Sacred Hart (15 page)

“Thanks.” Tate looked at Ryan and then at me. The disappointment was evident in the set of his shoulders, but he was a good guy too, and if he knew I was taken, he’d back off.

Tony emerged from the kitchen with the rest of Tate’s order. “Here you go. I’ll add it to the tab.” Tony’s laugh was infectious as he placed the bag on the counter, and I giggled under my breath.

“If you don’t charge people, Tony, how do you ever make any money?” I asked a little unconvinced.

“Oh, I charge. The state of Washington pays that tab every month, thank you very much.” Tony winked at me, and Tate chuckled.

Another customer came in the front door, and Tony hollered a hello as he moved from behind the counter.

“Thanks again.” Tate gave Ryan a friendly smile. “I’ll see you same time on Friday.” Ryan nodded, and Tate brought his attention to me. “Good to see you smiling again, Maggie. I’ll see you around.”

I exhaled as he left, and the tension eased from my lungs. Ryan leaned over the counter and kissed my cheek. “You okay?” he asked, and his brown eyes scanned my face in an attempt to read my mood.

“I am.” I gave him a quick peck on his lips. “You better get back to work. I’m stealing you after breakfast rush.”

His grin was lopsided. “Oh yeah?”

“Yup. Got permission from the boss and everything.” I bit my lip to suppress my own smile as Ryan’s grin grew.

“What’s the plan?”

“I figured we could go see a movie with Beth, and then, if you wanted, I’d love to make you dinner.” I ran my finger along the edge of the cup as I awaited his answer.

“I think I could handle that.” He brought his hand to my cheek, and I leaned into the touch.

“Cornelia should be here soon with Beth. We’ll head home, I’ll get ready, and meet you back here. Let’s say, around… eleven-thirty?”

He dropped his hand from my cheek and looked down at the countertop. “I have to warn you, Maggie, I don’t go out much, and big crowds they make me feel… a little anxious. The last time was the Zucchini Festival, and I only went to appease Tony.”

“We could rent a movie?” It didn’t matter what we did as long as it was with him.

Ryan’s eyes slid to the front door, and his lips broke into a huge smile.

“Mom!” Beth ran across the restaurant, dragging her large stuffed
Hulk
, while Cornelia followed behind her.

I hopped down from my stool and caught her in an embrace. I squeezed her tight, and she squeaked as I said, “Hi, Honey Bee.”

She wriggled from my arms, climbed up onto a stool, and waved at Ryan. She pointed at her necklace with a toothy grin, and I laughed. Her dimples were out full-force, and Ryan’s proud smile made everything in my universe click into place.

“Thanks for keeping her overnight,” I said to Cornelia as I took Beth’s bags off her hands and placed them on the ground.

“Anytime.” She looked at me with questions in her eyes and a smirk that said I'd have some explaining to do. “I've gotta run. Call me later?”

“I will. Thank you again.”

She waved over her shoulder. “Like I said… anytime.”

When I turned back to the bar, Beth was bouncing in her seat.

“I can’t believe you let me miss school.” She was full of energy and couldn’t keep still.

“I’m playing hooky, so I figured you could, too.”

“What’s hooky?” Her brows furrowed and she frowned.

Ryan chuckled. “It means we get to go see a movie.”

“Really!” she practically squealed.

“Are you sure?” I asked him.

“I am. I want to try at least… I want to do this… for us.” His eyes lightened as he watched me.

I inhaled, putting my emotions in check as I leaned across the counter. “Thank you,” I said before I kissed him softly, and as I backed away, Beth’s eyes were wide with surprise.

“Mom, you just kissed Ryan… on the mouth.” Her serious statement seemed to echo through the diner.

I heard Tony bark out a laugh behind us, and Ryan struggled to hide his smile as well. “I did.”

You wouldn’t think a seven-year-old would be so precocious, but she was… she always had been. “Are you her boyfriend?” she asked in a teasing sing-song voice.

He nodded. “Is that okay with you?”

Beth gave him a big dopey grin, and he mussed her hair with his large hand. I wasn’t sure if it was the fact that he said he was my boyfriend, or that I was sleep deprived, or that he fit into our twosome like he should have been there from the beginning, but as he playfully pinched Beth’s nose and his eyes met mine… I knew. There were no words exchanged, it was just a glance, a shift in the air, a simmered pot about to boil over, a simple moment that weighed a thousand times more than any
I love you.

It was in this very moment… at eight twenty-two in the morning that I, Maggie Wright, fell… fell harder than I ever thought possible, in love, with a beautifully broken, unfixable, mess of a man named Ryan Hartford.

After Birdie had died there weren’t too many things I wanted in life anymore, but moments like this as I leaned down to taste Maggie’s sugar coated lips with mine, I realized there were still parts of life worth living. The anxiety of going into town dissolved the minute I’d sat in her car, and her fingers found mine. I never thought I’d be the man that needed another person to breathe, but the more Maggie wove herself, wove Beth, into my life, the more it became clear I wanted the oxygen she provided.

Beth giggled to herself as she rolled her honey covered donut in the sugar. “These are so yummy.” Beth’s eyes widened as she put the whole thing in her mouth.

I laughed against Maggie’s lips just as I pulled away. “Thank you.”

Her gaze searched mine, her mouth spreading into a slow smile. “For what?”

“For today, for every day.” I dusted off my hands on my jeans and pushed a piece of her hair behind her ear.

It was impossible not to touch Maggie. Her hair was always so soft, her skin warm, and her lips sweet. She was gorgeous in her simple clothes without even trying. She never wore a lot of makeup, and her natural beauty — it was almost too much to believe. Sometimes I’d catch myself staring, like right now, but she would do the same. We watched each other in silent worship, each grateful to the other for our unspoken hope.

Beth jumped down from the counter, breaking our private bubble. I chuckled as Maggie’s cheeks filled with a pale pink. She bit her lip and turned toward Beth. “Shower and jammies, kiddo.”

“Already?” Beth’s eyebrows furrowed, and she frowned.

“Yes. School night, Honey Bee.” Maggie grabbed a paper towel and wiped Beth’s face. “You had a big day.”

Beth’s shoulders sank. “It’s not even eight yet.”

“It will be by the time you’re finished. Don’t argue, baby.” Maggie playfully spanked her on her butt, and Beth squeaked.

“Fine,” she groaned. “Don’t leave yet!” She pointed at me, and her serious tone made me smile.

“Promise,” I said, and I was rewarded with a grin just before she ran to her bedroom. “If you need to help her, I can clean up. You cooked, so I should clean.”

“I made chicken noodle soup in a crock pot while we saw a movie and ran around town… that’s hardly cooking.” She snaked her arms around my waist, and I pulled her close.

“You made homemade donuts, and that was the best damn soup I’ve ever eaten.”

She smacked my back and laughed. “Now you’re lying…” she shook her head and cocked her eyebrow, “… and
we
made homemade donuts. That was really fun. Beth really likes cooking. Who knew?” She shrugged her shoulders, and I laughed.

“She’s good at it.” I leaned down and kissed Maggie’s forehead. Beth called from the back of the house, and Maggie sighed. “Go. I can do this. I know my way around a dishwasher.”

“Thanks.” The corner of her mouth turned up in a small smile as she dropped her hold on my waist.

She left the kitchen, and the weight of the day settled on my chest as I took in the mess on the counter. A nostalgic wave of familiarity washed over me. This day, with its snapshots, hand holding, and shoulder rides… we were like a family, and the thought took my breath away as a sharp pain shot down my sternum. I grabbed the washcloth off the counter and squeezed it in my hand, trying to transfer the panic. This was real. Maggie and Beth had become a part of me, and I was terrified I’d fuck it up with my one step forward and two steps back routine I’d perfected over the years. I’d surface and sink, surface and drown; it was all I knew. The difference was, now I wanted to keep my head above water… for them.

I rubbed the center of my chest, drew in several deep breaths, and closed my eyes. Instead of remembering my past, I tried to see a future — Maggie’s lips on mine, my hand on her hip, her hot breath against my mouth as she said my name in a whispered sigh. I swallowed and let the heat consume me, let it push my pulse to a rapid beat as I remembered how good it felt to be with her, and how good it felt to just be fucking content. The ache eased from my chest, and I opened my eyes. The flour-covered counters, the spilled sugar, the smell of cooked dough all surrounded me and I smiled.

I put away all the shit in my head and cleaned the kitchen. I moved through it. I just let myself… be.

“
Ryan,
” Maggie called me from the back of the house, and I wiped my hands on a dishtowel. I shut the dishwasher and hit start.

Maggie’s house was a small two-bedroom home. It was older, and I liked that it looked like they had lived here for forever. The kitchen was filled with Beth, her art hanging on the fridge. The living room was crammed with worn furniture, the fireplace mantle covered in family photos, and as I walked down the hallway, I glanced at even more pictures hanging on the wall. Some of Maggie and Beth and some, I assumed, were Maggie’s parents. I stopped as a certain picture grabbed my attention. I lifted my hand, almost touching the glass, and my fingers ached to touch the girl trapped in the picture. It was a picture of Maggie holding a newborn. She had tears running down her cheeks, and her smile was watery as she cradled the small baby in her arms.

I wanted to step into the past, sit next to her, and hold that child too. I wanted to be the missing support, be the man by her side.

“It was a bittersweet day,” Maggie’s voice whispered next to me, and I turned to look at her. Her blue eyes, like crystal, glittered with unshed emotion.

“I wish I knew you then.” I hadn’t meant to say it out loud, but knowing Maggie wasn’t enough for me anymore, I wanted to have her. I wanted every detail from here on out.

Her smile was wide as she wrapped an arm around my waist, and we both looked at the photo on the wall. “I’m glad you didn’t. I was a mess back then, and I’m still learning to trust again, but I’m glad I know you now.” She dropped her arm and laced her fingers with mine. “Time is a funny thing, Ryan. You can’t see what’s ahead of you, you can only look back and hope you don’t repeat the same mistakes, and I feel… no… I know that this…” she squeezed my hand, “…this is a fresh start.”

She reached up on her tiptoes and kissed my cheek.

“A fresh start.” I held her face and kissed her with sincere lips.

She pulled away with a breathless exhale. “She wants to say goodnight.” She bit the side of her cheek. “Is that okay?”

I nodded.

“Come on.”

We walked hand in hand down the short hallway, and as we entered Beth’s room, I couldn’t help but laugh. It was an explosion of superheroes, purple, and green. Her walls were painted lavender and covered with comic book posters. Her bedding had
The Hulk
plastered on it, and her bright green stuffed
Hulk
sat at the end of the bed. I noticed a small mobile hanging above her bed with glass honey bees dangling from it. Everything in this house meant something. Everything, down to the wool blanket out on the couch, I’m sure had some special meaning. Maggie’s love for life and memories made me fall for her even more. She cherished every breath of a moment like it could be her last, and I admired her.

“Do you know any good stories?” Beth asked me as she snuggled down into her bed.

I chuckled. “I might, but it’s been awhile. I’m sort of rusty.”

Maggie dropped my hand and sat on the bed next to Beth. “No stories tonight, Bee.” She leaned down and kissed her on the nose. “It’s getting late.”

“Next time.” I smiled

“What about a song?” she asked, and Maggie nodded.

“Ryan, will you turn off the lamp, please?” Maggie pointed to the small bedside light.

I moved a few steps and pulled the metal chain; except for the light from the hall, the room was set in a gray darkness. I listened as Maggie hummed and sang a child’s song about a honey bee. I should’ve felt like an intruder, but I didn’t. I watched Beth’s eyes flutter shut while Maggie ran her fingertips down Beth’s arm as the last few soft words played from her lips. She stood carefully when she finished, and her eyes met mine.

I took her hand as we left the room. We made our way back to the living room before either of us dared to speak. “Is that why you call her Honey Bee?” I asked.

I sat down on the couch, pulling her down next to me.

“Oh, that song? I made it up a while ago.” She grinned. “When she was teething, my dad bought her this small bumble-bee chew toy. It was for a dog. He thought he was so funny. I wanted to be mad, but that’s just how my dad was, always the joker. The prankster. It just became a running joke that turned into a nickname, and after my parents had died, I didn’t… I wouldn’t let it die with them.” Her gaze dropped to her lap. “I suppose she’ll grow out of it eventually. But, that necklace you got for her… it meant so much to me…” She laughed and looked me in the eyes with that same watery smile from the photograph. “I think I’ll keep you… for now.”

“Just for now?” I smirked, and she nodded. She situated herself so that she was sitting on my lap facing me. Her legs on either side of mine. Her hands held my face, and her lips pulled into a flirty smile. “As long as you’re sure,” I said as I inched toward her mouth, and the vacant space between us filled with anticipation.

“Maybe I’ll keep you a bit longer,” she whispered just before my lips brushed hers.

The kiss was an unhurried masterpiece. She nipped at my bottom lip, and I groaned. Maggie’s hands lifted, and she ran her fingers through my hair. My hands fit around her waist and, as my grip intensified, so did the urgency of our lips. I felt like a kid making out on my parents’ couch, feeling as if we’d be caught at any moment. I broke our kiss, and my eyes dropped to her lips. They were red and full, and I immediately regretted pulling away. “What about Beth?”

“Beth? Who’s Beth?” She giggled, and I shook my head. She sighed and placed her lips on my neck. “I hate that you open the diner every day. I want you to stay.” Her breath tickled me, sending goose bumps along my neck and arms.

“I wish I could.” I was struggling between what I wanted and my responsibilities as she kissed along my jaw, and made her way back to my mouth.

“Then stay.” She was persuasive, and the coercion of each letter fell against my lips urging me to give in.

I took my time kissing her as I drew a line down her spine with my fingertips. Her own fingers ran along the sides of my neck, down my shoulders, along my arms, and back up again. She gripped my biceps as she pressed against me, and I lost my self-control. I grasped her hips, and she wrapped her legs around my waist as I stood. I felt dizzy as the blood rushed to my temples with the jagged beat of my pulse. Her arms draped around my neck as she raked her teeth across my bottom lip, and a low growl escaped my throat. She was pushing my buttons, and I’d let her.

I started to move toward her bedroom when I came to my senses. “Maggie,” I whispered against her lips as I halted in place.

“It’s okay. I can be quiet.” Her grin made me chuckle, and I brought my lips to the crook of her neck.

“I don’t doubt that, but I can’t stay… and I don’t like…” I swallowed down my fear and told her the truth, “…I don’t like leaving you. Not like that, not after I’ve made love to you. Being with you…” I kissed her once and then again, deliberately, until a quiet moan breathed from her lips, “…having you right next to me, where I can feel your skin on mine, your hands on my body, your scent filling my lungs, it’s how it should be. I can’t just get up and walk away from that… from you.”