Salvation and Secrets (15 page)

"Thought you could do with a little time-out." His brow wiggled like I was supposed to know what the hell he was talking about.

"Say what?"

"I can cover for you; you know if you have more important places to be?"

Ana
.

"Watch him. Do not let him leave this house. Call Lacey or Kacey or whatever that chick's called that he digs. Get her over here. Just keep him here."

"Scouts honor. Now go get some. Happy Thanksgiving, bro." He smirked and I rolled my eyes at him when really I wanted to kiss the shit out of him.

Walking away from Ana yesterday had felt like the wrong thing. I should have stayed and made her understand. Made her see that she was my choice. Her. But her walls were so high that even if I had managed to climb them, the fall down would have hurt.

But I was done playing nice. Ana needed to know once and for all.

Chapter 17

~ANA~

We're heading out. Have a good weekend! If you need anything, Call. Me! Xx

I texted Elena back, wishing her a Happy Thanksgiving, and threw my phone down on the bed. Campus security had visited earlier to tell the dorm that people were finally free to leave. CFA was business as usual, and the security issue was resolved. I wasn't sure what resolved meant, and if it involved Reibeckitt, which I was pretty certain it did, I doubted it was over yet.

Before the game, I’d had the weekend all planned out, but now I just wanted to lock myself in the dorm and come out Monday when everyone returned.

Rolling the desk chair to the window, I tucked my feet under my body and just watched. The pink and orange clouds swirled into the first signs of dusk, hovering low over the tips of the firs. Since coming to Chastity Falls, I was reminded me of another world by the scenery, one I didn’t know if I’d ever fit in, but it was undeniably beautiful.

A shadow stepped into my line of sight; the soft glow of sunset illuminating Jackson’s solid frame. My breath hitched as our eyes met through the glass sending the nerve endings in my skin into a frenzy. And I silently cursed the way my body came to life in his presence.

His eyes flickered to the window lock and I closed mine tight, giving myself time to think. Not that there was really a decision to make. The moment I'd set eyes on him standing there, the decision was already made. I might have given him an ultimatum—and even though I meant it—my heart wasn't ready to walk away from him yet. But things couldn't go on how they were.

As I moved to unlock the window, Jackson placed his palm flat and against the glass, and I found my hand reaching out to him. It was instinctual, like his body called to mine, and we stood there touching, but not really touching, drinking each other in. The gentle hum in my body rapidly grew into unsteadying vibrations.

Stepping back to give him the space to squeeze through the gap in the window, he righted himself and said, "Hi." His voice sounded different; nothing like the guilt-ridden tone from yesterday and I gulped. "Hi."

Arms clasped around me and Jackson drew me into him, finding my lips with his. My body responded, molding into him and relaxing under his touch. He pulled back hesitating, and his breath lingered against my lips. I waited, sucking in a sharp breath trying to prepare myself for what was to come.

And then everything melted into oblivion.

Jackson's lips slanted over mine like they were made to fit, and he mumbled, "I should have done this the yesterday. I choose you, Savanah Parry. Always."

His words sparked something in me and I gripped onto his shirt, yanking him closer. I needed him closer. He had said the words before, but I didn't let myself believe them. I couldn’t—unwilling to consider the consequences. But now that he’d said them with such conviction, there was no denying how much I’d needed to hear them. Scooping me up in his arms, Jackson's lip never stopped moving against mine as he carried me to the bed, laying me down gently and covering my body with his.

He pulled back and brought a hand to my face, brushing away the fine hairs clinging to my charged skin. "You are so beautiful. Sorry I walked away yesterday. I thought I was doing the right thing by giving you time. Giving me space to get my head straight. But I'm done fighting it." His green eyes darkened, burning into me. "I love you so fucking much I can't see straight. You, Ana, it's you."

Tears started to escape out of the corners of my eyes and my eyelids fluttered shut as the significance of Jackson's words seeped into me. He was choosing me.

"What are you thinking?”

The words lodged in my throat while my mind screamed
I LOVE YOU.
It wasn't that I didn't want to say the words—I did—but once they were out in the open, I couldn't take them back.

Realizing my hesitation, Jackson pressed his forehead to mine. "I know I don't deserve a second shot at things, but I'm not sure I can live without you."

"So don't."

Jackson's eyes widened for just a second before he stole my breath with his lips. His tongue swirled in my mouth and my whole body arched into his. In one swift movement, Jackson rolled us so that I was on top of him. My knees were on either side of his thighs while he leaned slightly against the headboard so that we were half sitting. His hands reached out for the hem of my sweater and I let him pull it up over my head. The cool air connected with my skin, causing chill bumps to surface.

"Are you cold?"

I nodded, swallowing hard as Jackson's eyes swept over my bare skin and black bra. I could see the desire in his eyes, certain that it mirrored my own.

"Come here." Jackson scooted forward, wrapping one arm around me and drawing me near. Our chests collided and without thinking, my hands tugged at the jersey covering him.

Warmth radiated from his skin and I pressed into him as I brushed my lips against the smooth skin at the base of his neck. Jackson groaned low in his throat and hardened against me, sending shocks of pleasure zipping through my center.

It had been over six months since we had last been together, but my body remembered him like it was only yesterday. The way his hands kept constant contact with my skin; stroking, gripping, brushing. Or the way his breath hitched every time my tongue flicked across his skin.

"I need you, Ana." His voice cut through my lust-filled haze, and I smiled against his neck. It was all the answer he needed.

Jackson flipped us again so that he was hovering over me, tracing the outline of my bra with his tongue while one hand worked his buckle. Within seconds, he was unclothed and had started to peel my jeans down my legs. I lifted my butt to help him, yanking him back down to me when I finally kicked my legs free.

Clasping my legs around his waist, I anchored him to me, but I didn't kiss him. Instead, I let my eyes soak him in. The fiercely loyal and protective guy who had stolen my heart with a note about Shakespeare and a banana shake. In that moment, I wondered if Jackson knew that he was my salvation. That despite all the crap we went through in freshman year, despite my head screaming at me to fight the pull to him, he saved me. He made me feel again.

"What are you thinking?"

"Just about how much I love you."

The words didn't fill me with pain or regret like I had expected. No, they filled me with something else. They gave me hope.

"I love you, Jackson Pierce."

Jackson's face softened until a grin spread over his chiseled face. "I've waited so long to hear you say that." It came out almost a laugh, but I knew he meant it.

"I'm sorry.”

He brushed his nose against mine. "Don't be. You were worth the wait."

Our lips came together, but as quickly as they touched, Jackson was withdrawing and kneeling back away from me. I shuffled up onto my elbows and pouted, disappointed at the sudden lack of contact. But then my eyes locked on his and a small gasp escaped my lips. The emotion was written all over his face; want shining bright in his green eyes.

Without speaking, Jackson inched down my panties so slowly that as his fingers brushed my legs, my whole body squirming with anticipation. He tossed them to the floor and covered my body with his, pressing into my core.

"Let me make you feel,” he whispered against my ear.

My hands slid over his defined shoulder blades and tangled into the short hair at the base of his neck and I answered him with a kiss.

Jackson eased into me, gripping my hip with one hand. My head fell back onto the cushion. "Ahh, Jackson," I moaned, overwhelmed by the feel of him moving inside of me. But it wasn't just that, it was the emotion; the significance of the moment.

Because our choice was made...and there was no going back.

~

Jackson's nose nudged my shoulder, rousing me from my state of bliss. "Can I ask you something?"

"Mmm hmm." Too relaxed to find words, I snuggled closer to him relishing the feel of being back in his arms.

"What happened? After the accident?"

His question caught me off guard and my whole body tensed. I hadn't talked about that day with anyone, not even Dr. Simmonds. Sure, we’d alluded to it and talked around it, but we never discussed details. It was a place I didn't want to return to.

"Hey, no pressure." Jackson's soft kisses urged me to relax, but a million thoughts were streaming through my mind. "I just don't want any more secrets between us."

No more secrets
. That was all I ever wanted.

Taking a deep breath, I prepared myself to say the words. "Four months after the accident, I- I tried to kill myself."

The relief was instant, and the weight of my darkest moment lifted. But it wasn't totally removed and I felt the pressure of my admission lingering above me, ready to crash back down any second.

Although I couldn't see Jackson from my position tucked into his chest, I felt the change in him. The muscles in the arms looped around me solidified and his heart pounded through his chest. His hostility was palpable.

I'd met this side of Jackson more than once. He dealt with things by shutting down, so I didn't say anything else, just lay cocooned in his arms in silence. Waiting for my fate to be decided.

"I can't imagine a world with you not in it."

If I hadn't have felt his warm breath against my neck, I wouldn't have heard his words.

"What happened? I want to know. I want to know everything about you."

Relief washed over me as Jackson relaxed behind me, and I sucked in a breath before continuing.

"They blamed me, you know. At first, everyone blamed me." The tears started to roll down my cheeks. "Dad had taken us for a fancy dinner to celebrate Mom's promotion. I had one glass of champagne with dinner, but I’d only had my license for a couple of weeks. When I woke up, the officer treated me like I was a drunk driver. Like it was my fault, that somehow I had caused the accident. Rumors traveled fast. By the time I started back at school, I was the girl who had killed her parents and one of the most popular guys in our class.

“No one could look at me, let alone ask how I was doing. Our friends disowned me. Danny's family refused to see me. Even when they announced the official cause of the accident, people still blamed me. Everyone blamed me. Hell, I blamed me."

At some point, the stream of tears had turned to rivers as I sobbed into my bed linen. Jackson didn't say anything as he held me tight, running his thumb over my skin in soothing circles to reassure me.

"I couldn't do it... couldn't pretend I was coping. I dropped out of school and locked myself in my room. One day, I caught a local news story and even though it had been officially announced as just a collision, they still made it sound like it was my fault. The young inexperienced driver who had one glass of champagne at dinner.

“That was the start of it. The cutting. It's hard to explain, but it gave me some control, a release. Helped me cope."

Jackson's thumb paused and he gulped. "Sorry, it's harder than I thought to hear all of this."

My body stilled at his words. I got it, I did, but he had to hear the rest. I had to tell him the rest so he could understand just how broken I really was.

"The cutting was enough, for a while. And then one day I completely lost it. Nothing happened, not really, but it was like the thread just snapped and I was gone. I had considered killing myself pretty much every day since waking up in the hospital. I didn’t want to live in a world without them, but it wasn't until that day that I started planning it..." My words sounded steady despite the torrent of tears pouring from me, and Jackson wrapped me closer giving me the strength I needed to go on.

"On the day it happened, I said goodbye to my aunt and uncle. They didn't realize that the unexpected hug I gave them after breakfast was anything more than me reaching out for comfort. But it was goodbye. Only it wasn't. I'll never forget the look on my aunt’s face when I woke up in the hospital. "

I rolled in Jackson's arms to face him. "I have my aunt to thank for everything. She made me see I had to live... for them. Every day was a battle. Every damn second."

Jackson smiled sadly at me, and I winced not wanting his pity.