Ryker (15 page)

I took a shallow breath—anything deeper made my insides hurt. “I slept with Ryker. I thought he was the one, ya know?”

“Yeah, I know. He was your first, wasn’t he?”

I gently bit my bottom lip and nodded.

Her arms wrapped around me. “I’m so sorry.”

“I just don’t understand. He opened up to me, and I thought we connected—I mean, emotionally connected. Then I woke up to an empty bed. He left me. He just fucked me like he does everyone, and I let him.”

“What do you mean he opened up to you?” she asked. “What did he say?”

Just because Ryker was an untrustworthy asshole didn’t mean I should be. “I can’t tell you.”

“Okay, I can understand that. So you guys talked and then had sex?”

“Yeah. I mean, I didn’t think it was just sex. To me, it was everything, and to him, it was apparently nothing. How could he just walk away without saying anything?” I got up and looked out the window. The sun was bright, and a gentle breeze kissed the trees. It was a perfect day outside, but a stormy one in my heart.

Leaving Faith in the bed where she had let me make love to her was the only thing I could do. I’d seen the way she looked at me. The hope and love in her eyes were too much for me. I couldn’t stay and ruin her. I destroyed everything and everyone that loved me. The only person I didn’t destroy was my dad, and that was because he’d died in a car accident when I was two. Everyone else was gone because of me.

I pulled into my driveway and looked at the old house. I needed to find a new place. If it wasn’t for Raging Urge, I’d get the hell out of Rochester. My bandmates were the only family I had. Max’s face popped into my head. I knew he would be mad at me. I just hoped I hadn’t lost him too.

I parked and was greeted by my landlord, Mrs. Bowers. She wanted to know if I could help her change a light bulb in her ceiling fan. I followed her into the old house. It was filled with pictures of what appeared to be a younger version of her and a man I could only assume was her late husband. I set my bag on her sofa and followed her into the kitchen. The gold appliances had to be forty years old.

She put on a floral apron and took out a pan from the cupboard. She placed it on the stove and turned on the flame. “Let me feed you before I put you to work.”

“Mrs. Bowers, you really don’t need to. I can just change the bulb and be on my way.” The need to take a shower and to try to forget what had happened at the lake weighed on me.

“Nonsense, I could use the company. I hate to eat alone. It was about time I had you over anyway. You cut the lawn for me and always pay the rent on time. Aside from banging on those drums of yours, you’re the perfect tenant.”

I laughed. “You don’t like my drumming?”

“Oh, honey, at my age, all I hear is banging. The music you kids play nowadays isn’t the type Harold and I listened to.” She cracked two eggs in a bowl and whipped them with a fork. “I hope you like scrambled eggs.”

I smiled. “I do, thank you. I really don’t want you to go to any trouble.”

“No trouble. I enjoy it. I never cook for anyone but myself, so this is nice.”

The chair I sat in scraped against the floor when I leaned back, earning a look from Mrs. Bowers that I would get from my mom when I did something wrong. I put the legs down and sat up. “Who’s Harold?”

She put a plate of eggs and toast in front of me. “Here’s a fork.”

“Thank you.” I speared the eggs and ate. “This is really good, thanks.”

She smiled brightly before she turned to take the pan off the stove and wash it in her farmhouse sink. “Harold was my husband. We were married for fifty-four years before he passed.”

I watched her place the clean pan in the dish drainer next to the sink. It dawned on me that she hadn’t made anything for herself. “Aren’t you going to join me?”

“No, I ate already. But I’ll sit with you.” She pulled out a white vinyl chair and sat down.

“So you were married for fifty-four years? That’s amazing. I don’t remember my parents ever being married.” I shrugged and took a bite of my toast.

“Is that why I only see young women here, not family?”

My eyes widened. That my nice old landlady had noticed my “dates” made me feel bad. “Yeah, I guess that’s why.”

“Do you go to their homes to visit them? If I had a son, I would want him to visit me.”

My heart hurt at those words. She was alone just like I was, and I’d never realized it. “My dad passed away when I was really young, and my mom…” Not knowing what else to say, I just said what I knew to be true. “My mom and I had a falling out. I don’t see her anymore.”

She took my empty plate and washed it. “Have you tried to contact her? You only have one family. Once they’re gone, they’re gone.”

I didn’t like the direction the conversation was going. I stood and asked where the light bulbs were. After I changed the bulb, I told her I’d cut the grass for her the next day. Then I walked back to the living room to get my bag.

“Thank you very much for breakfast. It was very nice.” I smiled and turned toward the door.

“I have one other thing to tell you.”

My spine stiffened. I inhaled deeply, taking in the smell of citrus that must be in the cleaner she used. “Okay. Did you need me to do something else? I’d be glad to help you.”

“Sit for just one moment.” She pointed at the sofa.

The velvet couch cushion sank as I sat. “Is everything okay? I promise I won’t beat on my drums today.” I smiled.

Laughing, she said, “You can bang away all you want to. I’m going to be moving out soon. I’m going to Ohio to live with my sister.”

Homeless. I was going to be homeless again. “You’re leaving? When? How long do I have before I need to move?” I was horrified that Mrs. Bowers hit me with this today of all days.

“No sweetie, you don’t have to move. I want you to take care of the house when I leave. I don’t plan on coming back. This home is paid for and the thought of selling it doesn’t appeal to me. Harold and I lived here and I want to make sure the next person who lives here fills it with the same love that we did. You’re young and someday you’ll settle down. I want these walls to hear the happy sounds of children.” Her eyes were full of hope for me. This woman had hope for me and I had no idea why.

“You want me to stay in the house and pay the same rent that I do now? That doesn’t seem like enough.”

She swatted my leg with the towel she had in her hand. “No, sweetie. I want you to have the house.” She reached into the drawer of the coffee table in front of us. “This is for you.”

The manila envelope that she handed me was thick and my hands began to tremble as I opened it. I pulled out the long papers and saw the word, “Deed” on the top and my name on the first line.

I lowered my brow. “I’m sorry Mrs. Bowers, but I don’t understand. Are you giving me your house?”

“Yes, I am. I talked to Delores, that is my sister, and we both agreed that giving it to you would be the best thing. Neither of us need the money that we would get from the sale. All we have left is each other. Neither of us had children, we are both widowed, so yes, this house is yours.” Her eyes went wide, “Unless you don’t want it.”

Disbelief. That was all I felt. And a little pressure that she expected me to fill this home with kids. “I don’t know what to say.”

“Well honey, that’s easy. Say, ‘thank you, Mrs. Bowers’. Now here, read this over. If you’d like an attorney to look it over, that’s fine. Then when you’re ready, as they say, sign on the dotted line.” She laughed as she pushed herself up.

I reached out to help her. I leaned over and hugged her. “Thank you, Mrs. Bowers.” I read the papers and they were very straight forward. Other than the occasional legal jargon scattered throughout, it was simple. She was giving her home to me. It also stipulated that the gift tax was taken care of and in escrow with her attorney. I signed the papers and handed them back to her.

“Thanks again for this. It is the most generous thing anyone has ever done for me.” Naturally, I thought of Faith and how generous she’d been. I wasn’t as appreciative with her.

We walked toward the door, “You’re welcome, Ryker. Just fill it with love and not just fun and parties. I will be leaving Tuesday, then it is all yours.”

“That’s really soon. Will you let me know if I can help you with anything before you leave? I can carry boxes or whatever you need. I can borrow my friend’s truck and help you move too.”

She patted my arm, “No, thank you. I am only taking my clothes and some pictures. What I can’t fit in my suitcases, I will ship to my sister. You just worry about moving your stuff up here. I will feel better knowing that you aren’t in the basement apartment anymore. All the furniture is yours too. Keep it, sell it, whatever.”

I gave her a hug and again said, “Thank you.”

The air was warmer than when I had first gotten there. I walked around to the entrance of my apartment and noticed it was nothing like the room I had just been in. There weren’t any pictures, there wasn’t any warmth, and this room had most certainly never been filled with love.

My bag hit the floor with a thud as I walked into my bathroom to take a shower. Thoughts of last night continued to plague me. I knew that Faith would never forgive me for walking out on her. I took her virginity after pouring my deepest secrets and then left without saying a word. The feelings she brought out scared the shit out of me. My biggest fear of losing another person that I cared about was going to come true again and again, and it was all my fault. Again.

After I toweled off, I emptied my bag and tossed the dirty clothes in the hamper. My phone started ringing and I knew it was going to be Max. He had to be disappointed and pissed. I looked down, and sure enough that’s who it was.

Sliding the green bar over to answer it I took a breath, “Hey, Max.”

“Don’t you fucking ‘hey, Max’ me. Where are you?”

I scrunched my eyes closed. “Home.”

“Don’t leave. I’m around the corner.”

He ended the call and I tossed the phone on my bed and got dressed. I sat in my living room waiting for the verbal beating that was going to ensue as soon as Max got here. My door opened and he walked in. Thankfully, he was alone.

“Hey, man. What’s up?” My thought was maybe Faith didn’t tell him.

He sat in the chair next to the sofa and glared at me.

Fuck. He knew. He definitely knew. “What the fuck happened with you and Faith?”

“What?”

“Don’t do this. Don’t you dare play this off like you don’t know what I’m fucking talking about. First you leave without explanation, and then when I saw Faith, she looked like shit. You fucked her didn’t you?” His face was full of fury.

The air was completely silent and the thought of Faith looking like shit made me feel worse than I already did. “I really don’t think that is any of your business.”

“None of my business? She’s like family to me. It is definitely my business.”

“What did she tell you?” I braced myself for the worst. Did she tell him what I said about Jimmy? Would she do that?

His hand went to his hair in frustration. “Why? Just tell me, why her? Why Faith?”

“I needed her.” That’s all I had and that was the cold-hearted truth.

“You don’t anymore, though, do you? It’s always the same shit with you. Love’m and leave’m, Ryker. Do you know what type of position you put me in? You’re my best friend who just fucked over my other best friend. What do I do with that?”

Holy shit. Was he not going to be my friend anymore? Would he want me out of the band? I needed to know. “So, you choose her. Do you want Michael to take my spot?”

“No! I’m not choosing anyone, and no, I don’t want Michael to take your spot. Ya gotta give me something here. Help me understand how you could do this. When I told you I was cool with the two of you getting together, I didn’t mean that I was cool with you using her.”

I clenched my fists, “She told me that she didn’t think I liked her. She asked me if I didn’t want her because she was ugly. That’s all she was saying when she went off on me and I lost it and told her…..” I needed to stop.

“You told her what?”

“I told her why I can’t be with her, and then one thing led to another and we ended up in bed. But, it wasn’t like when I was with anyone else. I needed her. It had to be her.” My vision started to get blurry with the pressure of tears.

“You needed her? Then she gave herself to you and you left her. So, your needs were satisfied and then when she needed you this morning you were gone. Did I get that right?”

I grimaced. “Yeah. She’ll get over me. That guy Erik likes her. He’s better for her.”

“You’re stupid. Do you understand the type of woman that Faith is?”

More than I wanted to. I totally understood. “Yeah. I hope we can all still be friends.”

“Tyf’ll want to rip you to shreds when she sees you. She won’t tell me what she and Faith talked about, but she did tell me Faith is devastated. You hurt her.” Max got up to leave. “Make this right, man.”

I nodded. “Yeah. As soon as I figure out how, I will.”

The door opened, and he left.

What a fucking weekend. First Faith, then Mrs. Bowers floors me, and now Max, who thankfully is still talking to me. What’s next?