Ruthless (20 page)

Emily brushed my hair out of my eyes. “We love you, Jess. We're here for you. Never doubt that.”

I nodded. My heart was so full of love at that moment I couldn't get any words past the lump in my throat.

“Now drink up before your ridiculously expensive latte gets cold. Or do you need a warm-up?” Emily offered.

“I'm scared to drink it. Is coffee bad for a baby?”

Both Nicole and Emily shrugged.

“I have no idea,” Nicole said. “I've never thought about it.”

“Me either,” Emily replied.

I pushed back from the table with a sigh. “Anyone up for a trip to the bookstore? I think I need one of those pregnancy books.”

S
EPTEMBER 19

A week later, I popped some gum in my mouth as I left the restroom at work. Whoever called it morning sickness was full of shit. Here it was four o'clock in the afternoon, and I'd had to rush off. Again. Thank God my shift was over. After eight hours on my feet and two close calls, I really wanted to go home and collapse on my couch.

Weaving through the busy casino floor, I made my way to the elevators on the other side of the lobby. Although designed to be pleasant, the constant clanging of the slot machines combined with the roar of the crowd was wearing on my nerves. I'd never hated my job—or my life—more than I did at that exact moment. My head hurt, my feet hurt, my cheeks were sore from my fake smile, and my stomach was threatening another upheaval.

Not to mention the stress of my whole secret-keeping endeavor. Despite what Nic said, I wanted to get my head around what I wanted before I told Zag. Which meant I was avoiding him and my parents.

So I'd spent the last three days dodging phone calls from my mom—of which there were plenty, since my lack of attendance at the family barbecues had been noticed and my excuses were running dry.

As I rode the elevator up to my parking level, my phone dinged with a new text message.

From Zag:
You, me & a bottle of choc syrup.

I couldn't help but smile at his suggestion. I did have a huge weakness for chocolate. And him. The thought of drizzling syrup all over that rock-hard torso of his…oh Lordy. Unfortunately, I had a feeling it was more the morning sickness and not the deviant thoughts that made me light-headed. As much as I'd like to say yes, please—seriously, who would turn down rock-hard abs drizzled with chocolate?—my stomach was saying hell no.

For the umpteenth time since I'd found out I was pregnant, I had to come up with some lame but believable reason for why I couldn't make it. What excuse could I tell him that I hadn't already used?

I was still searching my aching head when the elevator doors opened on my parking level to reveal Zag standing next to his motorcycle.

With the perfect timing that I was really beginning to appreciate, my stomach wobbled again. I bolted from the elevator, ran through the double doors, and heaved into the trash can conveniently located on every floor.

Through my misery, I heard the distinct clip of Zag's booted footsteps.

Why me? I was tempted to hide my head in the trash can, but one whiff quickly dispelled that thought.

“Damn, princess,” Zag rumbled from somewhere above me. “I'm gonna guess chocolate sauce is out for the evening.”

I chuckled weakly. “You think?”

“Fuck me, babe. Give me your keys.”

I blinked up at him. That's all he had to say? He'd just watched me yak my brains out in a parking garage and he wanted my keys? And why did he have to look so amazingly gorgeous when I felt wrung out like a hag?

Zag's eyes narrowed. “No way in hell am I letting you drive home when you're sick.”

“I'm not drunk or hungover.” I waved a limp hand. “I'll be fine.”

“No, what you will be is horizontal in the backseat while I drive you home.” Zag reached out to grab my purse.

I danced away, then really wished I hadn't moved so fast. My head swam. As much as I'd like to lean on him, I was afraid to be alone with him. I still hadn't decided how to break the news. Would he accuse me of trapping him? Or sleeping around on him? I still wasn't a hundred percent at peace with the knowledge myself. I wasn't ready to handle someone else's freak-out right now.

And I think I might have left my
What to Expect
book on the coffee table. Not exactly the way I wanted to tell him.

“Really, Zag. I'll be fine.”

“Nope.” He feinted left, then snatched my purse when I moved to block him. He held my keys up triumphantly. “Let's go.”

“But your bike—”

“Will still be here when I come back for it. No one around here's stupid enough to mess with a Brother's bike.”

I tried to ignore the reference to his club. I knew I had to accept him for the whole of who he was. He wasn't changing. Although given my current situation, it was getting more difficult to do by the day.

While I mentally weighed the mess I'd made of my life, Zag dropped an arm around my shoulders and pulled me close to him. “Come on, princess. I'll take you home and we'll get you better.”

I closed my eyes as I felt him kiss the top of my head. And then he had to go and do something like that. Oh, I was a goner.

All the fight left me and I meekly followed as he guided me to my car and urged me into the backseat.

As he drove through the parking garage and later the city streets, I buried my head in my arms and tried to find my courage. I wanted to tell him—he deserved to know. But honestly I was scared. Not of what he'd do to me, but of what would happen to
us
. I loved the gentle caring man he showed to only me. If I were totally honest with myself, I'd admit I'd fallen in love with him months ago. I just didn't know what to do with that.

It might be cowardly of me, but I wanted to enjoy this as long as possible. There would always be an opportunity to tell him. My morning sickness combined with the insanity of my life left me feeling vulnerable enough. I didn't want to add to it.

I'd tell him after the whole thing with Preacher was settled. Despite the fact that the rogue biker was MIA, the preliminary hearing had been scheduled. And I'd been notified that I'd have to testify. Once all the chaos of constantly watching my back was over with, I'd bite the bullet and do it. Until then I wanted to enjoy the dangerous, gorgeous, and generous man I'd fallen in love with.

Confessions could wait for another day.

I tried to put the thoughts from my head as he put an arm around me and guided me up the steps to my rented house. But it was always in the back of my head, mocking me with every step I took.

Tell him. He deserves to know. Scaredy-cat.

I stumbled over the threshold and Zag caught me.

“Whoa, princess. You okay?”

I nodded, even as a film of tears covered my sight.
Liar.
I was keeping a huge secret from the man I loved. Nothing was okay about that.

He'd left me just inside the living room while he locked the dead bolt. “Zag?” I called weakly.

“I know, baby. Give me two minutes and we'll have you all bundled up in bed. You'll feel better before you know it.”

I wouldn't feel better until I came clean. “Zag, you should sit down. I have to tell you something.”

“The only person who's going to sit down is you. In bed. Let's go.”

My heart melted at his concerned yet firm tone. But this was important. “I have something to tell you. Something that you need to hear.”

“Then tell me when you're sitting in that bed. Let's go.”

Annoyed at his commanding attitude, I turned and plodded to the bedroom. I tossed off my black flats and peeled off the itchy pantsuit the hotel-casino required front-desk staff to wear. I hated the damn thing. Clad only in my bra and panties, I pulled back the comforter and climbed in. “Happy now?”

“As long as you're hurting, no, I'm not happy.”

Now why'd he have to go and be so damn sweet? All my anger drained out of me with that one adorable statement. How could I not love him? “I'm sorry. It's just when you get all caveman and demanding I can't help but get kinda pissed.”

“You can't relax long enough to let someone take care of you?”

That was the pot calling the kettle black. When Zag got a sore throat last month, he'd resisted my every attempt to take care of him. I opened my mouth to remind him when he cut me off.

“Now lie back and let me take care of you, dammit.”

My jaw snapped closed. How could one man be caring and so annoying all at the same time?

He mumbled something, then clomped into the kitchen. I could hear him muttering the entire way. It would've been cute if he wasn't so damn high-handed. And as soon as he came back, I was going to give him a piece of my mind.

That was the last coherent thought I had before I drifted off.

I woke up hours later to a darkened room. Blinking through bleary eyes, I saw the alarm clock on my nightstand. Ten twenty-five. Holy crap, I'd slept six hours. I must've really needed some rest. Not that I'd ever admit as much to Zag.

Thirsty, I kicked off the blankets binding me and cautiously sat up. For once the room didn't spin around me.

“You feeling any better, babe?” Zag whispered.

I slowly twisted around, and my breath caught at the sight of him lying on the other side of the bed, his head propped up on one hand. A shaft of light from the hallway gave his eyes a haunting quality.

“Yeah,” I whispered back.

Zag smiled. “Good.”

“I was gonna go get something to drink.”

“I left a Sprite on your nightstand, but if you want something else—”

“No, this is great.” I grabbed the still-cold can, cracked the top, and took a long swig. “Thanks.”

Zag smiled in reply.

I put the can down and burrowed back into bed, this time facing Zag. I stared into his face and all I could think was
I'm pregnant.
Should I blurt it out like that? Drop it on him like a bomb? Or was there a better way to break the news?

“How much better are you feeling?” Zag snuggled close and gave my arm a nipping kiss. “Good enough to…”

He reached over and thumbed my left nipple. I sucked in a breath at the caress on my newly sensitive breasts.

“I should go brush my teeth,” I protested.

“No time,” Zag murmured as he pulled down my bra. “I have to leave in an hour for business. Plus there's Street Vibrations in a week or so. Can't afford to be sick.”

I knew what
business
meant. Zag worked as a mechanic at a local garage. No way in hell were they open at midnight on a Thursday. He was meeting the boys for True Brothers MC business. Whatever that meant. Irked, I batted his hand away. “So you're going to get me all turned on, then leave?”

“No, princess.” Zag pinned my wrist to the bed and leaned down to nuzzle my breast. His mouth moving ever closer to my tingling nipple. “We're going to do you.”

“Oh.” My irritation faded. If I couldn't have him for the whole night, I guess this was a good trade-off. And I really loved it when we did me. I could feel his hot breath on my chest. He thumbed one nipple, teasing it into a hard, throbbing peak. I strained closer. I wanted to feel his lips and that amazing scraping thing he did with his teeth. I wanted more. “Oh my god, Zag, please.”

“Is my girl impatient?” His lips brushed against my nipple with every word.

His girl?
I melted a bit more. “Yes. Please.”

“Mmmm, nothing I love more than hearing those words on your lips.” His tongue darted out for a teasing swipe. “Unless it's the taste of your hard, little nipples.”

And finally he took my nipple with his mouth. I don't know if he had some hidden magical powers, but the sensation was out of this world. My eyes slammed shut as a whirl of color blinded me. I saw stars and certainly tasted nirvana.

The heat built inside me, twisting and turning until I thought my head would explode. But every time I moaned and tried to cuddle closer, Zag pulled away. His breath blew coolly against my moistened nipple and I shivered.

Zag gave my nipple one last swiping kiss, then turned to the other one. He built up another storm of arousal in me, teasing and tasting until I was hovering at the peak. But when I was poised to go over, he pulled away.

I bit back a snarl. All my angry words had ever gotten me was more teasing—I'd learned that lesson months ago. I attempted a more submissive tone even as my frustration grew. “Please? Zag, please don't stop. I need you.”

He smiled smugly.

I almost rolled my eyes, but I really didn't want to end up over his lap tonight. Don't get me wrong, his spankings were amazing—it just took too long to get my reward. And I wanted to come. Now. So I waited and tried not to let my impatience show. But I couldn't help it when my hips rolled and arched into him, seeking his heat.

“Nuh-uh.” He guided my hips back down on the bed. “Hands flat on the bed. You know the rules.”

I grumbled a bit, but obeyed. I knew what not listening would get me. No, thank you.

“Perfect,” he murmured. Hooking his thumbs into the elastic at my hips, he slowly pulled my panties down my thighs and off. He held them in his hand and ran a thumb over the slippery gusset. “Somebody a little eager tonight?”

I bit my lip as my face heated. I was amazed that after almost four months he could still fluster me.

“Knees up. Open yourself for me.”

If it were possible, I blushed even harder. But still I obeyed. My legs and hands moved into position.

“There's my gorgeous little pussy.” He slowly ran a finger over my folds.

I shivered as his finger glided easily over the slickened surface.

He brought his finger up to his mouth and sensuously licked my moisture away. “And then there's the sweetest thing.”

I shivered again, even as my pussy and nipples throbbed at his seductive actions.

He bent forward and rasped his teeth up my neck. He took my earlobe and laved it with his tongue before nibbling gently. His breath was hot on my ear. The sound and sensation of his panting had my skin prickling with a new wave of goose bumps. The entire time I forced myself to keep my knees splayed and my palms on the bed at my sides. I ached to bury my hands in his hair and hold him close. But I knew better than to move from the position he put me in.

He gave my earlobe one last nip, then slowly kissed his way down my body. Zag lingered at my nipples, the undersides of my breasts, and the slight bulge below my belly button. Then I could feel him blowing on my aching pussy.