Rising Up: Finding Me book 1 (25 page)

Lucas is still talking down his phone and shouts out "We've got a location!  Garcia, get in here!"  He's tapping in to his laptop again and a motel downtown comes up and they both move towards the door, the cop is giving the location to the station and Lucas is looking at me.  "We know where she is Mase, hold it together just a bit longer and we'll get her back to you, I promise." 

Then he's gone.  I stare back at the screen, as his assault on her continues, he beats her face and body before thrusting inside her with his hand held tight around her throat, strangling her.   The camera starts to wobble as its operator stands over Ginny's face and ejaculates over her.  I have to look away, it's killing me. 

It's less than ten minutes before there's a huge crash at the door.  I look back and it looks like Ginny is still breathing, thank God!  The door is flung open and then the camera falls to the floor and I can hear scuffling and shouts and then there are gunshots and the camera goes blank. 

"Noooo!  Lake, God no!  What has happened who's been shot?  Fuck!  Imogen, God don't let it be her."  I'm sitting on the floor rocking with my arms over my head.  Then Lake's cell rings and my head shoots up.  "What?  Who is it?  Fuck Lake tell me."

"She's alive Mason, come on stand-up we need to go to the hospital, she's hurt Mase and it's not good, come on let's go."  He holds his hand out for me to pull myself up.

I'm clinging onto his shoulders and weeping in to his shirt.  "Shit Lake I can't bear this.  I've let her down.  I promised to keep her safe. I failed her."  Standing up straight I walk to the sink and wash my face.  "Okay let's go and get my girl back."  When I turn round Maddie is stood in the doorway.  "C'mon Maddie, she's going to need you too."

"I can't Mason, I can't face her.  This is all my fault."

"You are coming with us Maddie, you need to see this and find a way to apologize, I'm sure Ginny will eventually forgive you, it's not in her nature to turn you away.  I, on the other hand am quite happy to walk away from you now, and it's going to take a damn sight more than 'I'm sorry' to convince me."

"That's enough Mason, let's just get there.  Come on Maddie you need to see her too."  Lake holds out his hand to her but she ignores it and walks out alone.

*

Lucas and Detective Garcia meet me at the entrance and the grave look on both of their faces panics me.  "What's going on?  Where is she?"

Lucas leans in and talks quietly.  "She's doing okay, she needed to have surgery on her shoulder so they've taken her straight to theater, so we’ve just got to wait Mason.  She's taken one hell of a beating Mason, make sure you cover your shock when you see her."

It seems like hours later before a man in scrubs walks towards us as a group, I'm surrounded by my family and we all stand in unison and watch him approach.  "Which of you is Mason Reynolds?"

I take a deep breath and step forward.  "I am, I'm Mason Reynolds."  I can feel my mother step next to me and my father puts his hand on my shoulder.

"Mr. Reynolds, I'm Dr. Evanston.  Ms. Banks has had surgery to repair the damage to her arm and shoulder as well as some other minor procedures, she is in recovery now, and a nurse will take you to her in about half an hour.  She's very lucky to be alive."

It's just before half an hour when a kind-looking older nurse approaches me.  "You can see her now Mr. Reynolds." 

I walk quietly through the door and sit and hold her hand, and for two days that’s all I do, I sit and wait for her to wake up.  The doctor has explained that it's perfectly normal for her body to shut down to give itself time to repair itself.  But then the tingle in my spine reacts to her and she straightens up and turns to face me and her eyes open slowly. 

Thank God, Luc warned me because I would be on my knees if he hadn't.  My beautiful girl has two black eyes, her lips have split as well as cuts and lacerations over her brow and cheek bones, the bruises to her neck show a hand print around it. I drop the side rail on the bed and kicking my shoes off climb up next to her and gentle cradle her in my arms.  I feel her tremble but her muscles don't relax against me.  "Oh Imogen sweetheart.  It’s okay you're safe hear with me now.  He's out of our lives Ginny." 

Her eyes are swimming with tears and she turns her head away from me.  "I'm sorry Mason, I can't do this anymore."

"Do what, what are you talking about?  I don't understand."  The panic is rising inside my chest I don't want to hear what she's going to tell me.  "Ginny, I know you are in pain and scared but just let me take care of you.  I love you."

"I love you too Mason but I don't love me, hell I don't even like myself anymore.  I need time to find me again.  He took the last piece of me in that room!  He forced the last piece of self-respect I had when I knew you were able to watch what he was doing to me.  I've tried to move on from him, I reinvented myself and found you in the process, and shit Mason I love you so damn much, but I can't be with you right now."  Looking up at me I can see that the fire has left her brilliant eyes and have turned them blank and empty.

"No!  Imogen, please don't turn me away!  I love you, I need you, you are part of me."  Tears are streaming down my face as she turns back to look at me.

"How can I be a part of you when I can't even find any part of me?  Let me have some time Mason, I need this please."  She reaches down and holds my hand in her good hand and even that one is torn and bruised from the wires and kisses the back of it before closing her eyes on me.

I can feel my heart break in two.  "I will never give up on us Imogen, you are it for me.  I'll wait."

"Maybe Mason, but I have nothing good to offer you.  Thank you for loving me so much, I almost believed my life would get better for a while.  Goodbye Mason."

"This is not goodbye for us Imogen."  I return her kiss and walk slowly out of the room and felt my life come crashing down on me and my knees give way and I collapse on the floor, my hands over my face as I try to contain the scream that is threatening to burst from my lungs.

Lake and my dad help me stand and lead me away from my reason to live.

“You’ve got to find yourself first.

Everything else will follow” Charles de Lint -Dreams Underfoot

I
mogen

It's been a month now and it's been the longest four weeks of my life.

Four weeks of heartache.

Four weeks of staring at myself in the mirror as I try to find the real me, the one who wouldn’t have sent her one true love away.

Four weeks of being unable to look forward and embrace the chance of a new and happy life, but choosing to wallow in self-pity and denial. 

Four weeks of ignoring text message and voicemail messages.

Four weeks to realize that the ‘real’ me only existed when I was with him.

Four weeks to accept that I have thrown away the best thing I could ever have had in my life.

Four weeks of nothing, my skin hasn’t recognized him around me.

Four weeks since the air has shifted heavily around me.

Four weeks of emptiness.

But how do you even start to approach the man you sent away?  You can’t just walk up and say ‘Hey do you fancy giving it another go?’  I don’t think that would work for even a fraction of a second.

The bruises have slowly disappeared, the scabs over my wrists and ankles have healed and have only left faint scars.  But these superficial wounds are nothing compared to the scars on my heart, I sadly have realized that I have been the cause of Mason’s own scars and pain.

I went back to my apartment from the hospital and all of my belongings from Mason’s had been returned back to here before I left hospital.  My new therapist has helped me enormously and I can see the pieces of me meshing back together. 

The police have kept me informed of the progress and upcoming proceedings with Jake, I can't believe they didn't kill him, a bullet in the chest would normally do it but no, not that piece of shit, he got away with a punctured lung and a lot of surgery, and he is at least now locked up, I've had to ask the police to keep in touch with Lake from now on. 

At least I have the satisfaction that the other bastard died.   The pain inflicted on me by Jake is nothing compared to the way I felt when Mason walked away from me, I was stupid to think that I would be able to heal without him to hold me through the dark nights when all I did was cry.  I feel empty. I can feel my resolve beginning to crumble, I don’t think I’m able to stay away from him for much longer. 

Jake took my soul away from me by causing me to turn away from my one true love.  In good moments I hope that he is over me and has been able to move on, but in the middle of the night when my finger is hovering over the call button on my phone I wish he would have fought me and not walked away, but had sat stubbornly by me while I raged and ranted at the bad choices I made, and held me tight when I crashed down in to ashes of my past life. 

Maddie has thankfully, been staying with Lake.  I can't deal with her now.  Her stupid mistake nearly cost me my life and she even though she is aware of that it's not enough.  

I’m returning to work Monday, but this Saturday night stretches long and empty in front of me as I feel my anger at my stupidity bubble up to the surface. But before I let it boil over and I start to scream, there’s a knock on the door and when I look through I see Tamsin and Amber stood there waving a jug of margarita at me. 

I don't think I would have survived this dark time without these two friends, they have never pushed me or pried for information, they have just been here for me, happy to let me talk about everything and nothing and lately now that all the pain meds have stopped they have let me have a few drinks too.

"Come on Imogen let us in."  Amber is giggling as I open the door.

"How many of these have you had already?"  I grab the jug off them and they follow me inside.  They have been my lifesavers since I got out of the hospital and have refused to let me mope around, they have fed me when I couldn't be bothered to eat.

They have sent me to shower when I couldn't be bothered to wash.  They have never judged me.  They are a very important part of my life now.

"This is our second jug so you've got a lot of catching up to do!"  Tamsin pours the pale green iced delight into a tall glass and even tops it with a straw.  "Ta Da!" she offers me the drink with a flourish.

"Well if you fail your degree because you've been wasting your time with me I'm sure your cocktail skills will keep you from starving."  I laugh and happily accept the glass.

"Don't be a bitch Imogen it doesn't suit you.  I am, I'll let you know, the top of my class and will graduate with honors."  She smirks and pours herself and Amber a drink too.

"Tamsin has an admirer."  Amber tries to whisper to me but is too drunk to be quiet.

"Shut it Red!"  Tamsin turns to me.  "It's not true."

"Yes it is! 

And you are very well acquainted with him."

My face drops as I think she means Mason.  "Well, I'm sure he's able to move on and find a new girlfriend."  I stand up and start to move away from them.  Amber stares at me with her mouth open.

"It's not Mason Ginny, nobody has seen him out since you ended it.  I promise.  It's Lucas who's got the hots for our Tammy-girl, but she's playing really hard to get, I don't know why?  I think he's yummy."

I relax and sit back down again.  "You should give him a chance Tams he's a really good guy."  I lean back against the base of the sofa my legs stretched out on the floor in front of me.  "He has been good to me."  I think back to him knocking on my door the day after I got home, he just hugged me as hard as he could without hurting my ribs and shoulder and spoke quietly to me 'don't give up on what you two have, please promise me not to give up.' 

He hasn't visited me much since then but he sends me silly messages sometimes and they always manage to make me smile, even if it's only for a few minutes, it's enough to take some of the pain away from my heart.

"Yeah well whatever, I'm not interested."  She shrugs.

So after four hours the pizza has been demolished, the tequila bottle is empty and the world has been put to rights, they stumble out of my door and giggle their way back to their own apartment, and I stagger drunkenly to my bed, and only just manage to throw my clothes off me before passing out on my bed.

*

I’m woken up the next morning by someone knocking hard on my door, clutching my head I stumble to the door.  "Unless the building is on fire go away!"

The voice on the other side of the door surprises me and I jerk the door open quickly.  Nancy Reynolds is stood in front of me and all five foot nothing of her is bristling with tension.  "Well I see you must be feeling better." 

Walking past me and heading for the coffee pot, but when she turns her face softens as she notices the tears on my face.  "Go and get showered Imogen dear, we need to have a little chat.  I'll get some breakfast on for you, you've lost a lot of weight since I last saw you."

Rushing through my shower I roughly dry my hair and sling it up in a top knot and throw on a pair of baggy sweats and a T-shirt before joining her in the kitchen.

"Isn't that one of Mason's shirts Imogen?  I'm sure I've seen him wearing it."  Her eyebrows rise up and a small smile lifts the corner of her mouth.

"Probably, I didn't notice I just threw it on."  I shrug my shoulders, I'm not going to let her know that I sleep in it.  Wrapping my arms around my stomach I try to hold myself together.

"Of course dear."  Her smile is all too knowing for my liking.

"Anyway what brings you here Nancy, not that I'm not happy to see you, I'm just surprised."  I happily accept the coffee and my hands clutch the cup with a death-like grip as I try not to be afraid of what she is here to say.

"Oh Imogen darling don't be obtuse, it doesn't suit you."  A plate of eggs and bacon is placed in front of me.  "You know exactly why I'm here.  I understand that you are going back to work tomorrow, have you worked out what you are going to do when Mason sees you there?"

I stutter as I try to speak.  "I... Um... I have tried not to think of him Nancy, it hurts too much.  I'm just trying to pull myself back together.  I hope that we will be able to be professional."  I know that this excuse is not going to cut it with her.

"Now you listen to me Imogen."  I look up at her stern face.  "None of this is your fault, you were groomed by your dreadful parents and handed over to a man they knew was a violent rapist and this was all fuelled by their greed. 

Mason loves you so much, I have never seen him like this over a girlfriend before, and that Lauren girl was just a dreadful little tramp who was only after a free ride through life.  That man sat waiting for you to wake up, you may not remember how long you were out for, but it was coming up for nearly two whole days. 

After the anesthetic, your body decided to shut down while it tried to repair itself and Mason didn't leave your side once.  He didn't see the bruised and battered Imogen, he will only saw the beautiful, strong and brave girl he first set his eyes on.  So let's have less of this worrying and more of getting you back where you belong."

"I don't think he will want me back Nancy, he saw what Jake did to me, he watched that bastard rip my heart and soul from my body and stamp it into the ground.  How will he ever be able to look at me again without seeing that in front of his eyes?  I can't and won't see the pity in his eyes." 

I push the uneaten plate of congealed food away from me and stand up.  "I just want to be normal, I've never been allowed that luxury, not by my parents and definitely not by Jake Bloody Williams.  I don't think he will let me be that, he will take me over and even though his intentions will all be good I can't be controlled by anyone else anymore."

"I understand that dear, but you are not letting yourself be normal, you are dwelling on the past rather than focusing on your future, and even though you don't want to believe it yet, my son is your future.  You don't have to let him take control of your life but at the moment he is hurting because you decided to control what happens in his."

I gasp at her words.  "I don't know what you mean?"  I'm getting angry now because she has just confirmed my own fears.  "Just because I wanted time to recover by myself."

"
You
decided not to let him help you. 
You
decided he was better off without you and
you
decided to end it.  None of that was in Mason's control.  And because of those actions he is hurting and feels you think he is not worthy of you because you refused to let him help."

I collapse down on the sofa and cover my face with my hands and sob and sob as she voices my own feelings and concerns and it’s not quiet lady-like sobs it’s hard, raw and loud sobbing.  The pain erupts from my heart and pulls me down.  Then I feel two arms wrap themselves around me and Nancy's soft voice soothes me. 

"It is going to be alright Imogen, you'll see.  You can fix this sweet girl.  He wants you so much, and I can see how much you love him, just let him back in to your life, you won't be completely healed until you do, he is afraid of coming to you in case you reject him again, so it really is up to you to make the first move."

Her arms stay around me as she rocks me gently as I start to relax and pull myself together, not able to find a tissue I wipe my nose with my sleeve and dry the tears from my face.   "Oh Nancy, I miss him so much, do you really think he will want me back?  I don't know how to approach him."

"Oh, I think you'll find a way, he is desperate to see you.  Have you spoken to Maddie lately?"

"No, not really.  She called round a couple of weeks ago but I couldn't really think of anything to say to her.  She broke my trust and I don't think I will be able to get over that." 

"Well, maybe that's something else for you to think about too.  Let her apologize, if she wants to and see how it goes from there.  It's always a shame when life-long friends lose their way, trust me when I say I know how that feels."  Her kind face looks sad for a moment then in a blink it has gone.

"I understand Nancy and I promise I will try to find a way to reach out to him and maybe to Maddie as well."  I pull away and stand up.  "Thank you for coming to see me today, it must have been hard for you to step in, but I am grateful.  I will try to approach Mason tomorrow but I am not going to beg I've done that far too many times in my life.  I'm building my own self-respect back up again slowly."

"Aw pish!  I don't think for one moment that you will need to beg but remember Mason has his self- respect too.  You will know what to do.  Anyway, I've got to go and meet Beth for lunch and a shopping spree."  She looks at me slyly.  "You are welcome to join us if you would like."

I pause for a moment as the automatic 'No' starts to emerge from my mouth and then straighten my shoulders. "Y'know Nancy I think I would like that, are you able to wait for me to get ready or shall I meet you both."

"I have time to wait for you, I'll call Beth and let her know I will be a little bit late."  The twinkle in her eye shows that this had been part of her plan all along, and for that I am grateful so I rush off to get changed.

Mason

I let Lake in and head back off to the kitchen.  "What's going on with you Lake?"  Not that I care, I really can't be bothered with anything anymore.  How many more weeks do I have to struggle through without her?  I’ve stopped myself countless times from going to get her back but the nagging doubt that she will turn my away again, I don’t think my bruised heart could cope with her rejection again.