Searching for Tomorrow (Tomorrows) (9 page)

Her words make me nauseous. She thinks she gave him everything he
needed. What a crock. “How can you say that you gave him everything he needed? He needed a mother. He needed love. He needed acceptance. You never gave him any of those.” I can feel the anger rising, and quite frankly, I am tired of pushing it down.

“
Do you know what he said on 9/11? He said that when he first moved here, he was just a little boy whose father was dead and whose mother couldn’t stand to be around him. Do you even realize that he might still be here with us if you’d shown him one ounce of affection, a smidgen of approval? He loved you until the day he died. He wanted you to accept him, but he could never do anything right in your eyes.” Fury rolls through my body, starting at my feet. By the time it reaches my head, I feel as if I am about to burst. The words are just flying from my mouth and the more I speak, the louder I get.

“
You may have given him material possessions, but you never gave him the one thing he wanted and needed. A mother. Thank God, my mom and dad have huge hearts, because after Mr. Tidwell’s death, my parents were the only parents that Tripp had. They loved him for who he was; they didn’t just merely tolerate him for what he could give them. I promise you that Tripp knew the love of a mother. It just wasn’t from you. You can keep your money. I promise that you don’t have one single, solitary thing that my girls or I need. Now you can just leave us alone in peace and quit trying to destroy the family that I have left. We Brouns may not have much, but what we do have is the love and respect of the people in this town. You leave Liam’s business alone, or what you’ve told me today becomes public knowledge and you’ll find yourself run out of this town so quick you won’t know what hit you. And I’ll tell you one other thing before I walk out of this door and out of your life. I feel sorry for the pathetic, weak, money-hungry person that you are. No wonder I could never meet your standards. Here I thought I wasn’t aiming high enough when I guess that all along I should have been aiming for the dung pile where you live. Goodbye and good riddance.”

With that last statement, I proudly lift my head, walk out the door, and gently close it behind me. I take just a moment to
let the feeling of finality seep in, and with an amazing feeling of freedom, I head to the car to reclaim my life WITHOUT the ogre.

For years, I’ve heard a song that talks about how time keeps on slipping into the future. With so much that I wanted to hold on to, time seemed to fly like that eagle into the areas of my unknown. I wanted to just stand still in one place, scream STOP at the top of my lungs, and pray that Father Time heard me.

October rolled around
, bringing with it cooler temperatures, burnished autumn leaves, an air of excitement around Fall Festival and Halloween preparations, and the most dreaded of times for me—Tripp’s eighteenth birthday.

It had been over a month since the events that rocked our nation to its core. September eleventh seemed
to draw American citizens together. Personal differences, political disparities, and even religious affiliations seemed to be put aside, and America once again truly seemed to be ‘one nation, under God, indivisible’. Not one day passed without the mention of Ground Zero, and the tireless, amazing recovery efforts going on there. People from around our nation, and even around the world, were doing what they felt was their part in the efforts, whether physically or financially. The sense of patriotism was remarkable.

In the midst of all the confusion and anger
over what had been determined to be a known terrorist attack on America, I found myself heading towards a very dark place and had no idea how to pull myself out of it. It was beyond my understanding how a group of people could so blatantly and intentionally cause such mass confusion, destruction, and death in the name of their god.

These very events were responsible for the fact that my Tripp had met with an Army recruiter, and was planning to enlist on his eighteenth birthday in a few days.
He had asked me to make the drive with him to Sylva so that he could introduce me to the recruiter, and afterwards, he had a special date night planned for us. Mom and Dad were letting me skip school that day so that I could go. This daytrip would be one of the first that Liam didn’t go on with us, but he was so excited for Tripp that I didn’t ask any questions. I couldn’t figure out what had Liam so excited, but he wasn’t sharing anything with me.

Mom and
Dad tried to be understanding about my slide towards a melancholy state. I struggled so hard to keep from slipping over the edge, but my heart was splintering into a million pieces. At times, I thought that I was simply being selfish, and then I would catch a glimpse of the news and hear about the impending deployment of thousands of troops. I couldn’t stop the thought that that could be my Tripp very soon. I was thankful that I would have him for at least a few weeks after graduation, and I really felt compassion towards the thousands of parents, spouses, children, and friends who would go to bed and wake up every morning with a prayer of safety for the loved one that was in harm’s way. I too prayed for all of these people. I had even started begging and pleading with God to keep my Tripp safe even though he was still with me.

Tuesday night found us all together at the dining room
table celebrating Tripp’s birthday one night early, since Tripp had plans for us the next evening. My mom cooked a big pot roast with lot of vegetables, mashed potatoes and gravy, and cornbread. After supper, she brought out a big seven-layer cake with fudge icing and eighteen flaming candles. I just couldn’t join the others in singing “Happy Birthday.” Instead, I laid my head in the crook of Tripp’s neck and quietly wept at the passing of another year. Tripp kept me nestled close to him with one arm tight around me, and fed me small bites of cake, trying his best to help me shake off the blues that I’d been feeling.

“
Wrynn, baby. You’re killing me.” Tripp’s voice was soft, his breath warm on my ear. He placed a kiss on my head. “You know I don’t want to leave you, but this is something I have to do. If I stay, if I don’t do this, I will regret it for the rest of my life.”

“Oh Tripp, I know that. I’m not trying to make this hard, I promise.
It just tears me up to think that pretty soon you won’t be here, and I just don’t know how I’ll make it without you. You’re such a huge part of my life and I just don’t want to say goodbye.” With an anguished voice, the hurt was evident in every word I spoke. I tried so hard to rein in my emotions, but I could literally feel my heart cracking under the weight.

Tripp lifted my chin with his fingers, and brought his eyes level to mine. “It’s not goodbye.
I love you with everything I am, and I want to spend the rest of my life showing you just how much I do love you. I’m just signing up, that’s all. We’ve got until the end of the school year to plan the rest of our lives.” He kissed the tears that streamed down my face. “Don’t give up on me now.”

The
tormented look in his eyes told of the hurt I was causing by my actions, and I became determined to keep my agony hidden as best I could. I would need supernatural strength, though, to try to keep a happy face on. I brought my hand up to the back of his head and pulled his lips to mine. Where I intended just a quick kiss, Tripp obviously had other ideas. He brought both his hands to my face and kissed me as if our lives depended on it. I forgot everything but the feel of his lips, the way his tongue danced with mine, the heat from his body that made me want to crawl into his lap. This kiss could have gone on forever … but unfortunately, Mom, Dad, and Liam were still sitting at the table, too.

“Uhm
, guys, would y’all like for us to leave?” Liam’s barely contained laughter was evident in his voice. “You know, Mom made hot chocolate to drink around the bonfire, but really, this is much more entertaining.”

I heard a chuckle from my dad, and my
mom let out a deep sigh and said, “Maybe it’s time for that hot cocoa. Come on. We’ll meet you out back. You’ve got two minutes to finish this up before one of us comes back in to get you. Don’t make me regret it.”

With that said, I heard chairs scraping back from the table, but the only person I saw was Tripp. He was the center of my focus. His eyes roamed my face. I could feel
the heat between the two of us rise to new heights. I was excited and scared at the same time. My family had never left us alone for very long but it seemed that things were changing, some good, and some bad.

With a groan, Tripp placed one more kiss on my lips. “You’re my everything. You’re the reason I breathe, the reason I live.
I can’t imagine my life without you. I’ve loved you forever, and that love will never die.” He released me, stood from the table, and took my hand, gently pulling me to my feet. We headed through the kitchen to the back door and saw my family sitting around the bonfire, waiting on us.

Our first snow flurries of the season
had come this morning, so we sat around a fire we’d built in the backyard watching the snow, talking, and remembering the last ten years that Tripp had been with our family. Mom’s hot chocolate was delicious and it helped keep the cold at bay. With the wind blowing and the temperature dropping, Tripp never let me leave the warmth of his body. He kept me tucked close, keeping me warm and cozy all night. We stayed by the fire until the logs became cinders, and our feet became ice cubes. It was definitely a night that I would never forget.

The following morning
, I woke to a beautiful, sunny, but brisk autumn day. This was the day I was dreading—October 31. I just wanted to pull the covers over my head and go back to sleep. I was not looking forward to this day starting. I hoped my mom had plenty of coffee to go with breakfast, because we had all stayed up late last night celebrating Tripp’s birthday. I stretched my arms above my head and yawned loudly. I found myself very torn. On one hand, Tripp was going to sign up today. On the other hand, Tripp and I were going to be spending the whole day together, alone. I felt as if someone had taken all my emotions, thrown them up in the air, and let the pieces fall. I needed to make an extra effort to keep my emotions buried or at least held closer to me. The thought that I was hurting Tripp only served to make me feel worse. Because hurting Tripp meant hurting myself, and I just knew that there would be lots more pain and hurt in my future.

I could hear the shower from the hall bathroom and knew that either Tripp
or Liam was getting ready for the day. Thankfully, Dad had added a bathroom just for me when we hit our teenage years. What girl wants to share a bathroom with two boys? Not this one. I stumbled from the bed and headed towards my bathroom for my own shower to see if it could help wake me up. Afterwards, I headed towards the kitchen and noticed that Mom had breakfast on the stove, bacon already on the table, and two carafes of coffee waiting on the counter. I could always count on Mom to know what I needed.

I sat down
at my place at the table, and as I grabbed a piece of bacon, hands covered my eyes making it impossible for me to see. I didn’t need to see those hands to know who was behind me. They were as familiar to me as my own. “Good morning, baby. Been up long?”

“
Mmm, I’m not sure what smells better, you or the bacon.” Tripp’s words turned into laughter as he snaked an arm around me, grabbed the bacon from my hand, and ate the piece in one bite. “I know this bacon sure does taste good. But I bet you taste better.” He leaned over and placed a kiss on my lips.

“
Well, you taste like bacon, and it seems to have turned you into a thief. Just for that, you get to fix me a cup of coffee.” I loved the way he kept the conversation light. Of course, Tripp knew me almost as well as I knew myself. He knew that I would need laughter to make it through this morning.

Tripp let out a chuckle
, headed for the cabinet where we kept the coffee cups, and pulled down my favorite mug. He had given it to me when we were in the ninth grade, and it said, “GRITS: Girls Raised In The South,” with flip-flops in a rainbow of colors decorating it. “What happens if you ever break the mug? Do you think we’ll be able to find a new one? Maybe I should start looking for another just in case.”

Leave it to Tripp to try
to take my mind off things by talking about coffee cups. I guess I looked more tense than I had thought. I really needed to find a way to lift my spirits. “Hey, where in Sylva are you taking me for lunch? Is Soul Infusion still open? Their veal Marsala was the best I’ve ever eaten. Oh, but I don’t think it’s open that early. I’m pretty sure they’re closed until suppertime.”

“I was thinking we might do something else for lunch, but you just let me handle it. There’s no need for you to worry about it. You know that I won’t forget to feed us.” Tripp wiggled his eyebrows at me while he rubbed his tight stomach. As if he had one single ounce of fat on his athletic body.

Like most teenage girls, I always moaned and complained about my butt, hips, and thighs. To me, they had always seemed flabby and large, but Tripp was always the first to speak up when I voiced my thoughts. I was thankful that Tripp found me attractive, but I just didn’t see myself the way he did. I tried to watch what I ate, but with two teenage boys in the house, food was plentiful and prepared, to give my boys the energy and staying power that they needed to play their sports. I guess if it had been extremely important to me, Mom and I could have worked out an alternate menu, but I really didn’t want to create extra work for her.

“Well, after we go to your appointment, do you want take a hike or something? I really have no idea what you have planned fo
r today. I kinda need to know so that I can figure out what to wear, and I need to know if I should bring extra shoes or a sweatshirt with me.” I narrowed my eyes at Tripp, hoping that he would give me some sort of clue as to where we were going and what we were doing. He had been very mysterious about his plans for the day. I knew that he had talked it over with my mom and dad, and Liam, but they sure weren’t sharing anything with me.

Tripp’s smile turned into a big grin. Oh boy, that grin did funny things to the butterflies that lived in my belly. He cocked his head to the side, and said, “Don’t
you worry, baby. I’ve got everything taken care of. Because I want today to be a surprise, I asked your mom to pack you a bag, and it’s already in the truck. You’ll need several different things before we get home, but you don’t need to be so anxious. I got this babe. I am going to take care of your every need today. Promise.”

“Okay. I need to eat and then go get ready so that we can leave. Jeans and a sweatshirt okay for the ride over?”

“Sounds good, baby. You just stay there at the table. I’ll fix your coffee and bring you a plate of food. We’ll eat breakfast together, and then we can both go finish getting ready.”

True to his word,
Tripp brought me a plate that overflowed with hot, fluffy scrambled eggs, crisp bacon, and warm, buttery grits with cheddar cheese sprinkled on top. Yum, just how I liked it. When he set that down in front of me, he went back to the counter and poured us both a cup of coffee. He always drank his black, but he knew that I liked a dash of sugar and a healthy dose of half-and-half in mine. When he brought the coffee back to the table, he gave me another kiss, and then sat down next to me.

I gave him a confused look. He had only fixed one plate of food. Didn’t he just say that we were going to eat breakfast together? I knew he was excited about today, but really, Tripp forget his food? No way
would that happen.

Just as I opened my mouth to say something, Tripp picked up the fork, scooped up a generous bite of scrambled eggs, and lifted the fork to my mouth.