Authors: Stella White
When he stopped, she just stared at him. ''You can applaud if you want,'' he said.
''Oh. Sorry.'' She woke from her daze and clapped.
''Didn't you like it?'' he asked, not realizing her silence was caused by awe, not by disinterest.
''Oh Shifty, you are wonderfully gifted. When I came here, I feared you wouldn't be any good. But
you’re
are amazing. You've got to keep going at this.''
Shifty smiled at her appraisal. ''Thanks. I intend to keep going until someone takes notice of me.''
As Shifty packed up his guitar, Cara was already thinking what sort of father he would be and what their children would
look like
. When his case
was packed
, he smiled at her. She
was flushed
with excitement and desire for him and he noticed.
''Do you want to get a coffee?'' he asked.
She wanted to say: I want you to fuck me, here on this stage but ''Okay,' was all she could manage.
The Fillpot was a seedy little cafe, frequented by truckers and prostitutes. ''I like it here,'' he said. ''So many different characters, so much inspiration.''
Cara would never in her wildest dreams have gone into a place like that. But with Shifty it seemed right. She wasn't afraid when he was with her. ''How many songs have you written?'' she asked wrapping her hands around a generously sized mug of coffee.
''Dunno. A few hundred.''
''A few hundred,'' she exclaimed. ''Have you made an album yet?''
He looked disappointed. ''Do you know how much it costs? It's way out of my league.''
Cara wanted to ask her parents for the money. Anything to help him. He was so darn
gorgeous;
his talent had to
be seen
. It had to be. ''Shifty,'' she said.
He looked at her. ''What?''
''You know you called me hot the other day in the canteen.''
He laughed. ''Sorry. That was impolite.''
''No, no, I liked it. I liked it a lot. I like you. A lot.'' That was
it;
she'd told him. Her face
was flushed
and between her
legs,
she could feel damp desire. When he didn't reply, she was afraid she'd made a fool of herself. If this
was love
she already hated it.
''Well you are
hot,
and I like you too,'' he said after a long pause. ''So you think I'm a rock star, huh?'' he asked a smirk on his face.
''Oh yes. You certainly are.''
''Okay then, how about a kiss.''
''Here?'' she exclaimed. She didn't know if it was
good
or bad. A date would have been better. It would have confirmed a
long-term
intention. A kiss could be anything. It could mean a peck on the cheek, or be the prelude to sex. Oh God, what if he wanted sex? She wasn't ready. She was a
virgin,
and
she
didn't have a clue what to do. She was bound to make a fool of herself. What if he found her fumbling efforts inadequate? What if he wanted her to perform fellatio? Oh, Jesus. Then there was birth control. A kiss? Why not a simple date?
''Come with me,' he said. She stood up and followed him into the back. There were restrooms and a door without a sign on it. Cara had her first meaningful kiss in a storage cupboard. But she didn't care when his lips touched hers. He tasted fresh and
salty,
and his masculine scent drove her to thrust her tongue into his mouth. From that moment, she knew she loved him. She thought of what her gran had always told her when Cara had asked about love.
''You just feel when it's right. You instinctively know.''
Cara did too. If her father had known, he would have asked a lot of difficult questions. She imagined him asking about Shifty's background and his career plans. She knew
exactly
what he would say when Cara told him Shifty wanted to be a rock star. But life was for
living,
and Shifty excited
her,
and she wanted him.
When they said goodbye in front of the halls of residence, Cara's world fell apart. He didn't say anything about next time. Was that normal after such a breathtaking kiss? Surely he wanted to see her again, but he hadn't asked. All he'd said was, see you. See you? What did that mean? See you tomorrow or see you sometime? Or see you never?
Cara tried to
study,
but it was hopeless. Was the way she felt now going to rest solely on what Shifty did or didn't say?
She
told herself to snap out of it, but she couldn't. That night she couldn't sleep and the next day she dreamed her way through the lectures.
''Hi, it's me. Shifty.'' He said it as if Cara had a thousand other men who it might have been.
''Hi. How are you?'' It's been a week. A week since you took me to a broom cupboard and kissed me.
''Sorry I haven't been in touch. My mom's had a car accident.''
''Is she okay?'' Cara was dismayed with herself. All the
time
thinking only of her
own
feelings, not stopping
for a minute
to think there may be another reason for his silence. The world doesn't revolve around
you;
she told herself.
''She's been
at UCLA for a few days, but she's home now.''
*****
Santa Monica Beach was almost deserted, probably because it was Monday morning.
''I don't get on with my parents. They don't believe in what I'm trying to do. But when my Dad called to tell me Mom was in hospital, I was upset, really upset.''
''Did you go and see her?''
''A couple of times. The first time she was too ill to speak to me, the second time she told me the same old shit. I should go to college and get a good job.''
They walked along the beach, the wind blowing their hair
backwards
. Shifty took her hand, Cara's heart leaped.
''You know it's going to come
good
for you. You're
really
talented. Talent always wins out in the end,'' she said.
He stopped, cradled her face and kissed her. The wind howled
between
their heads as their lips lingered. ''Thank you. You're the only person in the world who has any faith in me.''
''That can't be true.''
''It is. Mom and Dad
don't,
and I don't have anybody else except you.''
''Well you certainly have me,'' she said, reaching up to kiss him again. ''I'm your biggest fan.''
It was mid afternoon when they got back to Cara's room.
When they
'd walked on the beach and had lunch in another
seedy
cafe, she'd known that this was the day when they'd make love. Her promise to herself that she'd never bring a man back to her room
was long forgotten
. She closed the door behind them and pushed him onto the bed. She closed the curtains and straddled his midriff.
''I'm a virgin,'' she said bluntly.
His expression didn't change. ''So?''
''I thought you'd be disappointed.''
''Why the hell would I be disappointed? Every man wants a virgin.''
''Do they?'' she asked, surprised.
''Come here,'' he said pulling her off him. They lay next to each other and kissed. It was the first time she'd ever felt a man's desire. It was pushing against her leg as they kissed deeper, faster. She was going to let him
lead;
she wondered if
she
should touch him there, but he would tell her
when
she was sure.
As they lay side by aide, she felt him pulling her blouse from her jeans, then his fingers at the buttons. She lay there and let him undress her. It was
exciting,
and she wanted to be his present: a present he was eager to unpack. With her blouse discarded, he turned his attention to her breasts. They were
large,
and the sight of them in her bra drove him to another level of excitement. Cara felt his manhood throbbing against her leg and wondered again whether she should touch him. She decided she should. When
she
touched him, he groaned. Thinking it was painful, she took her hand away. He put it back. She rubbed him as he unhooked her bra and took a nipple in his mouth. She felt the warmth between her legs growing and shoved her pelvis against him. He sucked more urgently and dropped his hands to her jeans.
Her thoughts turned to the hair between her legs and whether he would like it or not. Maybe she should have shaved. But she didn't know she was going to have sex today.
The top button snapped
open,
and she felt his hand sliding inside. She held her breath and waited for a cry of disgust as his hand found a thick mat of dark hair. But no
cry
came, just a gentle groan of satisfaction as his fingers discovered how ready she was.
''Okay?'' she asked nervously.
''More than okay.
You're so sexy.''
She relaxed and let him slide the jeans over her legs. When he
did,
he was overcome by the sight of her long legs and rounded hips. Now he was in a hurry. He sat up, discarded his shirt and opened his jeans.
Cara didn't look at his tattoos. She'd do that later, now all she was interested in was his penis. His legs were long and slender and covered with a layer of blonde hair. It was the first time she'd seen a man with an erection and she reached inside his shorts and held him. She instinctively began to rub up and down. He pushed her hand away and took off the flimsy material. He was long and
hard,
and she loved the smooth feel of him. She also wondered what it would feel like inside her.
She didn't have to wait long. He lay on top of her pushed her legs open and guided himself inside her, as gently as he could.
''Ow,'' she said holding her hands up. ''Slowly.''
It hurt. Cara would love to have said that it felt perfect, but it hurt. She wanted to throw him off her, get him out of her, anything to relieve the pain. When he started to kiss
her,
though, she felt her body
relax,
and the pain gradually eased into a feeling of mild pleasure. He began to pushing in and out of her slowly, watching her face for the slightest sign of discomfort. But there were no more signs, the more they made
love,
the easier it got until it became unbearably pleasurable.
As the
pace
increased, so did the waves of desire emanating from her womanhood. She clung to him as he thrust into her, hard thrusts now, taking her breath away. She looked down and saw his shaft parting her, sending her to a place she'd never been.
When she came, he looked at her concerned something was wrong. She was gasping, fighting for breath uncontrollably. He stopped moving and was relieved to see her smiling back at him.
''Too much,'' she gasped. ''Too nice.'' His hair fell over his face. He kissed her again. His body was hard against hers and warm with the
endeavor
of pleasing her. She rubbed her hands over his back and down to his taught buttocks. She pulled him
into
her, urging him to make her come again. He did,
this time,
she wanted to scream. She put her mouth
to
his shoulder to stop herself. His gorgeous body wrapped around him, her legs across his back and her arms around his neck. He was hers now. She wanted to hold every piece of him. She dared to reach down and cup his balls. The feel of her hand on him brought him to ejaculation. She held him, planting kisses on his forehead as he grunted and slumped on top of her.
*****
During the next few days, Cara's feelings alternated between moments of intense sexual desire and moments of deep satisfaction as she and Shifty made love time after time. Eventually, she realized she ought to go to some
lectures,
and he decided he ought to do some practice. They parted for the first time
after
five days.
All the time she was in lectures she kept checking her cell for text messages, but none came. Maybe he just didn't text, she thought. Then a wave of anxiety spread over her. She'd told him she loved him, but he hadn't reciprocated. Why not? Maybe he was just using her to have sex.
When he
called,
she gave
a huge sigh of
relief. ''What do you mean you can't come round this evening?'' she asked.
''Someone is coming to hear me perform. Someone important.''
''Will you come round afterward?''
''No it'll be late.''