Authors: Renee Travis
I sat back and closed my eyes, keeping a firm grip on Julian and mine's bond, my stomach growled and I glanced up, a little embarrassed. I hadn't been hungry for days, just my luck my appetite would show up now, at a really bad time. Lethargy also was trying to invade and I had to fight it off, afraid if I fell asleep when I woke up I wouldn't be able to feel Julian at all.
"We're here Miss; do you want me to wait?" The driver pulled to a stop outside the swimming hole. He looked back at me, patiently.
"No, how much?" I grabbed my wallet and gave him the amount due plus a good sized tip, thankful I'd remembered to shove my purse into my backpack that morning.
“You sure you don’t want me to wait? There’s nothing here for miles.” The cabby looked concerned.
“No, I’m meeting someone.”It was only sort of a lie.
I got out of the car and he drove off. My boots and socks slipped off easily and I dropped them into my back pack. Leaving them I walked toward the beach. The sand was heaven between my toes as I looked around. I couldn't see Julian but I could feel him, stronger than ever. Tears began to form in my eyes. I couldn't tell if he was still there or had just barely left. Frustration coursed through me as I turned and peered into the darkness under the trees a few feet away. The smell of vegetation and water drifted around me.
"Rhodanthe, what are you doing here?" My heart leapt as I heard his voice coming from the deepest shade of the trees.
Swallowing I tried to find my voice, almost croaking I whispered, "I love you and you needed to know that not my parents or my death will keep me from you."
He emerged from the shadows and walked slowly toward me, I gulped in air feeling like my lungs had constricted. He looked wonderful, his black hair windblown and those eyes, those blue eyes like gems in the light. He stopped just in front of me.
"I will not cause your death."
I gave him my best smile, " I'm dying Julian, have been for years. I'd rather die loving you than alone."
Julian opened his mouth as if to say something else then shut it. We stood in silence for what seemed like forever, he just looked at me, his gaze taking in every inch of my person.
Finally he let out a breath, a breath I knew he didn’t need, "Rho, dear Goddess! You look horrible. When was the last time you slept?" He wrapped his arms around me and I let out a deep and awful sounding sob. The tension of the last week drained from me in less than five seconds. I felt my shoulders sag, a deep fatigue filled me and my knees gave out. Julian swept me up in his arms cradling me to his chest. It was so good but I blushed anyway, hating to be seen as weak. We stood there together for what seemed like hours, I had no idea how much time had passed I was so happy.
He kissed the top of my head his breath fanning my face; I took a few deep gulps in, my heart feeling better than it had in days. Just his scent gave me a few more precious moments of strength.
"Oh my Rose blossom, it's against my better judgment, but I do so love you." His hands splayed over my hips and back, settling me in a firmer position. "I'm going to take you home, but we will have to run. Is this okay?"
"Of course, just don't drop me." I heard him laugh, we walked to where I'd left my things, he picked them up, slinging them over one shoulder while still holding tight to me and then we were off.
It was cold and fast, exhilarating. I kept my eyes closed; fingers buried in his tight white t-shirt and loved every minute of it. The only thing I saw was the inside of my eye lids and all I felt was the chilling wind and hard texture of Julian's chest under his shirt.
It was over too soon. We stopped, in a fluid motion, and I opened my eyes. The sun set was beautiful, orange with deep splashes of crimson. We stood there for a while before I noticed we were outside my house. A couple of the lights were on and I knew my parents were home. Nothing seemed hectic, so I figured Mel had covered for me and vowed to make it up to her later.
"No, I don't want to go in, I don't want to leave you," I told Julian as he set me down on the lawn. The grass was dry and crinkled under my bare feet. I was sleepy and had to rub my eyes, feeling about four years old.
"Oh I'm not leaving you, but love; I'm not welcome in your parent's house. So you go in and upstairs to bed, I'll wait for you there." Julian wrapped an arm around me as I almost sagged to the ground tired, I was surprised that I wanted to sleep.
I managed to stand up straight and take a step away from him, once I lost the contact I felt sad again and was worried, what if he wasn't in my room, what if he left again?
"Go on I'll be there," he kissed my lips, soft and tender. He gave me a little push toward my house.
The front door loomed in front of me, I grabbed the silver knob and pushed, the door was unlocked. I dropped my back pack; the house was warm and smelled like basil. At first I wondered if my mom was gardening again, she used to when I was little and our home always smelled like herbs. But then I smelled the garlic and realized she was cooking her famous tofu casserole. For a second I almost gagged but controlled it, all thoughts of my earlier hunger gone.
As I reached the stairs dad popped his head out of the kitchen door,
“Did you get your project finished?" Ah, so that was the lie Mel gave them.
“Almost.” I replied.
So you want some dinner?" He asked
"No, I'm tired, thought I'd go to bed early." It was a sign of how much they'd been worried that he didn’t glance at the clock and ask me if six wasn't a little early. Instead a look of relief covered his face.
"Ok honey, well goodnight."
At the top of the stairs I thought I was home free and would make it without dealing with my mother. But my luck had run out, right as I was about to open my bedroom door she came from the bathroom and called my name.
I just wanted to ignore her, but ignoring her would have made it worse, instead I turned to her and gave her my best what-I'm-tired-leave-me-alone look.
"A letter came for you today Rhodanthe," she smiled, strained thin, and handed me a letter.
"Thanks Mom," but I was talking to the back of her head she was gone so fast. Flipping over the envelope my heart stilled in my chest, skipping two beats before catching up with itself. I knew the hand writing, had done homework and wrote papers with the owner too many times to not know it. Athol.
Taking a giant gulp of air I leaned up against the wall. If I didn't calm down Julian was going to be able to tell I wasn't okay, even through the plaster and paint. I ripped open the envelope and on very generic notepad paper in pencil was one sentence:
Eventually Rho, it'll just take time.
I crumpled it and carefully made my way to the bathroom; I tossed the offending ball into the trash can. I'd known Athol had gotten out of Juvie, but I had a restraining order against him. But I didn't know if it covered letter writing. Going to my parents wasn't an option. I didn't want Julian to know especially not after having just gotten him back. It would scare him and make him angry.
Finally I was able to open my door and walk in. Julian, shoes off, was lying on my bed. I shut the door and clicked the lock behind me.
"Your heart rate is too fast, and I heard it skip a couple of times in the hallway, anything wrong? You look agitated," he said, worry creasing his forehead.
"Oh you know, mom, she gets me so upset sometimes," I explained away carefully trying to conceal my expression and make my mind as blank as possible.
"Ah, well, do you ummm," he stuttered a bit which I found adorable, "need to change for bed?"
"Well yeah, but just close your eyes ok?" I asked, my cheeks flaming. He did and I shimmied from my skirt and bra and slipped into bed under the covers.
He opened his eyes and we cuddled together, my face resting in the crook of his neck, his whole body curled around me. I was under the covers he was on top. His hands roamed up and down my back, taking great care to be modest touches.
"You can...touch me more than that if you'd like." I whispered into the silence.
"No Rhodanthe I can't, not just yet, soon though, soon." There was a dark tone in his voice that I didn't want to ask about, but his words:
soon though, soon
, sent a shiver down my spine and other parts.
Chapter 11
November ended with Julian and I having a beautiful, yet secret, relationship. I almost felt like my parents' IQs dropped within one month. I started to eat and sleep again and when Julian was around or I'd just gotten done seeing him I even felt healthier.
Occasionally I felt as if my father might have known something was going on, but if he did he never asked me about it and never said anything to mom, for which I was grateful. It wasn't easy keeping our secret but Avalon and Mel helped us quite a bit.
However even with all the happiness there were two constant downers in my present and future. I hadn't shared them with anyone. They were just dark thoughts that littered my brain before sleep and in Math class.
The first was my heart. While Julian was around I was almost normal and my heart played along feeling strong and happy. But when he wasn't I took twice as much medication as usual, I was always tired and my heart could almost be seen pounding through my chest. This worried me, I could sense it was a sign that I was getting worse, but I didn't want anyone to worry. I'd made my peace with death years before, but I didn't think anyone else had.
The second was Athol; I received a letter from him almost every week like clockwork, all cryptic and one sentence. Things like
: I think of you when it gets cold, see you soon
. Or
: I don't like it when you kiss him so stop
. Just creepy, crazy stalker notes. It was sad that my friend had flipped his lid. It made me want to hate his family, I was sure they'd pushed him into the family vampire slayer business and it had warped him. Sometimes when I was out, grocery shopping with my mom, skipping school with Mel, Avalon or Julian I felt as if I were being watched and I knew it was Athol.
As December came in so did the cold. I enjoyed it, cold had always agreed with me and I loved to bundle up, watch frost appear on the windows and our town getting ready for Christmas. Ah Christmas, it was my favorite time of the year. I used to wish it snowed in December, that is until my family made a trip to Utah and I realized that snow was a giant pain in the ass. From then on I was content with frost and rain, chill and icy breezes.
One of my favorite things to do was get ready for Christmas and by the first of December I was always done with my shopping and starting to wrap. Saturday night I sat by our fire place waiting for Avalon to come and help me wrap Christmas presents. Usually this was Mel and mine's tradition but this year she was going to wrap with Killian. I was okay with it. I figured she needed to get used to not having me around, I felt like my time was coming to an end anyway. It may have seemed depressing but as the winter darkened the days so it seemed everything else was getting shorter and darker too.
Avalon showed up wrapped in a silver ermine coat. She hung it up and sat by me. Mom came and gave us hot chocolate. Avalon took a sip and then gasped," Eeew, no offense Rho but your mom makes terrible hot cocoa."
"That's because it's made with carob and not real chocolate," I laughed, not even tasting mine and setting it next to us on the little ledge that stuck out from the fireplace.
"Not real chocolate? Then what's the point?" Avalon followed my lead putting her cup down. Avalon was so interesting to spend time with. Since they drank nothing but animal blood, Avalon and Julian could consume other liquids and Avalon was a huge fan of anything she could suck through a straw. Loretta and Julian only did so when trying to appear mortal.