Authors: Renee Travis
"So you want a bucket list do you?" he asked. We both smirked a little at the use of a term from a movie we'd loved. Mom hadn't known he'd taken me to see it; it had been on the forbidden list. As had any movies about death. I remembered the fit she had when Mel and I had spent an afternoon at her house watching Little Women, Steel Magnolias and Fried Green Tomatoes.
"Yes, that'd be nice." I grinned.
"What's a bucket list?" mom asked.
"It's a list of things I wanna do before I die," I explained.
"Oh Rhodanthe! That's so morbid!" she exclaimed.
"All right then, let's hear it." dad said.
I thought about it for a few minutes, what I would really want to do before I died. Realistic things, not stupid ones like climb a mountain or see a miracle. But things I had not gotten to do before, my mom being so paranoid.
"I want a real birthday party, actual chocolate and food in the house with no tofu, soy or vegetarian meat substitutes. I also want to celebrate Christmas early, get a kitten, and to see Grandma."
I could see the expressions on their faces had relaxed like these were very doable things so I dropped my final bomb, "and I want the ban on Julian lifted." Mom stiffened and I could see her contemplating telling me no on the last bit. But dad squeezed her shoulder and from the wince on her face I knew it was hard.
"I think those are very good for your bucket list Rose," dad smiled at me nodding.
"I also want you both to go home and sleep tonight, don't you think for a moment I didn't know you've been sleeping in here with me the last few nights."
Apparently after they got me to the hospital they'd had to pump me full of drugs and use the paddles on me to get my heart restarted and working again. I'd been doped up on morphine for three days and completely out of it until the present morning. But I awoke with a healthy appetite and a mouth tasting of copper. I knew it hadn't been good medicine that had prevented them from opening my chest, but Julian and his blood.
They were letting me go tomorrow afternoon and I was excited, but what excited me most was that I knew Julian was in the hospital waiting to see me, I could feel him, it was like a fire under my skin.
"Are you sure you don't want us here?" mom asked me.
"No, please go home, eat, sleep and shower, sheesh!" I rolled my eyes at them and grudgingly they left.
"Your birthday's coming up?" Julian's voice jolted me.
He appeared in one of the corners and slowly came over to me, his face was drawn, there were bags under his eyes and the blue was so dark it was almost black. His arms hung at his sides and I was concerned when he didn't reach for me.
"Yes the 13
th
, fitting isn't it that I'll be an adult before I die?" I joked and watched as his whole body winced.
"Never say that," he rasped coming a few inches closer, "I will not let you die."
I frowned at him, why wouldn’t he come over and touch me? I stilled as I thought that maybe I already smelled like death and it was appalling to him. Finally the tears arrived. They began to run down my face, overflowing from my eyes in thin silent streams.
"Just think now I won't get older while you stay young, you won't have to worry about hurting my feelings when you decided to trade me in for a newer model."
I realized my mistake in teasing him instantly. Julian's eyes went red and he launched himself at me, his cold hands gripped my arms. He pulled me to his chest, growling, his words deep and harsh,
"Rhodanthe be quiet! I love you; stop trying to make this funny!"
I nodded into his chest; locked in his embrace I felt grief. I wasn't afraid to die, but I didn't want to leave Julian. He'd have forever to mourn me and it wasn't fair. I loved him and it was new and fresh and it was so wrong that just as someone truly loved me for me I had to leave.
"I'm sorry, I don't want to leave you baby."
"Then don't, let me turn you." Julian whispered in my hair.
We both stiffened at the same time, I hadn't actually thought he'd ask me. I hadn't expected him to offer, it had been the furthest thing from my mind and I didn't know how to react. So I stayed still, waiting for him to speak.
"I'm sorry, I shouldn't have asked, it's selfish."
"Would you like that? To turn me?" I asked.
"I love you, I want to be with you always and the thought of losing you kills me." Julian groaned, lifting my chin so he could kiss me. His mouth was hot against mine; he stole my breath and gave it back sweeter than before. His tongue explored every inch of me until we were both trembling.
"Oh yes Julian I’d love to," I whispered as the kiss ended.
"Yes?" His eyes were wide and I could see how nervous he was.
"Yes! Yes! Now, whenever!" I exclaimed. My heart monitors began to beep and he blew on my face so I would quiet down before the nurses came to check on me.
"Not until after your birthday and your early Christmas love." Julian nuzzled my neck, lips caressing my skin.
"But why not?" I sighed into his embrace.
"We’ll have to fake your death and move away my darling, that's the only safe way; your parents can never know," Julian lifted his head and I could tell he was upset.
"Is that," I gulped, "the only way?" He nodded yes and I bit my lip.
"Well it's either death or undead so the choice is easy. I'll miss my family and friends I'm sure, but I'll still be with you." I closed my eyes and lay back against my pillows. Julian crawled in next to me. It was a tight fit but it worked.
"Is this what a coffin feels like?" I asked.
"I don't know, I've never been in one." Julian shrugged, arms snaking around me, hands playing with whatever skin they could find.
"Huh?" I asked, turning my head to look at him. Weren't vampires supposed to sleep in coffins?
"Yeah, my creator made sure I wasn't buried," Julian kissed my nose. "Plus silly Rose the vampires in my family sleep in beds."
"You've never told me." I pouted.
"Now's as good a time as any, but first you must promise me something," Julian had a mischievous glint in his eyes.
"And that would be?"
"Once you are undead you marry me."
"What!"
"I want you to be my wife, it's simple enough."
"Oh yes! Julian I never thought I'd get to fall in love, let alone get married!" I was blushing a deep crimson. I thought I'd be dead way before any man could even get past my mother to love me let alone marry me.
"There can never be children." Julian warned me. Our eyes met and I saw how much it pained him to tell me that.
"There never could have been. Once I....became a woman it was the first thing my doctor told me. Even if I lived long enough to have sex and get married my heart would give out under the strain of pregnancy." I was speaking softly; the subject had always been a touchy one.
"I am sorry my love. But I am glad you are going to marry me." There was still question in his voice.
"Yes, of course. Now tell me your story." I really wanted to hear it.
"Okay then," Julian kissed each of my eyes closed and I listened.
"I was a knight in the crusades; I followed King Richard and his men in the search for the Holy Grail. I wasn't particularly religious, but for young men of my time it was either join the army or get married and raise children. Neither was really interesting for me but I wanted to see some of the world at least."
I opened my eyes to watch him tell his story.
"While we were there, poking our nose into what truly was none of our business I was badly wounded. We had been ambushed in an alley way. I was the only one of my group conscious; we were lying, arrow ridden in the streets. I can't remember how long I lay there when this woman came by. She was thin and not really beautiful but there was something about her. I watched her for a time wondering what she was doing among the dead."
I could tell there was something kind of horror coming up because Julian paused and watched me to make sure I wasn't getting squeamish.
"When I realized what was going on I wanted to retch. Some of my friends were still alive, but barely and she was drinking their blood, letting their life flow away as her dinner. When she reached me I was trembling in fright. She noticed that I was still very much alive but wounded and gave me a stereotype speech about whether I wanted to live or die. Of course I wanted to live."
She sounded like a bad B rated movie vampire, "so she turned you?"
"Yes, she did, and she kept me with her until Loretta killed her. She wasn't a very good vampire, she preyed on the weak, the old, the young and the sick. I was glad to be rid of her. However if not for her I wouldn't be with you." Julian framed my face with his hands and kissed me again, deeply and full of love.
He fell asleep before me and I was a little surprised, but then again he'd looked like he hadn't slept in all the days I had been in the hospital. I stayed awake thinking about being a vampire, a wife and best of all....healthy.
Chapter 13
The night of my birthday I sat on the couch and watched my whole family decorate. I was wrapped in a thick dark red blanket. Mom, dad and I had set up the tree that morning and put on all the ornaments. It was so pretty, standing in the corner near the staircase, all green, silver and gold. There were store bought ornaments and handmade ones hanging from the branches.
A fire was crackling in the fireplace giving warmth and the beautiful smell of cedar, soft Christmas music was piping through the speakers and I swayed a little with the tune. Glancing down at my hands I shuddered. My skin was paper thin and pale; each blue vein looked like I'd drawn on my skin with turquoise marker.
I could smell my cake baking in the oven, real chocolate, I was excited to eat it since I hadn't had real chocolate cake in two years. I heard mom chatting with Loretta as the two women cooked and prepared food for my party in the kitchen. Dad and Mel were hanging streamers of purple and pink all around me while Julian and Avalon were bringing out presents and setting them around the tree.
Occasionally someone would look at me and in their eyes reflected sadness and false glee or restlessness and anxiety. Antoinette sat on the couch next to me, she was in charge of making sure I was comfortable and didn't exert myself, I really couldn't tell if she was upset or interested in the task assigned to her. She watched me like a hawk so at least she was taking it seriously.
"There, done, what do you think Rose?" dad asked.
"It's beautiful! Perfect," I told him. There was a slight sheen of tears in his eyes and I looked away, I couldn't handle it and I didn't want them to be sad.