Scars: Book One
Authors: Sinden West
Scars: Book One
by
Sinden West
Other
works by Sinden West:
Vicious
Copyright
© 2014 Sinden West
All
rights reserved
No
part of this book may be reproduced in any form or by any electronic or
mechanical means including information storage and retrieval systems, without
permission in writing from the author. The only exception is by reviewer, who
may quote short excerpts in a review.
This
book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, places, and incidents either are
products of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance
to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.
Cover
Design by James, GoOnWrite.com
Table of Contents
When
Mara and Torrance went over the cliff, I was screwing my mother’s boyfriend. It
would be nice to think that when the two people who hold your heart and sanity
in their hands die, that you know somehow and that your heart screams as it
breaks.
This
did not happen.
While
he was pounding away at me, I lay there detached with my interest held more by
the spider spinning her web above me than by the man between my thighs. While
he was pounding away, those girls spiraled down onto vicious rock and merciless
waves. I could only hope that the waves cleaned away any blood; I would hate to
think of them as less than perfect.
I
wondered if their ghosts were watching us. I imagined Mara giggling behind her
hand, while Torrance rolled her eyes.
“C’mon,
Paige. Really? This guy? What are you on?”
And
then they would fade away as he climaxed, and I pushed him off me. He rolled onto
his back, breathing heavily and keeping his eyes on the ceiling. I wondered if
he was looking at the spider as well. When he could finally move again, his
eyes were everywhere but on me. The shame of what we’d done had hit him.
I
spoke so he didn’t have to. “I’m going to take a shower.”
I
covered my nakedness with a robe and walked calmly down the hall and closed the
bathroom door gently behind me. And then I stayed under the hot water of the
shower until it ran cold, and my own sense of shame was overcome by the
shivering.
He
was gone by the time I returned. No condom or any other evidence to indicate
that he had ever been there was in view.
Later,
after my mother was home from work, she yelled at me for using all the hot
water. Only then was the shame really gone as I smirked to myself and
remembered why I’d done it. I put her plate in front of her for dinner and
tuned her out as she moaned about her job and money. I waited for her to
declare that she was sick of this life and wanted to revert to her old ways;
that her love for Todd was wavering and her fear declining.
His
name amused me, Todd. Throughout all our moves, my mother had always brought
along her old Sweet Valley High books from when she was a teenager; even those
times when we had to escape quickly. One of the main characters in the book is
called Todd, and he was some perfect six foot, cleft chin, too good to be true
type. I think he’s what she’s wanted her whole life. I think that’s why she
hooked up with
her
Todd who’s a house painter, and okay looking, and
doesn’t have a cleft chin.
Her
whole demeanor changed when he turned up.
“Todd,
I thought I was meeting you at the bar?” She pushed back her chair and embraced
him, planting a kiss on his mouth. His arms stiffly hugged her to him, but his
eyes flicked to me so quickly that I wondered if I imagined it. I turned my
attention to my plate as I dug my fork into the food.
“Oh?
I guess I forgot.”
“No
problem, let me just grab my bag, and I’m good to go.” She disappeared down the
hall to grab her things, leaving us alone together.
“About
this afternoon,” Todd began, his voice low and anxious, but I cut him off.
“There’s
nothing to say.” I stood up from the table, grabbing my plate and putting it in
the dishwasher.
“Really?
Because I think that there’s plenty to say.” The urgency in his voice annoyed
me. He had never struck me as a drama queen before.
I
shrugged. “There really isn’t.”
A
banging at the kitchen door finished our conversation.
“Come
in,” I called.
My
boyfriend, Finn, entered cautiously, and a fresh anger flared within me. It was
only yesterday that he’d called me a bitch, and he’d sent not one single
apology text since. He looked sick, and a small triumph coursed through me. He
was going to apologize to me, and he was nervous, either that or he was going
to dump me because he found out about me screwing Todd. No, he couldn’t know. I
leaned against the kitchen countertop and looked at him expectantly.
“Paige–“
he began but my mother chose that moment to return.
“Oh,
hello, Finn.” Then she frowned. “Are you okay? You look sick.”
He
took a deep breath and hung his head. “I’ve got bad news. Mara’s parents wanted
me to tell you.” Finn was Mara’s neighbor, and many hours had been spent
flashing our boobs at Finn from her bedroom window which faced his. Then he
lifted his head slightly to catch me in his gaze. “Paige, there was an
accident.”
I
think I held my breath then and so many questions that I was afraid to ask
travelled through me. But none of us said anything. We just stood there and
waited for Finn to continue.
“Mara
and Torrance…they were drinking at the lookout and, uh, they went over the
edge.” The lookout was a crappy car park on the edge of a cliff that we used for
partying some nights.
I
found my voice. “Are they okay?” Stupid question.
Finn
shook his head, and I felt everything within me drain away. My legs turned to
jelly beneath me, and I passed out.
I
woke up in the living room. I’d been placed on the shitty couch that still
stunk like Mom’s old cat that died last year. I struggled up to a sitting
position, anxious to get away from the hideous floral fabric as much as the
stench.
Finn
sat on the adjacent armchair, watching me with concern. “Don’t move so fast,
you might faint again.” I leaned forward and held my head in my hands to try
and regain composure and suppressed the urge to vomit. I could hear my mother
speaking on the phone but couldn’t make out her words.
“What
happened to them?” I asked, my voice as faint as me. Finn moved over to sit
beside me and took my hand. This kind of affection from him was practically
unheard of unless he wanted sex.
“Some
old guy was up there walking his dog, when he passed them the first time they
were drinking and messing around near the barrier. When he went past them
again, their bottles and keys were on the other side of the barrier and
Torrance’s car was the only one there.” He shifted so that his arm encircled my
waist. “My mother was at Mara’s house when the police turned up. They’re
searching for the bodies now, but there’s not much chance of someone falling
from that height and into the water and surviving…”
Images
flashed through my head of cracked, bloody skulls and nails broken from clawing
from the rocks. Bile rose in my throat, and I made a dash for the bathroom. The
vomit poured out of me at the same time the tears flowed down my cheeks.
When
I was confident in the fact that everything was out of me, I leaned against the
tile on the wall, only then did I notice Finn standing in the doorway.
“I
guess I should have held your hair back or something, right?”
I
managed a smile even though I’m sure he wasn’t making a joke. Mom pushed past
with a clean facecloth and passed it to me.
“Do
you feel better now?” she asked.
Not
really, Mom. My two best friends are dead.
I
nodded weakly.
“Good,
the police want to talk to you tomorrow so I’ll take you.” She frowned at the
state of the toilet but then remembered herself and gave me a fake smile. “I’ll
cancel my plans and stay home with you.”
I
groaned inside. “No, Mom. You should go, please go.”
Because I don’t want to
deal with your emotional blackmail later.
“Finn will stay with me.”
She
looked uncertain for a moment. “If you’re sure?”
I
smiled to reassure her.
“Okay
then, but call me if you need me.”
I won’t.
I
got to my feet and grabbed my toothbrush, smearing a generous amount of
toothpaste on it before violently brushing my teeth. I felt her watching me for
a moment before turning and leaving. I spat out the last of the paste and
looked at myself in the mirror. A girl who looked like shit stared back at me.
I heard the front door slam shut and sighed in relief; they were gone.
Finn
still stood in the doorway, arms crossed and watching me. I pushed past him and
headed to the kitchen to raid my mother’s not so secret stash of alcohol. Cheap
bourbon was this week’s flavor. I pulled the bottle out of the cupboard and
poured generous amounts into two glasses before adding coke. I shoved Finn’s at
him across the table, and some sloshed out.
He
caught it and lifted it in the air. “To Mara and Torrance.”
I
mimicked his actions. “To Mara and Torrance.”
Finn
downed his all in one go. His parents were both alcoholics so it would be
inevitable that he’d be one too. I merely sipped my drink because my mother
wasn’t an alcoholic. She did, however, have unhealthy relationships with men.
That explained why I was with Finn, and screwed Todd, and other stuff I tried
not to think about.
Finn
refilled his glass and downed that one quickly as well. We both drank until we
were laughing.
I
supposed that was better than crying.
Later,
we had sex on the same sheets where I had screwed Todd that afternoon.
They
found the bodies, but we weren’t allowed to see them. I supposed that was for
the best. When I went around to Mara’s house to pay my respects to her mother,
all she could talk about was how pretty Mara was. She was right; Mara was
fucking gorgeous, and it was heartbreaking to think that her face was smashed
in by the rocks.
I
didn’t even bother with Torrance’s family. Her mother was a nasty old bitch and
her father next to useless. I had strong suspicions that the joint funeral
would be paid for by Mara’s family. I sat behind Mara’s family in the church.
Finn sat beside me, and I snatched a glimpse of my mother rushing in to sit at
the back just as the pastor began to speak. Her presence surprised me; maybe
she really was turning over a new leaf.
I’d
been asked to say something, but I declined. I’d only known Mara and Torrance
for eighteen months, but they were the only ones I had ever shared my secrets
with, and they were everything to me. I certainly wasn’t going to stand up in
front of a room filled with people and tell them how much they meant to me.
A
few kids from school spoke. Torrance was clever, and Mara was sporty, so they
had a presence in quite a few different school teams. I snorted when I saw
girls crying who barely knew them. I snuck a look at Finn to see if there were
any tears, but there were none. When he caught me looking at him, he squeezed
my hand. He probably thought we were going to have sex after the funeral.
It
seemed wrong that after the funeral was such a social event. Finn hung out with
his friends, and groups of girls gathered critiquing what others were wearing.
My mother’s too loud laugh seemed to ring out over all the other noise as she
flirted with Torrance’s dad. She just couldn’t help herself, although now that
her once blonde bombshell locks were dyed a rich chocolate, she didn’t seem as
overtly sexual. Still, nothing disguised the fact that she was a very beautiful
woman. I raised an eyebrow at her outfit; a red halter neck dress probably
wasn’t the most appropriate dress to wear to a funeral. Torrance’s Dad’s eyes
were glued to her cleavage, tongue practically hanging out. I tried to think of
the name of the man who had paid for those breasts, but his name escaped me.
Eventually, most of them all rolled into one, with the exception of a few who
were notable for both good and bad reasons.
I
stayed as far away as possible from my mother. I don’t know why she was encouraging
Torrance’s father. He wouldn’t be her type for another twenty years, when her
skin was creased and papery, hair thinning, and face stretched with the maximum
amount of facelifts allowed. That would be when she would need to settle for
someone like Torrance’s drunken father, someone who eyed up women at his own
daughter’s funeral while his obese wife shoved club sandwiches into her
cavernous mouth a few feet away. I think that’s why I bonded so well with
Torrance at first, because we both had fucked up home lives. But I never told
her about that time I stayed overnight at her house. I’d gotten up in the
middle of the night to grab a glass of water from the kitchen. I’d snuck down
quietly in the dark as to not wake anyone, wearing a long t-shirt that covered
me to my knees. I’d jumped in fright when I saw the outline of Torrance’s
father sitting in the dark at the kitchen table. Moonlight gave the room an
eerie effect and after my eyes adjusted I could see him staring at me.
“I’m
just getting something to drink,” I shot out, unnerved by his unwavering stare.
“I
got something you can drink here.” He waived the liquor bottle at me. I gave
him a tight smile in response.
“I
better just stick to water.” I turned to grab a glass and started to fill it
from the sink when I felt my t-shirt lifted, and fingers wander down under the
waistband of my panties and between my ass cheeks. I froze momentarily, before
whirling around and smashing the glass into his head.
“Bitch!”
He clutched at his head where a wound had opened.
“You
stay the fuck away from me,” I had told him with false bravado in my voice. And
then I had run past him up the stairs and into the safety of Torrance’s room. I
never told her what he’d done; after all, none of us ever want to accept what
our parents are. Deep down we need to believe that that they are good,
protective, noble people like stories tell us they should be.
I
watched as my mother licked cream from a mini éclair off her fingers suggestively.
Was she sick of Todd? No, that couldn’t be it. She loved Todd, maybe she was
just seeing if she still had the elusive
it
that made men swarm around
her like predators. Only it was her that was the real predator, with just a few
exceptions.
I
stood on the fringes of a group, tuning out most of the pointless discussion.
Merida snuck up beside me, her eyes were red from crying but that was okay.
Merida was actually friends with them.
“You
okay?” she asks quietly.
I
nod at her. “I hate fucking funerals.”
“Me
too.”
I
watched Finn as he high-fived his friends like he wasn’t at a funeral and then
made his way over to me. His arm went around my waist.
“Hey,
a bunch of us are going to go up to the look out and get drunk tonight. A kind
of farewell, you know? Wanna come?” I thought it was a stupid idea, but didn’t
have a chance to say anything because Melody Syme cut in before I could.
“I’ll
be there. We should give them a send-off
they’d
approve of, not like
this stupid funeral.” Her words may have had merit if she wasn’t eye fucking my
boyfriend. Now I had to go whether I liked it or not, or Finn would probably
succumb to her skankiness.
I
turned to him. “I’ll come,” then to Merida. “You’ll be there right?”
She
shrugged. “Sure, I’ve got a bottle of vodka at home.”
“I’ll
grab a ride with you.” Then I turned to Finn and gave him a long kiss on the
mouth in front of Melody so she’d know that he was mine.
At
home, I changed out of my formal funeral dress and into jeans and a sweater. I
wasn’t looking forward to tonight. I only liked parties when Torrance and Mara
were there. I guessed that it was time to start doing things on my own. I
scrawled a note to my mother who I supposed was out with Todd. Things must have
been going strong in that department.
Merida
honked her horn to signal her arrival and I grabbed some coke to mix the vodka
with along with some paper cups.
“You
look nice,” Merida told me as I got in her car.
“Thanks.
Hey, if I get drunk tonight and cry, can you promise to slap me?”
Merida
laughed. “No problem. I can’t imagine you crying though.”
I
shrugged in response and turned the radio on so we didn’t have to talk anymore.
There
was a crowd at the lookout, people were drunk and happy and the thought that
this was morbid never seemed to cross anyone’s mind. I stayed away from the
barrier, instead leaning against Merida’s car as I sipped my drink.
People
stayed away from me. Maybe the death stigma had rubbed off on me. But that was
okay because I just wanted to watch the people around me, particularly Finn and
Melody. Melody looked hot; I could give her that at least. That bitch had been
after him for a long time but a healthy fear of me had made her back off. Maybe
she thought I was so devastated now that Finn would be an easy target. Truth
was, I didn’t really care that much.
I
watched as Melody’s hand rubbed at his arm soothingly, and his drunken eyes
gazed down at her. Melody was petite, like a little doll and that’s what made
men want to take care of her. Men were so stupid sometimes; they couldn’t see
the venom lurking beneath our depths, hidden only by our beauty. And then they
cry foul when they feel betrayed even though it was their own stupidity that
made them sitting ducks for the ruthless.
Melody
stepped closer to Finn, her hand curling onto his forearm as a smile curved on
her lips. Finn watched her, mesmerized by whatever promises he saw within her.
Or maybe it was by whatever she was whispering to him, casting her spell like a
wicked witch. I imagined his cock standing to attention as she spoke like she
was a snake charmer, making him rise up and harden on command. I made my way
over to them. They didn’t notice me at first, not until I spoke.
“Jesus,
Finn. One day someone’s going to cut that dick of yours off.”
Their
eyes darted to me, Melody’s wide and alarmed, and Finn’s narrowed at me like
I’d done something wrong.
“Why
you gotta be such a bitch all the time, Paige?”
I
didn’t know how to answer that. The classic line
because I can be
teetered on my tongue but I swallowed it down, not wanting to be more of a
bitch than I already appeared to be. So instead, I started a fight.
“Having
an asshole boyfriend like you does it to me,
Finn
.”
He
frowned angrily. “Seriously? You’re the one who always thinks the worst of
people. You’re really fucked up sometimes, you know that?” I didn’t like how he
was looking at me, I wanted the Finn back that played nice to get me into bed.
“Melody and I were doing nothing wrong, stop acting like a crazy bitch.”
People
were watching us now, I wanted to apologize but I couldn’t, not in front of
everyone. So instead I glared at him, matching his anger, horrible words poised
to spit from my mouth. But Merida took my arm gently, her touch instantly
calming.
“Hey,
guys. This has been a really horrible day. Everyone’s upset, okay?” Merida
turned to me. “I think we should go home, Paige.”
I
nodded to her and she started to lead me to her car, I twisted my head to take
one more look at Finn. Anger was still coming off of him in waves, and I wanted
to make it better. But I couldn’t.