Ryker (13 page)

“Oh. I wasn’t sure what the hell you were talking about.” Max gave me a stare.

I shook my head. “Trust me, that’s all it could have been.” I knew that statement wasn’t true. My feelings for her were getting stronger, and I needed to tamp that shit down. I didn’t care how much it hurt.

Suddenly, my face got wet. We all looked toward the sky, and a flash of lightning cruised across the sky. Max grabbed his guitar and covered it with the blanket we had been sitting on while the rest of us grabbed what we could and ran back to the house.

The smell of the rain mixed with the lake breeze exhilarated me. I absolutely loved being in nature, and the lake home was the perfect setting. We were standing around in the kitchen when my phone dinged. I grabbed my phone out of my pocket to see that Erik had texted me.

Erik:
I know we just spoke, but I wanted to tell you that I want to take you out.

Me:
Okay.

Erik:
How about Monday night to celebrate your job?

Me:
Sounds wonderful.

Erik:
Cool.

I set the phone on the counter and turned to see everyone was looking at me. “What?”

Tyf said, “You look happy.”

I smiled. “I guess I am.”

Max grabbed Tyf around the waist, making her squeal. “Come on, babe. I need you.” He said bye and took her upstairs.

Thunder roared, and the sky lit up with lightning. It was beautiful. I walked over to the sliding glass door, stepped outside, and leaned on the railing under the awning. In no time at all, Ryker was beside me.

I looked over at him. “Pretty cool, isn’t it?”

Michael walked out. “I should have brought a chick with me. They like being held in wicked storms.”

I half listened to him. Guys had no clue what some women wanted. I stretched out my hand, but the rain was stopping. Droplets fell off the awning and splashed on the deck.

Apparently Michael didn’t want to let it go. “Let’s go down to the bar around the corner, we have a couple hours before last call.”

I wondered if everyone else would go. No, that’s not true. I wondered if
Ryker
would go. I was an idiot. I’d just made a date with Erik, and I was worried about Ryker. I was turning into them.

Other than Ryker, the guys were in agreement. They told us if we changed our minds to meet them there, and they all left. To say I was surprised he didn’t go with them would be an understatement. To say I was sad he stayed behind would be a lie.

I stepped out from under the awning. The rain had made the night air extremely humid, and my skin glistened. I rubbed my arms and smelled the coconut from the after-sun lotion I’d rubbed on. Ryker looked beyond gorgeous. His hair was wet and starting to curl. All I wanted to do was run my hand through it.

I needed to get away from him for a bit. “I’m going for a walk. I love the beach after a storm—you never know what the tide brought in. There could be some cool shells and stuff. I’ll catch ya later.” I left my shoes at the house and walked away.

The sand was more like mud after all the rain, and I left footprints in it as I scoured the ground. Something stabbed my foot. I looked down and noticed a piece of green glass, the most likely culprit. I lifted my foot to look at it, and I lost my balance. As I fell, an arm came around my waist to steady me. I saw his tattoo and knew it was Ryker.

He huffed. “You okay, Dude?”

“Fine.” I’d never been so klutzy before. Maybe I drank more than I should have. I walked away without putting any pressure on my wounded foot. I looked back at him. “Why didn’t you go with the guys?”

Looking all sexy and sounding even better, he replied, “I thought I’d stay here and bug you.”

That stopped me in my tracks. “Ryker, I want to have a good time while I’m here. I start my job on Monday, and I just want to relax. Can we not do this?”

“Do what, Dude? And from what I heard upstairs earlier, you’ve already had a good time.”

A chill ran up my spine. I couldn’t pretend he hadn’t heard or seen what I said and did in my sleep, so I decided to own it, really own it. “First of all, don’t call me Dude. Secondly, do you want to know what I dreamt of?”

He gave me a crooked smile. “Do you want to tell me?”

“No, but I know you won’t let it go, so I will. I’m sure your ego doesn’t need this, but you want to know if I had a dream about you? Yeah, I did. I had a dream that you were touching me, and I even had an orgasm thinking about you.” I didn’t mean to tell him that last part. I felt as though I was going to be sick.

His eyes glassed over. “I’m glad you had that dream.”

“You are?” Hope, that’s what I felt. Maybe our time had come. All of a sudden, I was filled with happiness and the hope that he wanted the same thing.

“Yeah, I am. Because it won’t ever happen. So I’m glad you got pleasure out of a dream.”

Shattered… again.

Holding back frustrated tears and trying to keep my voice stable, I said, “You’re an asshole, you know that?”

“Yeah, I do. I’ve been telling you that, but you don’t want to believe me.”

I did my best not to blink for fear that large drops would escape. My heart ached, and my head spun. Why did I blurt that out? I was the stupid one, not Ryker. Did I honestly think he would say, “Let me make your dream come true”? The wind blew my hair back, and as I turned my head, my eyes caught his. He looked too self-satisfied. I listened to the water and tried to think of something to say.

Knowing he hated the water and wouldn’t follow me, I inched toward it and turned toward him. When I was a safe distance away from him and could only faintly see him in the moonlight, I said, “Am I that wretched?”

“What?” He stepped closer, making my heart beat increase and my nerves come to life.

Tossing my arms out, I prayed my voice wouldn’t crack. “I said, am I that wretched?”

His head lowered, and he took another step forward. “No, you’re not. I’m not good enough for you. We’re not good together. So like I said before, I’m glad you had that dream. I’m happy we had that moment, even though I wasn’t really there.”

I shook my head. “Why, Ryker? Tell me why you aren’t good enough, why we wouldn’t be good together. You can trust me.”

“No.”

“Fine, let me guess then.” I brought my hand to my chin and tried to look deep in thought. “Is it because you don’t like me as a person?”

He crossed his arms and glared at me. “No, I do like you. That’s the problem.”

“Hmm… well that doesn’t make sense. If you like me, then there has to be some plausible reason why you don’t want to be with me.”

He ran his hands through his hair and rested them on the nape of his neck. His muscles became taut. “Please, Faith, just drop it.”

No way was I letting the moment pass. In too many instances lately had my head and heart been screwed with, and I was done. “Am I too ugly? Too short?”

“Knock it off, Faith.” His voice got sharper.

“Is it because I’m a virgin?”
Please don’t let that be it
.

“No. I told you, it’s me. Just fucking drop it. Why don’t you call Erik and get together with him? Or that guy Robbie.”

“You want me to get together with Erik? I can do that, ya know. He texted to tell me he wanted to take me out on Monday. And my friend’s name is Bobby. Now stop being a jerk and answer my question.”

“No. Do yourself a favor and go out with Erik.”

My blood was boiling from the anger building in me. “Fine. I will if you tell me why you don’t want me.”

“No.” His voice was calm, yet stern.

I asked again, “Do you like me?”

He nodded. “Yeah. At this moment, I’m not sure why, but yeah.”

“Then tell me?” A lone tear streamed down my cheek.

“I can’t.”

I shouldn’t have, but I lost it. “Just say it. Tell me that I’m the one who isn’t good enough for you. Go ahead and tell me that’s the reason. For once in your life, tell me the truth and stop playing games.”

He became agitated. “Nope, not going to do it. I don’t want to lie to you. Can’t you just believe me when I say it isn’t you? God, Faith, you’re impossible. I don’t understand you.”

“I’m impossible? Me? You kissed me but don’t want me, and I’m hard to understand?” I stepped toward him and looked in his eyes. “Tell me.”

“Don’t push me.” His voice became sharp, and his eyes turned into heated slits.

It became brighter out. I looked at the moon. The shifting clouds cast the perfect light on his hazel eyes. I inhaled and calmly said, “Why? All I need to know is why. Go ahead and say it’s because I’m a virgin and you don’t want me. Tell me I’m ugly. Just say it. Come on, I am giving you an out here. Tell me, and I’ll leave you alone.” I was sure I was having an out-of-body experience.

“Because I killed my little brother! That’s why! You wanted a reason why we can’t be together? Now you have it. I lose everyone I care about, everyone I love, and I can’t lose you!” Tears streamed down his cheeks.

I raised my hand to wipe away his tears, and he jerked back. My body shook. I was sure I’d heard him wrong. The pull between us was compelling. That couldn’t be my imagination. My need to be with him was overwhelming.

“Just leave me the fuck alone.” His voice was as harsh as I’d ever heard it.

I watched him storm away. My heart broke for him. My mind spun. I felt as if I’d had just lost the best thing I never had. I stood there in shock as his words played over and over in my head.
“I killed my brother… I can’t lose you… I killed my brother.”

Wind blew, pulling me back into the present. My mind raced. I looked at where he had been walking and saw his footprints in the now-cold sand. I saw him ahead of me, and the need to help him overwhelmed me.

“Ryker, please stop!”

But he kept walking. I didn’t care that my foot was hurt. The only pain I felt was in my soul. The thought of him killing anyone was absurd. There had to be more to the story. My mind raced through scenarios, but nothing made sense. I didn’t even know he had a brother. The wind was picking up, and the moon was blanketed by a cloud again. I could barely see him anymore. I was scared he was going to do something stupid.

Then he was gone. I squinted and couldn’t see anything. I stopped and yelled out his name over and over, but I didn’t get an answer. I fell, dropped my head in my hands, and sobbed. Why had I pressed him? I should have let it go.

Raising my head, I saw a light in the guest house. I got up and raced to it. I looked in the window and saw Ryker in a chair with his back to me. Walking up to the wooden door, I debated whether or not to knock. I knew he would never answer, so I just opened it and walked in.

I slowly made my way to Ryker. He didn’t acknowledge that I was there. My heart was racing, and my tears were flowing freely. I picked up the skirt of my dress and knelt in front of him. He was hunched over with his elbows on his knees, and he looked lost. I placed my hands on his. He looked at me with bloodshot eyes and lowered them again.

I couldn’t stop my tears. “I’m sorry.”

He looked at me. I moved between his legs and hugged him, and he let me.

Placing my lips next to his ear, I quietly said, “Please forgive me. I’m so sorry. I didn’t know you lost your brother.” My body shook as sobs overtook me. “I’m so sorry.”

He placed his forehead on my shoulder and cried. His arms went around my back, pulling me closer. I rubbed his back, and he let me console him. When his arms loosened, I leaned back on my heels. My cut stung a bit, but I didn’t care if my entire foot was missing. I needed to help him.

Placing his hands on my cheeks, he rubbed my tears away with his thumbs. “I don’t think you’re ugly. I think you’re beautiful. I’ve always thought you were beautiful.”

I nodded. At that point in time, I didn’t care what he thought of me. All that mattered was him.

His lips found mine, and he softly kissed me.

His hair hung over his face, and I brushed it away. I wanted him so badly my insides hurt. I ached to be with him. Plain and simple, I needed him. I wanted him. Now.

“Ryker?”

Through his long lashes, he looked at me.

I said, “Make love to me.”

He nodded. I kissed his neck, then his jawbone, and I softly covered him with quiet kisses. I got to my feet and held out my hand. He took it. I turned and walked toward the guest house’s tiny bedroom. I flicked the switch, and the room glowed as if candles were burning.

The click of the door lock made me turn around and see the man I was giving myself to. The one man I had always wanted. The feeling in my heart was inexpressible.

Standing in front of me, Ryker gazed into my eyes. “Are you sure? Why would you want to waste a gift like that, on a guy like me?”

“Yes, I’m sure. You’re the one I’ve always wanted to give myself to. Don’t you understand, you mean everything to me? What you’ve told me about your past doesn’t change that.”

His hands went to my back, and he unzipped my dress. The straps fell, exposing my breasts. My nipples hardened at the thought of him looking at me. I glanced at him as he brought his mouth to mine. My arms went around his neck, and my dress fell to my ankles. All that was left were my panties. I stepped back, slid my thumbs in each side of them, and pushed them down my legs. I stepped out of them. I had never been naked in front of a man before. I thought I’d be anxious, but I wasn’t. I wasn’t, because it was Ryker.