“I’ll admit I
still care about
Dylan
when you admit you have a crush on my
roommate
,” I
argue
.
She
glowers
back at me
.
“What
?
Yo
u’re ridiculous.”
“
You said you’d never date athletes
.
Y
ou’re so full of
it
.”
“
Bubba
’s not my type.”
“
He’s completely your type
.
N
ot that I’m okay with that
.
Bubba needs to grow up before he dates you
and I don’t see him hitting maturity
until he’s at least
forty
-seven
.”
“We’re not talking about me. W
e’re talking about you and Dylan.”
“No,” I say
.
“We’re don
e talking about Dylan.”
I toss the movie into Lenny’s lap
and
head towards my car.
“You’re being a chicken shit,” she yells.
“Thanks for the support
,” I say over my shoulder
.
“You’re a
really
terrific friend.”
Lenny stubs out her cigarette and stands up
.
“If you don’t start being nice to
Dylan
, I’ll set her up with someone who will.”
It’s an empty threat but it still pisses me off
.
“Stay out of this, Lenny!
” I say
,
but
before I get in my car I
thank her for cooking the amazingly delicious
lasagna
.
She responds by giving me the finger
.
***
I pick
Kari
up at 7:00
. S
he’s wear
ing
a skirt that
shows off her slim legs
and
shiny
red
heels
that show off her ankles
.
Her skin smells like
coconut
lotion
and her
dark
hair
curls loosely
around
her shoulders
.
When we sit down
at Firefly
,
she
unbutton
s
her jacket to reveal a very low cut blouse, a nice view to add to my dining enjoyment
.
Her lips are thin but she accentuates them with red lipstick and I can’t help but wonder what
Dylan’s lips would look
like if she
ever
bothered
to
paint them
.
No more Dylan comparisons
.
Kari
has curves
.
Kari
combs
her hair
.
Cleans her clothes
.
Trims her nails instead of biting them
off
.
She’s a woman
.
We sit down in a booth across from each other
.
This is already strange
.
Dylan never sat across from me in
a
booth
.
She wanted to be right next to me, touching hands and knees and feet and
arms.
Stop it, Gray
.
Kari
.
Date
.
Now
.
Focus
.
I clear my throat and
ask
her
how her classes are going.
I’m trying to
watch
her eyes
,
but something keeps sparkling when she moves and I realize it’s glitter lotion
s
trategically rubbed all over her c
hest
.
Great
.
I feel like I’m back in
Phoenix
.
Kari
says
her classes
a
re “oh, you know, okay,” and I tell her mine
are
about the same
.
She asks me what I’m taking this semester and I
list
my schedule
and she lists hers
.
I try to swallow a yawn
,
but it escapes
.
Small talk is up there with dental cleanings
as an entertaining
way to
pass the time
.
I sit back in my chair and realize
this is the first
dinner date
I’ve been on since Dylan, unless you count Lenny, but a
taco
run at 2
a
.
m
.
to satisfy the munchies
doesn’t really qualify as a date.
The waitress stops and asks if
we’d like to order an
appetizer
. T
here’s this awkward moment where we
both
gaze over our
menus and go through this polite exchange of, ‘oh, I like whatever, oh, me too,’ so we can’t decide on anything
.
“We need another minute,” I tell the waitres
s
.
She walks away and
I hint
that
the calamari
sounds good,
but
Kari
squishes her face together and points out
that
it’s deep fried
.
I say, okay, how about the spinach dip
,
and she says it’s too creamy
.
Cream
based dips are
high in fat
, she points out
,
and she might be lactose intolerant
.
I suggest the nachos and she says they’re usually
smothered
in grease
.
And cheese
.
I bite my lips together and go for one more, the coconut shrimp, which I point
out
is baked, not fried
,
and
zero dairy
.
“I’m a vegetarian,” she informs me.
I close the menu and take a long drink of water
.
She can have the bread basket and like it
.
I hope
there
aren’
t
too many
carbs
for her
to handle
and
I hope the
oil won’t make her skin break out
and I hope she’s okay with gluten
.
And she
better not drill me on the unfair treatment of cows when I order a
tenderloin
steak
—
bloody
.
The waitress take
s
our order and when she leaves Kari
sips
her iced tea
.
I slam half my
Diet Coke
which makes me want to belch but I
hold it in w
hich really hurts
.
I think the worst part about first dates is feeling self
-
conscious about natural bodily functions
.
That just sucks
.
There is nothing more painful than
feeling compelled to hold in g
as.
I stare across the table a
t
Kari
and this
heavy
silence falls
.
She spins a
dark
lock of hair around her finger and smiles a
t me
.
We settle for conversation
s
that feel like I’m filling out a
personality
questionnaire
.
What are you majoring in
?
Where are you from
?
What kind of food do you like to eat
?
Have you been to this restaurant before
?
Really, do you come here often
?
Isn’t
the ambiance gr
eat? Y
eah, it’s really
great
.
I prefer sitting in booth
s
don’t you
? Y
eah, booths are great
.
Do you have any brothers or sisters
?
This question used to make my stomach curl, but I’ve gotten used to it
.
The answer is no
.
Always no
.
I’m an only child
.
Next question
.