence. Nonetheless, he was thankful for the opportunity.

“All will be well,” he said quietly, giving Monty's hand an extra squeeze.