Authors: Stella White
''Like what?''
''So cold.''
''What the fuck do you expect?''
Cara
was taken
aback. It had been months since they split. ''I think I'd better go,'' she said. ''You look tired. You ought to get some sleep.''
''What business is it of yours?''
''It's none of my business, none at all. But if you remember we did share some good
times,
and I'm not totally without feelings for you.''
Shifty looked at her. She was still as pretty as when they had a relationship, only now she looked more mature. A woman, less of a girl. ''I'm so worn out, you would not believe it,'' he said. ''I can't think straight.''
Cara saw how vulnerable he
was,
and it pained her. ''What's
really
the matter?''
''A lot of things. How much time have you got?''
''All day.''
''Okay. I'm sorry for the way I treated you. It was wrong. Like I said, I'm
very tired
. It's the constant grind. I'm never free. Not a single minute to myself.'' By the look of him, he hadn't been outside for days, Cara thought. ''The fans are great, it's the press and the managers.''
''I heard you shouting at the guy from Time.''
''Yes. That's what I mean. All I want to do is play music, but those
assholes
want to ask me about sex. Underage girls. Who the hell do they think I am?''
''You're right they are
assholes
. Anybody who knows you would never believe that crap.''
''But that doesn't matter. As soon as one of them writes about it, that's it. Everyone believes it.''
''Well I never would.''
''Ha,'' he said.
''What's that supposed to mean?''
''You didn't even believe I was going to New York on business. You
thought
I was going to screw some woman or other. Don't tell me you believe in me.''
''I've had therapy,'' she said calmly.
He raised his eyebrows and looked into her eyes. ''Have you?''
''Yes. To conquer my jealousy.''
''And has it been successful?''
Cara thought it had. But truthfully it hadn't been put to the test. ''I hope so.''
''So tell me about it. For example, why were you jealous during our relationship.''
''Fear of losing you. Loving someone so much I was terrified it would all end in disaster.''
''And it did.''
''Yes. But not because you left me, but because I was jealous.''
''So what did the quack tell you to do.''
''He gave me some exercises to improve my self-worth. He
told me
I had low self-esteem. In other words, I thought so
badly
of myself that I believed nobody would stay with me.''
''But why? You're fantastic. Look at you. You're beautiful,
intelligent,
you're making a name for yourself in your chosen profession.''
''I know that now, but I didn't know it
then
when it
really
mattered.''
''Yes. That's a pity isn't it?''
''Sure is.''
''Listen, Cara, I'm
sorry,
but I've got to go. I'm playing this evening. It's just a small concert for friends and family.''
''Sure. I'll get out of your hair.''
''My mom and dad are coming. Now I'm rich and famous everything's alright.''
''That's the way of the world I guess. Good for you for believing in yourself and pushing on despite the criticism.''
''Thanks for coming.'' He shook Cara's hand and turned away to look at the Ocean again.
When Cara reached her car, she sat in it and cried. What had they done to him? He was a broken man. All the enthusiasm for
life
he'd
had,
gone. He seemed like a hamster caught in an eternal wheel. The worst of it was she was now firmly out of the game. She had to admit to herself, that there had been a tiny piece of her that had thought they might hit it off again, and get back together. But he didn't even class her as a friend anymore. He'd talked about the concert for friends and hadn't thought to ask her. But why should he, she was just an old flame?
*****
''How was it?'' Ted asked the next morning.
''Terrible. I couldn't imagine it being any worse.''
He put a coffee down in front of her. ''Here, maybe this will help.''
''Thanks but nothing will help. I only hope he'll be okay. You know there's something not right about him. He's a changed man and he complained about being
very tired
.''
Cara spent the morning typing up the interview she'd had with Shifty. She made most of it up, making sure she was as kind as possible to him. She sent it to Josie and went for lunch.
''What the hell is this shit?'' Josie asked when Cara got back to the office.
''What?''
''Your article. It's as bland as Shifty himself.''
''What did you expect?''
''Some interesting information. Who's he screwing? Does he do drugs? What does he think of the rumors about him and underage girls? Interesting stuff. All you wrote about is his latest single, how he got started in the business and how tired he is. Cara, it's worthless crap that none of our readers will find in the slightest bit interesting.''
Cara looked at Ted who looked acutely embarrassed. ''Josie, did you have to talk to her like that in front of me?'' he asked. ''This should have been a private conversation.''
Cara smiled at Ted. She'd already made up her mind.
This wasn't
for her. There were better things in the world to write about than who was screwing who. ''Josie, you can take the job and put it where the sun doesn't shine. I quit.''
''Me too,'' Ted said.
''Ted you can't,'' Cara said.
''Oh yes I can. She's a bitch. Let's go and write for
a serious
organization.''
Ted and Cara sat in a cafe around the corner and reflected on what had just happened. “We're worth more than that,'' he said. ''There loads of job for
good
journalists. We'll soon find something else.''
*****
''Cara, it's Shifty.''
Cara almost dropped the phone. ''Hi.''
''You're a bitch. How could you do that to me? I was thinking of asking you on a date
again,
but you can rot in hell now.''
''Why? What have I done?''
''You know darn well. Goodbye, Cara. The next time you hear from me, it'll be from my lawyers.'' The line went dead.
Cara rushed to the local
newsstand
and picked up a copy of Revolver. When she opened it she gasped at the headline:
Debauchery at Shifty Parties: Sex,
drugs,
and underage girls.
''Josie, you bitch,'' she said. She tried to call Shifty back, but there was no answer.
She called Ted. ''What label is Shifty with?''
''Rainbow Wizard.''
''Do you know where their offices are?''
*****
The carpet in the reception area at Rainbow Wizzard made Cara feel nauseous. It was bright purple. The young lady behind the reception desk had asked her to wait until a senior manager was available. As she was waiting she saw a lot of people come and go,
trendy
music types. After a while, she noticed a group of girls congregating outside the office. After another twenty minutes, the whole street was full of screaming girls and young women. When the cops
arrived,
they got them into some
kind of
order. They put up barriers and made a pathway for vehicles
to drive
through.
''Who's coming?'' Cara asked the receptionist.
''Shifty's coming. He's signing a new record deal today. It's a
very important
day for him
and for
us. Lord knows how the fans found out, but in this day and
age,
nothing can be kept secret.''
Cara felt sick. She didn't want to see him. All she wanted to do was explain the situation to his manager. But it was too late. Shifty arrived in a huge limousine and, after signing a few
autographs,
bounced into reception. Between his bodyguards, he looked thin and even paler than the last time she'd seen him.
He saw her sitting in the corner. She looked
away,
but that didn't deter him. He walked up to her.
''Shifty, I don't want to talk about it.''
''I know. I'm sorry. I now know it wasn't you. You resigned didn't you?''
''Yes, but how do you know?''
''Some guy called Ted told me. He must have called me thirty times.
Eventually,
I was so fed up I answered.''
''Good old Ted,'' she said lowering her eyes to the floor.
She didn't notice him looking at her as longingly as he ever had. ''That jealousy thing. Shall we put it to the test?''
Cara looked up in surprise. ''What do you mean?''
''I want to go out with you, on a date. If you want to of course. Maybe we can try again?''
''Er........I don't........I wasn't expecting.........Yes, okay.''
*****
''He was a good shrink that guy,'' Shifty said as they lay in a hotel bed in Berlin. ''How long has it been now?''
''Two years.''
''Yer. And not a single sign of jealousy. Except on my part, when that guy was looking at your ass last night.''
''If I remember correctly the only person who saw my
ass
last night was you. And how. You got a good long view of it.''
''Yer, and it was great. Will you marry me, Cara? Enough of this clowning around, I want you to be my wife.''
Cara put her hand over her mouth and sat up in bed. ''Do you mean that? You're not just fooling around?''
''I mean it. All this success is great, but it's meaningless unless you're with me. Let's share it forever.''
''How long have you been planning to ask this question?''
''A couple of years, but you screwed up for a while. Then I doubted your journalistic integrity. But now all that's behind us.''
''Wow. I wasn't expecting that,'' Cara said.
''Will you give me an answer please?'' he said.
''I would have thought it was obvious.''
''No, not really.''
''Yes Shifty, I will be your wife.''
''And the mother of my children?''
''How may do you want?''
''Four.''
''Four? Then we'd better get on with it. Come her and let's make a start.''
''With pleasure Madam. Is there any particular way you would like me to begin?''
''How about I get on all fours. I like that best.''
''Me too.''
*****
THE END
''You want to what?'' Mike asked.
''Break up with her,'' Jake said again.
The two students were sitting on the plinth of a statue, outside the Faculty of Law at the Walter Wilburn Law School in downtown Seattle. It was a baking hot summer. Walter Wilburn was a remarkable man. He'd run the largest law firm in Seattle, and at the age of forty donated so much money to the local law school, they had decided to name it after him. To the students, he was just a dead patron, someone whose statute they could sit under, and hide from the sun. The college
was built
around a central lawn and, after three months without rain, it was parched a sickly color of brown.
Mike lit a cigarette and leaned back against Walter Wilburn's granite legs. ''I can't believe what you've just told me. You're mad.'' He blew out two perfectly formed smoke rings. ''She's the hottest student at school. She's a babe. All the football team want her.''
Jake wondered why Mike wasn't supporting him. Why didn't he ask for the real reason? All he could do was make him feel guiltier by pointing out how very beautiful she was. ''Jess and I aren't compatible. Our relationship
is based
on physical attraction. Sex.''
Mike thought that was
a wonderful
basis for a relationship. The last time he'd had taken a woman to bed he was a freshman, and now they were just months from graduating. ''Isn't she any good in the sack?'' he asked.
Jake looked at his friend. He was five ten, and thin.
Thinner
than anyone else on campus. He had long unkempt hair and a beard that looked like it needed a wash. His sneakers had holes in the soles, and his jeans looked like they'd been worn by a seventies movie star. ''Of course, she is. She's
really good
,'' Jake said.
''Then why the hell are you intent on ruining your relationship?'' Mike asked, nonplussed.
They were talking about Jess Williams, Jake's girlfriend of three years. Jess and Jake had met on their first day of college. Initially, they'd just
talked
, but soon, driven by her exceptional beauty, Jake had plucked up the courage to ask her on a date. Jess wasn't sure at first. Jake was lanky and a bit awkward, and she
wasn't sure
she found him attractive. He had golden hair which was all over the place and shoes which had never seen polish since the day they left the factory.
Nervous and shy, having just left home for the first time, Jess had tried to find good reasons why she shouldn't date him, and she'd found plenty. His nose was too big, his eyes were brown, his shirts were
loud,
and he was a lousy listener. But he had one
overwhelming
feature. His sense of humor. Whenever she was near
him,
he made her laugh. In fact they'd had so much fun together on the first date, she'd been bitterly disappointed he hadn't kissed her and asked her on another date when he'd dropped her off at her shared apartment. When he called her the next morning to go for lunch at a local diner, she was already hooked on him.
After that
lunch
, she'd invited him to her room. They spent an hour or two listening to music and drinking coffee. Eventually, Jake took her hand and leaned down to kiss her. Minutes later they lay naked in each other’s arms. Jess had never been so turned on in her young life. Jake found her so hot, all he was worried about was not ejaculating as soon as he entered her. But he didn't. In fact, his lovemaking was so accomplished she discovered for the first time that she was capable of multiple orgasms. Afterward, she lay in his arms, satisfied and glowing.
''If she's good in bed and she's hot, what is wrong with you?'' Mike said, flicking his cigarette ash onto the parched lawn.
''We don't talk about anything interesting.''
''Jesus, Jake. Are you gay?'' Mike's asked, his eyes widening.
''What?''
''You're a man. Men aren't supposed to worry about conversation.
All men think about is sex.
You've got a darn hot girlfriend, who you say is
great in bed, and you complain about a lack of conversation. Jesus man, you're weird.'' Mike had always been jealous of Jake's relationship with Jess, all the more reason he couldn't understand his friends point of view. Then it dawned on him. ''You've got someone else. It's got nothing to do with
conversation
. You're cheating on her.'' He jumped up and looked into Jake's eyes. ''See, you can't look me straight in the eye.'' Mike put out his cigarette by dropping it and stamping on it. ''Oh my God. You are cheating on her,'' he said when he saw a smirk come over Jake's face.
''Alice Brearley'' Jake said.
''You
are seeing
Alice Brearley,'' Mike repeated in disbelief. ''I don't believe you. No way.''
''Yip, I'm shagging our tutor, and she's wonderful. She makes me....''
''I don't want to know,'' Mike said putting his hands over his ears. ''How could you do that to Jess? She's
a wonderful
woman. She doesn't deserve that. Jesus Jake, she loves you.''
''Well, she's going to have to un-love me.''
''Heartless bastard,'' Mike said as he picked up his bag and walked away. Mike was genuinely shocked and sorry for Jess. Mike had been in love with Jess since he'd first seen her, but he'd never found the courage to talk to her for any length of time. He'd just assumed that she was way out of his league. He was upset for her, even thought there was a tiny part of him that thought, 'chance.'
*****
Jess looked at Alice Brearley as she stood at the head of the class. Alice was the kind of woman all the female students were
jealous of
. She was highly intelligent, already a senior lecturer at just thirty-five.
She
had dark shoulder length hair and large breasts, the kind male students drooled over. Alice's ass was so perfect even Jess had found herself standing in front of the mirror in her bedroom wondering if she could compete.
''That's it for today,'' Alice said. ''Don't forget to hand in your midterm papers by Tuesday next.''
Jess got up from her chair and looked across at Sophie. They grinned at each other. ''She's seeing someone,'' Sophie said as they walked down the locker-lined corridor.
''What makes you say that?'' Jess said.
''The smile on her face. Alice Brearley has got such
a wide
smile on her
face;
she's
definitely
getting it, and getting it good.''
Jess and Sophie always talked about Alice when they left their Friday lecture. Jess guessed it was because Alice was what both of them aspired to be. Smart, intelligent, successful and
perfectly
formed.
''Do you want to get a coffee?'' Sophie asked as they walked out of the
cool
corridor into the heat of the day.
''No thanks, I'm meeting Jake by the statue.''
''You and Jake are quite an item, aren't you?'' Sophie observed. She was
small,
and a little
plump, and
she knew she wasn't capable of getting such a man. ''Wedding bells?'' she asked.
Jess laughed. ''Maybe, one day.''
''Really?'' Sophie hadn't expected such an honest answer. ''Do you love him so much?''
''I love him very much indeed. He's a great guy,'' Jess said proudly.
Sophie looked at Jess. Jess had a perfect body. A flat stomach and long slender legs. Throw in a firm behind, shoulder length blonde hair and a perfectly formed chest and Sophie wanted to cry. ''Wow, I didn't realize you two were so......''
''Close?'' Jess said. ''Yes, we are. Look, there he is,'' she said
enthusiastically
as they rounded the corner.
''He's a
really
nice looking guy,” Sophie said.
''Yes, he is isn't he. Do you know, when I first met him I didn't think he was at all good looking? But now, well, he's gorgeous.''
''Hi Jake,'' Sophie said when they arrived at the statue. Jake ignored her and looked at Jess.
''See you around,'' Sophie added as she walked in the same direction Mike had a few moments earlier.
Jess sat down next to Jake and took his hand. ''Phew that was a hellish lecture. I'm exhausted,'' she said, leaning her head on his shoulder. ''I
really
need to get some studying done in the next couple of weeks. The work seems to be piling up faster than I can learn it.'' When Jake didn't say
anything,
she looked at him. Are you alright?'' she asked, putting her hand to his forehead and wiping away a few drops of perspiration. ''It's so darn hot isn't it?'' she observed. Jake sighed and looked down at his feet. ''Jake what is it? You're acting weird?''
''I want to talk to you,'' he looked at her. Her
pretty
face covered in concern.
''What, are you ill?'' She threw her hair back away from her face.
''No, I
'm fine
. Jess, I want to take it a little easier.''
Jess didn't know what he meant. ''Well you have been studying hard and all that jogging you do, it's probably worn you out.''
''No. I'm not tired. I mean us.''
Jess's heart rate began to increase. ''What about us?'' she asked fidgeting with her bracelet.
''I want to take it a bit easier.''
''Jesus Jake, I don't know what you're trying to say. Do you want to leave me?''
What Jake wanted was what a lot of men want. To be able to bang someone else and have their long term partner as the rock they
rely on
. ''No I.......I don't know. I mean it's all a bit.......''
''You are, aren't you?'' Jess felt a lump come into her throat. ''You don't want me anymore. Jesus, you're finishing with me.'' She put her hand over her mouth in disbelief.
''I just want to take it a bit easier,'' he said again.
''You bastard. What does that mean, take it easier?'' she mimicked
him.
''If you loved me you wouldn't be saying this to me. I thought we were good together.''
Jake looked at her eyes, full of tears. He hated himself, but he knew he was too weak to resist the lust Alice's perfect body awoke in him. ''I feel pressure to...''
''Pressure? To what? I have never made any demands of you in all the time we have been together.'' The first tear escaped and rolled over her cheek. ''I have done nothing but give you my love, unconditionally, and you know that.'' There was a hint of anger in her voice.
Jake was pleased she was getting angry, It would make his task easier. ''I don't want you anymore Jess. I want my freedom.''
His words hit her like a freight train. Three years of intense feeling, shared happiness and love were being wrenched from her in a flash. What did he mean? Surely he was confused. Perhaps if she gave him some time, he would come round. Her mind fired one question after another, more than she had
answers to
. ''Alright,'' she heard herself say. It's not what she'd wanted to say. She wanted to go home with him and make love, stroke his face and tell him how much she loved him. But now, her world in tatters, all she could do was agree to let him go. ''So sudden,'' she sobbed, shaking her head.
''I'm sorry. Do you want me to call Sophie? Will you be alright?''
''What I want is for you to get the hell out of my way,'' she said, aiming a blow at his chest.
''Okay, I'm going.'' He stood up and put his hand on her shoulder.
''Get the f..,'' she cried, thrusting his arm from her. ''Just go.''
She sat under the statue for what seemed like hours, staring into space. She was stunned. It had been the last thing she'd expected to happen. Jake and Jess, it had such a lovely rhyme to it. It rolled so
easily
off the tongue. Everyone called them the two J's.
She wanted to stand up and go, but she couldn't. She wondered how she would put one foot in front of the other. She heard the clock in the tower
above
the main entrance strike, three, four and five pm, but she didn't care.
''Jess, what the hell?'' Sophie said trotting toward her. ''How long have you been sitting here?''
Jess shook her head. ''Dunno.''
''Jake called me. He's worried about you.'' She sat down next to Jess and took her hand.
Worried? How could he be
worried
? He'd made it perfectly
plain
he didn't care for her anymore. Why
his
pretend worry? ''He's ended it.'' she sobbed.
''I know, he told me.'' Sophie squeezed Jess's hand.
''I'm so sorry.
Really sorry.''
''I feel so........empty.''
Sophie wanted to
tell
her that she'd get over it, but she knew Jess wouldn't feel that way so soon after. ''Come with me, to my place. A shower, something to eat and bed, that's what you need now.''