But when I tell
Kari
I’m an only child
,
her mouth drops with pity.
“I’d hat
e to be an o
n
ly child,” she says
.
I just
smile because when I was little, I used to
pray Amanda would get kidnapped so I could live in peace
.
This usually happened after
Amanda stole my G.I. Jo
e
’s and I found them
hanging out w
ith her
Barbie
s
,
or
when we watch
ed
The Little Mermaid
everyday for a year
,
and she made me dress as Eric for Halloween so her best friend could be Ariel and then the
y
suckered me into a pretend wedding where I
had
to kiss her friend
.
I
used to lie
in bed at night and pray for
a brother (e
ven though the thought of my parents actually having sex scared me more than the thought of being abducted by aliens and used for
medical experiments
)
.
I
wanted brothers
to r
ough house
with
.
I wanted wrestl
ing matches that would put hair
on my chest
.
Guys I knew that grew up with brothers have these great fishing stories
.
They have scars
from
all the fights they’ve been in
.
I have stories of dressing up in drag when my sister
convinced me to
play
“b
eauty
s
alon
”
with her and
her
friends
.
“I’ve always wanted a sibling,” I
finally
say
.
“I think it would be so cool to have a twin,”
Kari
says. S
he can’t help that she’s hitting below the belt, but the date is already as
fun as
a
formal
job interview so why not
throw another
awkward
log on the fire
?
My
mind drifts to Dylan
.
All our moments together were so
hilarious
.
We killed hours in restaurants because we were babbling too much to eat and laughing so hard one
of us cho
ked
or snorted
at least once per meal
.
We were too busy
analyzing the people around us—
writing the biogr
aphy of the cook or the bus boy
or our waitress
—to
bother talking
about ourselves
.
It was always an escape
.
We would challenge each other to do the stupidest things
.
Try to drink
soup with a fork
.
Use our
opposite hand to eat
.
Write a thirty
-
second commercial segment advertising the restaurant
.
Fit as much
food into our
mouths as we c
ould and try to say a comprehens
ible sentence
.
W
e embraced eternal immaturity
.
I shake my head at the memory
.
What was wrong with that relationship
?
Or, worse, was everything right
?
Maybe Dylan’s always going to come in first
.
Everybody else will have to settle for
a distant
second
.
I
stare across the table at Kari
and I’m completely turned off
.
S
he’s
gorgeous and sweet
,
but I feel nervous around her
,
and by the time the steak comes I barely have an appetite
.
Kari
starts
talking
about family and then she hits me with:
“So, Gray, do you want to have kids?” I sit up straighter
.
This is worse than
small talk
.
This is serious
relationship
talk and we’re not even through our official screening date
yet
.
“Uh,” I say
.
I smooth the napkin
o
n my lap
a
nd stall
.
I want to tell her I’m only
nineteen
years old and
parenthood isn’t
an impending concern
of mine
at the moment
.
“I want five kids,” she announces
,
and stares me up and down like she’s evaluating
m
y sperm strength
.
“Three boys and two girls
.
I already have their names picked out,” she says
.
I tell her that’s great
.
I tell her I love kids, which I do, not that I want to procreate any time soon
.
Then
,
she
informs
me she wants to live in the Southwest
to stay close to her parents
.
She thinks
Yuma
,
Arizona
has a lot of potential and would be
a
great community for raising a family
.
She likes small towns
.
She eyes me critically over the rim of her glass
.
She wants to know what I think
ab
o
ut
th
is
.
I think you’re scaring the
hell
out of me
.
“I prefer big cities,” I say
.
“I would consider a big city,” she says, “
if there was a decent income coming in.
”
She raises a thin eyebrow
.
“
Do you plan on playing pro
fessional
baseball after college?” she asks
, pretending i
t’s
a
casual question
,
but I know what she’s getting at
.
I
play my get-out-of-jail-free card
.
“No,” I say
.
She frowns
.
“What do you want to do?”
“
Actually,
I t
hink I want to be a gym teacher,
”
I say
.
Her eyes fall
, s
o do her shoulders
,
and even her
chest
loses
some of
its
giddy sparkle
.
I have to contain my smile
.
I’m off the hook
.
She’s no longer interested and for the first time tonight, I’m beginning to enjoy myself
.
Hopefully she won’t want dessert
.
Too fattening
.
***
I drop Kari off an
hour later
.
I’m tired from forcing too much conversation
,
crabby from a date that bombed and
sixty
-
forty dollars
poorer
with nothing to sh
ow for it
.
And
my steak was over
cooked
.
Not that I’m feeling sorry for myself.
I
end up
driving down
Sage Street
, like a magnetic force pulled my car
in this direction
.
I
slow down when I
pass Dylan’s apar
tment and see a
light through
the curtains. I
t
’
s
soft and
welcoming and
before I know it,
I
park
along the curb
.
I
hear music coming from inside as I
walk up
the
cobblestone pathway
to her door
.
I knock and s
he
yells to come in
.