River's Escape (River's End Series, #2) (15 page)

He was quiet. He didn’t utter any sounds of pleasure to suggest he liked it. It was kind of like his personality in regular life. He dropped his head down so it rested between her breasts. His breath aroused her nipple. She could feel his chest rising and falling as he slowly regulated his breathing.

He was still inside her, but the pressure and thickness were gone. He didn’t move for many minutes. She didn’t know what to do. She touched his hair and stroked the short strands through her fingers as she stared up at the blue sky surrounding them. The canopy of treetops framed in deep yellow needles looked so wonderful to her then. It was so quiet that her blood seemed to quit pulsating in her veins as her breathing returned to normal. Slowly, the natural, silent wilderness they occupied began to surface in her mind once again. She heard the clomping and snorting of the horses. The clanging of their hobbles. There were other little sounds, too. A little breath of air brushed the grass beside her, then stopped.

Now what?
She nearly whimpered when her brain finally stirred to awareness and her personality returned to normalcy. What did she do now? She nearly groaned as the blatant reality of what happened between them started to really dawn on her.

She briefly shut her eyes in horror. She just had sex.
Oh no.
She didn’t want to do that. She intended to wait until she got married. She would stay a virgin until that day and have something special to offer her groom. Something that was entirely hers. Something that distinguished her from every other girl in the valley. Or at the very least, her first time having sex was supposed to be with Shane. Not Ian.
Oh God
. Ian Rydell was still buried inside her.

How could this have happened? They had never even kissed before; and then, with one kiss, she surrendered everything to him, including her virginity. She simply rolled over and gave herself to a man she wasn’t even dating. And didn’t even like.

No. No. No.
She could not have really done that, or could she?

Shifting his hips, he finally slid out of her and eased back. She kept her eyes tightly shut, but sensed him leaning down, taking off the condom, and dropping it somewhere. He shifted some more while bringing his pants up. She didn’t look. She purposely did not look. She curled onto her side, trying to pull down her own t-shirt to cover her ugly, big boobs and hide her naked butt, still hanging out. She was average-sized, except for her breasts. Her entire personality and intelligence were also average. The only thing she hoped for in life was to not have sex until she married a husband. That’s all she ever expected of herself. And now, after the first man touches her privates, she gives her whole body to him, without a second thought, or even remembering she didn’t want to do that.

The silence grew louder and she felt awful. The evening’s cold was setting in. She needed to move and pull her clothes back on, but she didn’t want to. Not with him right there, still able to watch her. She dared not even contemplate ever making eye contact with him again. She hoped he would just disappear and leave her alone so she could pretend this never happened.

She jumped when his hand touched the side of her hip. “We have to get going. It’ll be dark soon.”

She nodded, keeping her eyes closed, with her head still resting on her hands. She twisted her hips away from his touch, now feeling mortified. She did not want to see him. She just wanted him to leave, and now wasn’t even fast enough.

“Kailynn?” His tone sounded unlike any she’d heard from him before. It seemed soft and gentle and hesitant. It was strange enough to make tears fill her eyes. Squeezing her eyes tightly shut, she turned her head towards the grass to hide her face. He didn’t say anything for several minutes, but finally sighed and got to his feet. “I’ll go get the horses ready. Take all the time you need.”

And just like that, he was back to Ian Rydell again. She opened her eyes and let her tears fall out the sides of them. Turning her head, she could see him striding towards Roxy, his clothes still intact. She buried her face with groan. How could she have let his happen with Ian? How? It made no sense. She had no warning this could have even been a possibility. And yet, they did it. No, she did this.

She slowly sat up and her bra flopped around her chest. She quickly set it right and grabbed her sweatshirt, which she pulled over her head. She felt glad to wrap up in its bulkiness. She reached down to pick up her jeans and underwear. She pulled them on, hating them, and hating the fact that she’d ever taken them off. In the middle of nowhere. Outside in the wilderness. She’d just lost her virginity outside. And it was completely not special. Just some random, wild, careless romp without reason. It was not what she wanted, or dreamed about. Her heart started to hurt already. She ruined the only thing she valued about herself. She waited all these years, resisting the persuasions and threats of multiple boyfriends, only to end up hooking up randomly with someone she wasn’t even dating.

She looked up. True to his word, Ian was leading Samson around the pond. He took the long way instead of going right past her. He was far enough away that she could not read his expression. He didn’t look at her either.

She was sore. As she got to her feet and started to slide her boots on, she winced with each movement. Her butt was saddle sore, and now, her inside matched her outside. She cursed Ian and herself for being there, although the magnitude of what she’d done hadn’t yet hit her.

She glanced down at the used condom and looked around. It wasn’t like they could throw it in a trash can, so she stared at it, now grossed out. A dirty condom, that’s all she had to show for the day’s achievement. Mortified with shame, she hunted out her plastic lunch sack. Then, using a twig, she stuck it inside the bag and buried it at the bottom of her saddlebags.

She wanted to go off and have a really long cry. The tears felt like they were about to fall over her eyelids and she had a large lump in her throat. But Ian was right; the sun had already tilted in the sky and it was starting to cool down rapidly. They had a two-hour ride back to camp. She groaned when she thought of the saddle between her legs.

She wanted a shower. No, a long, hot bath to scrub away every trace and scent of him. His saliva was still on multiple areas of her body. She shivered in disgust. She couldn’t even wash it away. She wanted to soak in a hot tub and ease the aches in her body and heart.

Instead, she gathered up her stuff and his horn bag. His damn horn bag. If he hadn’t brought it along, this would have not happened. As luck would have it, he had his damn wallet. Awesome for her. She gritted her teeth and lifted the entire load before crossing the creek on the stepping stones. She finally had no other choice but to join Ian.

He had the four horses all unhobbled and tied to different small saplings. He saddled her horse for her. She should have thanked him, since he didn’t have to do that. No one else would have. Not her brothers. And certainly, not Shane. But her tongue couldn’t move. She could not lift her gaze from the grass at their feet. Instead, she set the stuff down and tried to stand off to the side. He didn’t say anything either, but quickly got his horse ready. Afterwards, he approached her. He leaned down and picked up his horn bag, which he threw over the saddle horn. Then he grabbed her saddlebags and tied them on for her. It was something she was perfectly capable of doing, but presently had no motivation. She didn’t want to do anything except sit down and cry. She wanted to curl up into a ball of humiliation and nurse her ragged feelings. Quite unreasonably, she was angry with him for all of this. She acted like he was the source of her regret.

Even though she asked him to.

He stood to the left of her and she could feel his gaze upon her. Pretending her horse was the most fascinating thing she’d ever beheld, she walked closer to it. Every muscle in her body hurt now; inside and out. Her body was worn out by all the riding, but now, she was burning inside too. The last thing she wanted to do was get on top of a horse. The silence was awful. It became thicker and more uncomfortable. She wished he’d say something. Or do something. He knew how to handle this kind of situation. But he didn’t say a word as he stepped closer to her.

Then, he asked, “Can you ride?”

She refused to look up at him. The reason why he was questioning whether she could ride was degrading to her. “Not much choice in that, is there?” she snapped back, in a rude, bitchy voice. Gritting her teeth, she reached up to grab the saddle horn, and placed her foot into the stirrup. Her weight was suddenly eased when Ian’s big hands grasped her waist and lifted her the rest of the way. She nearly jerked her torso from his grip when she was finally up. She didn’t look down, or say thank you, even after he handed her the reins she carelessly dropped.

He stood near her for a moment, his hand on her thigh. He was waiting for her to look at him. He could have waited all night. She refused to face him. She kept her gaze pinned on the horse’s ears. Finally, he let go and turned towards his own horse before gathering the other two. Then, with the lithe grace of an athlete, he landed in the saddle.

He made a soft, clicking sound and the horses started on command. Kailynn was last, grateful for anything that stood between them. She glanced back one more time at the shining sun, which grew blinding now as it descended beyond the yellow tamarack trees. She looked at the glowing gold of the pond, now shimmering in this gilded magical kingdom of the mountains. It would become the spot she’d forever remember as the place where she lost her virginity to the last man she ever wanted to touch her again as long as she lived.

KAILYNN REFUSED TO LOOK at or speak to Ian as he led them back to camp. Every time he checked on her, she kept her gaze firmly planted on her horse’s head. He ruined everything. His heart squeezed with regret every time he saw her cold, quiet, horrified face. He went from what could have been the start of Kailynn perhaps liking his company and made her hate him. He never, ever, in his wildest dreams even considered having sex with her. Not there. Not then. Not like that.

Nor did he expect to learn she was a virgin. That thought never even occurred to him. He’d never met a twenty-three-year-old virgin, male or female, and would never have considered the possibility. He’d never been with a virgin either. All he knew was: something suddenly became very strange. She swiftly went from being turned on and wiggling with desire under him to becoming totally still. He obviously must have hurt her. He hung his head in reproach over what he’d done and how he handled, or failed to handle it.

Ian had no idea what to say to her now. True to form, he was suffering from the very thing that so infuriated and pissed her off about him. He never knew what to say, especially in situations where emotions were involved. The way he left it, she could probably only think absolute crap about him.

She thought he was gay; so what else was he supposed to do? Leave her wondering? Of course, her odd admission begged him to disprove it, not only in words, but also in actions. She became strangely animated when she decided to explain how strongly she supported gay rights. She didn’t often show or express how she felt to him. He was encouraged, at first, to see how glad she became when she spoke to him. She kept smiling and talking and eyeing him up. He surely couldn’t have imagined those signals. However, he never expected her sudden ease and comfort around him to increase from the mistaken illusion that he must have been gay.

He thought, after he kissed her one time, she’d pull back before getting all flushed and embarrassed, or possibly even angry, and that would have been it. He never expected the acts that followed. He was ready at any moment for her to say “Hands off” or “Back off.” He never anticipated how pliant, soft, and willing she became underneath him. Or how her body kept straining towards him. Or the sensuous groans and sighs from her mouth that could’ve been the soundtrack for a porn movie. He didn’t imagine any of that. He couldn’t have misread that she was really into it.

Until the moment he realized she was a virgin.

Still… she insisted that he continue. He was done. And fully ready to retreat. It pretty much freaked him out to think of possibly hurting a partner during sex. Almost like he raped her or something, although he was sure she granted her permission. And triple sure she wanted him to keep doing it.

So what was happening now? She wouldn’t even look at him. He needed to say something, if only to ease it all for her. Some statement that could make her feel better. Something to dispel her embarrassment and mortification. But his tongue grew thick and he didn’t know if he should apologize. He couldn’t decide if he’d done anything wrong or not. She curled up into a ball like she was ashamed. It seemed the way a girl might react after being assaulted, or taken advantage of. His stomach roiled and pitched when he thought about that. Did he somehow inadvertently take advantage of her? Is that why she was so angry that she wouldn’t even look at him? Even standing right beside her on the horse, she refused to turn her head even a millimeter toward him.

Ian’s virginity was lost at age seventeen by a girl at a rodeo. Fast and straight to the point. He had a couple girlfriends in college and afterwards. But the last few years were spent with Odette Mason. She was widowed young and had three kids. She was a few years older than Ian and they first got together several years ago. They continued to see each other, becoming great friends, and even considered dating, but both agreed they weren’t in love with each other. With young kids living at home, Odette asked Ian to keep their trysts quiet. They were very careful, and only Shane knew. That was because he regularly covered for Ian when it came to the rest of the brothers. But other than him, no one else needed to know in Ian’s eyes. The gay rumors started a year ago, but he and Shane just laughed it all off. They decided to let the assholes prance around and try to keep spreading it. Ian wasn’t emasculated in any way.

Besides, Kailynn would eventually find out why that rumor got started. Even Shane hadn’t guessed the source, but Ian was convinced that Jordan Hayes was trying to divert the attention from himself, and his homosexuality. Ian sensed Jordan couldn’t handle it, and had yet to even admit it to himself. Ian caught Jordan once, unbeknownst to Jordan. It was a pretty graphic discovery that kind of destroyed his appetite for a few days, but still, Ian kept his secret. He let Jordan besmirch him, since he knew Jordan was only trying to protect his own ego. That couldn’t have been easy with Caleb for a brother, and their rough-and-tumble father. He really never expected Kailynn to believe it, however.

And yet, until the moment she shifted and became uncomfortable, it was just about the best experience of his life. He didn’t know what to do now. He should never have done that. He should have kissed her and left it at that. That would have given her a chance to comprehend the possibility that he might be someone she could be attracted to. Instead, he took advantage of her confusion. Didn’t he? He really wasn’t entirely sure, at this point, how much damage he’d done.

Taking her virginity in the middle of a damn mountain. Then making her get on a horse and ride for two-plus hours. She was already sore, so he couldn’t imagine what that must’ve been like for her. She didn’t move right. He could kick his own ass for not realizing how terrible it was for him to allow that to happen.

He stiffened when the sight of smoke spiraling lazily into the sky caught his attention.
What the hell?
He glanced back at Kailynn. She was staring miserably straight ahead in front of her. His heart sank as he realized who most likely was up there with them. Their brothers. There was no one else that it could have been. He swore under his breath while navigating the trail as it wound up into camp. And sure enough, there was Shane, lounging on his chair, his feet up on the rocks of the fireplace. Caleb was walking back from the woods. Ian dismounted and held Commander’s reins.

“What are you doing here?” he snapped. His tone was rude and sharp. The last person he wanted to see right then was his brother, sitting there and looking all calm, cool, and collected. His hair was too long and shaggy around his shoulders. His leather coat and jeans with big biker boots should have looked stupid out there at a horse camp, but he had a feeling that’s just what chicks were attracted to. How bad-assed his brother appeared. And that included the girl he’d just deflowered. Ian could have said any of a hundred different things before getting back to camp, and sharing this moment in front of others. Instead, he left things so awkward between them, it was painful now for them just to be near each other. Ian stifled the urge to tackle his brother and pound a fist into his pretty jaw, just for the fun of it.

Resigned and determined, Ian’s expression was blank and normal. “What are you doing here?”

Shane flashed a smile. “People got worried when you two never showed up. Douche bag move not telling us you were still coming in. I came up to see what the hell was going on. When I saw your rig still down there, I figured you two came in alone. So I decided it was a douche bag move of mine for canceling everything. So here we are. Jordan didn’t want to come.”

“I didn’t know we were still coming, and once I knew, I didn’t feel like driving back down for a cell signal. Your fault for not coming when you were supposed to,” Ian replied as he turned away from his brother and started handling the horses. Caleb stepped across the creek and stopped at the fire.

“Why don’t you unsaddle your sister’s horse?” he snapped when Caleb just sat there. He watched Kailynn dismount and she was not moving easily or well.

“Why can’t she?” Caleb asked, already flopped down in the other chair. There were only two camp chairs up there and those two were on crack if they thought he and Kailynn would share them.

“She’s saddle sore. Just do it,” he snapped. He was tired of her brothers never once just doing something nice for her.

Shane dropped his feet and stood up. “I’ll do it. You walk like you got a stick shoved up your ass, poor girl.” Shane took the lead rope from her grasp and she blushed and ducked.

She mumbled a quick
thank you
as Shane tied the horse up and heaved the saddle off. Shane knew how to tend all the horses, he just didn’t have any interest in it. He didn’t even bother to rub the sweaty horse down before he let Tommy into the makeshift corral.

And that was the guy Kailynn liked. The man who never noticed when she blushed and stammered at his sarcastic statements, especially
the stick shoved up her ass.
And, of course, his choice of words, as well as his timing, weren’t the best. She passed by the fire before ducking into the tent.

“Where’s your tent?” Ian asked his little brother as he sauntered past.

“Figured we’d crash in yours. Less stuff that way to bother with. Only brought in two horses. Packed one and I walked.”

Ian fisted his hand. Not only had he just fucked it up with the only girl he ever wanted, but now, he had no idea how to speak with her alone. He thought they’d have some time to figure this thing out now that they had some distance away from the site of her obvious regret and mortification. And now the four of them got to share a three-man tent.

Shane had slept with half the girls, and even older women, within a two-hundred-mile radius. The man who knew how to spin anything to pick up a girl. He was good too. Ian had watched him seduce unsuspecting females too many times to count. Shane was not above using lies or any other means of manipulation to get a woman into bed.

Shane pulled out a flask and tipped it towards Ian. Only then did Ian finally give his brother a small nod of thanks. He downed half of it before wiping his mouth on the back of his sweatshirt and handing it back to Shane.

Shane slapped him on the back. “Thirsty, bro?”

“You have no idea,” he mumbled before he began heating some water. He nodded towards the fire. “Why don’t you cook dinner?”

“Sure. Sure. Brought in some hot dogs.”

“Wonderful,” Ian mumbled. The alcohol hit his system, finally easing the tight knot between his shoulders and emptiness in his stomach.

****

He was here. Shane Rydell was actually here. Kailynn thought her heart might fall out of her chest when she realized who crashed their camp. His swarthy skin, long, unkempt hair and black leather made him so big and buff in her eyes. And he even took care of her horse for her. Her knees nearly trembled with pleasure when she thought of it, and before she remembered she slept with his brother. Instantly, her pleasure at seeing Shane’s attention and his mere presence vanished as her heart felt like it just cracked. She managed to screw up the only thing about River’s End that felt important to her: Shane Rydell. And she willingly opened her legs, on a random afternoon, for his brother. She was a typical valley girl. And like every other girl around. Except: she did it with his brother. Would Shane overlook that? Couldn’t he overlook that? After all, she knew the sheer volume of women Shane chased and conquered. So maybe, her one little slip with his brother didn’t really have to count.

Lying down on her cot, she finally let the tears she’d been wanting to shed fall and soak her pillow. She faced the tent wall so if anyone came in, they wouldn’t know what she was doing. And oh God, did she hurt now. She was rubbed raw and that hurt no matter which way she moved. She wanted a hot, therapeutic bath and twelve straight hours of sleep. She wanted to go back in time and
not
be here any longer. More than anything, she wished she were home.

Her dream of being up there with Shane had finally come true, only four hours too late.

The tent flap snapped open and Ian stepped in. She was sure it was Ian. She swore every nerve ending in her body knew when he was nearby. He didn’t speak, and she hated him. She shut her eyes, detesting him with a passion that climbed up her throat like bile and made her want to spew it at him from her lips. Instead, she pressed them tightly closed to keep it inside. He set something on the edge of her bed and left again. She waited several minutes before turning to see why he’d come in there, acting all weird. A towel stretched across the corner of her cot. She picked it up and discovered it was wet with hot water. He brought her a warm towel. To the left of it she saw two little, red pills. A closer glance revealed they were Advil. He knew she was sore, and he gave her anti-inflammatory medicine? And what? A warm towel to wash up with. She looked towards the tent flap and saw him standing just outside of it. She could see his silhouette against the fire and lantern light. Was he ensuring she had privacy?

She felt pretty sure he was. Sighing, she pushed her sleeping bag off, popped both pills, and swallowed a sip from the water bottle he also left there. Okay, that was really considerate of him too. She started to undress quickly, using the warm towel to wipe off every inch of her skin. It felt like heaven for a few moments. She quickly sponge-bathed herself, especially the area between her legs. She nearly moaned and left it there to kind of ease the strange way it felt on her. Rapidly changing into clean clothes, she mentally tried to banish the images of what these clothes were part of. She was hungry, but did not want to go out there. She heard her brother asking what she was up to, and Ian mumbling something about how tired she probably was from all the riding she wasn’t used to.