Sacred Serenity (Lotus House Book 2) (16 page)

A tear slipped down Amber’s cheek. I wanted to kiss it away, pull her up and over my shoulder, and storm out of this vile room. This man had hurt her mother deeply, and in turn, he was hurting Amber. I’d about had it.

“So you broke it off,” she said bluntly.

He nodded. “One night she came to me, had something important she wanted to tell me. God, if I knew then what I know now…needless to say, I wish I’d listened. But I didn’t. I cut her off, told her that we had to end our affair and that I was going back to my wife to give it another shot.” The professor rubbed at his face, removed his glasses, and that was when I saw it. His eyes. As familiar as my own because I spent hours looking into them when I looked at the woman I’d die for each and every day.

“H-how did s-she take it?” Amber asked.

He closed his eyes. “With grace. She hugged me, kissed me one last time, and told me that she’d always love me and would never speak of our affair.”

Amber swallowed, tears flowing down her cheeks. “And what did you say to her?”

“That I’d never forget her. That there would always be a place in my heart she owned, and finally, I’d never love another the way I loved her. And I never have.” Sorrow overflowed his tone, making me believe he meant it.

“Thank you for sharing your story with me. It means a lot and gives me more to go on. Definitely helps to understand why she left school when she did.” Amber wiped at her runny nose, and I squeezed her hand.

Sometimes there’s a moment in time when everything in the world as it’s always been is about to change. Almost like experiencing a premonition about how certain life events are going to rip the world into bite-sized pieces. Right then, that feeling hit my heart like a tidal wave blasting the shore during a hurricane.

“May I ask you a question, Amber?”

She nodded.

“How old are you, and what day is your birthday?”

Her nose scrunched up in that cute way I adored. “I’m going to be twenty-three on November sixteenth. Why?”

He closed his eyes, and his hands shook as he pressed his fingers against his temples. “Valentine’s Day.”

“Huh?” Amber said.

“You would have been conceived around Valentine’s Day.”

Amber chuckled. “I imagine a lot of babies are. It’s a romantic holiday. What are you getting at?”

“My wife and I didn’t celebrate Valentine’s Day, but that year, Kate and I did. I took her on a dinner cruise where we danced in the moonlight, shared our future desires. I wanted to be the department chair over the medical program. Kate wanted to be a pediatrician.”

Amber jerked her hand from mine and leaned forward. “A pediatrician? I just chose that as my specialty. It’s why I missed the last class.”

He smiled solemnly. “You are your mother’s daughter. It’s why when I saw your face it was like looking into my past. You look so much like her, only with subtle differences.”

“Yeah, green eyes for one.”

“That and your chin is rounded here.” He pointed to his own rounded chin.

My heart sank. He was going round and round the mulberry bush, and I still didn’t know when he was going to stop and tell my girlfriend the obvious truth! If he didn’t get on with it, I was a solid two point five seconds from laying it out in black, white, and glaring multicolors.

Amber blew her nose into the tissue, wiped up, and squirted some hand sanitizer into her hand that she’d magically seen on his desk. “That’s really nice of you to share your experience, but why the questions about my birthday?”

Dr. O’Brien placed both of his elbows on his desk, took off his glasses, and left them dangling in one hand. “Because, Amber, the year your mom would have conceived you, we were together. The Valentine’s holiday we spent together fits as well. A DNA test would prove it, but I’m almost a hundred percent certain that I was the only man Kate was in a relationship with at the time.”

Amber’s eyes widened, and her pupils dilated so much that the green had nearly disappeared. Her cheeks had taken on a deeply flushed appearance. Her expression looked surprised, anxious, and frightened all at once. “Are you suggesting…”

“That I’m your father? Yes, Amber. That’s exactly what I’m suggesting.”

“No,” she whispered, her hand coming up to cover her mouth.

“I’d like to have a DNA test done to be sure but looking into your eyes, Amber, darling, it’s like looking into my mother’s eyes and mine. Even Landen’s.”

“Oh my God, Landen!” Amber stood up, tears flowing down her cheeks once more.

Bastard made her cry again. That was two for two, and I sure as hell was keeping track. I gripped both hands into tight fists. I’d never been a violent man, until another man made my woman shed a tear. A blast of anger sizzled along my nerves, and I had to grit my teeth in order not to go apeshit on him.

He stood up and brought his hands up in front of him. “He doesn’t know anything, yet. I wanted to talk to you and be sure. Do you know who your father is?”

Amber shook her head, the long, dark waves I loved running my fingers through falling in front of her face.

“Did your mother write a name on your birth certificate?”

Again, no words left her mouth, just a slight jerk of her head in the negative.

“Okay, perhaps your grandparents mentioned your biological father?”

Amber straightened her spine, pushing her shoulders back and down. “My mother died in childbirth. She took my paternity to her grave.” Each word was a cold, lifeless utterance from a woman so far gone emotionally I wouldn’t have recognized her had she not been standing in front of me.

“I think it’s time to go, my love. Get you home.”

“Home? Where’s home?” Amber’s eyes were flat, emotionless, her face deathly pale.

“Amber,” he tried, but I slashed the air.

“No. You don’t get to be concerned. Not now. Maybe not ever,” I gritted through my teeth. “Amber, honey, your home is where I am.”

She nodded, picked up her backpack as if on autopilot, and reached for the door handle. When she got there, she stopped and turned just her face. “I believe you loved her. And I believe that, even in death, she died protecting the ones she loved. She protected you, and her promise to not speak of your affair, with her very last breath.”

“Amber, I’m sorry.” The guy’s voice was strained and broken.

She pursed her lips and nodded curtly.

“Wait,” I said, and with the gentlest touch I could manage, I plucked a single stand of my little bird’s long dark hair from her head. She didn’t even wince. My girl was as numb as they come. I placed the strand of hair in a tissue I pulled out of the box sitting on a shelf. “Do your test.” I handed him the tissue with her hair in it. Then I grabbed my wallet and took out my author business card. “Send the results to this address or call to discuss.”

The professor glanced at the card and held the tissue within a white-knuckled fist.

“I did love her,” he said one last time.

“Not enough,” I deadpanned. It was the truth, and in this case, the truth hurt.

I opened the door and ushered Amber out of a room filled with sorrow and regret and into a life of possibilities and future happiness. We just needed to get past this landmine in time. I’d be there to help her through it.

On the way home, I called her grandparents and told them that she wasn’t feeling well. I was going to watch over her tonight, and we’d do dinner later in the week. They agreed and sent their love. Now, those two people knew how to love someone.

D
ash took
me to his warehouse loft and led me over to his bed. I stood silently, the tumultuous emotions spinning in an endless vortex of flashes of our conversation with Dr. O’Brien. No, possibly my biological father. A man who had supposedly loved my mother but not enough to keep her. Obligation…he claimed. What about his obligation to my mother and to me? How could he not know that she was pregnant with me when he broke it off?

You know why.

A little voice nagged inside my head.

She kept it from him, from everyone…even you.

I closed my eyes as Dash pushed me to a seated position on his bed. He leaned down and pulled off the sexy boots I’d worn for our first formal “meet the grandparents” dinner. Technically, it would have been the second for Dash since he’d admitted to worrying about me the night I went out with Landen, and he ate with my grandparents and sat through a third degree with my papa waiting for me to come home. Which I never did.

Socks removed, Dash lifted one foot and kissed the top and then proceeded to lift and kiss the other. He clasped my hands and tugged me to stand. He lifted my blouse and tossed it on the chair beside his bed. He kissed each shoulder and the space over my heart. I watched motionless and unfeeling as he unbuttoned my jeans and pulled them down my legs. He tapped each ankle so that I’d lift my foot so he could remove the pant leg. I did it all detached from the acts.

Leaving me standing, he turned around, went over to his dresser, and pulled out a plain white T-shirt. He lobbed the shirt over his shoulder the way a waiter would a towel in a restaurant. Then he reached around me, unclasped my bra, and set the girls free. A tiny prickle of relief filtered across the numbness. Dash ran his hands down my arms, leaned forward, and kissed the very tip of my right breast. His tongue then circled the tight nipple, sucking and nibbling until I gasped. He then moved to its twin. I gripped his hair, closed my eyes, opened them again, and looked up at the ceiling, finally feeling something for the first time since we’d left the school.

Dash put both of his hands on my waist and set me on the bed. Once I’d lain down, he shifted me farther up. Without any words, with only the intense love pouring from him, he kissed my neck, running a trail of wet kisses down toward my breasts where he stopped and spent a long time, feasting, sucking, and nipping. I squirmed and shifted my legs restlessly as he worked on each nipple. He held them both together, glanced at me, and tongued both hardened tips simultaneously, ramping up my lust a hundredfold. He watched my every reaction while he plucked and pinched each peak into rock-hard points of need.

He settled his hips between my thighs where I could rub my lower half against his hard body while he played. Just when I was going to come from the nipple stimulation alone, he backed away.

I groaned and held his head as he moved down my body, licking a trail down my abdomen to my panties. In what felt like a second, he’d removed my underwear, opened my knees wide, and put his hot mouth exactly where I wanted it most. I cried out, his tongue fluttering against oversensitive tissue before sucking on my clit hard enough for stars to appear across my vision.

Without words or any other sound, Dash made love to me. He showed me that, when I thought all was lost, our love was something beautiful to hold on to. He was my light in this dark, the reason to move on, to take this information for what it was and let it go. Life with him would be beautiful. Heck, it was glorious now.

His tongue piercing my center forced a lungful of air out of my mouth. He held my legs open as wide as he could. I felt split apart, fractured mentally, and through the expert way he mouthed me, I was about to lose it physically. This time, however, I wouldn’t fall apart because Dash was there to keep me grounded when I wanted to fly away.

The sensation of his tongue flicking, his lips rubbing, and that magnificent mouth sucking deep at the heart of me sent a bolt of lightning through me so intense I arched and shook. He held me down, kept at my most vulnerable spot like he’d never tire of the taste and couldn’t get enough.

“Dash,” I moaned, pressing my hand to his head. I rode his face shamelessly. I couldn’t stop. The sensations overpowered my will, leaving me a dangling ball of need and desire.

He growled, rubbed the flat of his tongue against my clit, and then bit down on the tiny bundle of nerves until I literally screamed as the orgasm washed over me, my body contracting, bowing up and down. I gripped his hair in both hands and held on as the tremors washed through me, over and over, until he moved his mouth to my opening and forced his tongue deep. Another jolt rocked my body at the intimacy of the act. His tongue moved against the spasming walls of my sex as if he was licking up every drop of my release.

My mouth watered, thinking about doing the same to him.

“Your cock, give it to me,” I whispered hoarsely. I wanted him in my mouth, wanted him all around me so that I’d drown in him and not the past.

He shook his head, kissed my wet center until every last pulse from my orgasm gradually diminished.

“Not about me.”

Dash sat up and grabbed the clean shirt for me that had fallen somewhere. Once he had the cotton stretched just right, he pulled it over my thoroughly relaxed head, helped me put my spaghetti arms into each hole, pulled the covers back, and tucked me in. He went around the house and turned off the lights before he stripped down to his boxer briefs. My eyelids were so heavy, feeling more weighted with every blink. He turned off the light next to the bed, pulled the covers back, and slid in.

His body was hot as a bonfire and just as magnificent when he spooned up behind me. He lifted one of my thighs, held it up, and inserted his knee and thigh to drape over my other leg. Then he grabbed my hand, plastered his back against mine, and put his lips to the back of my neck.

“Go to sleep, my love. We’ll talk in the morning.”

I circled my hips to where his very impressive erection was still standing at attention. “What about you?”

He kissed the skin below my hairline. “What about me?” He yawned.

“Don’t you want me to return the favor?”

He chuckled softly against my neck. Shivers rippled down my spine from the proximity.

“This is not a tit-for-tat situation. You needed to be loved, and it’s my job to show that to you.”

For a couple minutes, I thought about those words. His breathing deepened, but I could tell from the grip on my body he wasn’t yet asleep.

“But what if I want to show you love?”

He snorted into my neck. “Tomorrow. Wake me up with a blow job, and I’ll love the hell out of you.”

I giggled at the thought of waking him up with my mouth on him. The idea had a whole lot of merit. Kind of like a sneak attack. Maybe I would.

“I love you. Go to sleep.” His words were mumbled and slathered in slumber.

“Dash, I love you, too.” I gripped his hand, brought it up to my mouth, and kissed the fingers I could feel. Then I closed my eyes, holding his hand against my lips. If I could smell and feel him all the time, maybe I could get through this screwed-up situation.

I started with the
Our Father
prayer before going into what I really needed to discuss with the man upstairs.

God, today was hard. I can’t even process what happened yet. Regardless, I want to thank you for bringing me Dash and giving me the strength to hold onto him. I need him now more than I ever needed anyone. Aside from You, of course. Please, please keep him safe, and don’t take him away from me. Ever.

Amen.

Amber had been a zombie all week. If I had a nickel for every time she sighed in defeat, I’d be a very rich man. And that pissed me off. I’d always been known as the easygoing, spiritual guy, more interested in loving than fighting, but after a week of seeing the woman I’d die for lose a bit of herself every day, I was ready to rage.

We hadn’t heard anything about the DNA testing. It stood to reason that these things took some time even if some rich guy paid an insane amount of money to rush the results. Which I imagine he’d have the resources to do.

After that night almost a week ago, Amber had spent almost every night sleeping by my side. Each night, she allowed me to make love to her with my mouth and fingers but hadn’t even hinted at taking things further.

She’d become a master at giving head. I swear, the second her silky lips would wrap around my cock and she would look up at me with those emerald eyes, I’d lose it in mere seconds. Maybe not
that
fast but it was definitely embarrassing, stamina-wise. I’d prided myself on the ability to go long hours without ever orgasming. My little bird took off her clothes, wrapped her hand or mouth on my cock, and all thoughts of holding out went right out the window along with my cries of pleasure.

I guessed my affinity for her sexually further proved she was my one and only. I hadn’t doubted that since the day I had her under me in class. Speaking of class, she should be here any minute. I instructed the last Tantra class alone to give her time to deal with school and this new information about her prospective father. Tonight, I intended to bring my little bird back to the nest where she belonged. I wanted to immerse her in love and sensual delights and the unity of other couples’ energies to purge the negative energy that had plagued her this past week.

Once I’d adjusted the music to a dull lilt, I glanced up and saw her coming my way. She wore tiny, dark blue yoga briefs that were more like underwear or a pair of hot pants. I was almost certain a bit of ass cheek winked into view with each step, but I’d have had to see her from behind to confirm. On top, she had on a zip-up matching sports bra that barely contained her bountiful tits. God, I loved her breasts. Those sandy nipples were like butterscotch candies in size and shape, and just as buttery. Overall, I wholeheartedly approved.

“New clothes?” I scanned her body from top to toe and back again.

She smirked. “Borrowed from Genevieve. She can’t fit in anything anymore, and the odds of her bouncing back anytime soon after the baby are slim. Besides, she said they were ruining her life sitting in her drawer taunting her.”

When she made it to where I sat, I got up on my knees, wrapped both arms around her, and planted my forehead to her chest before kissing her belly in greeting.

Amber threaded her fingers through my hair a few times. “What’s the matter?” she asked, noticing my melancholy mood. Since we’d been together, she’d been in tune with my temperament shifts. Another testament to our unity.

I rubbed my chin along her abdomen, relishing in her strawberry scent. “Just worried about you.”

Her eyebrows came together, and her lips flattened. “Me? I’m fine.”

I shook my head and squeezed her waist. “But you’re not. You’re going through the motions, but you’re not truly here. Today, that changes. Tonight’s class we’re going to focus on us, on being present in the moment.”

Her lips curved up into a soft smile. “Whatever you need, Cosmo. I’m here for you.” Secretly, I loved that she’d given me such a playful nickname. It had taken a bit of getting used to, but she could call me Shirley, and I’d jump for her.

“And I you. Now get your sweet ass set up. The couples are starting to arrive.” I smacked her ass hard when she turned around. Definitely a sexy slice of ass cheek present. My dick stirred from its sleep, yawning and blinking, coming to attention.

Down boy. Not just yet.

The couples in the class flopped out their yoga mats and got settled. When everyone was seated, I addressed the class. “Today, we’re going to start with thirty minutes of hatha yoga. Then we’re going to focus on being present in the moment. Part of that will be fun with Tantric sexual positions. I’m sure this is the part of the class that many of you were waiting for.”

Several of the men and women laughed. I scanned each face. They were all smiling and ready to start.

“First, let’s start seated in lotus pose with our seat bones directly on the mat, hands at heart center. Close your eyes and still the mind through your breathing.

“I want you to focus your gaze inward. What do you want to get out of class today? Set your intention for connecting with your mate in a positive, giving light. Be thankful for the relationship you have. Without both of you working toward enlightenment through Tantra, you wouldn’t be here.”

I watched as the couples simultaneously breathed in and out. What they couldn’t see from my vantage point at the riser in front of the class was that the entire room was breathing in synchronization. Every chest expanded with the inhale and each couple exhaled as one strong unit. The energy in the room charged and filled with strings of togetherness, solidarity, and connection. Absolutely magical. The entire room breathed together as one entity. Most yoga instructors spent their entire lives waiting to have this experience, and here it was happening in my class. By all things holy, it was beyond beautiful. It was divine.