“There are
other
ways to have
sex, you know,” I point out
.
Dylan smirks and takes a gulp from her water bottle
.
“Can I go down on you?” I ask.
She
chokes on the water and it drips down her chin
.
She wipes it up with her hand and stares at me to see if I’m joking.
“
Right now
?
” she asks
.
“
You’re a freak.
”
I nod at the compliment
,
turn my baseball cap backwards
and
pull Dylan into the back of the car without
any more
persuasion
.
DYLAN
I
throw
my
leg
lazily
over the
edge
of the train car and lean against the side of the door
.
A long, content
ed
sigh
escape
s
from my chest
.
I’m so relaxed I could slide right off the train and melt all over the ground
.
The moving air awakens all my senses and the only sound I can hear is the grinding metal wheels of the train meeting the iron tracks
.
I
n the back of the car,
Gray is
still picking straw
off
his clothes
.
“You’re missing the scenery,” I say a
s
Gray scoots next to me
.
“
No I’m not
,”
he
says and
kisses
my neck,
sliding
his arms around my waist
.
He dangles his legs next to mine and we both look out to investigate our new surroundings
.
Far outside of
Albuquerque
,
we have a
view
of a wide
desert, the ground muted in dull tans and browns
.
C
liffs rise in the distance
,
their
deep
crevices
shaded from the sun
and making them look rippled
.
We pass desolate farmyards
and
a herd of cattle graz
ing
close to the tracks
.
Small trickles of flowers
and plants
dot the landscape
.
I ask Gray what they are and he points out the
green
sagebrush
and
the creosote bushes
.
He tells
me the plants with
long,
scrawny
stalk
s
and
spiny leaves
are agaves
.
He
points out another plant, called a
yucca, that
looks like a miniature
palm tree
.
We share a picnic of fruit punch, crackers,
nectarines
and trail mix
.
We lay our small
lunch
out and slowly savor the food
and the sun and the rickety motion of the train while a
sleepy
horizon passes by
.
I have everything I need right here, in this moment
.
I
set the food aside and
rest
my head
o
n Gray’s lap
.
He’s
sitting
against the s
ide of the door, eating a nectarine
.
I wipe so
me
juice off
his chin with my finger before it
drips
and he catches my hand in his and licks the
juice off my finger
.
He runs his warm hand over
my forehead and through my hair. H
is touch makes it hard to keep my legs still
.
He brushes hair out of my eyes as the wind picks it up around me
.
“
This was a good idea,
” he
says
.
He hands me the
nectarine
.
I take
the last
couple
bite
s
and
nod
.
“
I’m glad we both appreciate
white trash dates,” I say.
Gray laughs and gr
abs the
red pit
out my hand an
d throws it
out
on the desert ground
.
I sit up and
lean my head against
his shoulder
.
“I love you,” I say
.
“Why is that, exactly?”
he asks
.
He
gives me this patient look, as if I’ll need time to answer this
.
But I automatically know.
“There are three things I look for in a person
.
And you’re the only person I’ve met in th
e
world that
has all of
them.
”
Gray
waits for me to continue
.
“
First,
you’re always
i
n the moment
.
You’re
not t
rying to be ten places at once
.
You
don’t have to be glued to
your cell phone
and texting
your
friends every two seconds
.
It seems like people only feel important when
every second of their life is packed
.
They’re always t
rying to plan for tomorro
w
and they miss out on things happening in front of them
.
”
“That’s a good one,” he says
.
“
Second
, y
ou’re real
.
You don’t try to candy
-
coat life
.
You don’t try and fix everything
.
You don’t try
to pretend life’s
perfect
.
Even if it means letting yourself be miserable or angry or upset.
That’
s so stressful to me, to try an
d
act
my
way through life instead of just relaxing and being
myself
.
”
He nods
.
I look out at
a
row of scrubby bushes
with
pink flowers
blooming
in the sun
.
“
Third, y
ou let me stop and take pictures.”
Gray creases his eyebrows together
.
“That’s your third thing?”
“
A
nd most important.
”
I say
.
“You let me be who I am
.
So many people
ask
me why I need to take picture
s all the time
.
Why I’m staring at something
they can’t see
.
It’s like
I have to
apologiz
e
for having eyes
.
But you’ve never rushed me
.
I’m at my best
around you
.
Y
ou’re m
y nova
.
You light me up.
”
GRAY
T
he train slows down as it passes a
railroad
crossing,
almost four hours later,
and
we
take
our
exit opportunity
.
We jump down to
the dusty ground and watch our red, wobbly car
disappear
down the track
.
The air is so still around us it feels like
the earth has stopped moving
.