Rodeo (BBW Cowboy Romance) (BBW Western Romance) (13 page)

As Grandma released her supportive hold on me, we were interrupted by my mobile phone ringing.  I looked at the interface, it was John calling, I couldn't ignore this, this was probably the integral call that would determine what the future held.

“Hello ...” I was nervous but at the same time I needed to hear whatever he had to say, no matter how much it hurt me, thankfully I was prepared.

“Eva,“ John's voice was clipped, I knew by his tone that he'd spoken with Helena.

“John.”  I took a long, deep sigh.  I honestly couldn't bring myself to say anything further to that, what was there to add?

He continued thankfully because I was, at that point, quite happy to put the phone down.

“Eva, I have just had Helena on the phone.”

I found it interesting that he entered into the conversation with that remark; by telling me this (which I already knew) he was relinquishing any explanation from his own mouth.  Finally he seemed to accept that I knew what had been going on, there was no point in asking me what was wrong, how I was, etc. We were on the same page and now it had to be dealt with, whether he liked it or not.

“Yes John, we had the conversation and everything is clear to me now, but, I'm not really interested in your side of things any longer, there's no point whatsoever in discussing it.  It is what it is and you've done what you've done.  I hope it was worth it but I don't think it was, what I do know is, it's over.  You're both welcome to each other so hang up the phone, move your things out of the house and let me continue with my life.”  I was very calm in my delivery and I meant every single word.

There was a slight pause and then John replied, “It's not really as clear cut as that Eva and you know that …”

What the hell did he mean by that?  It was as far as I was concerned, he'd cheated and I'd found out plus this hadn't been a slight indiscretion, it was a full blown, love affair that had held its own for years; it wasn't about sex, they had feelings for each other and they were more important than concentrating or sacrificing for a marriage.

I challenged John, I wasn't about to back down with my questions. “Clear cut? John, are you serious? You have been seeing Helena throughout our marriage, what the hell do you think that makes our marriage?”  I had so much more to say but I had to deliver that question to him to find out his answer.
 

“It just happened Eva, but I never wanted to marry Helena, I wanted to marry you, surely that counts for something at least?”  he pathetically explained.

I very nearly laughed out loud down the receiver.  Was he actually, on top of everything else, trying to
patronize me? 

My blood was starting to boil and the feeling was beginning to overtake my sensibility,

“Are you kidding me John, seriously? What does the word 'marriage' actually mean to you, because from what you've just stated, you married me because it's an ownership thing which is so typical of you.”  I couldn't portray much more flair in my remark, “You knew that you could still have Helena no matter what but you had to marry me to own me.”

Immediately John reacted to my comment, “That wasn't it at all Eva, I just couldn't let go of Helena.  I never loved her and I still don't … I always wanted to commit to you, that wasn't the issue at all.”

For once in my life, and I wouldn't consider myself to be verbose and opinionated, I was speechless, but, I couldn't allow my stunned emotions to conquer my defense.

“You, John Cain, are a hypocrite.  Commitment means fidelity and you do not have that, and what's more, you don't understand the concept of it.  You wanted your cake and you wanted to eat it, you did for a while, but trust me, no more.” I meant every word I spoke, for me, John and I were done.

Without a second thought I replaced the receiver and didn't regret it for one single moment.  I did expect a call back but perhaps John thought it a good idea not to, it would have been the first good idea he'd decided upon so for that I was thankful.  I hated him, I pitied his weakness and most of all I savored my dignified approach, I was over his attitude and treatment of me, who the hell did he think he was?

Taking in my reflection I
realized that I wasn't in the slightest bit critical of myself, considering I'd recently found out my husband had been cheating on me, that he'd been cheating with a woman from before we were married and that he wasn't even charming enough to treat me with a guilty conscience, I should have been beside myself with woe, pity and self-disgust; I was surprisingly proud of myself, I'd dealt with the whole thing in an adult manner, I didn't doubt myself and place the blame on me … it wasn't my fault that this had happened, Helena was clearly in this for herself and had maintained a hold on John despite his marital promise to another woman.  I hadn't failed, I was involved in a warped competition, ignorant to the rules and regulations, the 'other woman' had the upper hand and I'd never stood a chance.  Had I known what I was up against I knew that Helena would have always come second best, John may have been the powerful business man but in his personal life, he was a sad, weak walkover with no control over anything apart from his libido.  Shallow, and not my idea of attraction; he was completely the opposite in fact.  As far as I was concerned, I was quite within my rights to hate him, and Helena. 

Weirdly, I felt nothing but irritation.  They could do whatever they wanted, I didn't feel any fight within me, almost as if I was relieved that it was now all in the open and I could move on with my life.  I didn't even feel a pull to return to the city, for now I was better off here, at home with my loved ones and with people that genuinely had my best interests at heart.  I didn't particularly want to encourage anything with Tommy or anyone else in particular (especially with anyone else), but this whole sorry mess wasn't about acknowledging Tommy and I.  My marriage was over long before Tommy and I had re-ignited anything and it may have been over but I wasn't about to re-bound into something because of that.

It was a difficult process but I tried to get a good night's sleep, I knew that tomorrow was going to be a stressful day, something told me that John wasn't about to take any of this lying down, he was a control freak and he liked to be the one to terminate a procedure, not the other way around, he wouldn't let me go without a fight, even if he didn't ultimately want me as the prize.  Ownership was more important to John than rejection; both disturbed and angered him so I knew that he would be boxing clever right now.   If I knew John, which clearly I didn't, he would be pacing the floor right now, Helena would no doubt be receiving a hysterical call from him in the next couple of minutes and then he would put his own plan into action.  I turned off my mobile phone so that he was unable to phone me and I doubted very much that he had the farm number as he'd never needed to phone there, I knew it was listed ex-directory so he wouldn't be able to get in touch with me at all, he would be livid.

I felt drained, I needed to re-charge some energy, my bio-rhythms were all over the place, feeling that some fresh air might help I decided to go for a walk.  Down by the river I seemed to find exactly the peace I was looking for, the outdoors and its entire spacious expanse ironically embraced me and gave me the inner survival kit to be able to process my problems and find resolve.  I would soon be free from an unhappy marriage, a marriage that felt more like a business deal than it did a relationship; a relationship that was a triangular guise involving a man who belittled me and took me for granted, I wondered if he treated Helena in this way but I didn't care to dwell too much on that, my mixed emotions of relief and sadness would soon pass and I would be better off without either of them in my life.

So absorbed in my thoughts, I hadn't heard anyone approaching me, just as the footsteps snapped a twig close by I jumped and before I could make any kind of escape I was grabbed.  The startling realization was that whoever had a hold on me was unwilling to let me go, I was caught in their grip and I was defenseless in any way of escape.  I began to panic, all my life I'd dreaded this kind of thing happening to me, to have someone attacking me and God forbid it ended in rape.  It was only when I smelt the familiar after-shave did I realize that it was Tommy. 

“Penny for those naughty thoughts, Blondie,” he pushed me over into the grass.

“Tommy! For Christ's sake, you scared me half to death, you idiot!” I was half laughing but half gasping for breath not to mention trying to wrestle him off me.  I should have been angry but how could I ever be angry with Tommy, he was just an overgrown kid at heart and once I'd got over the fact that I wasn't in any danger I could actually see the funny side of it.

He kissed me playfully on the forehead and let me go.  Sitting by my side, he nudged me with his elbow, “What ya doing out here?”

“Just thinking things through really, I've called John and he knows I know about him and Helena,” I explained.

Tommy remained silent, watching my pitiful attempt at a daisy chain, “I don't think he's going to take it lying down though Tommy, he doesn't like to lose so I'm kind of expecting him to turn up here, he knows I won't return to the house for now, I don't need to, I can work online and I can't be bothered with the confrontation.”

“Is that it then, it's over?” Tommy enquired, passing me a daisy.

“Oh yes, there's no question about that, this is the final straw; he has no respect for me, no consideration and definitely no love.  I'm a trophy wife to him and that's about it, him and Helena have been carrying on since before we were married, in effect he couldn't or wouldn't marry her so it was 'find someone else' but they continued to see each other.”  I felt anger rage inside me as I relayed it all to Tommy, I don't think it was anger that it was over, more like anger at myself for being fooled so long, of course I'd suspected something but that 'something' I was unable to pinpoint and put my finger on so instead of assimilating my suspicions, I'd submerged them to the back of my mind, I certainly didn't anticipate it had been continuing for so long.

“It's not nice I know but at least you've made a good decision by telling him, hopefully he'll concede and just leave you to get on with your new life.”  Tommy said hopefully.

“Oh you don't know John Cain very well Tommy, he won't walk away from this without his reputation intact, he will make sure I regret this, not him ...” I trailed off.  “I know he'll come to find me, he won't just take my word for it, and he's too arrogant for that.  He won't accept that I don't want to be with him even though it's his fault.”

“Well to hell with him Eva, none of this is your fault so don't start accepting that it is and making excuses for his behavior.” Tommy jumped up and extended his hand for me to take, as he pulled me up we almost hit into one another bringing us close, face to face.  Naturally we kissed and to feel the heat from Tommy's lips surrounding mine caused butterflies in my stomach which very quickly turned into sparks of electricity, we made such a fiery combination and from the feelings I was receiving from Tommy, I knew it was a mutual sensation.

Tommy's hands crept lingeringly up my back, I could feel every inch of his touch on my over sensitive skin, I wanted him there and then, I knew he did too, if the protruding erection up against my leg was anything to go by.  Our breathing became heavier, my heart was galloping with excitement, there was nothing that came close to the genuine effect that Tommy had over me, this was how love was supposed to be.

Neither of us seemed to be aware of where we were, and as my shirt disappeared, I scarcely noticed, before I knew it, both Tommy and I were both in compromising positions.  Laying me down it was delightful to feel the tickles and slight needling from the blades of grass beneath me.

“I want to kiss you all over,” Tommy whispered into my ear, it was like someone had stroked me with a feather, I quivered longingly.

“Oh yes please,” I purred.

I lay back and closed my eyes and Tommy did exactly what he promised, with each and every kiss I felt closer to heaven, his big, strong work-beaten hands roamed carelessly all over my body, I ached for every hot breath to connect with my skin and as he left traces of moistness after each kiss I couldn't wait for his lips to skip to the next place he chose to touch upon.  Feeling his tongue trace from my navel all the way down to my pubic area I was charged with stimulus as I knew what was coming next.  As if my mind had ignited a reaction, I could feel my clitoris swell and a familiar tingle danced through my groin, I was ready for him, I ached for him.

A slight feeling of giddiness engulfed me as Tommy's mouth devoured me, his tongue flicked slightly inside me and I involuntarily moaned out loud, I was starting to lose control and with each flick of his tongue I was closer to complete incapacity.  I felt two of his fingers sliding into the sticky welcome and as I bore down I looked into Tommy's eyes, I observed his pupils enlarging, I was so turned on I couldn't hold off any longer; my orgasm took over and my body convulsed into jolts of seductive ecstasy, Tommy and I continued with our eye contact and he seemed to be almost getting off on my expression alone.  My troubles seemed to float away into the sky, soaring off into the distance making it all seem ok again, if only life was that simple.

“Christ Eva, you look so beautiful when you come,” he smiled, kissing me on the end of my nose, “I wish we could stay like this forever.” 

Smiling back at Tommy in my post coital haze I realized that I didn't want any of this to end, I wanted the loose ends of my marriage tied up and put behind me, perhaps my life was meant to be right here with Tommy instead of living a lie in the city.  My grandparents would understand, I'd succeeded with my education, found and built a renowned career for myself, (which I could run from home if necessary), and I'd given it my best shot in the city, there was no shame in coming home and seeking solace in my roots. 

Breaking through my thoughts, Tommy spoke, “Come on, let me take you home, you need a bath and an early night if battles are about to be commenced.”  As his words reminded me, my stomach lurched into a foreboding pit of anxiety.  I may well have needed a bath and it may just help but I doubted very much that sleep would come to me easily that night.  Turmoil was rattling around inside me and I don't think it was about to subside to allow me to rest.

“But, I haven't satisfied you,” I pointed out.

“Oh yes you have baby, just watching your pleasure satisfies me,” he stated with a cheeky smile, “You needed that more than me, so, you can owe me one.”

How selfless an act was that?  This is why I loved Tommy; he was considerate to my feelings and went out of his way to make sure I was looked after.  I had always been that kind of person myself and always believed in treating people the way you expected to be treated yourself, Tommy had just enforced that idea.

It felt so wicked to be outdoors, knowing that at any moment we could get caught in the act, we quickly dressed and like silly, unassuming teenagers we made our way home, hand in hand.  We chatted easily and laughed at each other's silly jokes, we were happy.  Tommy continued to insist that I relax in a hot, aromatic bath and I did admit that the thought was appealing, we stood in the lane in each other's arms, kissing our goodbye, that's when I saw him.  Pushing myself away from Tommy as if he was a repellent I couldn't believe that in the yard, standing looking straight at us was John.

Tommy noticed my sharp intake of breath and the look of utter horror on my face, he turned to see what I was facing and their eyes met.  Part of me had been expecting this but not in a face to face situation, had we been casually walking then John would have no reason to see it for what it was, I could have actually kicked myself because this was the last thing I'd wanted, John to see us together that way, now this made me no better than him.  How could I berate him when he'd seen me in a romantic clinch with Tommy?

As John strode across the yard towards us I suggested that Tommy go back home, I almost insisted whilst Tommy refused point blank,

“No Eva, I won't leave on his account, this involves me now so I won't leave you to answer for me,” he explained firmly.

John's expression was furious … a little unnecessary in the circumstances I thought but I allowed him to continue with his behavior, John possessed a short fuse and if he was going to blow then not I or Tommy would be able to prevent it.

“What the hell is this?? You think you've caught me bed hopping and that justifies you having an affair with some farm boy? Where is your class Eva?”  John fumed, pointing at Tommy.  So, I'd 'thought' I'd caught him? A little frugal with the truth there.

“Hey buddy, first of all, don't point in my direction and second of all, you can call me what you want but don't start with Eva, we're old friends and I was comforting her throughout the mess that you've caused ...”