Authors: Ong Xiong
“By aborting our
child.”
Sue’s smile
faded. “Oh, Michael, I’m so sorry.”
“Why are you
sorry? I expected Judith to feel some kind of remorse and she didn’t so why are
you the one telling me you’re sorry?”
Sue had no answer
to give him. She remembered Michael at Central Park, commenting on abortion.
Now, she knew there was underlying pain to his remark. “Come on, I’ll buy you
ice cream to make the owie all better,” Sue said, getting up and offering him
her hand.
Michael grinned
humorlessly and took her offered hand. “It better be very good ice cream.”
“The very best.”
She had a loss of
her own. She understood his pain. He knew that.
They stopped at
Dairy Queen for ice cream before returning to Sue’s apartment. Cherry was still
there. Sue told Michael she didn’t want to hurt him. Accepting her answer with
difficulty, Michael said his good night and kissed her cheek before letting her
go.
Jae saw a
different story. He saw Sue kissing Michael affectionately on the cheek,
whispering her farewell and seeing her warm smile.
Seeing Jae’s
scowl and Cherry’s sour face, Sue smiled and offered them ice cream. Sue didn’t
know what else to do. She didn’t want to show Jae the hurt she felt seeing him
with another woman, especially one as striking as Cherry Yuki Sanada. They were
like a double helix, mysteriously beautiful as single strands but perfectly
complete together. And she couldn’t help but loathe her own shortcomings. After
this one week, she would need to move on with her life and a life in the
spotlight was not meant for her.
Unable to see the
look in Khyba’s eyes for Sue, Cherry left them with as much pride as she could,
which, was to not cry in front of them. She bid her farewell before she lost
her composure. Her talk with Khyba had not changed his mind. They had remained
silent for most of the time they were together. He had paced the living room,
frequently checking his watch. She knew who he was waiting for and it was not
her.
Everyone left
except Mai, whose excuse was that Jess had other obligations and couldn’t take
her back to campus.
There were so
many unanswered questions between them, yet Sue hid her fears and so did Jae.
They greeted each other with love as they had agreed upon, to love each other
like they both deserved.
CHAPTER
46
“Do you know Tae
Hwan?” Mai asked Jae eagerly from the backseat of Sue’s Toyota Camry. The
pending snowstorm hadn’t arrived yet, to Mai’s disappointment. She had wanted a
reason to stay.
The day had been
so interesting. After the gorgeous Cherry Yuki Sanada arrived, elegant, dreamy
Michael McHeney had shown up. After a while, the four forgot Mai was present
and she just watched the drama play out. Unfortunately, Sue was not going to
let Mai stay another night.
Jae and Sue were
driving Mai back to Mankato. It was 11:30 at night.
“Yes, I do,” Jae
replied. Sue was sleeping in the passenger seat, exhausted from the day’s
events.
“Do you know Boo
Ya?”
“Yes, I know
her.”
“What about
Ei8ht?”
“How about you
answer some of my questions and I’ll answer yours?”
“That depends.”
Jae smiled. “You
sound like her,” he said fondly, quickly glancing at his sleeping Shorty next
to him. “Tell me about your sister?”
“What do you want
to know?”
“What does ‘koo
loo kos’ mean?”
“Koo loo kos? You
mean
kuv hlub koj
? It means I love you.”
“I see.”
“My turn. Your
song,
Vows
, was it about my sister?”
“It was.”
“I thought so.
When she came back home, she always wore that yellow yarn on her ring finger. I
didn’t put two and two together until this morning.”
“What happened
when she returned from South Korea?”
“You should ask
her.”
“She refuses to
discuss the matter.”
“You love her,
don’t you? I mean, I would really hate to see my sister hurt again. She was
pretty crushed when she returned home.”
“How so?”
“Broken heart.
Pregnant. Take your pick. She didn’t exactly receive a homecoming when she
returned. My brother had just died. My family was grieving. When it was known
that she was pregnant, people called her a slut, whore. Then eventually the
name-calling turned to white-washed, shameful one, et cetera. Sue’s more Hmong
than those who called her white-washed and as far as I know, my sister was
never promiscuous.”
“What is white-washed?”
Jae asked.
“It means she’s
no longer Hmong. That she has turned Caucasian, that sort of thing. It’s a term
meant to insult but for Sue, she just shrugged and said that if that’s what
she’s called for having a friend like Katie then so be it.”
“Why was she
called such a name?”
“Because of her
friendship with Katie. After she returned from South Korea and discovered she
was pregnant, she stopped going to church and to family functions. I don’t
blame her. People could be nasty to an unwed, pregnant, goody-two shoe. Soon
the youth at church and her friends that she grew up with started saying she
spent too much time with her
mes kas
friends and forgetting she’s Hmong.
Then, of course, the name-calling ensued.”
“What did you
mean by Sue being more Hmong? I must confess I don’t know much about Hmong. And
what is me—that word you used?”
Mai chuckled. “
Mes
kas
. It’s the Hmong word for a white person,” Mai explained. “Oh, by the
way, don’t ask her what is Hmong or where is Hmong. Especially where is Hmong,
because she’ll tell you it’s some small island off the coast of China, a small
country bordering China and Mongolia, a small country newly discovered in the
middle of China, somewhere between Beijing and Guilin, you get the point. One
time, someone contradicted her that there was no country between China and
Mongolia. She corrected the person by arguing that the country was so small, it
was often not shown on maps. And just because he couldn’t find it doesn’t mean
the country Hmong didn’t exist. To find a middle ground for ‘us’ non-Chinese,
non-Mongolians, the country was called Hmong, combining ‘H’ from Han and ‘mong’
from Mongolia to form ‘Hmong.’” Mai chuckled, spelling Hmong. “We knew she was
bullshitting but the guy didn’t. We laughed but, needless to say, we never
contradicted her again.
“True, my sister
never let her hair go past her waist, wore skirts to her ankles, went on
chaperoned dates or covered her mouth when she laughed—those are my mom’s
ideals for a proper Hmong girl--but then again most Hmong girls nowadays aren’t
like that so it’s unfair for Sue alone to be judged that way. Even so, that’s
the image that my parents thought girls should be like and that is the image my
father thinks Sue should be like. Which is funny, because Sue’s the only Hmong
girl I know who understands what filial piety means. She helped my parents when
they needed help. She always listens to them and is always respectful. The only
time my sister ever disobeyed my parents was when it came to marriage,
including mine,” Mai pointed to herself.
“How did she
disobey your parents?”
“By refusing to
marry. My father tried to marry her off to a couple of old G’s and this one
cute Hmong guy, but Sue didn’t want to get married. My father forced her to
come home for her Hmong wedding, telling her she was getting married whether
she want it or not. She came home and told the guy she wasn’t marrying him.
When the guy told her the dowry of seven-thousand was already paid and the
wedding was to proceed, Sue said she wasn’t cattle to be purchased. She wished
him a happy life and walked out of the wedding. When her intended came after
her, she told him if he touched her she’d press charges for assault. The guy
thought she was kidding and continued the wedding without her. Later, he went
to her apartment to collect his wife. Sue called the cops and had him arrested
for attempted kidnapping and assault.”
“Kidnapping and
assault? Did that bastard hurt her?” Jae all but hissed the words out. Sue
changed position and Mai lowered her voice when she answered.
“Yes. He
threatened to harm her if she didn’t go with him. She made enough noise to draw
the attention of her neighbors. He slapped her and grabbed her, pulling her to
his car. Once inside, she went with him but she called the cops when they got
to his parents’ place. She had lots of witnesses of him slapping her and taking
her by force. Since then people have called her crazy and stupid.”
Jae felt a chill
go through his spine, remembering his actions in New York.
She’s not
fighting you, she’s protecting herself
. “How did your sister respond to the
name-calling?” Jae asked.
“She laughed and
said she was glad to have been entertainment for some little old ladies. Hmong
women like to gossip in large groups. I’m sure that’s true in a lot of cultures,”
Mai explained seeing the confusion from Jae through the rearview mirror. It was
dark, but the light from the dashboard was enough to illuminate the car so that
it was not completely black. “Even though Minnesota, Wisconsin, and California
have the largest populations of Hmong, it is still a very close-knit
community,” Mai continued. “Gossip travels fast and just like any grapevine
messages, by the time relatives in Wisconsin and California heard about Xai
Chue Thao’s daughter disgracing the family, Sue was already known as the
white-washed, shameful bitch who lusted after Koreans, Japanese and
mes kas
,”
Mai said with much distaste and anger.
“Sorry. Sue often
laughed or shrugged at what people say but I know it hurts her. When I was
living with her, she often cried at night when she was sleeping.”
They were silent
for a while. Jae thinking about the information he had just heard and Mai
thinking about what she had told Jae, wondering if she told him too much. She
decided she would help her sister. She didn’t want to see Sue get hurt.
“Do you love my
sister?” Mai asked quietly.
“Very much,” Jae
answered.
“Then don’t hurt
her, okay? I owe her way too much to let you hurt her.”
Not wanting to go
into the discussion of how much he loved Sue, Jae asked, “And why do you owe
her?”
“When I was young
and stupid… Are you laughing at me?”
“No,” Jae said,
grinning.
“Want to hear or
not?” Mai snapped. She only shared this story with very few people and she
didn’t appreciate him laughing.
“I apologize.
Please continue.”
“Fine, anyways,
when I was sixteen, I wanted to marry this eighteen-year-old senior in high
school. One Friday, I rode the bus home with him and didn’t go home. He
announced to his father that he was marrying me and when asked, I confirmed it.
That night, his family called their
mej koob
, or representatives, they
are like marriage negotiators; anyhoo, they left that night to discuss the
terms of my marriage and wedding date, that sort of thing. My friend, Gaotah,
found out about it and somehow got a hold of my sister. The next day as I was
preparing to go shopping for my bride outfit, Sue came to get me.
“I thought I
would die of humiliation that day. My father threatened that if Sue didn’t
bring me back, she’d be disowned. Let’s just say, she didn’t bring me back that
day and I didn’t die of humiliation, but Sue almost died for me.”
“How so?” Jae
asked alarmed at that last statement.
“My older brother
is a proud man, as proud as our father. He…” Mai paused and look at her sister,
still sleeping. She’d never forget that night. She could tell by the way Jae
was gripping to that steering wheel that he was angry.
“What happened?”
Jae asked calmly. He sensed that what he was about to be told was not going to
be something pleasant. “Mai?”
Mai looked into
the night, watching the snow covered fields blurring by as the car passed.
Several minutes ticked by before Mai answered. “That night, Tou came to get me.
Sue wouldn’t let him take me so he hit her, saying she had shamed the family
for good this time. He accused Sue of ruining my life and the lives of all of
us. How was he and Teng going to hold their heads high when people said their
sisters were whores? How was Yeeki going to face her in-laws with any kind of
dignity? He ranted on and on about pride as he kicked her and hit her. Katie
and I tried to stop him but we couldn’t. By the time the police was able to
restrain him, Sue was unconscious. She had two broken ribs, a concussion and
bruises everywhere. Her face was so swollen that we hardly recognized her.”
Mai had never
told anyone this story until now. Her parents tried to keep this incident
quiet. Of course soon every Hmong family from Wisconsin to kingdom come knew
all about it. And since her parents tried to hush it up, the story was even
juicier. It had been her problem yet it was Sue that took all the hits. In
their world, Sue was a disobedient bitch who thought she could do whatever she
felt like it. To Mai, Sue was her salvation. That night made her see the love
her sister had for her and the sacrifice her sister made for her to get a
second chance.
As for her
brother, Mai once heard some woman whispering that Tou should have killed Sue
that night. It would have saved the family face instead of having Sue walk
around with her head so high that she forgot that she is Hmong. Another time
she heard an aunt say, the family would have been better off with Sue dead than
Tong.
“As you can see,”
Mai continued. “I’m not married and glad for it. As for Sue, being disowned… I
think my father was just heated when he said that, but Sue took it to heart.
She hasn’t been home since. She sees them of course, at restaurants or
gatherings elsewhere, but never home. You can take a left at the lights,” Mai
said. “Anyways, I don’t know the extent of what happened in Seoul …don’t worry,
I won’t ask, but once I asked Sue why she sacrificed so much for me. She
certainly didn’t have to do what she did. She told me that she was not stopping
me from marrying Lucky, she just wanted to give me time. She said if I still wanted
to marry Lucky when I’m twenty-one, then by all means, she would give me her
blessings.” Mai chuckled. “I can’t believe I just told you all that. Anyways,
don’t hurt her. She’s been through enough.”