River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) (17 page)

The side of his mouth lifted. “In enjoyment for you? I’m gonna guess so.”

“You didn’t… enjoy it?” Obviously, she should not have been having sex if she couldn’t even talk about it like an adult. Enjoyment? That’s why he had sex with her? For enjoyment? Her cheeks burned. With very few real beliefs or passions in her rather mundane life, waiting to have sex until she was married was the one goal Kailynn hoped to achieve. Her moral compass was permanently etched from the years her mother insisted that she and her brothers go to church. Kailynn wasn’t exactly devoted to her piety, but she really intended to live up to that. And, without even a second thought, the one time she gets turned on, she throws out a lifetime of ideals and plans. Waiting for her one true love. The man she hoped would lift her out of drudgery, and give her a life she could enjoy.

“Did I enjoy it? Come on, Kailynn, I don’t think my reaction to what happened is the problem. Yours is. It’s just not how it should have gone down for you.”

“I don’t know how to react.”

He nodded and his shoulder slumped forward as he raised his knees and wrapped his arms around them. “Yeah. Even emotionally crippled me managed to pick up on that.”

“I never said you were emotionally crippled.”

He tilted his head just enough she could see only the side of his face. “You think it though, and much more. So… why did you let me do it?”

“I didn’t.” He stiffened, so she hurried to continue, “I mean I did let you. I just wasn’t thinking about it. I just kind of did it and then…”

He nodded. “So why did you wait? I really didn’t expect that.”

She lifted her face to the sun and closed her eyes. It felt so cleansing and peaceful. She liked the pleasance of their solitude, which seemed to sink into her bones and make her feel relaxed. It seemed like they were the only two people on the planet. She snapped her eyes open. This was how it started at the lake. She’d grown much more comfortable talking to him. Kind of even liked it, and then…

“I just never wanted to before.”

He didn’t answer and she felt like he was trying to figure something out. Finally, he replied, “You’ve had a lot of boyfriends.”

“Yes, but that doesn’t mean I have to want to sleep with any of them.”

“No. I guess not. I just thought at some point... well, what about Drew?”

“Drew tried to make me do things I didn’t want to. I never liked what we did.”

Birds twittered and a breeze softly twirled the tall grasses that somehow sprang from the rock pile they were sitting on. “Did you like what we did?”

“I think so.”

“You just think so?”

“I don’t know. Yes. But some parts were… weird.” She flipped her hair over her shoulder and tugged it behind her ear.
Oh dear God!
That was impossible to talk about.

He half laughed, and half choked. “Never been told that before. But I guess it’s better than Drew fared. At least, I didn’t get bitten.”

She didn’t look up, but a smile filled her face. “You didn’t make me cry, either.”

“I did. It was on me to make it a little less horrible for you. I mean, you were new to it all. I should have said something before we got back to camp. I just thought we’d have all week. I didn’t expect Shane and Caleb to be sitting there. I thought you needed some space. I was trying to make it easier on you. And then, they were already there; and I thought you were going to pass out when I even looked at you. So I tried to stay out of your way.”

“I’m a bitch.”

“Not exactly how I’d describe you.” His tone was gentler.

“I’m not sure how to deal with this.”

“I know. I really don’t want you to hate me.”

“I don’t.”

“Then why did you cry?”

“Because I intended to wait until my wedding night.”

Silence followed her declaration before he cleared his throat. “Oh. Well, shit, then this was
really
big to you.”

“Yes.” Her answer was barely audible. “Nothing’s ever been special about me, or my life. I wanted that to be.”

“Everything about you is special. You think I just came onto you because I was bored that afternoon?”

She shrugged. “In my experience, and from listening to our brothers discuss it, that would be more like the normal than any other reason. I was crying because I failed myself, and I can’t even articulate
why
I did it.”

“Probably because we have chemistry. It surprised even me how much. It must have been confusing for you.”

Confusing?
That was putting it mildly. She thought she was in love with his brother. Until the moment Ian’s lips touched hers, she never once contemplated kissing him. She never even thought much of anything about him, other than that he was just another man she knew.

After several moments of silence, Ian leaned closer, reaching his hand behind her neck and pulling her forward. His lips touched hers before she could articulate another thought. And the moment their lips met, she lost the will to pull away from him. Despite knowing that all this would only make her more miserable in his company, she could not resist him. But oh, dear God, those feelings were again stirring in her stomach and she started to ache between her legs. Until that Monday afternoon, she never once ached there. She just assumed she was asexual. When other girls giggled about touching themselves, she kind of cringed and turned her nose up.
Yuck.
Why would anyone do that? But now, if this ache was what they were feeling, now she could really understand doing it. And she certainly never expected the reticent, sometimes downright grim Ian Rydell to boldly start kissing her again.

When he pulled away, she stretched her neck forward as if begging him to come back. She opened her eyes to find his pale eyes on her. Gulping, she tried to think of something clever and sexy to say.

His thumbs brushed over her lips as he cupped her face. “I know you’re confused right now. I’m sorry about that. But I’m not sorry this happened. I hope you’re not sorry either.”

Her heart felt like it swelled in her chest. No one said words like that to her. She didn’t know how to reply. All she could think to say was, “Thank you for bringing me up here. I’ve never been to any place like this.”

“You’re welcome. Maybe you can even enjoy it long enough to make eye contact with me once in a while?”

She smiled a shy, slight upturn with her lips. “I’ll try; but I can’t guarantee it.”

Ian nodded, “Right, because it’s so confusing?”

“You can’t even imagine how confusing,” she muttered.

He smiled as he jumped to his feet. Putting his hand out, he took hers to pull her up so she was standing next to him. Only then did he stare right into her eyes. “Just so you know, this isn’t over.”

He turned and started down the rock slide. She gulped and didn’t answer. She scanned the horizon one more time, feeling her heart lifting. Was it the promise of his words? Or the mystical place where he brought her? It was so beautiful and held untold significance in her life, yet she didn’t know exactly why. Somehow, the former sense of defeat and disappointment she was harboring seemed to vanish. Nothing had been resolved, however.

Other than her toes curled up when she thought about Ian kissing her.

****

When they were ready to leave, it started to rain. Everything got soaked as they started to pack it up, and was soon saturated. It got very cold. This time, however, Kailynn didn’t have to do much. The guys hoisted the stuff around like it was no heavier than pop cans. Ian saddled her horse and got him packed and ready. He had it done before she started to pay attention when he did so. He wore a long, black duster over his jeans and boots. At the last minute, he put his gun and holster on as well as his hat and the heavy rain dripped over the brim. He gave her a small smile and raised his eyebrows as if to say, “Isn’t this fun?” They began the journey home at noon. It wasn’t the fun ride she had coming in. It was much faster, thanks to the added horsemen. She was in the very back with a direct view of Ian. He looked so much like the stereotypical cowboy, she soon became much too aware of him. He looked sexy. She scanned her memories and couldn’t remember ever noticing how sexy he was. His command over all of them, and the gear, and the horses was comparable to a general entering battle. Even the gun made him more bad-ass and western. She squirmed when her thoughts kept drifting to the sight of him on top of her. Touching her. Going inside her… then she’d blush furiously. She wasn’t ready to handle such strong feelings.

She felt very different about Ian than she did on the way in.

Finally, they reached the trailhead and she nearly cried out in triumphant joy. This time, her brother and Shane were uncharacteristically helpful and moved fast. They were miserably wet too. Kailynn looked and felt like a drowned cat. Her hair flopped heavily down her back and her coat was the only part of her that stayed dry.

All the gear was stowed, and the horses were loaded onto the trailer until everything was finally done. Shane and Caleb jumped into Shane’s truck. Caleb waved Kailynn over to hurry up. Ian was standing at her left, putting the last rope inside the tack room. He glanced up at her from around the door. His face was blank, the same kind of remote expression she most often saw on him. She swallowed as she started to pass him.

Say something
. Something more needed to be said, or done, or clarified. They had sex, for God’s sake! She felt like an entirely changed person and… what? She would just pass by him like it meant nothing? Like it was over? Done? Was she already back to her pathetic, boring life? “Goodbye, Ian. Thank you for everything you did for me.”

She hated sounding like a parent thanking her kid’s teacher. Next, she ought to put out her hand for a polite handshake and a formal goodbye. She could have kicked her own ass for sounding so prissy.

He watched her as she started past him and reached out at the last moment. He grabbed her hand, and dragged her towards him, taking her behind the tack door, and hiding them from their brothers who were honking the horn rather obnoxiously. He cupped her face with both his hands and held her gaze as his mouth descended on hers. With soft, almost languid pressure, his tongue barely touched her lips before he lifted his face from hers. “See you, Kailynn.”

Turning away from her, he walked towards the back of the horse trailer, his long duster billowing around his feet. She could hear him locking the trailer and her heart nearly split and fell down to her toes. When did he get so hot? So commanding? And the only man she could notice?

She turned and ran like the coward she truly was. She felt completely unsure as to where she stood with Ian Rydell.

KAILYNN HAD NO CHOICE but to continue with her regular routine as if the most monumental moment of her life never occurred. It was juvenile to everyone else, but having sex for the first time made her feel like something would change, or be different about her. She looked in the mirror, expecting to see something new or altered, since that was how she felt. But no. She had the same average face and long, brown hair. She wasn’t thin and her boobs were still too ugly, and way too big.

Her brothers talked as raunchy as ever as they sat around the trailer while her dad stayed in bed. She cooked their meals, unloaded all the stuff they’d taken to the mountains, and washed all the laundry that piled up while she was gone. Restraining a long sigh, she thought, yes, indeed, she was right back to her normal, ordinary life.

She had to work. She couldn’t refuse to go to the café. And no matter how much she wanted to quit the Rydells, she needed the money desperately. Worse still, it would have been totally obvious to Ian why she quit, so she didn’t.

She entered the café and Rhonda looked up with a smile and a tired hello. “Glad you’re back. Way too busy without your help.” Yes, Kailynn was slightly above average in her waitressing, cooking, and cleaning skills.

She went straight to work, serving coffee and water, as well as the breakfast specials and quickly delivered the bills to her tables. It was always busy on Monday mornings. That was when the valley got back to work. The afternoon usually brought in the elderly couples, and others who didn’t have to work. As a rule, they were usually super sweet, and chatted much longer than it took them to eat. Problem was: most of the elderly citizens didn’t have much money and rarely tipped more than a few dollars. She couldn’t get rich on that anytime soon.

She was halfway through her shift when she turned with a stack of menus in her hand.
Dear Lord, there was Ian and Jack!
She stopped dead in her tracks. No. It was bad enough she’d have to face Ian again, but here? In front of strangers? The lunch crowd was just starting to arrive and conversations buzzed back and forth. Rhonda was flying between her tables. Jack and Ian sat down at a booth that was in Kailynn’s section. Rhonda would never have covered for her. Besides, it would have been ridiculous not to serve the Rydells. It would have instantly been noticed by everyone too; after all, the only thing she did was serve the Rydells in one way or another.

She walked forward on trembling knees and pulled out her pad to write down their orders. She didn’t need the pad. She just wrote the orders down for the bills. She could remember every detail about every order from a ten-person table with very little effort.

“Hey, Lynnie. What’s the special today?” Jack asked. He smiled up at her as she set down the requisite glasses of ice water. She didn’t dare glance at Ian, although she knew those pale eyes were boring into her.

“Uh, hot turkey sandwiches with a side of fries and cole slaw.”

Jack flipped the menu to the end of the table. “Perfect. I’ll take one with coffee.”

Lifting her eyes to Ian, she saw he was indeed staring quite hard at her. His expression was dour and he didn’t have his hat on, so his red hair seemed to glow under the light. She forced a smile and nearly prayed for her voice to come out sounding semi-normal. “And you, Ian?”

She kept her gaze solidly on his, and did it so well, she almost wanted to pat her own back. She actually sounded almost like an adult. “Same,” Ian replied.

Jack leaned back against the booth. “So you liked our spot, huh?”

Spot?
She turned toward Jack.
What was he talking about? The lake?
Her heart clenched.
Oh crap, did Ian tell Jack what happened?
“What?”

“The camp. Shane said you liked it.”

“Oh. Yes. I did. We had a nice trip.”

Nice?
She sensed Ian leaning forward and smiling with wan interest as she spun on her heels and nearly ran behind the counter. She darted behind the soda fountain machine. Ian was sprawled in the booth, looking like a spider with his long limbs. He and Jack were non-stop talking, they were so engrossed in their conversation. They seemed to be discussing something important. Ian didn’t so much as even scan the place for Kailynn. He completely ignored her. She didn’t know if she should get on her knees, and be happy he didn’t seem to care about her, or fall into a puddle on the ground because she meant so little to him. She gritted her teeth. She would not let him see how he affected her. She grabbed the coffee pot and started another round of refills. She cheerfully offered the best service to all of her patrons. She approached the Rydells, but only after their orders were ready, which she quietly placed on the table between them. Without stopping their conversation, they both leaned out of her way and talked around her intrusion. Ian glanced up at her, but kept speaking to Jack.

“Well what else do you expect Erin to do?” Ian asked.

“Something. I’ve been trying to be patient, but I just don’t get it. I try to get it. I just don’t. Shoot me. I’m an insensitive ass.”

“Did you tell her that?”

Jack scoffed. “Of course not. I’m telling you.”

“Then you’re not a total ass.”

Kailynn grabbed the serving tray to leave, but really, she was dying to know what they were discussing about Erin. Was it her lack of effort in learning to read? Or refusing to move into the house and out of her trailer? But Kailynn just kept her distance and set their bill down. Assuming they wouldn’t stop talking at her disturbance, she watched Ian pull his wallet out and pay, without even a single glance up at her. He threw a bill down and shook his head at Jack before turning and walking out the front door.

Her heart plummeted into her stomach. Of course, she didn’t want Ian. But… well, maybe she would have liked having some effect on the man with whom she mistakenly sacrificed her virginity. How long would she feel that way? Her hands and feet almost went numb with nerves when she caught even a glimpse of Ian. She got tongue-tied and had no idea what to say to him. She trudged over to the table with a heavy heart. Lifting up the check, she found a fifty dollar bill underneath it, but their total was only twenty-two dollars and fifty cents. She frowned; was he for real? What did he mean by that? Payment for services rendered?

She flipped him off even though he had already pulled out in his truck.

What did it matter? She’d be at his house tomorrow anyway.

****

Kailynn reluctantly opened the back door of the Rydells’ sprawling log home. She was given access long ago, and didn’t have to knock. She came and went at her own discretion. It was really a great set-up. She had total autonomy and could schedule her housework around her other full-time job. Not many employers would have allowed that. She set her coat and purse down on the laundry counter. Piles of dirty laundry filled the baskets. Erin, no doubt, must’ve brought them down. Erin did a lot of niceties that none of the men were used to, even though she didn’t even live there. She still did her own laundry too, no matter how many times Jack insisted that Kailynn could do it.

She threw the first load in to start the day. Nearly recoiling in horror, she realized it was laundry from, of course, the week she was gone. The week Ian was gone. His dirty clothes were now hers to clean; and she really hated that.

She wandered into the kitchen and stopped dead. Shane was sprawled on the couch and Ian was just coming out of the downstairs bathroom. Shane waved hello, and again, Ian just stared at her, looking all strange and foreboding. It was starting to irritate the shit out of her.

She ignored them both and began washing the morning dishes, and going about her work as she usually did. The Rydells often ignored her presence, they were as comfortable with her as they were with just each other. Farts and burps were never excused or restrained. She was more or less like the furniture: always there and available for use and service.

When she turned, Ian was standing in the middle of the room, his hands on his lean hips. He was watching her before frowning at his brother, shaking his head, and walking out the door.

She spent three hours cleaning downstairs before she even got to the boys’ rooms upstairs. A week was a long time between cleanings for these guys. She grimaced as she continued to find more dirty laundry, having already started her fourth load. Scrubbing the sink in Shane’s bathroom, she suddenly screamed and pulled out her earphones when someone grabbed her from behind. Her heart thumped anxiously up and down at being so startled. Ian was behind her. He was the culprit that nearly gave her a heart attack. She set the iPod down. “You scared me.” Her voice sounded timid and unsure. What was he doing? He didn’t apologize, or say anything. He stared at her in the bathroom mirror for a long, pronounced moment, before turning and taking her hand in his. Then, he led her into his room.

Oh dear God
. What was he doing? He stopped inside the door. She started to open her mouth to protest when he leaned down and planted his mouth over hers. Stepping forward, he shoved his door closed and locked it while his mouth kept twisting over hers. Her words of protest died in her throat as her knees immediately wobbled, and she nearly collapsed.
Oh, Christ.
It felt as good as it did the first time. She didn’t get it. Why did it feel so good with Ian? He wasn’t even her boyfriend. Or her date. Or… even her friend. He was Ian Rydell. He made her feel so strange and weird as he stared at her. It… turned her on. Hot, throbbing, and eager, barely described how he managed to turn her on with just the sweep of his tongue over her mouth. Her hands crept up and gripped the front of his shirt in her fists, using him to keep herself standing. The whimper that came out of her mouth should have embarrassed her, but her brain was already buzzing with passion, and she wasn’t even sure she said it out loud.

Ian’s arms enveloped her. He settled his hands on her waist and she could feel the flex and pull of the muscles in his biceps and forearms as he shifted her closer to him. She slid her hands up around his neck as he bent lower to reach her. She stood on her tiptoes to diminish the height difference. His moved his hands along her sides and over her breasts.

He stepped back and pulled her with him. Then, turning them both, he set her on his bed. She held onto his neck as he gently kept pushing her back before lying down alongside of her. Their lips didn’t stop touching, and his tongue seemed to melt her insides to liquid. He nibbled on her bottom lip, then on the side of her mouth, leaving a small trail of kisses to her ear. His tongue touched her earlobe and her entire body jerked in shock. She didn’t expect the spark that bolted through her. She never considered her ears as erogenous zones.
What the hell was that?

Rolling over, he pulled her on top of him. He clasped her to his chest tightly, and she could feel his heart beating. The warmth of his chest radiated through their clothes. She shut her eyes for a moment. It felt so good. She was so rarely touched by anyone. For any reason. Not for sex, or affection, or concern, or even care. This felt so wonderful. He pushed her hair out of her face when she looked at him. He smiled tenderly and her heart expanded and contracted.

His hands bunched on her back, pulling her shirt and becoming entangled in her hair as his mouth attacked hers again. He sat up so they were seated, and facing each other. He tugged her shirt off her torso and slid it over her head as his eyes studied her. Daylight couldn’t obscure the round, puffy, white globes of her breasts, which were tightly confined by the bland, beige bra. He undid the clasp before she could blink or figure out if that was a good idea. His hands left her back and moved over to her breasts. She didn’t see why men liked them so much. They seemed like a waste of body parts to her. Well, that is, until the first time Ian touched them. She sighed her need as his hands played and tugged with her nipples.

Laying her back on the bed again, he undid her pants and pulled everything off her. She blinked, feeling rather shocked. She expected him to go slower, for some reason. Now she was naked and his gaze grew hot on her. She knew it, and wished she were some kind of fantasy woman, or had more confidence so she could pass off her flaws; but she wasn’t.

She couldn’t watch him any longer since she didn’t like her body and couldn’t bear to see his reaction when he saw her naked. His hands touched her knees before he ran them up her thighs. Her core quivered at the delicate brush as her body instantly warmed with a new comfort she suddenly felt. She liked to be touched. She didn’t know it before. She never expected Ian’s hands on her to feel so good. She nearly jumped off the bed when his mouth descended to her thigh. Whimpering… in protest? Impatience? What? She had no idea, and her brain began to buzz strangely.

He opened her legs, placing his face between them before she had a chance to close them tightly shut while forbidding him absolutely from putting his face
there.
There was no way. She wasn’t ready for it, but he skipped all the foreplay she assumed might lead to that. Simply setting his mouth on her, his tongue was soon deep inside her. She lifted her butt towards his mouth, out of some kind of primal, instinctual need. Clutching the bedspread between her fingers, she threw her head back, crying out her pleasure when his mouth and tongue did the same things down there that she expected could only be felt in her mouth.

She had no idea what to expect next. None. She knew what oral sex was, of course, and just pretended to ignore all the crude references her brothers made about it. It never sounded all that good to her. Someone’s face right there?
Yish!
Why would anyone choose to be front and center for that? She also thought the vagina and penis were the ugliest parts of anatomy nature ever designed.