I sigh as I look around
.
Weddings are supposed to be happy
so why
do I feel like something tragic is in the air
?
Is it because
Gray’s been avoiding me tonight
?
We came to the party together, but other than our entrance, you wouldn’t know we’re together
.
He’s always
on the o
pposite side of the room
.
He wears a
tight, forced smile instead of his usual lazy grin
.
It’s
part of
his
outfit
—uncomfortable and constricting
, l
ike underneath he’s u
nraveling
.
I want to ask him what’s wrong
,
but I can’t get him alone
.
All around the room I’
m reminded of love
,
so why do I feel like
it’s
being yanked out from under my feet?
GRAY
I’ve been avoiding Dylan
.
It’s difficult to look at her
.
I watch T
ravis
flirt with her like I’m not standing in the same room
.
At least he’s smart enough to keep his hands off of her
.
I watch Coach Clark talk to her and I hear him laugh as she gestures wildly with her hands
.
She leaves a trail of smiles everywhere she goes
.
Guys give her
s
econd glance
s
.
Most of the girls stare with a jealous edge to their eyes
. T
his is the most entertaining thing
for
me
.
If only the
y
knew the real Dylan
, t
he one that scampers around in holey socks and
tattered clothes and gets more out of the dirt on the ground than the clothes in any store
.
But they don’t see Dylan this way
.
Because
this isn’t her.
Suddenly she’s next to me and I feel her soft hand c
rawl
inside
mine
.
I look down at her
and she’s studying me
.
“I have a theory,” she says.
“Does it have something to do with changing the legal marriage age to at least twenty-one?” I ask
.
She shakes her head
.
“You’ve been hiding in the back corner
all night
.
There could
only
be three possible reasons for this.”
I straighten my back
.
“Which are?”
“That you’re either avoiding me because I’m almost as tall as you in these shoes and it makes you feel
emasculated
.
”
“A woman can never be too tall,” I inform her
.
“
Or
you have IB
I,
”
she says.
“IBI?”
“Insane b
ut
t itch
.
It
’s okay. I
t happens to everybody
.
It’s usually because you don’t wipe thoroughly
after you go to the bathroom
.”
I roll my eyes
.
“Don’t be embarrassed,” she says
.
“
It always happens at the
worst possib
le moments
.
Y
ou just need to find a corner where
you can scratch without being too obvious.”
“
Have I ever told you how
classy
you
are
?”
“Third,” she pauses
and leans in close to me
.
“There’s something
on your mind
.”
I look
in her eyes
and
swallow
.
The party is dwindling down now, and I feel suffocated in all this packaged happiness
.
I ask her if she wants to go for a walk
.
She nods
and
while she changes out of her heels into a pair of
sandals
, I give Miles my car keys and tell him we’re walking home
.
He regards me for a moment because he s
ees the stress in my eyes b
ut I turn away b
efore he gets a chance to ask
.
I follow Dylan out of the party and I have to focus on breathing because it’s the only thing that’s making my legs work.
***
We walk down the
street
and we’re both quiet
.
There’s no way to transition
.
There’s no easy way to
say
it
.
So I
get
straight to the point
.
Make it fast
.
It will be easier this way
.
“Dylan,
I want to say goodbye to you tonight.”
I
feel her watching me and
I know she’s registering something, but she tests me
.
“
You mean you don’t want to sleep over?”
I take a deep breath
.
“I mean,
I think you should leave
Albuquerque
.
”
She stops
walking
and faces me
.
“
I
haven’t bought a
plane
ticket yet
,”
she says
.
“
Besides, why does it matter when I leave
?
I’m coming back—”
She cuts herself off
.
I stare at her and she reads my eyes
.
“Oh, my gosh
.
You don’t want me to come back, do you
?
That’s what you
’re
try
ing
to tell me.
”
I
nod
.
She stares at me and the silence of the night p
resses
against us
.
A car
drives
up the road, so
we move onto the sidewalk
.
Dylan’s still absorbing my words
.
“How long have you felt like this?”
she asks
.
“Since you announced your crazy plan to live here,” I say
.
She chooses her words slowly
.
“Why
do
you want me to leave
?” she asks.
“I barely recognize you anymore
.
E
veryone
thinks
you look great and your life couldn’t be better
, b
ut I’ve never seen you more unhappy
.
The only time you’ve been yourself in the last month is when we were riding
on the train
.
Getting out of town
.”
She looks down at
the ground
.
“Why don’t you want me to come back
next fall
?”
“
Because you’re
only
doing it for
me,” I say
.
I turn and face her
and I pray she’ll understand
.
“I love
you
more than any
of these people
, b
ut I don’t want you to come back here.
”
“
I am really confused
right now
,
”
she says
.