Authors: Ong Xiong
“Yeah. Well, I
think so. I heard him telling the receptionist his name was Khyba.”
“What did you say
to him?” Sue asked, urgent. “What exactly did you say to him that day?”
“I don’t remember
exactly, but I might have said something like it’s amazing you’re able to keep
track of the men you bring around … something like that.”
Sue was rendered
speechless. That’s what Jae meant by “collecting men.”
“Are you okay?
You’re turning white?”
“How could you?”
“What?”
“How could you
say something like that?”
“Well, it’s true!
You were so in love with nerdy Jay but you were also seeing Khyba, Jun, and
Park and Duke,” Angela said, raising her voice. Several people turned to look
at them. “Don’t act so innocent, Sue. I know you tried to hide it from me but I
saw your visitor’s log. Jun and Park came to see you often so don’t act like
you’re so innocent. And you always flirting with Tony like you two were the
perfect couple.”
Sue stared at her
cousin in horror. Angela continued talking but Sue was no longer listening. All
these years she thought she had been used. She lost her self-esteem, her
self-assurance, all because she thought she made a mistake in judging Jae.
“They’re the same person.”
Angela paused
briefly before asking, “Same person?”
Sue didn’t feel
the need to explain.
“Jay came to see
you after you left Seoul. I didn’t talk to him but Kim said his name was on the
log. Kim gave me—” Angela covered her mouth.
“What? What did
she give you?”
“Nothing.” Angela
quickly said but the damage was already done.
“What did Kim
give you?” Sue demanded.
“His contact. An
address, I think. It was a letter, all right! I couldn’t read it so I—”
“How could you?”
“I thought you
were playing them—Jay, Khyba… I never thought they were the same person!”
Angela tried to
explain why the letter was never given to her. But whatever Angela was saying
was lost to Sue. Jae came back for her in Seoul. Her pain of betrayal was
almost comical, frivolous in a very painful kind of way.
She wanted to
yell at Angela. She tightened her lips, closed her eyes and counted to ten. She
wanted to hit something. She clenched her fist, closed her eyes and counted to
twenty. “I didn’t realize you could think I’m that kind of person. By the way,
Tony’s gay. Congratulations on your marriage and your baby. I’m happy for you,
really I am,” Sue said as calmly as she could before turning away. Angela
yelled something but Sue was already running to her car.
CHAPTER
56
“I would have
found a way to pick the stars for you, if that’s what it will take to get you!”
Jae had told her. “What do I have to do to prove to you I love you?” Jae had
asked.
You loved me
and that’s all that matters. I was wrong. My pride, my fears…
Their time in
Minnesota was on such fragile grounds that they both were afraid to discuss the
issue of their separation long ago. Jae didn’t want to revisit a painful error
that had made his life teeter on the brink of insanity. Sue didn’t want to
discuss an issue that would make her think too much of the what-ifs
: what if
we didn’t break up, what if we didn’t lose Khyber, what if our lives didn’t
happen the way it did…
The phone rang
and rang. No answer. She was directed to voicemail. She redialed the number,
praying for the recipient to answer before she lost her courage. All these
years she was afraid to face the world. She told herself she wasn’t hiding,
only living. But she was hiding. Just like she kept telling herself that what
people said didn’t affect her.
Sticks and
stones could break my bones but words could surely…what? Kill me?
Jun for I have a
surprise.
Jae for I’m here
to see you.
Park for meet me
at the park, same time.
Duke for I miss
you, meet me tonight.
They didn’t have
a way to call each other. Cell phones were expensive. Jae had a pager but Sue
didn’t have access to a reliable phone and didn’t use it often. When Jae came
to get her he used codes to relay messages to her, to let her know if she
needed tennis shoes or sandals for the day.
If the
receptionist gave her the message that someone name Park came to see her, she
would know he had stopped by and he would see her at the park that following
Saturday at noon. Bring the music sheets. If it rained, meet him at his
apartment around noon. He used Duke when he knew she was in class or working at
the lab and couldn’t see him.
Khyba
?
That meant he signed his contract. He wanted her to know. She didn’t receive
his message that day. She wasn’t in her room. She was with Tony, crying because
she couldn’t find Jae and she needed a shoulder to cry on.
The day she met
Katie, she was introduced to her brother Anthony Thornton King. He protected
her as a sister like he protected Katie and through the years, he had become
like a brother. He picked her up the night she left her parents’ home on her
bike. She had nowhere to go and had called him. He wanted her to stay with him
instead of her dump of an apartment but her pride would not allow it. She
always wondered what would have happened if she had listened. Perhaps, she
might still have Khyber with her.
Tony was
traveling in Asia when Sue was in South Korea. He had planned to open a
restaurant and was touring Asia’s night-life for ideas. Sue had received an
email from Katie telling her Tony was in Thailand at the time. Sue had been
contemplating staying in South Korea longer so she had written Tony to visit
her in Seoul if he had some time before heading back to the states. Tony came
and Sue was going to surprise Jae but things happened so quickly after Tony’s
arrival that she didn’t get the chance to.
She was afraid to
make the same mistake. She was searching for an idealistic love that only
existed in stories, where the hero and heroine lived happily ever after. She never
asked what happened when the story ended. Did they really live happily ever
after? No arguments? No disappointments? No mistakes? Always in love?
No, she didn’t
ask any of these questions, yet she constantly asked them of Jae. No more. No
more searching for a fairy tale endings. No more living in shame. She was going
to Jae. She was drowning and she needed him like she needed air.
“Jackie?” Sue
asked in relief.
“Plain Sue?”
“Jackie, please
just listen. I need your help.”
CHAPTER
57
Sue spent two
weeks learning about the man she had refused to accept. First, she searched the
Web for more information about him then she watched his dramas. She laughed
watching
Summer
and she cried watching
Sweet Lullaby
. Her heart
went out to his character Shin yet she couldn’t help a stab of jealousy at the
way he had loved the main character.
She went to watch
his movie
Empire
. The movie was about an undercover Interpol officer who
infiltrated the notorious Yakuza and his struggle to stay alive. The critics
were harsh about his performance, criticizing that he was a Korean actor
playing a role meant for a Japanese actor. She read article after article about
the movie, including speculations of how his recent activities affected the box
office sales and the future of his career. The movie opened to poor reviews but
did well at the box office. She was glad.
The most recent
articles questioned her existence and their relationship. “…Khyba was seen
without his wife…” “…problem in paradise…” “…publicity stunt…” As much as the
articles hurt, it hurt more to know she had hurt him.
Jackie gave Sue
the file of information Jae had collected about her. She looked through the
paperwork on her and saw her birthday was incorrect.
Blame it on her hand
writing
, she thought. Her birthday was November 16, 1981 but Jae had her
birthday as November 10, 1981. She examined the paper she had filled and saw
her 6 looked like a 0. Eventually, he did search for her correct birthday and
found her. He had everything about her from her employment records to her
Social Security number. It ended in 2006.
“Jackie, why did
he…?” She searched for the correct words to ask her question. “Why did he stop
in o’six?”
“You didn’t look
for him,” Jackie said. At the look of her confusion, Jackie continued, “He
agreed to go on the Ms. O show for you. He wrote
Vows
for you. He
appeared in dramas for you. And you did not look for him.”
“He appeared in
dramas…for me?”
“Did you not tell
him, you like to watch dramas?”
She started to
shake her head, then she remembered the night she hurt her arm. She had told
Jae, she liked the Korean drama
Autumn Love
and asked if he had seen it.
“I did.”
Jackie told her
Khyba made it easy to find him. On the bottom of Khyba’s official website,
there was a message for Shorty to contact Khyba. The number was his direct cell
phone number. She tried it and he answered. She hung up with tears in her eyes,
not once letting him know she was on the other end.
The more she
learned about Khyba, the more her heart went out to him. He had no permanent
residence. From Jackie, Sue learned Khyba stayed on his plane, hotels, or with
friends. When in Seoul, he stayed at the parsonage with Father Matthew. In
Japan, he stayed at various Sanada estates belonging to his friend and Cherry’s
cousin Kazuhiro Sanada. Elsewhere, he stayed in hotels. Even then, he rarely
stayed in them. When he was touring, he stayed on his jet or slept on the
couches of the studio he used for practices.
“Home is where
you are, Suzy,” he had said. She had been so cruel telling him to go home when
he didn’t have one to return to. The only woman who remained longer than a week
in his life was Cherry. The people in his life were mostly his staff, and even
that changed throughout the years. Though in the spotlight, Sue realized Jae
hid from the world as much as she did, perhaps even more.
In the two weeks
since her arrival in Seoul, she watched him from afar. Jackie reported Jae was
miserable after their return to Seoul. He wasn’t the
ranting-get-angry-break-something type. Instead, he worked himself to
exhaustion. He spent hours in the studio perfecting moves he had already
perfected. He ate only because he needed his strength. And gone was the
carefree person Jackie had witnessed for a brief time in Minnesota.
Many times, she
wanted to run to him, to take away the hurt, to assure him everything was okay.
But she couldn’t. She needed time.
Sue spent a
couple of days with Father Matthew and Sister Jamie, learning more about the
man she loved. Their time together in Seoul years ago had been so brief. They
didn’t even have pictures of each other. She never thought they would be
separated.
She spent every
single moment with Jae many years ago, whether in flesh and blood or in
thoughts and in those days, she fell deeply in love with him. She didn’t know
his favorite color or his favorite dish, but she knew he never wore red and he
hated scrambled eggs. She knew he was ticklish and was scared of needles. She
knew he was left-handed. She knew he loved it when she traced the bump on his
nose even though it tickled him. She knew he came back for after that fateful
day she watched him walk away from her with nothing but a wish for luck. He had
looked for her. He loved her. She hoped he still did.
It had been over
a month since their separation and he was miserable. A stage assistant checked
his microphone to make sure the sound was good to go. In a minute he would be
back on stage. This was his first performance since his return to South Korea.
The concert was for an annual charity; otherwise, he would have backed out.
Jackie had
informed him there was a change in the concert. Instead of opening, he was
closing with
Vows
. Jackie gave no further explanation and Jae didn’t
ask.
Vows
. That
damn song was haunting him twice over. He had written the song for her. He had
hoped for her to hear it and return to him. She had returned to him and had
told him she loved him. Damn that woman. He was going daft. He felt like a
hypocrite singing about vows, thinking about her, aching for her and she had
told him to leave.
The lights
changed and a spot-light appeared on Jae. When the music began for his song, he
heard a live acoustic guitar instead of the recorded version. Another
spot-light appeared on stage and he immediately turned toward the light.
Sue sat on the
steps where the dancers should be. She wore a white dress with her hair down,
letting the wavy locks frame her beautiful face. The jewelry he bought her
adorned her ears and wrists. In her arms was his Gibson and on her left ring
finger was the platinum ring. The vision of his wife before him almost made him
miss his mark, but his years of performance guided him and he sang on mark. She
was smiling at him. He was too stunned to react more than gape at the image in
front of him. He was missing her too much, yes, that was it. This song, the
meanings, it was just too much.
When the song
ended, in a stadium full of thousands of screaming fans, Jae took off his
microphone as he approached Sue. Illusion or not, he’ll take what he’s been
given. To his surprise, she placed the Gibson on the steps and stood to greet
him. “
Ahn-nyung
, Lefty.”
He thought he had
lost her. Too stunned to say anything to the angelic vision in front of him, he
could only continue to stare.
She saw the
uncertainty in his eyes and reached out to touch his face. She stood on the
steps and was at eye level with him. Her hand moved to trace the bump on his
nose and he closed his eyes to savor the gentle contact of her delicate finger
tickling the ridge of his nose.
Truly, I must be dreaming
, he thought.
He was afraid to open his eyes, afraid she might disappear.