Searching for Tomorrow (Tomorrows) (4 page)

“Okay
. Well, go hit the shower and get ready for work. I’ll start on those bushes and see what I can get done in the next couple of hours.”

I grab
Liam in a big hug and squeeze him tight. As my throat tightens and tears threaten, I whisper, “Thanks, Bubby. You take such good care of my girls and me. I love you so much, and I just don’t know what I would do without you.”

I hear
Liam clear his throat before I feel his big hand on the back of my head. He gives me a big noogie and squeezes me back. As he lets me go, he pushes my back and gruffly says, “Love you too, Sis. Now, go get that shower. You stink.” Then he gives me a soft kiss on the head before pushing me towards the hall.

I walk into my bedroom and head for the closet
. I have been pulling a lot of double shifts lately, so I haven’t had much time to do laundry. Stepping inside the closet, I reach to the right to turn the light on. As the bulb hums and clicks, the light slowly flickers to life. I raise my face towards the ceiling, and while closing my eyes, I slowly draw a deep breath in through my nose. The smell of a forest after a brisk rain shower fills my senses. A quick lightning bolt pierces my heart, and I wince with the pain. I swear that Tripp could be standing right in front of me. Oh, how I miss burying my face in his neck. For just one fraction of a second, I feel a tingle of anticipation as I wait for the brush of a hand down my arm. Tripp could never be around me without touching me. His need to feel me, to worship me with his hands, was just one of the many ways he would show me just how much he loved me, and how much he needed me with him. Oh, how I miss his touch.

Opening my eye
s, I realize that he is not here. It doesn’t matter that I can smell him, that I can feel him. He. Is. Not. Here. I have to get a grasp of the reality that is now
my
life, and the life that revolves just around
my
girls.

I
stand and look at the clothes in front of me. Since I know that lunch at the Smokehouse is a casual affair, I head for the rows of t-shirts and jeans neatly folded on the shelves at the back of the closet. Deciding that I am not going to let my crappy morning ruin my entire attitude or the rest of my day, I snatch up a red t-shirt, my kicking red cowboy boots, a pair of skinny jeans, and some clean undies. After I grab a clean towel from the laundry basket on the floor, I head to the bathroom for my shower. Knowing that my time is quickly running out, I decide to pull my hair up in a sloppy ponytail instead of washing it.

After setting my clothes on the
lid of the toilet, I turn to start the water, wanting it to warm up before I get into the shower. In front of me, in the far corner of the tub, is the biggest freaking spider I have ever seen in my life. Naturally, I race from the bathroom, screaming at the top of my lungs, “Kill it! Kill it! Liiiiaaaammm! Kill it!”

Liam
comes flying around the corner into my bedroom and runs smack into me, knocking my butt flat to the floor. He stumbles over my legs, barely catching his balance. While I would normally find it amusing to see my lughead brother almost wipe out headfirst, at this moment I have bigger priorities. “Liam, you’ve got to kill it. It’s as big as my hand. I swear.”

I am having a hard time catching my breath in all this excitement
. I am quite sure by now that the cheeks on my face have turned as red as the cheeks on my butt from the fall I just took. Realizing that I am still on the floor, and therefore closer to spider level, I jump to my feet, somehow managing to shove the top of my head into Liam’s chin.

“Da
ng it, Sis, what are you trying to do? Kill me?” Liam is standing there rubbing his chin and shaking his head at me.

Looking up at him and shaking my hands frantically in front of his face, I screech at the top of my lungs, “WHY ARE YOU STILL STANDING THERE
? KILL IT AND KILL IT NOW!” I finish that little tantrum by stomping my foot. Liam does not look too concerned.

“
Um… What exactly am I killing? And where exactly is it?” He is still standing there rubbing his chin, but I can see a devilish gleam in his eyes. I have a feeling I am in big trouble. Surely, he would not do that to me again.

As my
brother, Liam knows beyond any doubt that I am deathly afraid of all things relating to spiders. He and Tripp played on that fear every chance they could. Sure enough, I see that wicked grin on Liam’s face before he turns towards the bathroom.

“So,
what exactly and where exactly?” he asks. “Let me just take care of this for you, Sis.” He then makes a mad dash for the bathroom, and I make a mad dash out of my room.

“
William Russell Broun, don’t you dare even think about it. That is it. I’m going to call Mom. I so do not have time for this juvenile behavior. I am going to be late for work. Charlie is going to fire me, and then YOU will have to make sure the girls and I have a place to live, food to eat, and shoes on our feet. Don’t. You. Dare.”

By the time I reach the front door, I realize that not only am I barefoot, but I am still in my ratty old pajamas
. Throwing caution to the wind, I jerk the door open, and looking over my shoulder to see if Liam is chasing me down, I run out the door… without looking in front of me. Imagine my surprise when I run straight into Mother Tidwell, knocking her sweet little disposition to the ground.

Before I can even speak a word of apology, I hear heavy steps coming down the hall at a very rapid rate
. Completely ignoring my mother-in-law sprawled in all her majesty on my front stoop, I let out a high-pitched squeal and jump right over her prone body. I don’t even pause as I make the mad dash to my car. I jump in that sucker and hit the button to lock the doors as fast as I can. I can’t help but giggle as I look up to see Liam standing above Mother Tidwell with a cup in one hand and a dumbstruck look on his face. Even with the windows closed, I can hear her lecturing him. She is really giving him down the road, tearing into him. If she chews at him much longer, there won’t be any of him left. I bet he wonders what the heck just happened here.

Now I love my
Liam, but I have to admit, I really am having a hard time deciding whether I should just stay in the car and let her blast his ears off, or if I should be the big sister (I am six minutes older) and get out to defend him. I know what that big lug has in that cup, and I know exactly what he wants to do with it. This has been a favorite form of torture for a very long time. Any time Liam or Tripp could catch a spider, they would not hesitate to throw it right on me. I have to tell you, that little trick has never failed to make me literally pee my pants. Do you see my dilemma here?

The clock on the dash catches my attention
, and I realize that my morning is flying away. It is now 9:20 and if I do not kick my butt into gear, I will never be ready to leave for work within the hour. I know that I have to muster up some deeply buried courage, and right now, I think I can face the spider easier than I can face Mother Tidwell. I did, after all, knock her flat out on her butt and then take a flying leap over her. This may be the one time in my life that a spider is actually the lesser of two evils.

Steeling my spine, I reach for the door handle when a rare flash of brilliance hits me
. If I put my Supermom cape on, I can fly around the house, jiggle open the back door, AND get the front door locked before anyone realizes my nefarious plan. Taking a deep breath, I leap from the car and race around the side of the house as fast as my short little legs can carry me. Scrambling up the steps of the deck, I grab that doorknob and jiggle to my heart’s content. I am leaning all my weight against the door when all of a sudden it flies open. Once again, I find myself sprawled over the floor with my knuckleheaded brother leering down at me. And, yes, he has that dang cup in his hand.

Quite honestly, this is that one specific moment in time where I know that whatever I do now will determine how the next hour plays out
. The choice I make now will decide for me whether I am actually going to get a much-needed shower before working a fifteen-hour shift or if I am going to be late and disappoint Charlie. Mustering up all the strength that I have, I perform one of my well-honed soccer mom moves. I kick my foot up at lightning speed and hit that cup with such precision that even David Beckham would be jealous of my mad skills.

Unfortunately, Mother Tidwell chooses that exac
t moment to walk up behind Liam. Can you guess what happens? Yep, that cup goes one way and the spider goes the other. Of course, the cup quite innocently lands right in the sink. As fate would have it, the spider now travels through the air and lands smack dab on Mother Tidwell’s cheek. When she lets out a shriek that could shatter thin glass, I cannot help it. I lose control of myself and collapse back onto the floor, shaking in unsuppressed laughter.

Needless to say, Mother Tidwell
is not quite as amused as I am. After swatting the spider to the floor and squashing it so thoroughly that I am sure it has now become ingrained in the wood, she marches over to stand above me. Looks as though I am going to be the one to get an earful this time. I am splayed out on the floor, struggling to get both my laughter and my breathing under control, when I hear a faint snicker coming from Liam’s direction. I know better than to look at him. I really do, but I just cannot help it. As soon as my eyes connect with his and I see the tears rolling down his reddened cheeks, I lose the struggle for composure for the second time.

As laughter once again over
takes me, I find myself on the edge of hysterics. Mother Tidwell is still standing above me with a look of fury on her face. I swear she is like Mount St. Helens, ready to explode. I can see the smoke coming from her ears. As I wait for that first blast of heat to hit me, the weight of everything finally hits me, and my emotions overwhelm me. With no warning at all, my feelings bubble to the surface: fear, anger, exhaustion, failure, and loneliness. From out of nowhere, I hear a keening sound, and deep down inside, I realize the noise is coming from me. Curling into the fetal position, sobs overtake me. It is as if, for just one moment, my strength and resolve flow right out onto the floor, leaving only a shell of who I try so hard to be.

Liam
kneels beside me, gently rubbing my back. Mother Tidwell stomps her foot in a plea for attention and speaks with a rigid voice. “How ridiculous. Whatever is your problem? Get up off that floor and get a hold of yourself.”

Liam
’s hand freezes on my back and I feel the anger and tension rising through his body. “GET OUT! GET OUT NOW! You have done nothing but cause trouble and heartache since day one. Enough is enough.” His voice shakes, filled with rage. “She doesn’t need this right now. Can’t you see that she’s broken?”

Mother Tidwell draws herself up into her regal pose
. “How dare you?” she hisses in fury. “Who do you think you are to address me in such a manner? Don’t you dare speak to me that way. If my Channing were—,”

Liam
abruptly cuts her off before she can finish her tirade. “Enough, I said. I swear you have lost your mind. Get out, now. If Tripp were here, he would say the same thing. There is no way he would’ve put up with your crap. Now, go. You’ve done enough damage today. This week. Heck, for the last twenty years.”

Dead silence fills the room
. Mother Tidwell visibly pales and then, gathering her resolve, she tenses. She turns and stalks to the front door. Smoothing her disheveled hair and straightening the hem of her blouse, she turns back to pierce us with a half-crazed glare. I can feel the venom oozing from her eyes, and I know that whatever she says will not be good. “You make your own way; take care of your own brats. You will see that you need me. When you do, you’ll come crawling right back.” With a final sneer, she glides out the front door, slamming it behind her so hard that the pictures rattle in her wake.

Our high school years were the best for Liam, Tripp, and me. We were basically inseparable. Tripp slept over so often that eventually most of his clothes ended up in Liam’s closet, and my mom was doing his laundry right along with everyone else’s. When Liam got mono our sophomore year, so did Tripp and I. We all sprawled out on the living room sofas while our mom nursed us and catered to our every need. For two long weeks, we sweated and froze together while watching movies or playing games. When one of us moaned, the others answered with a groan. Tripp’s mom refused to come into our house, but he did not seem to be too disappointed in that. Besides, our mom had enough love to go around.

Tripp and I seemed
fused at the hip. Our hands were constantly clutched together, his long fingers entwined with my short stubby ones. When we were standing together, it was never side-by-side. He always stood behind me with his strong arms protectively enveloping me, and his chin resting on the top of my head. He loved to rub my hair, and would brush and braid it for me in the evenings before bed. There was never any doubt to those who saw us that we were completely lost over each other with a love that most grownups envied.

Mom and
Dad realized right away that without proper supervision and guidance, Tripp and I could easily fall prey to our simmering teenage hormones and emotions. Because of the close nature of our family and our relationship with Tripp, they did not hesitate to sit down with the both of us and have ‘the talk’. I’m not saying that conversation wasn’t awkward, but our family was always open and honest with each other.

As we were finishing supper,
Mom looked at Tripp and me. “Your dad and I need to talk with you two. Let’s hurry and get the dishes washed, and the kitchen straightened up.”

Tripp and I
glanced at each other, questions in our eyes. I spoke up, and asked the only think I could think to ask. “Uhm, have we done something wrong?” I couldn’t think of any line we’d crossed, our grades were great, and we never missed curfew. I could tell by the look on his face that Tripp was just as confused as I was.

Dad walked over to Tripp and me. He took Tripp’s
large hand and my small hand, and then placed them together between his own. “Y’all haven’t done anything wrong, honey. Your mom and I just think that before things progress any further between you and Tripp, we should just sit down and let you know what our expectations are. Now, let’s hurry so we can all get this over with.”

Needless to say, by the time my daddy finished, all of our cheeks were blood red. We hurried
through it because this conversation was one nobody seemed inclined to linger over.

I won’t bore you with all the details, but we talked that ni
ght about how the choices we made could affect us for the rest of our lives. Mom and Dad let us know that they loved us unconditionally and supported our choice to be together, but they also told us that they would not tolerate sex before marriage in their house.

At this point, we asked
Liam to come join us because he would be playing a big part in the new rules. Because Tripp was all but living at our house, we discussed putting new rules in place to help us fight temptation. Tripp and I were never to be alone together in any of the bedrooms. Dating was fine, but we were to respect the set curfew, and let them know where we were going and whom we would be with. There would be no overnight trips, even to Papa and Nana’s house, without taking Liam with us.

Most kids our age would have felt stifled and suffocated by these rules, but my parents had never given us a reason to question them or their love for us.
They had earned our trust and respect through their actions. We knew that their requests were a result of their deep love for each of us, and that they were not, in any way, trying to hurt us.

At their
suggestion, Liam, Tripp, and I attended True Love Waits sessions at our church that encouraged teenage abstinence, and we made a vow that we would not only remain virgins, but also sexually pure until we married. Tripp and I sealed our pledge even further by exchanging promise rings. Even at our young age, we understood the importance of good character and the value of a good reputation, and we took our vows seriously. In a strange sort of way, the pressure was relieved, and we were quickly able to fall back into our normal routine that always included Liam. He also always gave us that extra layer of security because the two of us were very rarely alone.

It was
Friday, April 27, 2001 and only two days before Liam’s and my seventeenth birthday. Somehow, we had managed to convince our parents to let us drive to Wilkesboro and camp out at Wilkes Community College for Merlefest. We had whined and begged for years to go, and Mom and Dad finally relented. We spent Thursday evening getting our tents, sleeping bags, and gear ready so that we could leave school at lunchtime to make the three and a half hour trip from Highlands to Wilkesboro. All we had to do was clean out the truck and then load all our stuff in it.

Tripp’s truck was a 200
0 Ford F250 four-door crew cab. It was big enough to take us anywhere we wanted to go and spacious enough that my boys had all the room they needed for their long legs and big feet. Because it came with a nice long bench seat, we had no problem with all of us sitting up front. Of course, I was always in the middle, sandwiched between my guys. Seems those short legs of mine were a blessing in that case. We were always on the go, but we somehow managed to keep it cleaned out pretty well, especially for teenagers. It was a wonder it wasn’t filled with mud because we didn’t care about which season it was or what the weather was like. On any given day, we made the most of every second of free time we had.

I won the coin toss, so I pick
ed the music we would listen to on the drive. Based on some of the groups we would hear that weekend, I chose Dolly Parton, Ricky Skaggs, Doc Watson, and Lonesome River Band. Rumor had it that Nickel Creek would be making an appearance, so I grabbed one of their CDs, too.

As we left school
, we were so excited to be on our first real long distance, overnight camping trip. None of us had slept much the night before, but this trip had been well planned and thought out, and I just knew that nothing could go wrong. Camping was something Liam, Tripp, and I had done all our lives, so my parents were not worried about that part of the trip. Their main concern was the temptation that Tripp and I would find ourselves in being so far from home. We both reassured them that we would behave, and we even had Liam along for the role of chaperone, though he referred to himself as our babysitter. He promised Mom and Dad that he wouldn’t leave us alone for more than a few minutes at a time.

Halfway down the mountain, we stopped
in Morganton to grab a bite to eat at one of the fast food joints along I-40. When Liam got out, running inside to use the bathroom, Tripp turned his body towards mine and took my hands in his. “My Wrynn. I am going to do my best to keep my thoughts and hands where they need to be. Just understand that this weekend will be a true test for both of us.”

Knowing exactly what Tripp was f
eeling, I put my forehead to his and placed a soft kiss on his nose. Tripp and I had always been very careful to try not to let our feelings carry us away. We both knew that our situation was different from most because we practically lived in the same house, and he rarely, if ever, returned to Mrs. Tidwell’s home. Having someone else around us almost constantly helped keep our feelings in check and we both knew that Liam would support us, but not smother us.

“Just once
, Tripp. Just once, I would like you to hold me and kiss me like you can’t get enough of me. Just once.”

Before I could even take a breath in, Tripp had snatched me up
off the seat and into his arms. He ran his fingers through my hair, and when he reached the back of my head, he pressed me forward so that our mouths met. The instant my lips touched his, I melted against him and kissed him with every fiber of my soul. That kiss seemed never-ending, at least until Liam slammed the truck door. Under his breath, he mumbled to himself, “Guess I can’t leave them alone for two seconds.”

Tripp and I broke apart, laughing at
Liam. I slid back onto the seat and buckled my seatbelt. Before backing the truck out of the space, Tripp grabbed my chin and dropped a quick kiss on my forehead. Taking a deep breath, he said, “No, Liam, I guess you can’t. She is just too irresistible.”

Liam
looked between the two of us with a small frown on his face. “I get it. Really, I do. But, how in the devil do you two think you’re going to make it through college? I won’t be there every minute.” Leave it to Liam to be our voice of reason. We all knew we were going on to college together. Being separated was just not an option we were even willing to consider.

Tripp looked at me with that tender smile of his
. “Liam, I don’t think that will really be much of a problem. I plan to marry this girl as soon as we graduate,
if
she will have me. Of course, I haven’t asked her yet. But I will, and I betcha she says yes.”

Looking into Tripp’s eyes, I knew right then and there that I would never be able to live without him in my life
. The love I felt for him was so deep and so big that it threatened to overwhelm me. I saw my future sitting right beside me, and I knew without a doubt that he was all of my tomorrows. Together forever. I really liked the way that sounded. And he was right. I would most definitely say yes.

We finished the drive and made it to Wilkesboro before dark
. After stopping at a payphone to call my parents to check in, we found a great spot to camp and got to work getting everything set up. We positioned our tents with safety in mind so that Tripp and Liam’s flanked mine on either side. While I put everyone’s stuff in the tents, the boys went to gather kindling and firewood. I grabbed the cookware and food supplies, and set about getting our foil packs ready to place in the fire to cook.

When the boys got back with enough wood to last the weekend,
Liam laid some of it out and got us a nice hot blaze started. Tripp got our camp chairs out and placed them a safe distance from the flames. After putting the foil packs in the edge of the fire, I went to join the boys. It felt nice just to sit back and relax. Nothing in the world could bother us.

After eating, we just sat and listened to The Dan Tymin
ski Band play on the stage, and watched as the stars finally took over the sun. The lead singer of the band was the voice everyone heard in
Oh Brother, Where Art Thou
. George Clooney’s pretty face and Dan’s voice made millions of people happy. The music was soothing to our souls.

Realizing the lateness of the hour, we made our way down to the bathrooms to get ready for bed
. We split up at the doors with plans to meet back up in that very spot. I went in, hung my travel bag, and used the bathroom. I washed my hands and gave my teeth a good scrubbing. Then it happened. I dropped my toothpaste lid, and when I went to pick it back up, I ran my head through a spider web. I screamed at the top of my lungs.

The
boys hit the door running, thinking that someone was surely killing me. I danced around in that dark bathroom pulling at my hair and rubbing my arms and legs and screaming at the top of my lungs. By that time, I was convinced that I had spiders all over my body and all in my hair. I swear I could actually feel them crawling all over me. I could not swipe and swat fast enough. I guess it just makes sense that everyone would come running to see what was going on. By the time I calmed down some, there were twenty pairs of curious eyes looking at me, trying to figure out just what my problem was.

Liam
grabbed my travel bag. Tripp pulled me to his side, and then my boys quietly escorted me back to our tent, all the while assuring me that all the spiders were gone. Liam was the first one to grin and then snicker. He assured me that there was no way a spider would have stayed around to hear me screaming like a banshee. Tripp joined in the snickering and before I knew it, both my boys had doubled over at the waist, howling with laughter. They were convinced that there actually had not been a spider, just an old web.

I smacked both of them on the back of the head and t
hen retreated to my tent to sulk alone. A few minutes later, the laughter had mostly stopped and both boys came to tell me goodnight. After giving them a hug and kiss, we each crawled into our bags and let sleep take us over.