River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) (13 page)

It was becoming downright hot. She grabbed her gear and headed towards where he was, next to the pond in a flat, dry, grassy spot. They were at the entrance of the main creek. Ian usually tried to stay wherever the horses could potentially escape. He might have looked fully at ease, but he was always at the ready, she now knew.

Dropping her stuff down near him, she sat down with a flourish. He tilted his hat back enough to look at her. “Get enough pictures?”

She nodded and shed her sweatshirt. It caught in her hair and she had to shake her head to finally tug it off. Her hair flew up and around her head. It was stuck in a ponytail, which came half loose. She sighed at the heavy brown mass and tried to smooth it out. “Yes. Lots. This place, I’ve never seen anything like it.”

“Yeah, it’s a pretty spot.”
Pretty spot?
It was so much more than
pretty
.

“What’s it called?”

“No name that I know of. My dad brought us here. I never heard him call it anything. Never seen any signs of other humans here.”

She paused in the process of hunting out her lunch from her saddlebags. “Your dad? You don’t mention him much.”

He tilted the hat back down on his face and shifted his shoulders. “We don’t talk about much of anything. Why should I mention him?”

She frowned. Was that true? Perhaps. Yes. It was. But maybe, being up here, she began to see him a little differently. Not so weird or frustrating. Maybe she’d always taken him too seriously. Maybe she could relax with him now, and get to a place where they could kid around and chit-chat about things like his dad or hers.

“So? Your dad brought you and your brothers here?”

“Just me and Jack. No one else. Shane never wanted to come with us.”

“He always disliked the horses?” Was she still a little hungry for details about Shane?

“Always. But you don’t dislike the horses, do you?”

What was his point? “No. I really like this.”

She munched on her sandwich and drank out of her water bottle. “What about Joey? He ever come up here?”

“No. By the time he was old enough, dad had already died. Surprised you didn’t hang out with Joey more. He was your same age.”

“Joey always thought he was so pretty and he is. But I really couldn’t tolerate his arrogance.”

She could see Ian’s smile from under the brim of his hat. “Joey is a lot more than pretty.”

“Anyways, back to your dad. Why do you keep changing the subject? Then again, when do you ever even finish a thought?”

He straightened out one of his legs next to her. They were long and lean. “Why do I bug you so much?”

She whipped her head around to meet his gaze, but he still lay flat with his face covered. “I don’t know what you mean.”

“You don’t like me. What I can’t figure out is why.”

“Why would I be out here with you if that were true?”

“You were supposed to be out here with our brothers.”

“But I chose to come here alone with you. What frustrates me is when you don’t answer my questions with anything but a word, or another question, or you ignore me altogether. Case in point, your father.”

His chest deflated as if he let out a deep breath. Finally, he said, “It’s hard for me to talk about him. I was only thirteen. Jack and Lily were just twenty years old. We lost two parents and pretty much had to rely on a couple of overgrown teens. It was sad. I don’t exactly like talking about my parents’ deaths.”

“I get that. But what about the good memories? Isn’t that something you’d like to talk about?”

Silence. She could just make out his jaw tightening and she turned her head towards the sun as it fell on her shoulders, warming her. She finished her food and set the leftovers aside. She drew her knees up and rested her chin on them before admitting, “I don’t really remember your parents.”

“You were only a kid when they died.”

“I know my dad missed your dad. It’s the first time I ever saw him cry.”

“My dad was a lot like Jack.”

“Not like you?”

Ian didn’t answer for a long, strung-out moment. That’s what frustrated her so much with him. His long responses and lag times. “No, not me. He was a natural authority figure. He was tough and friendly. Everyone liked him. He’d give his left nut for any friend that asked him. He was like Jack in the responsibility and leadership thing, but Shane and Joey got their personalities directly from him.”

“And you? Who are you more like? Your mother?”

What words described Ian? Kailynn really had none, not even an intelligible description of his strange placidity and nothingness, or how he appeared to the outside world. Yet, she also suspected he had a lot going on inside him. He was nothing like Jack, or Shane, or Joey. He wasn’t boisterous or outgoing, ever. He wasn’t loud. He wasn’t even friendly. He was intelligent and spoke very well when he chose to. He was observant too; and now, out there in the woods, he was suddenly being extremely noticed by her.

“Maybe. Yeah, maybe I am more like my mother.”

“When you guys used to come here, what did you do?”

Ian tapped his fingers on his chest and sighed. “We ate. We watched the horses. We climbed up the rocks. We were kids. We threw rocks in the pretty pond until our dad yelled at us.”

“Were they good parents?”

Ian shifted and yanked the hat off his face. “Mine?”

This time, she kept her gaze averted and studied her toes. “Yes, yours.”

“Yeah, they were really good parents. Jack and Lily were too. I didn’t have a lot to complain about. We never hurt for money.”

“Your parents died when you were a teen. That’s a lot to complain about. And a lot for kid to go through. You get that, right? Or are you really as emotionless as you appear? I actually don’t know.”

“I didn’t know you thought about that.”

She tipped her head to the side and glanced at him from the corners of her eyes. “I really don’t know what to think of you.”

“Because I make you so uneasy?”

“Yes. Sometimes, you do. You don’t talk at all.”

“I answered everything you ever asked me.”

“But you don’t want me to ask.”

“I’m just not used to someone asking.”

She rolled her eyes. “Still, you act weird about it.”

“Tell me, Lynnie, what about your father? Your mother? You want to talk about them? It’s not always easy to talk about what hurts you the most.”

“So it does hurt you? See? If you just told me that, instead of kind of sneaking it into some other comment. That’s why I never really know how to react to you.”

He shook his head. “Okay. It hurt me when my parents died. It’s not easy to talk about even now.”

“I felt that way after my mom left. That was not easy to talk about. She didn’t do anything to traumatize me, but her not wanting to be there with me hurt me a lot. However, all around, my parents are… fine. They were always fine. I didn’t really have much to complain about either.”

“You don’t complain. But you get your point across all the same. Your family is just too clueless to see it.”

She whipped her head around. “What are you talking about? And you really should not keep calling my family names.”

He settled his head back down. “You give off pretty strong signals with how you feel. When you’re annoyed, embarrassed, uncomfortable, happy, whatever. They just choose to ignore you. And maybe they aren’t stupid, but they are if they choose to ignore you. You know that, right? They take advantage of all the things you do for them.”

“You can’t read my signals.” She felt sure of that. Ian was not that perceptive. He could barely even be classified as a speaking, social human being. There was no way he could tell how she felt about things, was there?

“Yes. I can.
You
just can’t read mine.”

Keeping her face out of his line of sight, she stared at the yellow trees reflected in the placid pool before her.
What did he mean by that?
His signals? He had none. He rarely seemed to show anything. Or react. He was a blank slate, a boring wall, a…crap was there something she had missed?

“Well, I might not be so subtle in my annoyance with others.” She had a habit of rolling her eyes or scowling at people behind their backs. She just didn’t think anyone ever noticed she did that. Why was she starting to have a whispered sense that perhaps she missed a whole lot about all the possible things that Ian might have noticed? Did his placid, almost blank exterior hide a whole lot more than she ever perceived? “I’m sorry if I’ve done that to you.”

He smiled and lifted an arm to shade his eyes from the sun. “You don’t have to apologize. I don’t see the point of apologizing for whoever you are.”

She glanced at his body next to her. Her butt was nearly even with his waist and his legs stretched forever past hers. The horses were about a hundred feet away. Their heads were bent down as they rhythmically chewed and chomped while grazing. The sun felt shockingly pleasant on her bare arms and the air smelled fresh and clean. It was so freaking perfect for Kailynn that she wished they could stay there forever. She also felt a warm rush of understanding about Ian. Exactly. Why should she apologize to those around her for wanting more for herself? And he must know what that was like. If he were gay, as so many assumed, wouldn’t he have totally understood what it was like to be pigeonholed or having to apologize for who and what he was? Her heart ballooned in empathy for him. It must have been so hard for him, being a cowboy, rancher, and redneck that he and his family were. And like his dad seemed to be. His dad sounded even more like that than Ian and Jack. That must have been excruciating, to realize your true sexual preference and the essence of who you were, were totally unacceptable to your own father. Or your brothers even. What if macho, biker Shane was mean to him because of it? She suddenly felt a growing concern for what it must’ve been like to be Ian in River’s End. Was it any wonder he kept to himself and didn’t react to many things? In order to keep his secret safe, he probably trained himself to be vague and evasive. And here she was, making him self-conscious about it, when it was probably his ultimate coping mechanism.

Lord, she was a bitch.

She turned towards him with a rush of warm and fuzzy understanding. She was bonding, and becoming one with Ian, something she never thought she’d feel with Ian Rydell, of all men. “I agree. No one should ever have to apologize for who, or what he is. I wish more people in this narrow-minded valley understood that. And practiced that kind of empathy.”

“Uh-huh.”

She was warming to the idea that he really was gay, but kept it all under wraps and hid it from his macho brothers. He could not dare besmirch the rancher image that he was supposed to embrace. A gay cowboy wasn’t too common around River’s End.

“I actually respect how quiet you keep your private life. I know it isn’t easy in this valley. I mean, if it had been anyone else, but you, who walked in on that… you know, that episode with Drew, I would have stayed hidden in my room for months.”

“I told you to start picking better boyfriends.”

She leaned back a little, resting her weight on her elbows and stretching her legs out closer to his. “He was so rude to you. I should have apologized for that. I mean…” She snuck a quick glance his way. He was still lounging there, appearing unconcerned. His eyes were closed and his skin was starting to turn pink in the sun. She felt like they had come so far in the last few days. Maybe it was time to show him she really did understand him.
Fully.
It would have been nice for her to have someone she could confide in. Someone like Ian who was so secretive in his own life, that he knew how to keep other people’s confidences to himself. Well, so could she. “The things he said to you.”

“What did he say to me?”

“Those, you know, those homophobic comments. It’s way too common around home and it drives me nuts. I want you to know that is never something by which I would judge someone. Ever. It’s private; and no one else’s business.”

She felt him stiffening next to her before he rolled up onto his side, resting his elbow on the ground and placing his face on his hand. She glanced up, fearing a glimpse of anger or embarrassment in his eyes. Instead, his eyebrows were drawn together as he looked at her kind of curiously. “Did you just apologize to me because you think I’m gay?”

She blew out a breath. At least, he wasn’t stomping off in masculine, arrogant embarrassment. He must have been okay with her talking about that. She let out a breath and nodded. “I just don’t think it’s a reason or criteria to judge anyone. I hope you already know that about me.”

He cleared his throat. “Ah, okay. Good to know… especially, if I were gay.”

IF HE
WERE
GAY? But didn’t he just fail to react to her gently worded suggestion? Most straight guys would have reacted with a crazy, offended tantrum. Her back snapped up rigidly. She slowly dropped her gaze and glued it onto his feet.

“Lynnie?” he asked when she didn’t respond for a lengthy time. She was suddenly sweaty and dying of embarrassment. Her entire face was burning up as if she had a fever. “Is there any particular reason you thought I was?”

“Th-the rumors?” she squeaked. “I mean, I heard that and I just thought because…”

“Because I seem like it?”

“No. Because you never mention anything about it.” She kept her gaze literally riveted on her own boots. But… he was still right next to her. Her stupid eyes weren’t cooperating and she kind of snuck a peek at his long legs, which she followed with another glimpse of his waist. His waist was right next to her. She suddenly snapped her face up when she realized what she was doing.

“It? Meaning sex? You think because I don’t tell you the details of who I’m sleeping with, that must mean I’m gay?”

“There’s nothing wrong with it,” she insisted.

“No. There’s not. I’m just telling you, I’m not.”

“But… you never are connected to anyone.”

“Because whoever I’m with prefers to keep it that way.”

Her eyes jerked up to his before she snapped them downward again. He sighed as he sat up next to her and hooked his arms around his legs.

“My brothers always wondered about it. I just thought you were being… smart. Quiet. Just being you.”

“Your brothers also never noticed how you start nearly dancing around, you’re so grossed out at the mere mention of sex. I politely choose not to talk about it in front of you.”

“But… even Shane wouldn’t answer them.”

“Shane knows I don’t like your brothers to know who I’m sleeping with. He might be their best friend, but he’s my brother, first and foremost. He doesn’t spread any shit about me.”

“Shane knows? And who are you with? I’ve never even heard you being connected to anyone. I would know if you had a girlfriend.”

“Being with a girl isn’t having a girlfriend. We’re… friends. We just like to sleep together.”

“Who is it?”

“I’m not telling you. She likes it kept quieter than I do even.”

She?
Suddenly, she had to know who it was. Who could Ian be having sex with? She was torn between humiliation and undying curiosity. She was also really offended she didn’t have a clue as to whom it could be.

“Kailynn?”

She swallowed and hunkered down, resting her chin on her knees. The beautiful day and their former bonding kind of wilted and withered inside her chest. “I’m sorry.”

He tossed his hat up and caught it, distracting her enough to finally lift her head off her knees. “I’ve heard the rumors. I’ve never really cared they were out there. It just surprised me you believed them.”

“You knew? Doesn’t it drive you nuts?”

“What do I care? I know what I am. I don’t need to prove it to anyone else. And if I were? I wouldn’t give a shit. I would just be. But being private about it, I am, no matter what.”

Why couldn’t she not give a shit? Why did she obsess over what people thought about her? The same people she wanted to get away from? How could she fail to see how much there was to admire about Ian?

He bumped her shoulder with his. “If you thought I was gay, why did you worry so much about your privacy? Now I’m surprised you didn’t just strip down for me. That would have been a lot more fun way for me to hear what you really thought of me.”

Unbelievably, a laugh bubbled in her throat. “I’m always private about that stuff.”

“I might have played along if you had done that.”

Finally, after mustering all her internal grit, she lifted her gaze to meet his. His blue eyes were so pale, they almost looked gray as they twinkled with amusement. He didn’t look mad, although most of the other guys she knew would have been pissed beyond words.

“Would it help convince you if I started talking like your brothers? Or Shane? ‘Cause I can. I know what to say. But just so you know, and if you ever get out of this godforsaken valley, every man who doesn’t talk about the pussy he ate or entered the previous night, isn’t necessarily gay. Perhaps, he just has common manners and normal decency. Or he just might be old-fashioned enough not to talk like that in front of women.”

A tiny smile started to lift one side of his mouth. “Okay; so noted,” she replied, adding, “and please don’t start doing that. It’s something I appreciate very much about you.”

“Honestly, I didn’t know you appreciated anything. Jack never talks that way. Tell me, did you think he was gay too?”

“Well, no. He had Lily, and then Erin showed up, I mean, all of them were hot for her. You were the only guy who wasn’t.”

“How do you know that?”

“Because you never looked at her.”

“I looked. I watched her pull up the very first day.”

Kailynn glanced up at him. She remembered looking out the living room window as Erin exited the car with her small, tiny body and perfect face. She managed to drive all the men at the ranch upside down and Kailynn saw it the second she spotted Jack and Joey with her. “So did I. Jack and Joey were like Rottweilers, circling for the last bone.”

“She’s pretty hot. Can’t blame them. It would have been Shane and me if we’d been out there. I just saw those guys and knew it was between them already.”

Her jaw dropped open. “Are you for real? We’re talking about Erin? Your almost sister-in-law.”

“Uh-huh. But not my sister. Do you want me to tell you what is so hot on her?”

She shook her head no, sensing he was teasing her, but she never heard him talk like that. Or use words like “hot” and “pussy” or talk about fighting over a girl.

“Besides, Erin wasn’t what I wanted.”

“It’s your mysterious girlfriend.”

“No. I already told you who. You just never listened to me.”

He did? When? What was he talking about? She shifted her butt around, suddenly conscious they were talking about sex, which was not something she ever discussed with anyone. Even Erin. She racked her brain and could not recall a single moment when they ever discussed it before. Isn’t that how she came to the whole
he must be gay
conclusion?

“Who? Who do you want most of all?”

“You. I want you, Kailynn.”

She jerked to attention and slowly turned her head towards him. He stared right at her. There was not even a flinch of embarrassment, only his gaze, strong and frank, staring at her. Her breath caught and she felt her pulse starting to flutter as blood rushed under her skin. Sweat broke out on her back.
You.
Did he really just say that? Then she remembered a conversation when she asked whom he even liked or wanted and he said the same cryptic thing:
you.
He wanted her? Was he for real? She originally shrugged it off because it seemed so unbelievable.

Her breath hitched again and she clenched her fists in her lap. What could Ian Rydell want with her? They were nothing. Friends? Neighbors? Business associates? What? He didn’t want her. It felt so surreal. Like she just drifted straight out of her body.

Still holding her gaze with an eye lock that seemed to send shivers down to the last lumbar vertebra in her spine, he seemed to be penetrating her heart. Her breath exhaled from her mouth when her lips opened in a small gasp. He was leaning towards her and still holding her gaze. Still observing her. Bold and strong, he was letting her know exactly what he was doing; and all she had to do was make a decision.

She didn’t lean towards him, or move away either. His lips touched hers. His mouth was soft and subtle at first. A little dry, yet pleasant. He eased back and looked up into her eyes. She couldn’t so much as blink. Her chest rose and fell almost as fast as her heart was beating. “Fuck it,” he suddenly mumbled as his mouth returned to hers. This time, the searching, as well as the softness were gone. His mouth felt hard and firm when it touched hers before he pushed his tongue into her mouth. His large hand came up to the back of her head and he cupped the bottom of her skull. Tilting her face up, he swiftly took advantage of the new angle. His tongue stroked hers, and he licked her lips. His teeth nipped gently on her lips, feeling strong and sure and macho, the exact opposite of everything she’d previously thought about him.

He kissed her for long minutes. On and on, his mouth played with hers. It was like a lifetime of making out. Her body started to soften from its rigidity, and her almost prissy straight up posture relaxed. Her stomach started to grow warm as waves of pleasure rippled down to her extremities. She slipped her tongue into his mouth finally. She touched the tip of it to his lips and tongue. He liked it. She could tell when his hands cupped her face, and he pulled her closer.

She shifted so her knees were beneath her and he didn’t have to bend down so awkwardly. He shifted his hands to her waist, encircling her. Did he think she was fat? He was so lean. Like a strap of leather, all hard lines and stringy tendons. Nothing soft like she was.

His mouth opened even more and his tongue nearly devoured her as he bent her head back. Using his other hand, which he tangled in her hair, he yanked out her ponytail and wrapped her hair around his hand. She whimpered as her insides suddenly exploded and her nerve endings felt like they were short-circuiting.

His hands strummed up and down her waist over her t-shirt. She was virtually lost. He gently laid her back so her head landed on the saddle blanket. He adjusted his body alongside hers, and lifted a hand, which he pushed through her hair. It cascaded down as he cupped her face and devoured her mouth with his. He was half on top of her, and her eyes were closed. She never felt this way before. Almost as though she were being lifted outside her body. She could only relish the strange sensations and couldn’t seem to remember where she was, or even who she was at that moment.

His mouth made little kisses in the corner of her mouth, her cheek, her chin and his hands slid over her shirt. He paused over one breast, his hand supporting its weight as he circled it so his thumb could drift across her pebbled nipple. It was a soft touch. But it set her on fire. She whimpered as his thumb stroked more circles over her. His mouth was on her neck and her collarbone while his hand slid down to the edge of her t-shirt. He bunched it up with his hands, hesitating barely a moment before laying it flat on her stomach. He seemed like his handprint was practically singing her. It was so warm. So tender. No one ever touched her before. She didn’t get hugs or any displays of affection from her father or brothers. Her mother hadn’t kissed her in ten years. The few boys she messed around with never touched her with any kind of tenderness or care. This felt so different.

She wanted to arch her body up into his hands, like a grateful cat. She cherished the warmth from his big hands caressing her. She wanted to feel another human’s warmth, and have his body closer to her. He inched his hand up and seemed to know already that her bra clasp was in the front. That’s exactly where his hand stopped, and with a quick twist, it was unclasped. It slid down instantly, causing her breasts to fall to the sides. They were so big and so kneadworthy. She hated them with a passion most men could never understand. They were no more than oversized, fatty mounds to her. They hurt her back and always made her appear far fatter than she actually was.

His hands both disappeared under her shirt to fondle them. He gathered each one into his hands and did the same thumb strokes on the bare nipples that were growing even more taut and tight and achy. He did it for several minutes. She lost track of how long it was as her head went fuzzy and her body started to feel something it never had before. She became hotter and achier. He lifted his mouth off hers and pushed her shirt out of the way. She was pretty sure he was looking at her chest, but she kept her eyes shut tightly. She couldn’t bear to imagine how ugly they were now, all spread out and squishy against her chest since she was lying flat on her back. But his hands kept playing with them, and a strange yearning like she’d never felt before began to increase in concentration between her legs.

The soft, wet warmth on the end of her nipple as his tongue touched it, before his mouth took it all the way into his mouth was like heaven to her. His tongue flicked over it as he sucked. She nearly thrashed her head back and forth as he kept doing it repeatedly, before switching breasts. Then he did the same to the other while his hand replaced his mouth on the first one. It was so much stimulation that her mind felt like a steam kettle and she worried the steam would soon start escaping from her ears.

She’d been groped by boys before. She’d also had their mouths sucking on her breasts before, but she never really liked it. She couldn’t understand what the big deal was. And it never managed to create literal shock waves that began deep down in her stomach before shooting out between her legs. She was swollen and wet and knew she wanted more. Much more. Her left hand crept up from her side, moving into his hair where she fanned through the straight, glossy strands. She cradled his warm head on her breast. Trailing her hand along the side of his jaw, she could feel the tendons in his face moving as he suckled her breast, which turned her on all the more. She pushed his face harder against her before realizing what she was doing. She instantly dropped her hand, utterly embarrassed by her strange reaction.