Authors: Lesley Jones
“Well
look Lauren, I’m sorry about you and Jason, but I did always think he was a bit of a bully and if he’s been knocking you about, well then you’ve probably done the right thing leaving him. Really, if it’s been going on a long time, perhaps you should have left him years ago”
Unbelievable,
there’s me expecting snide remarks and she’s fully supportive and telling me I should have acted sooner, unbelievable.
“So,
what’s this Gabriel like? A bit manlier than his name I hope, it’s a bit of a poofs name ain’t it? Can’t see you being with some poofta type after being with a man’s man like Jason all these years, ten years younger eh? Well done you” She says on a laugh.
Unbelievable! This reaction is so not what I was expecting, every time she opens her
mouth she surprises me.
“Mum,
Gabe is far from a poof, he is very much all man”
“Good,
glad to hear it. How have the boys taken the news, have you told your brothers and Vickie?”
“Sonny
’s okay with it, Ryder is refusing to take my calls and I haven’t spoken to any of the rest of the family, but I will”
We
continue our conversation with small talk and we end it with her telling me if I ever need to get away, I should come and stay with her, she would love to see me. That’s the kindest thing my mum has said to me in years and I get to wondering, is it just pity that made her be nice to me for a change? Very probably.
I
scroll through the messages on my phone, and then listen to my voice mails, they’re all from Jay, the first being sent on Monday and only confirms that Julie's husband, John, must have gone straight into work and repeated what his wife had seen, or a version of it at least.
Well
you didn't waste any time did you, you fucking whore, or was this already going on? I should of broke your neck, you fucking slut, showing off your new boyfriend at the supermarket and fucking him in the middle of the shopping center in front of everyone, just wait till I get my fucking hands on you, and whoever the cunt is, wait till I find out where he lives'
His voice sounds venomous and it actually gives me goose bumps listening to him.
The next voicemail was left at three in the morning on Wednesday.
‘
Lauren, we need to talk, we need to sort this out, it’s just silly now, and you need to come home. Let’s just forget all that’s happened and make a fresh start’
Well
that’s a complete change of tone, it actually makes my pulse quicken, I don’t want to but I feel a little bit sorry for him, he is obviously realising that I am not coming back. I feel sad and guilty, shit, I don’t want to feel anything when I hear him but how can I not, there are a quarter of a century of emotions tied up in that voice, most of them fantastic and joyous, I can’t switch all of that off in just a few short weeks, I don’t want to hurt him with what I have with Gabe but for me, there is no going back, I have seen the light and no matter how this new relationship unfolds, I will not go back to being the person I was just a month ago, I won’t go back into the dark.
I
don't know why I don't just delete his messages, instead I sit and listen to them all. The worst is from Thursday night, he's obviously had a drink and is crying down the phone
'Lauren,
Lauren, I'm sorry Lauren, I love you Ren, I'm sorry, please come home Lauren, please, I need you back, I promise I'll change, I'll see a counselor, what or whoever you want me to see or do’
I
move from the barstool to the carpet and lean back against the sofa and pull my knees up to my chin as I listen to him.
'
Please Lauren call me back, let's put this right, you know we can, you know how good we are together, I'm lost without you, you’re my little Ren'
I
cry, why now, after all of the angry, vicious, nasty words, why call me now, with all of this shit? Now, when it’s far too late? Just to make sure, just to guarantee my guilt, misery, and self-loathing, I replay it on loud speaker as I sit staring at the screen and sob. Just a few moments later I realise that I have that all too familiar tingle snaking up my spine and my scalp begins to prickle. Oh shit, he's home, I didn't hear him come in but I feel him. I look up and he's leaning against the bench top, all suited and booted looking like a hot, sex god, business man type. He just stares at me, then goes to the fridge, gets us both a beer and comes and sits on the floor next to me, stretching his long legs out in front of him, he offers me one of the bottles, I take it. He takes the phone out of my hand and turns it off. He drinks his entire beer down in one go and puts his bottle down, I take a swig from mine, he takes it from me and drinks that down too and puts the empty with the other bottle. He pulls me into his lap, I lay my head against his chest and breathe him in. He kisses the top of my head.
“
When did he leave that?”
“
Thursday, I think he seriously needs help” he strokes his fingertips up and down my back, they bump over my spine.
“
Are you going back to him?”
“
No Gabe, I'm not going back to him, why would I? I had a fantastic marriage for over twenty years and then he went and broke it, he almost broke me, to some degree I am broken because of him but I got lucky, I got so very lucky when I met you, your my plaster, your holding me together, I'm not fixed but I am healing and all the time I have you, I can survive what he did to me”
I
feel him blow out a very long breath “Band Aid” he says.
“
What?”
“
I'm your Band Aid, not your Plaster”
“
No, Band Aid sung a Christmas song about Africa and raised money for charity, I am from England, where I come from you are my plaster”
“
Plaster or Plarsta darlin?” He says in his best London accent.
“
Fuck off you Aussie Bogan, your English accent is shit”
We
both laugh and in a very swift move he has me on the floor pinned by my arms underneath him. He sits on my hips and takes off his suit jacket and loosens his tie, then putting his hands either side of my head, he leans over me, I wait for my kiss, instead I get,
“
Aussie Bogan ehhhh?”
“
Yep, Feral, Aussie, Bogan”
“
Is that right, my little Cockney Sparra?”
“
That's exactly right and your attempt to talk proppa is still shit, Guvnu”
“Oh
you really are pushing your luck, you Chav Essex girl”
“Shut
up, I ain’t a Chav”
“But
you are an Essex girl and you know what they say about Essex girls don’t you Lauren?”
“Yep,
I do and it’s all true, look how quickly I let you get into my knickers”
“Lauren,
believe this or not, you made me wait the longest I have ever waited for sex, I slept in a bed with you three nights running and didn’t touch you, so believe me, you didn’t let me into your knickers quickly by my standards”
The
n I get my kiss and what a kiss, long, slow, deep, his tongue is in and out, then his mouth is on my jaw, my throat. He pulls my vest off over my head, I'm not wearing a bra, in fact I'm not wearing any underwear, I rarely do around the house.
“
You’re braless Lauren and yet you accuse me of being feral? Put your arms above your head”
I
do as I'm told, hmmm, what's he up to? He undoes his belt and pulls it from around his waist and straps it tight around my wrists.
“Keep
your arms above your head”
H
e pulls off his tie as he licks his lips and my insides do back flips...
“I’ll
show you feral, I'll show you feral like you've never seen it before”
Oh
yes please, I am panting and he hasn’t even started yet, just the thought of what’s to come is enough.
He
ties the necktie around my head, covering my eyes. Oh God, I'm not sure if I'm comfortable with this, I never let Jay tie me up, purely and simply because I didn't trust him not to do something mean or humiliate me and find it funny. I'm feeling a little shaky, I have adrenalin coursing through me but I'm lying completely still. With my sight gone, my hearing is straining to see as well as hear things for me; I can feel his breath over my body. He sits back up and I listen as I think he takes off his shirt, he shifts and pulls off his shoes, then his suit trousers, he pulls my yoga pants down, so now I'm naked.
“No
pants either Ms. Day, oh dear, we may have to punish you for this, so much easy access to your body, it would be a shame to waist it”
He
wipes his fingertips over my lips, parting them and pushing them into my mouth, I groan and flex my hips as I flick my tongue over his fingers, he pulls them out of my mouth, then lightly traces them over my chin, down my throat, between my boobs, over my belly and down between my legs. He climbs off me and pushes my knees up and my legs apart. I think he's kneeling between them; he lifts my foot and kisses and grazes his teeth all the way up the inside of my leg, he gets to the top and repeats the delicious process all the way down my other leg. I'm not sure if I'm breathing heavy or just hearing everything more clearly, I open my mouth slightly, trying to drag in more air. His mouth is suddenly at my ear.
“
Was that nice Lauren, did you like that?” he kisses my ear, my jaw, his mouth is suddenly on my right breast, his fingers rolling and pulling my nipple on the left, he kisses all the way down my body, until he's between my legs again, he pushes just one finger inside me and circles it around and around, I moan out loud, I feel wet and slick as he slides his finger in and out and up to my clit and rubs in circles there too, then back into me and out again. He pushes his finger into my mouth.
“So
, you do like it, in fact you like it a lot, can you taste how much you like it? Tell me, do you like this too” he pushes two fingers back inside me this time and curls them forward so there is pressure on my front wall, right where my G spot is, every time, every time he does this he is bang on target. He circles my clit with his thumb, pushing my legs as wide apart as they will go, he lifts my hips up to him, I flex to help him out and he runs his tongue from my clit to my hole and pushes it in, I moan loudly and flex some more, I want to push him into me harder but my hands are tied. I love the feel of his tongue in me but I want more.
“Gabe
please, I want you inside me, please fuck me”
“Shush
baby shush”
My
goodness even his voice is driving me insane. He flicks his tongue around my clit and again, pushes just one finger into me and continues circling, just one finger and his tongue and I am falling to pieces, I want to run my fingers through his hair but I can't. He pushes my legs back harder, I feel wide open, and exposed and so sexy, I want him to look, I want him to see me wet and wanting and once again, he reads my thoughts
“You
look fucking amazing, tied up, blindfolded, your legs spread wide and your cunt dripping wet just for me, only for me Lauren”
He
pushes more fingers into me and I feel a finger slide into my bum, it actually feels okay, I don't know at what stage he got naked but I feel his cock brush against me, I want so much to take him in my hands, my mouth, any contact, I just want to touch him, instead I flex my hips and start fucking his fingers, until I feel that sweet, clenching, tightening sensation in my belly, he pulls out of me and starts kissing the inside of my thigh again, I whimper..
“
Ahhhh no. Please Gabe, please, I want to come”
“
Shush baby, I know, I know, I’ve got ya, soon, I just want to look at you some more like this”
H
e's off me again but still pushing his fingers into me and my juices are flowing. With one hand he has his fingers in the front and with the other, he's used my own juices as lubrication pushes his fingers into my bum
“Fuck
Gabe. Fuck” I whimper
“Is
it good Lauren, push onto it baby, take it, take it all in, I told you it was good didn't I, we're gonna have some fun with this but not now, right now I want to fuck you so bad, so, so bad but I'm gonna leave my fingers there but I want you to tell me if it’s good or if you want me to stop, okay baby let’s try this”
M
y hips are in the air, he is on his knees, and he leaves his fingers in place as he pushes his cock inside me, slowly, all the way in.
“Oh
fuck Gabe, that's good”
It’s
different, there’s pressure where I have never felt it before, and it effects the sensation I feel in more familiar spots and I like it, it doesn’t hurt, it feels good and rude and dirty and sexy and that’s what I want, I want to feel and be all of those things for him.
“If
it's good, then fuck me baby, fuck me, show me, and tell me how good”