Authors: Deanna Lynn Sletten
Annie visited Sandy for several hours each day at the hospital. Sometimes she ran into William, and sometimes she didn't. When they were both there at the same time, they never spoke of anything else besides Sandy's recovery. They were polite to each other, and that was it. No more loving gestures. No more talk of Sara.
Annie was there when they were told Sandy could go home. William wanted to hire a full-time nurse to stay with Sandy those first few days, but Sandy said no.
"I don't want some stranger taking me to the bathroom," she said stubbornly.
It was obvious that she needed help with daily tasks, and William knew he and Sam would be unable to help her do everything. Plus, soon he'd have to leave for a few days to take Sam down to San Diego for school, and he didn't know what he was going to do about Sandy then.
Annie was the one who suggested she come help Sandy for a few weeks.
"I couldn't ask you to do that," William responded to Annie's offer.
"You didn't ask me, I offered," Annie replied. "I'm not busy with work right now, so I have the time. Sandy will be doing cartwheels by the time I have to leave for my next assignment." Annie studied the frown on William's face. "Unless you don't want me there."
"I don't care what he wants," Sandy said, taking a deep breath for each word. "I want you there."
William agreed. In fact, he couldn't think of a better person to spend time with Sandy. Annie and Sandy had become even closer since the accident, and he knew how much Sandy needed someone like Annie in her life. So he moved his desk and computer out of the den next to the guest bedroom and had a bed placed in there for Annie. That way, she would be near Sandy day and night.
They all fell into a regular routine in the house. Annie helped Sandy with bathing, dressing, and other daily necessities. They took regular short walks around the first floor of the house and around the front yard to build up Sandy's strength and lungs. The doctors had said she'd need to take deep breaths each hour to strengthen the lung that had collapsed and try to walk a little every day, even with the fractured ankle. They spent time sitting on the deck in the sunshine, talking, playing card games, or just resting. Each day, Sandy looked better and was able to move more. When the first cast came off and a walking cast was put on, she was able to move around more by herself.
As soon as Sandy was strong enough, she asked Annie to bring down the seascape painting from her room and the paints beside it, so she could work on it a few hours each day. Annie was in awe when she saw the Fairy Falls and Multnomah Falls paintings finished in Sandy's room. They were more than beautiful. They were mesmerizing. Sandy was fulfilling Sara's dream of finishing the paintings while showing off her own talent at the same time. Annie couldn't think of a better way for Sandy to honor her mother, who had been taken away from her too soon.
The paintings were kept secret from William. Sandy was adamant that she didn't want her father to see the finished paintings until more of them were completed. Sam was in on the secret, too. None of them said anything to William about Sandy painting, so she could continue her surprise.
William had moved his desk and computer up to his bedroom and placed it in the corner, where Sara's painting had stood. Most days, he worked on his latest house project up there while everyone went about their business on the first floor. He'd hear Annie call out to Sandy sometimes, or the two women giggle over something silly. Sometimes, when he went down to the kitchen for coffee or to eat, Annie was sitting at the island, working on her computer just as she had when they were together. Other times, he'd see her walking outside with Sandy, her arm wrapped protectively around her to keep her steady, and his heart melted. Annie was everything this family needed, everything he needed to make his life whole again. Yet he'd been unable to say those words aloud to her. Although he knew in his heart he could love Annie forever, he wasn't so sure she still wanted him. So he didn't say the words that might bring them back together for fear he'd lose her again.
The beginning of fall semester began in late August at Portland University without Sandy attending. Even though she was healing, she needed more time before going back to finish her senior year of college. She wanted to stay home, heal, and paint. She also wasn't sure she was ready to face the fact that she had been the only survivor of the car crash. Although some friends had called to tell her they were happy she was okay, she knew that they were also shaken up by the deaths of Jasmine, her boyfriend, and the other two young people in the car with her that night. At times, Sandy had nightmares about the crash, so she knew she wasn't ready yet to have to talk to other people who might be curious about the crash. She would finish out her college degree, that was for certain, but she'd wait until she was able to do so when she was feeling stronger physically and mentally.
William grew used to Annie's presence and the warm feeling of family around him. Some mornings, they'd have coffee together at the small kitchen table with delicious muffins or pastries that Cherise would drop off. Cherise was over often, but only for short periods of time, and she never came empty-handed. The cookie jar was always full, something Sam really enjoyed, and these extra touches seemed to make the home a warmer place to be. The four ate dinner together most evenings, either take-out food, or they'd grill steaks, chicken, or salmon, and served with a salad. It was all so perfect, except for one detail. Annie was sleeping downstairs instead of in William's arms.
August melted into September, and soon it was time for William to take Sam off to school. Sandy was looking and feeling more like herself, and her stamina was increasing as her ribs, ankle, and lungs healed. Her face only held small scabs from the cuts that the doctors assured her would heal completely and not leave scars. Even though William was excited for Sam's new beginning down in San Diego, his excitement was bittersweet. For one month, the family had enjoyed the bliss of being a whole family again, and now everything would change again.
After hugs and goodbyes, William and Sam took off in his Explorer packed full with Sam's belongings. Annie was sad to see Sam go but was also excited that he would be enjoying new experiences and making new friends.
After they'd left, Sandy and Annie carefully walked down the wooden steps to the beach, laid out a blanket, and stretched out in the morning sun. The air was already chilly as fall was on the way, but the sand was still warm. It felt wonderful to feel the sun and salty wind on their faces and listen to the sound of the ocean as it touched the shore. The two just lay there on the blanket and dozed until Sandy finally spoke.
"I saw my mother that night," Sandy said, turning to face Annie.
Annie propped herself up on her elbows and looked into Sandy's serious blue eyes. What she'd just told her didn't surprise her. "After the accident?"
Sandy nodded. "I blacked out when the car rolled, but then I woke up when I heard the ambulance sirens in the distance. I was hanging upside down, but I didn't even realize it. My mom was there beside me, in the car, telling me to hold on, help was on the way."
Annie reached over and laid her hand on Sandy's arm. "I'm happy she was there with you."
"There's more. It was so strange, but I could see the sky above my mom and way up high, I saw the most beautiful colors twisting and turning, like ribbons. They were so beautiful and inviting, I wanted so badly to rise up and touch them. But my mom held me down. She said, "It's not your time yet. The colors will wait."
Annie was so surprised by what Sandy had told her, she didn't know how to respond. Sandy had seen the beautiful colors, just as she had. Sara had prevented her daughter from rising up before her time just as she'd held onto her, keeping her from floating up into the colors, and the heavens, before she was supposed to.
"My mom was also in the hospital, sitting beside my bed," Sandy continued. "I told her I was sorry, and she said it was okay, that she understood I didn't hate her. It was all so real, I felt a sense of peace. For the first time since my mother died, I felt like I was ready to let her go and let go of the guilt I felt." Tears streamed down Sandy's cheeks, but they were tears of relief, tears of joy.
Annie only nodded her understanding. She didn't know how to tell Sandy that it was she who she had asked forgiveness from. Although, since that night, Annie had been questioning who had been sitting beside Sandy that night. From the moment she told the receptionist she was Sandy's mother, until right before she told William she wasn't Sara, she had felt another presence sitting beside her. She knew that presence was Sara.
"Was it all real?" Sandy asked, interrupting Annie's thoughts. "Or was I hallucinating?"
Annie smiled at Sandy. "Your mother was there. I know she was."
Sandy looked over at Annie, her eyes questioning. "How do you know? Did you see her, too?"
"I felt her there," Annie said. This seemed to placate Sandy, because she didn't say anything more about it.
Four days later, William returned home after settling Sam into his dorm room, buying even more items they discovered he needed, and even buying him a used car so he could get around easily. It was late when he pulled in, so he was surprised to see the light on in the kitchen and someone sitting outside on the swing. Instinctively, he knew it was Annie. He made two cups of instant cocoa and brought them outside.
Annie sat on the porch swing, bundled up in her sweats and wrapped in a blanket to ward off the crisp ocean breeze. She didn't mind the cold. It was so calming to be outside with the sound of the ocean that she enjoyed bundling up and sitting out here. She was surprised when William came out bearing hot cocoa and gratefully accepted the steaming liquid he offered.
"You're home," she said with a smile. "I didn't hear you come in."
"I just got back." He pulled up a chair and sat down where he could see Annie. He wanted to sit beside her on the swing but wasn’t sure he should. She looked cute, bundled up against the cold and with her legs tucked under her. Her brown hair was loose and swaying in the breeze, her eyes were bright, and she looked content. William just wanted to sit and stare at her all night, or, better yet, carry her upstairs and hold her in his arms. Instead, he asked, "Is Sandy sleeping?"
Annie shrugged. "Either that or working."
"Working? On what?"
"Oh, that's a secret. I can't tell you." Annie smiled slyly.
William shook his head but smiled back. "I'm beginning to feel left out. Everyone knows the big secret around here except me."
"I’m sure she'll let you in on it soon enough. So, how's Sam?"
William told Annie about the college, the dorms, and everything they did before he had to leave him there. "I think he's settling in nicely. In fact, he'd already been out golfing with some of his teammates, and they all seemed to get along quite well."
"That's wonderful. I know he'll do well down there."
William nodded, then asked softly, "How's Sandy doing?"
"She's healing very well. We went to her doctor's appointment yesterday, and he said she was doing remarkably. In fact, she really doesn't need much help anymore. And she's talking about moving back up to her room."
William frowned. "Do you think that's wise? She could hurt herself on the stairs."
Annie leaned over and squeezed William's leg. "Your little girl will be just fine," she said teasingly. "She's a strong, determined woman. She'll be running circles around you in no time."
That simple touch from Annie made William's heart leap. He wanted to take her hand, pull her to him, and kiss her. But he hesitated too long, and the moment was gone. Annie sat back in the swing and pulled the blanket around her tighter.
Later that night, as William lay alone in his bed, he wondered why he'd hesitated to draw Annie to him. What was he so afraid of? Before Sandy's accident, he'd been determined to try to get Annie back into his life, but here she'd been living under his roof for more than a month, and he'd made no attempt to reconcile with her. He loved her. He knew that for certain. The simple touch of her hand on his leg tonight was enough to drive him wild with desire for her. Yet he'd held back, and he didn't understand why.
"Tomorrow night I'll talk to her," he said aloud to the dark room. "She's already a part of this family. I need to let her know how I feel." With that resolve in mind, William fell into a peaceful sleep.
Annie lay in her bed in the room downstairs thinking over her earlier exchange with William. When he'd brought out cocoa for her, she thought they would finally talk about their relationship. After all, Sandy was on the mend, and Sam was now at college. There were no more excuses not to talk about their relationship, no more distractions. However, he'd made sure to distance himself as much as possible, just as he had over the past month. Instead of sitting down beside her in the swing, he'd pulled up a chair. When she had touched his leg, he hadn't made a move toward her, only stiffened and changed the subject.
It's completely over
. Annie's eyes filling with tears.
Sara may have wanted us to be together, but William doesn't.
William had plenty of chances throughout her stay to tell her how he felt, but he hadn't done so. He hadn't even tried. At first, she understood, his concern was for his daughter and her health. But as Sandy healed, he still had made no move to reconcile with her. And tonight proved that he never would.