Ruthless (24 page)

I fought against the heavy weight on my eyelids, and the room around me blurred into focus. White. Stark white. And the distinct tang of antiseptic cleanliness. I was in the hospital. Well, that explained the weird numbness of my body. I looked down and sucked in a painful breath at the huge bandage covering my chest. What the—

And then the events of the bike rally crashed down on me. Preacher. The gun. Zag bleeding. And the crushing pain in my chest. I'd been shot.

Zag had been shot, too.

My eyes darted around the room, hoping that he'd been admitted to the same hospital—and room—as me, but the room was empty.

Where was Zag?

My breath wheezed in my lungs until even the oxygen tube in my nostrils didn't help. A weird crackling sound came out with every breath I took. Freaked, I felt down the side of the bed, grabbed the call button, and mashed it until someone came through the glass doors and into the room.

“Someone's awake.” The brunette nurse—doctor?—smiled reassuringly, but she wasn't the person I was aching to see.

“Zag? Is Zag all right?” Forcing the words through my sore throat hurt, but I had to know.

“Let's see about you for now. We've been worrying about you. Nice to see you're finally awake.” She bustled to the phone and paged someone before stepping to the side of my bed and checking my vitals.

“Please, I just need to know. Is he okay? Zag? Please, I need to know.”

The nurse just clucked noncommittally and turned when the door opened. Another woman entered, this one wearing a white lab coat. And then the medical jargon began.

I sank back into the bed and submitted to all the poking and prodding. To be honest, I didn't care what they did or what they said. I just had to know—was Zag okay?

And then it hit me. The baby. Shit, I was pregnant.

“Doctor?” I reached out and grabbed her hand. “The baby? Am I still—” I couldn't even finish the question. Like saying it out loud might jinx it or something.

The doctor smiled. “Yes, the baby's still with us. In fact, I'm going to schedule an ultrasound for sometime later today or tomorrow. Let you see your little one for yourself.”

I sank back against the pillows in relief. Thank God.

I blinked away grateful tears. “And the father? Zag? Is he all right, too?”

The doctor exchanged a look with the nurse. “I'm sorry, I don't understand the question.”

“He was shot, too. Wasn't he taken to this hospital?”

The doctor blinked. “I can look into it for you.”

Not sure what to make of the sudden tension in the room, I just forged ahead. “Zag. Zag Cooper. Or—George Cooper is his legal name. Please, I need to know.”

“I'll check the waiting room,” the nurse said before leaving the room.

I sank back into the bed, thankful for the knowledge that my baby was safe. Though I'd been wavering over the pregnancy since finding out, my reaction today really sent home how much I wanted this baby now.

I just had to tell Zag.

I hoped he would be just as excited as I finally was.

A few moments later, the door opened and there he was. Zag. Gorgeous. Every inch of him. And as far as I could see, perfectly fine—aside from the bandage circling one of his biceps.

“Princess! Thank God. I've been out of my mind worrying about you.” He tore across the room and stopped at my bedside, where he paused like he wasn't sure if or where it was safe to touch me.

I lifted an IV-laced hand and winced at the ache it caused, but kept it raised to cup his cheek. “I'm fine. I—um, I do need to tell you something, though…”

I trailed off, not sure how to start or what to say, really.

Zag's eyes glistened with moisture. “I know about the baby,” he said gruffly.

I blinked up at him. Stunned by that calm declaration. How did he…when did he…

“You told me in the ambulance on the way over here. Don't you remember?”

My mind raced back. “Not really. The last thing I remember is seeing you standing in front of me with blood running down your arm. That's it.”

Zag nodded, then looked away. His brow wrinkled like he was fighting the urge to say something. Or working something out in his head.

After a few moments, I couldn't take the silence any longer. “What? What is it?”

He turned back to me and the pain in his eyes tore at me. “Are you still? Pregnant?”

“Yes. Yes! That was the first question I asked the doctor when I woke up. Or second, after I asked about you. We're still pregnant.” I smiled tremulously. I wanted him to be as happy about the baby as I was.

Zag closed his eyes and blew out a huge sigh. After a long second, he took a few steps and collapsed on the chair next to the bed. “Thank Christ.”

My heart melted a little. I wanted to be closer to him, curled up next to him—I always felt better with Zag's arms around me. But he didn't look like he was in a cuddling mood, and I could hardly raise an arm, never mind get out of the bed.

After a few moments with only the beeping of my heart monitor to break the silence, Zag raised his head, and the pain in his eyes took my breath away.

“Were you ever going to tell me?”

My mind raced. “You just said I told you. In the ambulance.”

“No, you told the people working on you. The paramedics. I just happened to be there.” Zag took a deep breath and looked away. “Is it because I'm a biker? Is what you saw this summer the reason you couldn't tell me about the baby?”

“I'd be lying if I said it wasn't partly to blame. You, your friends, the kind of life you guys lead…I don't see how a baby fits into all that. I'm not sure
I
fit into it.”

Zag winced like I'd just sucker-punched him. And maybe I had. Maybe now wasn't the best time to have this conversation. I was hopped up on drugs and he looked like he hadn't slept in days. Neither one of us was exactly at our best. And I didn't want to say something that I couldn't take back.

“I'm tired. Maybe it would be better if we had this talk in a few days. After I've recovered.”

“Bullshit. Nothing is better when you put it off.” Zag turned my head toward him until I had no choice but to meet his eyes. “Princess, we'll figure it out. It'll be all right. We'll make it work. Between us. With the baby. God, you have no idea how proud I am that I have you and now we'll be three.”

The love and amazing gentleness in his eyes was like nothing I'd ever seen before. This strong, kick-ass biker man was teary-eyed over me.

Me.

He reached over and dropped the side rail of the bed so we could be as close as possible. Tucking a hand around my neck, he ran his lips back and forth over my lips in the most gentle and chaste kiss of my life.

I kind of missed his usual passionate kiss, but at that exact second, I was just glad to have him hold me. My problems always felt tiny when he had his arms around me. I melted into him and let all my thoughts fall away.

But soon, his chaste kiss wasn't enough. I tilted my head and covered his lips with mine. I tried to put what I was feeling into my kiss. Letting him know without words that we'd be okay, that no matter who he thought he was, I still loved him.

I pulled back with a gasp. Had I even bothered to tell him that I loved him? No wonder he thought he wasn't good enough.

“What?” Zag frowned down at me. “Not that I'm gonna complain, but what brought that on?”

“I just—I'm sorry for what I said earlier. I know I—”

“Stop right there, princess. You had every right to worry about that part of me. I know who I am. I've never claimed to be a Boy Scout.”

“But still—”

“No. If you're going where I think you're going, you gotta get something clear. We don't run guns or drugs or women or whatever. But we're not angels. I get into brawls. I've been arrested.
I
took care of Preacher. I'm not afraid to protect what's mine. Who I am, the guys I hang with, what we do—none of that's going to change. I am who I am. Thorns and all.”

I bit my lip and looked into his eyes. Took care of Preacher? I wasn't sure what he meant, but I was pretty sure I didn't need the details. But he was Zag. And I knew there was only one thing I could say. “I love you.”

“Damn.” Zag rested his forehead on mine. “I thought you were smarter than that.”

“What?” I pulled back with a frown. Then I shoved him, as hard as my weakened state would let me. “I tell you I love you and you call me stupid?”

Zag clutched his bandaged arm and laughed. “No. Fuck, calm down. I just can't believe someone like you could ever love someone like me.”

“Well, I'm not dumb…just in love and pregnant. I'm still smarter than you.”

“And prettier. And way too good for a thug like me.” Zag cupped my face in his hands, bending close. “And I'm never letting you go.”

Then he gave me the sweetest, most tender kiss we'd ever shared.

After, he rested his forehead on mine and sighed. “I feel like such a shmuck. I should've bought you a ring. Sealed the deal while they still have you all hopped up on painkillers.”

With tears in my eyes, I held his hand and whispered back, “I'm not going anywhere. I have all I want right here.”

He covered my tummy with his rough hand and whispered, “Me too. I love you, princess.”

What more could a girl ever want?

E
LEVEN AND A HALF MONTHS LATER

S
EPTEMBER 19

The wedding took a little compromise on both our parts.

Zag wanted a casino wedding—something about the glitz of the casino chapel reminded him of a Hollywood moment worthy of me. At least that was what he said. Personally, I had too many ugly memories of the casino and Preacher to want to spend such an important day there.

I'd always imagined a church wedding, but Zag said he and his guys would burst into flames if they ever stepped foot inside a chapel, so apparently that was out, too.

In the end, we compromised and settled on an outdoor wedding on a hilltop in Tahoe.

I stood next to the limo with my dad, waiting for our cue. Smoothing my damp palm over my still slightly bulging tummy, I wished for the hundredth time I had spent more hours in the gym. But going to the gym was time away from our three-month-old daughter, Harley, and I just wasn't ready for that.

I heard her crying, and it took everything within me to stay where I was and not rush to her. I knew my mother would be in the front row holding Harley. She'd be fine. Mom had plenty of experience with fussy babies.

“You look gorgeous, honey.”

I smiled at my dad. “Thanks.”

It wasn't the June wedding I'd wanted. But I didn't want to be nine months pregnant and huge in the photos, and Zag wouldn't wait for June to come around again. He wanted it now and casual and near the date when we'd confessed our love.

So I was the one to give in. But when he was being so sweet and sentimental, how could I say no?

My life with Zag had finally calmed down. Preacher had officially been labeled a bail jumper and was a wanted man. Apparently when the True Brothers “took care” of someone, they never surfaced again. I didn't lose an ounce of sleep over what had probably happened to him—not that I ever asked. No Preacher meant no trial and no stress for my pregnancy. Aside from Zag's annoying tendency to hover and my hormonal outbursts.

My two besties in their soft pink bridesmaid dresses walked up the aisle—each escorted by a tattooed, leather-vest-wearing (over his tux) biker. Despite my nerves about the ceremony, I watched with an eagle eye as Reb escorted Emily up the aisle. She'd had to wear a light cardigan to cover up the worst of her injuries. Reb was especially solicitous, making sure she was okay to stand before he took up his spot next to Zag as his best man.

Nicole was next with her escort, Bobby—I mean, Hatchet. It was so damn hard to think of his road name. He'd always be Bobby first in my mind, Zag's oddly sweet biker roommate and protégé.

When I walked up the makeshift aisle, I only had eyes for Zag. He stood head and shoulders above everyone else, his hair pulled back in a neat ponytail and a rakish grin on his face. He could've been mistaken for a pirate but for the leather pants and vest he wore.

He looked gorgeous.

And all mine.

I floated down the flower-strewn grass aisle, not looking left or right. I already knew the seats were full. My side with family, friends, and coworkers from the Mother Lode Casino. Zag's side was packed with guys from the shop and, of course, most of the True Brothers Motorcycle Club. It would make for some interesting photos later.

But I only had eyes for one man. My man.

When I got to the altar, Zag cupped my face in his hands and took my lips in a bruising kiss that curled my toes and embarrassed the hell out of me.

“Ahem.”

Zag kept kissing me.

Nervous twitters and giggles from the audience had me shifting from foot to foot. Finally, Reb whacked Zag on the back. “Come on, man. You'll have plenty of time for that on the honeymoon.”

Zag pulled back and looked down at my burning face. “You look gorgeous. I love you.”

I just bit my lip and shook my head. Had I really expected anything different from this man? This ceremony was going to go at his pace whether everyone else liked it or not.

As if to prove my point, he faced the pastor with my hands in his—bouquet and all. “All right, padre. Let's get this show on the road.”

I couldn't help but laugh.

The pastor cleared his throat. “Dearly beloved…”

To my own hero, Dave. For all the late nights, bottles, and screaming fits—both mine and our newborn's!

I'd like to thank my awesome critique partners, Amy Isaman and Paisley Hendricks, for all the hand-holding and butt-kicking. I couldn't have done it without you guys.

And the best writing friend I've ever had, Sasha Devlin. You've talked me off of more proverbial cliffs than anyone should ever have to. Love you!

And my fabulous editor, Sue Grimshaw. Thank you for loving Zag as much as I do!