River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) (18 page)

But Ian doing that? Nothing she ever experienced in her life felt like this did now. There were no words to describe the combination of hot, intense pressure and a kind of melting, squishy feeling down deep inside of her. And it all seemed to be building to a crescendo while enhancing her world all around. His mouth, tongue, and teeth ever so gently, but ever so thoroughly and for a long time, sucked and licked her. She might have screamed. She heard herself begging and pleading for more, but was nearly incoherent as to what she was craving.

He tucked his hands under her butt and lifted her even closer to his mouth while spreading her legs wider before propping them over his shoulders.

That was it. Those sensations were literally overwhelming, and had to be what everyone talked about. And the reason some people got addicted to sex. That was why people did it everywhere and in every possible way.
For that feeling.
She was his slave, now, and begging him for more. She was nearly torn apart when her entire body suddenly tensed and she shook her head back and forth, succumbing to her body’s spasms which almost destroyed her. She couldn’t handle it. It became too much. The pleasure was so unending. And intense. For a woman who rarely indulged her feelings, it was exhausting.

Finally, the heat came to a boil, rushing through her entire body, and she pressed her heels into his back, pushing his tongue even deeper inside her. Screaming his name over and over, Kailynn was soon lost to the overwhelming sensations. Time and space had no relevance to her. His mouth eventually lifted off her and he kissed her stomach and the mounds of her boobs. Sucking first on a nipple, he then tenderly kissed the ridge of her collarbone and came up to her lips. Her eyelids fluttered open when she tasted herself on his lips and tongue. It repulsed her at first, then melted her like butter again. She couldn’t understand her reaction to all of this. It was so much more than she ever imagined. And she was also very uncomfortable and didn’t know how to handle even a single moment of it.

She rolled toward him, suddenly feeling cold and upset as well as satiated and happy. She couldn’t explain what she felt. Frowning, when she realized he was still fully dressed, she didn’t flinch when his hands came around her waist. He placed them platonically on her back as he lifted his mouth off hers and let his chin land on top of her head, holding her tightly to his chest. She wanted him even closer. She wanted him to fill up every lonely moment of her life. She wanted his hands and mouth to demonstrate, again, what it felt like to be worshiped and shown tenderness and care. She suddenly felt very vulnerable to him, something she never felt toward anyone. His hands gently massaged her back and she thought that might have been the best part of the entire business. Her heart rate started to slow and her eyelids fluttered shut. She snuggled into him more, and felt him jolt with surprise, but he instantly raised his leg and covered hers with his.

“Yo! Ian! What’s taking you so long?” They heard a loud smack on Ian’s door.

Kailynn’s heart thudded when Shane’s voice filled the hall. She tensed and every soft, squishy feeling she had previously enjoyed fled in terror. Stiffening, she pushed on Ian’s chest as she was suddenly unable to breathe. He sighed as he released her, then rolled over and got to his feet. She grabbed her t-shirt and clutched it to her chest.

“Dude, come on. Quit jacking off and let’s go.”

Ian jerked the door open just enough to stick his head out. “I’m busy right now. Go ahead.”

“What are you busy doing? We got too much shit to do.”

He shut the door on Shane’s face and didn’t reply to his rude comment. Shane’s voice eventually faded as he grumbled and walked away. Ian ran his hands through his hair and studied Kailynn from across the room. She managed to keep her face carefully blank. Instead, of leaving, as she suspected he would, he crossed the room and lay back down beside her. He pulled her into his arms again, fitting his knees into the backs of hers. His hands stayed on her stomach as he kissed her shoulder.

Kailynn immediately grew uncomfortable and was unsure what to do. She had no familiarity with affection. Her boyfriends were mostly the groping kind. She was beginning to see that each and every one of them was a poor version of her brothers.

Ian, however, was not. He was the complete opposite. Quiet, reserved, always in control of himself and what he said or did, Ian was, in a word, responsible. So what was he doing here with her?

“What exactly was this?” Kailynn’s remark finally burst out of her mouth when she couldn’t take the strain any longer.

“Enjoyment.”

“Enjoyment? This wasn’t a Bingo game in the church basement. This was, well, I mean I know what this was. I just don’t understand why. You wouldn’t even look at me before.”

“Did you want me to? You send off pretty strong signals to do exactly the opposite.”

“Oh, really? If that were the case, then what possessed you to come up here and do—
this
while I’m still cleaning your brother’s bathroom?”

He turned her so she was under him and put his face over hers. He touched her cheek as he replied, “I couldn’t look at you because if I did, everyone would know how I felt about you. I might not know exactly where your head is with this, but I’m pretty sure you don’t want anyone to find out.”

Her heart skipped a beat and kind of danced around. No one ever said anything like that to her. And how did he
feel
about her? She wished he would tell her that. Perhaps, relieve some of the guilt she kept beating herself up with over wasting her virginity on someone that didn’t even want a relationship. But then… how could he seem so awkward at times, and then not? And what he had just done was for her, hoping she’d like it?

He continued, “You said it was weird for you. I wanted you to feel what it was like when it wasn’t weird. So how was it? Any better?”

He wanted to give her sexual satisfaction? Couldn’t he see that her satisfaction was so complete the first time that she turned her back on a resolution she pledged at the age of sixteen? That was when a boy stuck his tongue into her mouth for the first time. That tongue felt like a slug to her. She had decided if kissing felt so gross, then there was no way sex would feel any better. But after one touch of Ian’s tongue, she wanted to launch herself on top of him and devour him. She didn’t even recognize herself, much less her unfamiliar reactions.

“It was the better the first time that it happened.” Her voice came out in half the decibels she normally spoke. She could not get used to talking to her
lover. Friend.
Dear God, what was he?

He smiled as he leaned down and kissed her again. “So I get this wasn’t what you wanted. But it’s already happened; you can’t undo it, right? Do you want this to be it? Or do you want try it on a bed?”

“I don’t know,” she whispered, turning her head to the side. “Isn’t Shane waiting for you?”

“Doubt it.”

“What does he think you’re doing?”

Ian shrugged. “Don’t know. Doubt he’ll think about it after he leaves the house. Why should he care what I’m up to? I rarely tell anyone what I’m doing at any given time of day. Nothing new for me.”

“What were you supposed to be doing? I mean, I’m here five times a week and I can’t truly say I know what you do all day.”

His mouth tweaked up as if amused by her. “You want to talk right now?”

“I don’t know what I want right now,” she mumbled, blowing a lungful of breath out that fluffed her bangs up.

He tugged on her hair and shrugged as he turned, so he was on his side next to her. “You’ve never asked me before what I do. Every day is different.”

“And you like that? The constant variety?”

“Yeah. I do more of the maintenance than Jack. He’s all about the horses’ care and training all the time. I do some of it, but he does it all the time. Erin’s starting to take a load off that though. Like today, I trained three horses, took care of some with Erin, studied old tax records, since I think we’re paying too much, spent a few hours with AJ in the orchards, and then I was out in the barn, repairing some busted saddles.”

“And you can just disappear at one o’clock to—”

“To?” He raised his eyebrows, and his tone failed to mask his amusement while waiting for her to articulate. She buried her face in the pillow. No, not yet. She could not even say the right words to him. His arm snaked out and his hand rested on the indentation of her hip.

“To show my housekeeper what a real orgasm feels like? Yeah, no one pays attention to what I do.”

“Why? Why did you even want to show me?”

“Because I hurt you. And that’s the last thing I wanted.”

“You didn’t hurt me.”

“I ruined something important for you.”

“No, I did that. I know that. You just… did what I asked.”

“And what was that?”

She buried her face deeper. “Showed me what
that
is.”

“What? An orgasm?”

She nodded her head, but kept her face down. He slid his hand up her back and she arched her spine as she relished his touch. It felt so good. So soothing. So right. And so unfamiliar.

“I have to be at the café by five,” she finally mumbled, her voice muffled by the pillow.

“So…?”

“So I should finish what I was doing.”

“New rule: you’re not cleaning my stuff anymore, right?”

She popped her head out. “It’s still my job. This doesn’t change that.”

He shrugged. “It does for me. I’ll take care of it. I would have done my own laundry, but everyone would have wondered why. I thought it would be too obvious, so I didn’t.”

“You can’t do that. And you can’t tip me huge amounts and start doing my work just because we’ve… done this. I’m not suddenly the lady of the manor. You can’t change jobs for me.”

He didn’t answer, but his jaw clenched. She reached her hand up hesitantly. She wanted to touch his face, and run her fingers through his hair, but she was unused to taking such liberties with him. She finally set her hand on his cheek. It was smooth. He didn’t have a thick beard, and didn’t shave every day. She knew that because she cleaned his bathroom. She always knew when he shaved, since hair was left randomly around the sink. His skin felt smooth, and the muscles in his jaw flexed at her touch. She finally lifted herself up high enough to set her lips on his. He didn’t react at first, but froze, as if pausing to see what she was up to. Her hair fanned all around them. He lifted his hand and threaded his fingers through it, massaging her scalp. “Be clear with me. Do you want to do this again?”

She didn’t know. All she knew for sure was she did not want to get off the bed. So maybe, yes, she did. She really liked the feel of him lying alongside her. Her entire life, she’d been alone and kind of just taking up space. She never felt like this. Warm and comforted, like every ounce of her flesh needed to be touched so it tingled with those feelings of being truly alive.

“Yes. I want to. But I don’t know what to do.”

He boxed her head in with his hands and smiled as he kissed her lips. “I can help with that part.”

Reaching across the bed, he jerked the nightstand drawer open and took out condoms. She looked down at them, and then back up at him. “I have heavy periods,” she said out of the blue.

His eyebrows rose as if to say
what the fuck do I need to know that for?
She flushed as she realized what she said. “I mean, because I have so much discomfort, I’ve always been on birth control pills. It helps reduce those symptoms. So…”

His hand dropped from her waist. “So, you trust me?”

“Yes. Do you trust me?”

“You shouldn’t; you never know where someone’s been. But you can trust me. I always use condoms. I’ve never had sex without them.”

“Well, I’ve never done it, period. And I can promise you, I do not want to get pregnant.”

His lips flashed to a grin. “Not planning to just get it over and be knocked up by some loser, huh?”

She smiled. Who knew she could actually smile while still being naked next to a man? “No. That’s not the plan.” Then it occurred to her. “Wait, who are you having sex with? You said there was someone.”

He sighed, and for once, broke their eye contact. “Yeah. There’s someone. But I told you already: I promised her I wouldn’t tell anyone.”

“
Even me?
After this?” Her voice rose higher and sounded weird.

“Even you. I promised her.”

“But… what? You’re going to see her again and tell her you can’t say my name because you promised me? Handy. You can have your cake and eat her too.” She started to sit up, suddenly completely spooked and angry with him.

He grabbed her hand and tugged her back. “Listen to you. Overcoming your shyness. I won’t go back to her. Not anymore.”

“And she’s okay with being treated like that?”

He pulled her back to his chest. “She started seeing someone last year and we stopped for a few months. Yeah. Sure, she’s okay with it.”

“Who is it? I need to know.” Kailynn didn’t know why she had to know the woman’s identity; it just felt crucial to her.

He rubbed her back and shoulders. “Okay, okay. But if I tell you, will you promise to keep it quiet? She doesn’t deserve having it spread around.”