Saving Dr. Ryan (14 page)

“Who's my pretty girl?” Maddie kept saying. “Who's my smart little girl?”

Ryan felt his lips curve as Amy Rose frowned even harder. She'd gotten through the red and wrinkled phase all right, but now her thick, black hair stuck up in tufts all over her tiny head, her thin features and oddly pointed nose making her look more like a little old lady in a bad wig than a month-old baby.

And every time Ryan saw her, or touched her, or smelled her, he thought his chest would explode.

Maddie suddenly twisted around, then sat up cross-legged on the sofa, lifting the baby to her shoulder. “Hey,” she said
softly, only to assume an expression much like her daughter's. “You look ready to drop.”

Ryan skimmed a hand over his hair. “Good call.”

“What was it?”

He'd called her, let her know he'd be late. And why. “A boy,” he said with a smile. “Eight and a half pounds.” He paused. “Sorry I missed supper. Again.”

She gave him one of her would-you-please-get-over-yourself? looks. “There's a plate for you in the fridge. Just stick it in the microwave for a couple minutes.”

“Thanks.” He got as far as the armchair next to the sofa. Dropping into it, his eyes locked on the baby. Maddie laughed.

Ryan smirked. “Anybody ever tell you it's mean to laugh at a man who can't feel his feet anymore?”

She got to hers, lowering the baby into his lap. “Tell you what—why don't you hang on to Miss Stuff here, and I'll go warm up your supper?”

“No, it's okay—”

But she was gone before he found the energy to finish his damn sentence.

To better hold the baby, Ryan skootched down in the chair, hooking the sole of his boot up on the coffee table. “So, Miss Amy—learn any new tricks today?”

As if on cue, the baby's lips quivered, then spread into a crooked, toothless smile. Without warning, tears burned Ryan's eyes. Because a baby's smile was always a miracle, he told himself. Because he was so blamed tired, he could hardly think straight. Because there was a crazy, generous woman in his kitchen, warming up his supper, who didn't even seem to mind that he'd missed it.

Because…

Pain sliced through his heart, no duller now than it had been five years ago. Ryan tucked the tiny, scrappy baby against his chest, under his chin, shutting his eyes against memories of things he'd had no power to prevent.

T
hey were both out like lights when Maddie found them, their mouths hanging open in similar fashion, big man cradling itty-bitty baby. Feeling an actual tickle in her chest, she tiptoed over to take Amy Rose from the doctor. Only he jerked awake the instant she touched her, one large hand clasping the infant to his chest, the other seizing Maddie's wrist. A fierce protectiveness crackled in his half-asleep gaze, making her heart skip a beat.

“It's okay,” she whispered, practically tingling from the urge to smooth the frown from his brow. His fingers were clamped around her wrist hard enough to almost hurt, but she didn't care. “You fell asleep. I just want to get her into bed.”

It took another second or so before, with a shaky sigh, he relinquished both her wrist and the baby, slumping back against the chair and scrubbing his hand over his mouth. “Sorry. I'm…”

“Don't worry about it.” Maddie allowed herself the indulgence of inhaling the sweet scent of her baby girl, now blended with the doctor's stronger masculine one. “Nice to know nobody could've come in and snatched her from you
while I was gone. Your dinner's on the table, if you can make it into the kitchen.”

She came back downstairs a few minutes later to find the doctor scarfing down his food like he hadn't eaten in a week. Even so, she'd noticed that no matter how hungry he was, his table manners were always perfect. Unlike Jimmy, who she never could get to hold a fork like a civilized adult.

“It's okay, I take it?” she asked, standing in the doorway, her hands stuffed into her back pockets.

“Oh, yeah.” He forked a potato wedge, sighing as he looked at it. “I'm really gonna miss this.” He glanced at her, then back to his plate. “When you go.”

Maddie told herself there was no reason why his words should sting.

“Which reminds me…” She slid into the chair across from him. “I think I might've found a house.”

Now she had his attention. And the frown again. “Really? Where?”

“Over on Emerson. Closer to the school. It won't be available until New Year's, though, since they're fixing it up. Which is fine, since I won't have enough saved up for the deposit before then.” She felt her cheeks warm. “Listen to me, assuming it's okay for us to stay here that long.”

“Listen to you, is right,” Dr. Logan said, his mouth rigid. “How many times I have to tell you—you and the kids can stay as long as you need to. And I don't want to hear anything more about it.” He cut another piece of pork, stuck it in his mouth. “When can we go look at this house?”

“What are you talking about?”

He took a sip of water, gave her one of those looks. “How many houses have you rented?”

“Well…none, actually. But heaven knows I've looked for enough apartments—”

“Not the same thing,” he said, concentrating more on his food than her. “Some of these old places are downright unsafe. I wouldn't be able to sleep nights knowing you and the kids are someplace I hadn't checked out.”

Her arms crossed, she stared at him until he looked up.

“What?”

“This may come as a shock, Dr. Logan, but you don't have to take care of the entire world.”

A half-smile tilted his lips. “I'm not trying to. But I do feel a sense of responsibility for my patients. So deal with it.”

It was dumb, and she knew it, but his words provoked a little spasm of disappointment, right underneath her heart. Not that she expected him to think of her and the kids in any other way. Or even that she wanted him to, because she didn't….

She got up from the table and started putting away the dishes she'd left to air-dry in the drainer, wondering when her feelings about…any of this were going to start making some sense.

“But I'm not exactly paying you the big bucks,” the doctor said behind her. “How're you gonna pay rent on a new place?”

She swallowed and said, “By that time, Amy Rose'll be old enough to leave in day care, so I can get a full-time job.”

“You comfortable with that idea? Of leaving her in day care?”

After setting the last plate in the cupboard, she turned back, leaning against the counter. “I don't see as I have a whole lotta choice in the matter. But at least I already got a job offer. Hootch Atkins said I could come work out at his bait and tackle shop.”

The bite of potato headed for Dr. Logan's mouth stopped halfway up. “You're not serious.”

“What's wrong with that? You got something against worms?”

“Worms, no. Hootch, yes.”

“Well, he certainly seems nice enough to me.”

“I just bet he is,” the doctor mumbled under his breath.

“What's that?”

“Nothing.” He fiddled with his fork for a second or two, then finally put that piece of potato into his mouth. “You could still keep working for me, you know,” he said around it, then swallowed. “I mean, after you…leave. And now that
money's coming in again—thanks to you—I can maybe raise your salary.”

“Thanks, but it's still only part-time. Like you said, it wouldn't be enough. Not unless I can find another part-time job or something to supplement.” She nodded toward his empty plate. “You want seconds?”

“What? Oh…no, thanks…what are you doing?”

“Taking your plate so I can wash it. Got a problem with that?”

“What I have a problem with is your waiting on me.”

She stopped dead. “Is that what you think I'm doing?”

“Aren't you?”

“No.” She carried his plate and glass over to the sink. “Being the most convenient person to do what needs doing isn't the same as waiting on somebody.” With a glance over her shoulder, she added, “So next time I'm sitting down and you're up, you can do something for
me.
”

He chuckled, then said, “Can I ask you a personal question?”

“You know,” she said over the running water as she sponged off the plate, “you're sure chatty for somebody who was next door to comatose a half hour ago.”

“Old med school trick. Ten minutes snooze, you're good for another four hours.”

Except, as she was setting the plate in the drainer, she noticed he was digging his fingers into the back of his neck. “Here,” she said as she wiped her hands, “let me work out that kink for you—”

“No, no, it's okay…”

“Oh, for pity's sake! Why is it so blamed hard for you to let somebody do something for
you
for a change?”

 

Okay, so maybe Ryan didn't know all that much about women, other than from a physiological standpoint. But he sure as hell knew he was too tired to argue with one standing there with her hands fisted into her hips and her eyes blazing like that. Still, about a hundred troubled thoughts rose up in Ryan's mind like spooks on Halloween night, the chief spook
being that the idea of Maddie's hands on his person was at once tempting and terrifying.

“You any good at working out kinks?”

But she was already standing behind him, her surprisingly strong thumbs intent on annihilating the knot at the base of his neck. “Drop your head forward and I'll show you.”

It took everything Ryan had in him not to groan. Oh, yeah…she was good, all right.

“So what'd you want to ask me?” she said about a century later.

“Hmm…oh…um…oh, right—how were your grades in school?”

“Pretty good. A's and B's, mostly. Why?”

Now she was doing these little circling things up the sides of his neck. His whole body was going blissfully numb. Well, almost his whole body.

“How…how about in math and s-science?”

“I'm sorry—am I hurting you?”

Not exactly.
“No, I'm good.”

Actually, he wasn't good at all. Actually, he was on the verge of losing his mind. Not to mention his control. He told himself it was just because it had been a long time since a woman had touched him.

Then he told himself he was lying through his teeth.

“They were my best subjects,” she said.

What? Oh. Right. Math and science.

“Where're you goin' with this?”

Nowhere, unfortunately,
he thought as she started in on the area between his shoulder blades. How could such tiny hands be so strong?

How could he have forgotten how good this felt?

Focus, Logan.

“I was just wondering if you've ever thought about going back to school?”

“Well, sure, I used to think about it all the time.”

“But not now?”

Her laugh was breathy. “I have three children under the age of six, remember? Right now, being their mama's my
number one priority. I figure I've got plenty of time once they're older. And maybe by then I'll know what I want to be when I grow up. Hey—” She gently cuffed him on the shoulder. “This is supposed to be relaxing you. You seem to be getting more knotted up the longer I do this.”

After a long moment, he said, very softly and very deliberately, “There's a reason for that, Maddie.”

Her hands stilled on his shoulders. Then there was nothing left but the void where her touch had been. “Oh. Oh, Lord, I'm so sorry…”

Ryan twisted around in his chair. “Not nearly as sorry as I am.”

She backed away, then, her cheeks so red she looked feverish. “I'm sorry,” she repeated, then started to turn away. Ryan lunged forward, snagged her hand.

“Don't go,” he said quietly. And meant it, God help him.

“It's just I didn't mean anything by—”

“I know you didn't, Maddie. It's okay.”

“Is it?”

“Oh, hell,” he said on an exhaled breath, then dropped her hand, leaning forward to clasp his own between his knees. Half smiling, he peered up at her, still standing there looking as if she didn't know what hit her. “Did you think just because I live alone everything had shut down?”

Her color deepened even more.

“I…wasn't thinking about that at all, if you want to know the truth. I mean, I
should
have, I was married, and it never took much for Jimmy—” She folded her arms over her stomach, shutting her eyes. “You must think I'm the stupidest woman on God's green earth.”

Tenderness rushed through him. And something more. “Not hardly. In fact, before my body went haywire on me, I was going to say…” He cocked his head at her. “You can sit down. The danger's passed.”

After a moment, she sat. As far away as she could, stiffly, her hands clutching the seat on either side of her legs.

He looked at her, hard, then said, “For what it's worth, you might want to think about getting your degree in some
thing in the medical field. Since you like taking care of people so much,” he added with a smile.

“Oh.” She frowned down at her lap, then looked back at him. “Grace—my last foster mother—was always at me about becoming a nurse, too.”

“You'd make a good one, Maddie.”

“Maybe.” Her chin lifted. “But right now, I can't imagine anything more fulfilling than taking care of my family. Can you?”

Another strange, uncomfortable mix of emotions spiked through him as he sat there, watching this sweet, tough, vulnerable woman watching him. He shook his head. “No. I can't.” Maybe it hadn't been the smartest thing he'd ever done, letting on the power she had over him. But it was either her or him, and a few minutes ago, self-preservation had clambered to the top of the pile. Still, maybe because he was tired, maybe because he really was as much of a fool as he was beginning to suspect he was, he found he was almost desperate to know more about her. “Can I ask another question?”

She shrugged, but wariness weighted her gaze.

“I get the feeling you were close to your last set of foster parents.”

The wariness sharpened. “I was. Most of the time, at least.”

“Then what happened?”

“We…lost touch, is all.” She shrugged again. “It happens.”

“So…they're still alive?”

“Far as I know…oh.” Her mouth quirked to one side. “What you're really asking is, why didn't I contact
them
after Jimmy's death?”

“Okay. Let's go with that.”

“Because…because I burned that bridge when I got married.”

“You didn't think they'd help you?”

“It was more like I had no right to ask them for help. Now if you don't mind…” She got up, her expression shuttered.
“Amy Rose'll be wanting her breakfast by 6:00 a.m., so I'd best be getting to bed.”

Ryan stood as well, only to call her back before she reached the kitchen door. “We can go look at the Emerson house tomorrow, if you like.”

“I really don't think—”

“Sometimes, a person can think too much,” he said, crossing his arms. Then he smiled. “If you can be friends with my brother, I'd like to think you could be friends with me, too. And friends help each other out.”

After a second or two, she said, “Just remember
you
said that, not me.”

Then she was gone, leaving Ryan wondering if there was any way he could examine his own brain.

 

The next day, Maddie got the key from the real estate agent handling the Emerson house, and they all trooped over to take a look-see. The houses were smaller on this side of town, but the neighborhood was neat enough. Maddie had high hopes that once the house was fixed up, it would look as good as its neighbors.

Dr. Logan, however, didn't look entirely convinced. But then, he'd started out in a grumpy mood. Which was fine with her, since she wasn't exactly feeling like sweetness and light today, either.

Talk about making a fool of herself. Honestly, offering to give the man a massage, of all things. And then to not catch on right away that he was…was…