Authors: Stella White
''Shifty I miss you.''
''It's only been
about twelve hours,'' he said.
''Well if you don't miss me then fine. But I miss you.'' She was alarmed. He was already telling her excuses. She pictured him sitting in a bar with a string of young women hanging on his every word. She was
his,
they could piss off.
''Don't be like that Cara. You know I care for you. What were the last five days about? You're my babe, don't forget.''
''But you don't love me.''
''What? What do you mean?'' he asked a hint of impatience in his voice.
''Love. You haven't told me you love me.''
''Cara. I've only just gotten to know you. I have strong feelings for you. I want to let them develop in their own time.''
''There, I knew it. You don't love me.''
''Jesus Cara. I'll speak to you tomorrow.'' He hung up.
In the middle of the night, Cara woke to the sound of knocking.
''Who is it?'' she whispered.
''Me,'' Shifty said.
''She opened the door and pulled him inside.'' She'd already rehearsed what she wanted to say to him. ''Shifty I'm sorry. I was bitchy. It's just it's all so new, my feelings for you are so strong, I don't know how to control them.''
''Come here
babe
,'' he said. She put her face again his chest and her arms around his back. ''I do love you.
You are so sexy.''
She gasped when his hand reached into her night dress and cupped her breast. ''Come on, I'm horny for you.''
This time was better than all the other times. He'd come back to her despite her jealous outburst. ''My rock star,'' she called him when he finished and lay on top of her, bathed in sweat.
The next day, he went to a lecture with her. As they sat in the lecture theater, he put his hand up her skirt and brought her to orgasm. Nobody noticed Cara's red complexion and her muffled gasps.
''You're a bastard Shifty. What did you think you were doing?''
''But you enjoyed it didn't you?''
''Yes, I loved it. I love you. You're so damn horny.''
''Horny for you babe. Come on it's practice time.''
They took a taxi to the warehouse, and Shifty spent an hour
practicing
scales and arpeggios while Cara read a book and occasionally looked up in wonder. When he
was finished,
he bent her over the front of the stage and took her from behind. ''I love you, Cara,'' he shouted when he came. It echoed around the stone building, causing a couple of pigeons to leave their perch and fly through a hole in the roof.
In the Fillpot, they cuddled up on a seat in the corner and drank hot chocolate. ''After today, I won't be able to see you for a few days.''
''Why?'' Cara asked.
''I'm going to New York.''
''What? But you didn't tell me.'' Too many women in New York, she thought. I don't like this. He's sure to fuck someone. He's far too good looking. Some slut will snare him.
''I told you someone came to hear me play the other evening. Well, she's invited me to New York to make a demo.''
''She?''
''Yes it's a woman.''
''What kind of woman?''
''
A normal
woman. She works for a record label.''
Cara's mind had i
nformation
overload. Her lover was going to New York to see a woman. ''But you can't.''
''Can't what?''
''You can't go. I don't want you to go.''
Shifty brushed his
hair back
with his hand. ''And I don't want to go, babe. I don't want to leave you either. But I have to think of my career.''
''What career. You don't have a career. Why are you leaving me? Really? You're going to fuck her aren't you. I bet you
fucked
her the other night. I wondered why you
were being
so sweet. Guilt.''
Shifty pulled away from her. ''You're crazy. Totally
crazy
. You're one hell of a jealous bitch. If you think such things of
me
then I think we'd better call time on our relationship. I want you to leave. Please just fuck off.''
Cara gathered her coat and stormed out of the cafe. ''Bastard,'' she howled.
The next day Cara tried to call him eighteen times, but he didn't reply. She'd
really
frightened him. What would his life be like with such a jealous woman? He didn't want
to be
tied down to such
a demanding
person. He was angry with her. The first
woman
he'd
really
loved and she'd hurt him with her insane jealousy.
*****
''I know you don't want to do this interview. But you haven't told me why. I mean it's Shifty, the
one
and only Shifty. There's nobody hotter than him in the rock world at the moment. Aren't you a bit curious what he's like.'' Ted asked.
''I know what
he's like
. I dated him,'' Cara said.
''You what?
You dated
Shifty? When?''
''When I was in college.''
''Jesus, Cara, but he's mega rich and famous now. What happened? Wow, just imagine if you'd still been with him.''
''Thank you, Ted. Don't you think I've thought of that?'' Since the split with Shifty, she'd watched his career take off. Now, instead of playing to her alone, he played
to
stadiums with thousands of fans. She'd often thought about contacting him again, but she felt she'd made such a fool of herself, there was no way he'd want to talk to her.
''Now I understand why you don't want to interview him. Too many painful memories.''
''Yes. You've got it. Of all the
damm
interviews Josie could have given me, it had to be him.''
''Why did you split?'' Ted asked, then felt sorry he had done.
Ted was a good
guy;
he knew how to keep a
secret,
so she told him. ''Jealousy. I was very jealous. I couldn't handle it. He ran away from a jealous
woman,
and I don't blame him.''
''Shit.''
''I've been
to
therapy since. I think I've got it sorted now.''
Ted wondered if he should ask her on a date. There again maybe it wasn't such a good idea. They were colleagues. ''Well, I'm sure you'll find someone else one day.'' He picked up a pencil and twirled it around between his fingers. ''For what it's worth, I think you're fantastic.''
''Ted,'' she exclaimed. ''Thank you. Oh, that's so
nice
of you. I like you too, just not you know.......''
''Yes I know. Best friends
is
good, though.''
''Yes it is.''
Josie came into the office and glared at Cara. ''Are you still here? The Shifty interview, remember?''
*****
And who are you?'' the young press officer asked.
''Cara Miller.''
''And which company?'' she said impatiently
''Revolver Rock Magazine.''
''Well I hope you don't print a load of lies like you did last time,'' the press officer said.
''Sorry?'' Cara
was lost
.
''Some woman called Josie something or other. Interviewed Shifty and wrote a heap of lies about him. Rotten things concerning illicit affairs and such like.''
''Well I won't do that,'' Cara replied.
''I hope not. There are a couple of other
journalists in
front of you. The waiting
room's
over there. We'll call you when we're ready.''
''Thank you.''
Cara's heart was pounding. She'd purposely avoided anything to do with Shifty. When she'd got the job at Revolver, she'd just hoped she wouldn't have to cover his music. After all, there were many more musicians to
choose from
. She wondered how he would react when he saw her. Maybe he'd throw her out. The only thing she'd heard was that Shifty had become a bit of a bad boy. There had been stories of wrecked hotel rooms and smashed guitars, but she knew he wasn't like that. It
was show
. Some manager would be telling him to do that sort of thing.
''Hi. Mike Smithson from Time,'' the man next to her said. ''It's dreadful all this waiting, but I suppose he's the hot thing.''
''Yes. He's hot.'' She wanted to laugh at her
comment,
but he wouldn't have understood.
''He's a bit of a rogue isn't he?''
''A rogue?''
''Bad boy. Drugs, some talk of underage girls at his parties. Orgies. You know, rock
star
stuff. You know what I mean.''
''No I don't. Are you accusing him of having sex with young girls?''
''No, not exactly.''
''Well it's a hell of a thing to accuse
somebody of
. If I were
you,
I'd tone it down. I know
Shifty,
and there isn't a more honest man in the world.''
''How do you know him?'' he asked looking for a story.
''None of your business.''
The press officer came into the room. ''Mr. Smithson, Shifty will see you know.''
''That's faster than I thought,'' he said.
When he'd
gone,
Cara began to think how awful the world was.
People
always trying to dish the dirt. Make up sensational stories just to sell a few copies of a newspaper or magazine.
Somewhere in the back of the hotel suite, she heard shouting. She listened more intently. It was Shifty,
shouting
at the top of his voice, telling the man from Time what an
ass-hole
he was, and how dare he suggest he invited underage kids to his parties?
''Well that didn't last long, did it?'' the press officer said. ''Now he wants to see you.''
''Does he know who I am?''
''Oh yes. He's been looking forward to seeing you all day.''
Cara wasn't at all sure she wanted to see him now. All the hurt she'd caused both of them. He should have been the one. The one she married, the one whose kids she bore, and the one she grew
old with
. Instead, she was alone without him, unable to celebrate his success with him. All she could do was watch from
afar,
and even that was too painful. Fuck Josie, why had she made her do it?
''Are you alright?'' the press officer asked when she noticed how deep in thought Cara was.
''Yes, fine. Show me the way.''
She followed the young woman who stopped outside a double door. ''He's in there,'' she said. '' I don't need to make any introductions.''
Shifty must have talked
about
her. She wondered what he'd said.
Good
or bad? Had he told her what a jealous cow she'd been? She hoped not, but if he had, she deserved it.
Cara opened the door slowly, her heart in her mouth. He was standing with his back to her looking out to the ocean below.
''Shifty,'' she
said softly
.
He turned to her. He looked tired. ''Cara. How are you?''
''Nervous.''
''Why?''
''Because I made such a fool of myself and I hurt us both.''
''Well, that's in the past. What do you want to ask me?'' He sat down in a comfortable chair and
she
in a
director’s
chair opposite. He obviously didn't
want
to talk about the past. She'd ask her questions and get the hell out.
''Thank you for seeing me.''
''You're Revolver, one of the important ones. Not much choice really.''
He seemed bitter and disinterested. She'd hoped it would be different. At least friendly, but not this. Not
cool
and begrudging. It wasn't his fault. She was to blame.
''To what do you credit your success?'' she asked her first question.
''Hard work and dedication.''
''Do you have any plans to tour
in the near future
?''
''Yes. Here's a list of dates.''
''Some of our readers want to know if you have a girlfriend.''
''No.''
''Shifty, this is ridiculous,'' she said. ''I know I wronged you, but why
are you being
like this?''