Scars: Book One (14 page)

I
did the natural thing when I got home from the motel.

I
slept with Todd again.

 Because
it seemed the right thing to do.

It
was only fair to screw with others’ lives the way everyone screwed with mine.
All the emotional turmoil from the morning had morphed into ice cold
calculation. My every move was rational and motivated by cruelty.

I
got to Todd when he was drunk, and my mother was out. To his credit he tried to
say no at first, but once my hot mouth was wrapped around his dick, he threw
all caution to the wind. My mother found us on that shitty floral couch as I
rode Todd. As she stood in the doorway with keys in hand and her mouth pinched,
I slowly slid him out of me.

His
eyes snapped open. “What are you doing? Don’t stop,” he whined before he saw
what I was staring at. “Oh, fuck,” he breathed.

I
walked past my mother to my bedroom. My bag was already packed, so I just slung
it over my shoulder and left the house without another word. It was midnight by
the time I reached the bus stop, and I waited there until dawn came and jumped
on the first bus to the nearest city.

Four
Months Later

Thomas
was the closest thing to a friend I had. We both waited tables at a shitty
diner serving shitty food. Thomas always brightened my day by his sarcastic,
quick-witted commentary. It was because of this that I first thought he was gay,
and this was the reason I allowed him to befriend me in the first place.

He
was a few years older than me, but I must have weighed more than him. He was of
slim build and seemed to be void of body hair. This was another reason I bought
into the stereotype of him being gay. So it surprised me to learn he had a
female lover. She sent him texts and whatever he was doing he would drop it and
jump at her every command.

But
that Saturday, he was hanging out with me in the park as people around us did
energetic, outdoorsy stuff. We just lay on the grass recovering from hangovers
and shielding our eyes from the painful sun. My phone buzzed, and he grabbed it
before me.

“Hey,
you’ve got friends. I thought
I
was your only friend.” He held it out of
my reach as he read my message.

“From
Merida…She says ’That hottie you left with on your last day came in looking for
you. You’ve got to start sharing your secrets. Call me.’ That sounds intriguing,”
Thomas teased.

Aaron?

I
frowned and managed to grab the phone out of his hand. I’d call her later. I’d
just been communicating with her mainly by text so that I didn’t have to
explain things.

“Never
mind,” I turned my phone off and threw it down on the ground beside me. Then
something caught my eye.

Peeking
out of the waistband of Thomas’s jeans was unmistakably hot pink lace.

“What’s
this?” I reached over and pulled at the fabric.

“Hey,
hey, hey. Ease up.” He pushed my hands away. “You’ll give me a wedgie.” Then he
smirked. “Anyway, why should I tell you my secrets when you won’t share yours?”

I
plucked at the lace again. “This isn’t really secret. It’s more kinky …
actually, it makes you slightly more interesting. Does your girlfriend know you
wear women’s panties?” I asked with a smile.

Thomas
looked me straight in the eye. “I’ll tell you all about it; actually I’ve been
wanting to for a while.”

I
raised an eyebrow. “Really?”

“Yeah,
just so long as you tell me about the ‘hottie’ whose looking for you. Is he a
potential love of your life?”

I
shook my head. “Definitely not. He’s one very nasty, depraved,
sick
individual.”

Thomas’s
eyes lit up, and he pointed at me. “I knew it!”

“Knew
what?”

“That
you were fucked up, just like me. That everyone shits on you all the time. That
you’d attract the darker side of life. I mean, just look at you!”

“What
do you mean, ‘look at me?’” I sat up straight.

He
motioned with my hands up and down my body. “You’re little, petite, thin,
whatever you want to call it. The people you attract are the ones who want to
dominate you, they want to degrade and humiliate you!” he announced with a
flourish as if this were good news.

I
opened my mouth to ask a question, but he pre-empted me. “I’m the same. My
whole life everyone has decided that a fun game to play is the humiliation of
Thomas. You know what my nick-name in high school was? Little Dick because,
well, you know, it’s tiny.” He motioned toward his groin, and I opened my mouth
in disbelief that we were having this conversation. “My sophomore year a bunch
of jock assholes dragged me out of the locker room butt naked and tied me to a
fucking goal post so everyone could see my lack of, uh, manhood and after that
the name just stuck. Admittedly it’s not as bad as the moniker ‘fag’ which my
Dad liked to call me…”

I
clutched at his arm. “Oh god, that’s awful. I’m so sorry–“

“No,”
he shook off my arm. “It’s not awful.”

“It’s…not?
It sounds really traumatizing to me.”

Thomas
smiled and shook his head. “After I got free, you know what I did? I locked
myself in a toilet cubicle and masturbated desperately. I never came so hard in
my life.”

I
cocked my head at him. “It turned you on?”

“Hell
yeah. I still fantasize about it.”

I
sucked in a breath. “I don’t really know what to say about that.”

He
grin flashed wider. “Don’t say anything. I get off on it, not only that, I use
it to my advantage. Do you have any idea of the sick freaks out there who can’t
get a fucking hard on or wet pussy unless they’re humiliating or dominating
someone? This is a nasty city with a whole lot of nasty creeps in it. And
what’s more, they have a shit load of money to spend.”

“So
what, you’re saying you’re a prostitute?”

He
rolled his eyes. “No,
Paige.
I find people who want a, I guess, pet is
the better word. They want someone they feel like they own. It’s purely sexual,
and they buy me stuff. I’m hoping Miranda will ask me to move in with her
soon.”

“So
this Miranda, she’s what? Your mistress?”

“Yup.
She’s filthy rich and one sick, twisted bitch. Personally, I prefer dick to
pussy, but the women are easier to handle than the men. They never seem to
manage to keep all the emotion out of it. Anyway, Miranda’s particular kink is
humiliation; some of the others are more into causing pain which isn’t really
my thing. Miranda likes to take away my masculinity and treat me like I’m a
girl; particularly in front of other people. The panties are on her order. She
also likes to make me suck off other guys which she thinks I hate, but little
does she know.” He flashed a wicked grin at me and wiggled his eyebrows, making
me laugh in spite of myself. “She especially likes it if I beg her not too and
shed a tear or two. I’m a fantastic actor, baby.”

He
lay down and stretched out, yawning. I watched him, amazed by what he’d just
told me.

“How
did you get into this?” I watched his face; he really was pretty.

“I
was sixteen when my Dad kicked me out, and I arrived here. I met Sam
practically the second day I got here. I’d slept on the streets that night and
I was so scared and tired and hungry. Sam was buying drugs off some guy at one
of the apartments, and I was sheltering in the doorway. He liked how I looked
and probably how desperate I was. I was so fucking naïve back then; I didn’t
even understand what he wanted until he started taking off my clothes and
pushing my head down to suck his cock. I think I took him by surprise by how
much I enjoyed it, and he decided to keep me around as his dirty secret. It was
very much a master/slave relationship, but stupid me adored the guy. Sam’s from
some old moneyed family; he’s the black sheep and his Dad gives him just enough
to get by without embarrassing him. I got a shitty job at a dive worse than
where
we
work just to pay the rent because Sam kept spending most of the
money on drugs. But I didn’t care; I thought I was in love. Anyway, Sam started
taking me to these sex parties which were pretty fucking wild and eventually, I
met a guy who took a liking to me and wasn’t a drug addict, he wanted to buy me
stuff and by that stage I was sick of Sam spending all my money, anyway. That
guy lasted a few months and there have been a few others since him, but I tell
you, women are where the money’s at.” He looked over at me. “So what do you
think?”

I
shrugged. “I’m not judging you.”

“You
missed my point. I don’t care if you judge me. I’m asking if you’re
interested?”

“What?
Are you serious?”

Thomas
sat up, and by the look on his face I could tell that he was.

“Listen,
Paige. I like you, I really do. But let’s face reality here. You don’t seem to
have any friends except this Merida person. You have a shitty job, a shittier
apartment with a roommate who is really creepy, by the way.”

I
couldn’t argue with that.

“What
happens if you get sick and can’t work? Who would take care of you and pay your
bills? You’d be on the street before you knew it. It’s tiring doing it all on your
own, making every decision and every bad choice. Eventually you’ll get so tired
that you’ll give in to one of those drop kick assholes that drool over you at
the diner and then where will you be? You’ll be some guy’s bitch and nothing to
even show for it.” He took my hand gently. “Don’t get me wrong. These people,
they’re pretty depraved. But you and I know what depraved is, and we’re ready
for it. And these people have money. Lots of it. It’ll be like we’re really
playing them.”

And
that’s how I agreed to go to the party with him.

Miranda
the sick and twisted lived in a fairy-tale mansion by the sea. It was white and
tiered like a wedding cake, and I tried to retain some dignity as we drove up
to it. Thomas had helped me pick a dress for this evening. It was a pale blue
halter neck which ended just above my knees. As I stepped out of the car (a
Mercedes, Miranda bought it for him) the cool air made my nipples all the more
prominent through the dress. Thomas hadn’t let me wear a bra, and I felt
exposed already.

A
servant answered the door and took our coats. Miranda intercepted us almost
immediately. I had imagined her to be beautiful but instead she was pinched and
sinewy like she worked out at the gym too much. Thomas told me she was forty,
but she looked closer to fifty even with the Botox and fillers.

“There
you are, naughty one.” She grabbed Thomas’s chin and tilted his face so that he
was forced to open his mouth as she fucked him with her tongue. It was so clear
to see who the dominant one was here, and I suppressed a smile as I heard
Thomas moan into her mouth like he was turned on. He really was a good actor.
When she’d finished with him, she turned to me and cast her eyes up and down in
a way that made me want to cover myself, but I stood firm and lifted my chin.

“Madame,
this is Paige, the friend I told you about.”

She
leaned toward me and planted thin lips on my cheek. “Hello, dear,” she murmured
in my ear. “You are going to be very popular tonight.”

I
didn’t know how to respond to that, but I didn’t have to as a waiter moved
towards us with a tray of champagne. Thomas plucked two off the silver tray and
handed me a delicate flute. I sipped at it gratefully.

Miranda
moved away to greet more guests, and Thomas guided me out of the foyer and
through a set of heavy, ornate doors.

“Don’t
worry about her,” he told me. “She’s strictly dick, which is ironic since she
really
likes treating me like I’m a fucking girl. Oh, and I’ll give you a heads up
now. You’re most probably going to be treated to my humiliation as a floor show
tonight.”

“Oh,”
I said dismally as he let me into a room.

This
room was huge, perhaps it had been designed as a ball-room but now it was filled
with various couches and love-seats. Spanking stools and horses littered the
area and I only knew what they were because a variety of red bottomed people,
men and women, were positioned on them. Shackles on the walls held others in
place, and a harness hung from the ceiling with a nude man suspended in it.
Others dressed in evening wear stood around drinking champagne like nothing
kinky was going on at all.

“Wow!”
I hissed to Thomas.

He
raised his eyebrows at me. “Exciting, huh? Just relax. You don’t have to do
anything you don’t want to do.”

I
saw a nude girl being led by a leather clad man on a leash that was attached to
a leather collar around her neck. One hand instinctively went to my own neck
while the other clutched my champagne flute as memories invaded. But the
difference was that this girl looked happy. She was staring adoringly at the
master who controlled her. I threw more champagne down my throat and instantly
a waiter appeared at my side to take my empty flute and pass me another.

“Take
it easy there, Paige,” Thomas said.

“Really?”

He
shrugged. “Nah. It’s a party with free champagne. Drink up.”

He
walked me around the room, and we watched various scenes of lovemaking, punishment
and humiliation. Nobody minded our attention, and when I said this to Thomas,
he said “That’s the point of this. To either be humiliated and submissive or to
dominate and humiliate. I told you they’re all depraved fucks. Including me.”

I
noticed several admiring glances sent our way and several said hello to Thomas.
One tall man dressed in black tie and who looked like an accountant stopped us.
“Hello, little girl.” At first I thought he was speaking to me, but his finger
stretched out and traced down Thomas’s face. Thomas’s eyes immediately went to
the floor in a submissive gesture.

“Hello,
Sir.”

I
watched as the man’s hand swept down Thomas’s chest and then slowed at his
groin, cupping him there.

“Edward!”
Miranda intruded, pressing a kiss onto the man’s cheek. “Are you touching
what’s mine?” she teased.

“I
thought we could share her.”

“Perhaps,
but not yet.” She turned to Thomas. “I want you to go introduce your little
friend to Nora, and then we’ll play.”