I raise my hand to my throat tenderly. “Still. . .sore,” I reply, my words more of a whisper already. Each time I swallow it feels like tiny nails are sliding down my esophagus.
“The doctor said to expect that for a few days. He's going to send you home with some good pain pills,” she pauses and narrows her eyes at me. “You really scared the shit out us. I'm really sorry about what happened to you.”
I sigh and look out the window. I feel terrible about the things I have put everyone through. Especially since Brynn is now forced to recall the time that she was actually raped.
“I brought you some clothes to change into. Your mom and my mom have been working on paperwork to get you released for the last two hours. Seriously, how many documents do you need to sign to get out of this place?” she jokes as she holds up a bag with my clothes in it. “Do you need any help?”
I shake my head and pull myself up out of the bed. I'm still a little shaky and weak, but I can certainly get myself dressed. I leave the bathroom door cracked open though just in case. I look down into the bag, nervous for a moment about what she might have brought me to wear. I'm in luck though; it's my grey velour pants and hoodie. Nice and comfy and enough material to cover most of my bruises.
“So there are two police officers that want to talk to you before you leave,” Brynn says to me through the bathroom door. “They were here shortly after Chase brought you in. We answered questions as best we could, but we didn't know all the details so they want to talk you.” I cringe when I slide the gown off. More bruises are hidden beneath it. I look like a Dalmatian dog gone all wrong. “There's a hair brush and toothbrush in there for you too.”
I zip up the hoodie, thankful to cover up some of the bruises. Then I comb my hair and brush my teeth. I feel so much more like a human being as I walk back out and sit down on the bed.
“Thank you,” I mouth to Brynn.
She just shrugs. “So, Parker Allen. . .I've gotta admit I was shocked.”
“Me too,” I sigh softly. “I wish. . .I hadn't. . .worn. . .what I did,” I whisper and Brynn jumps to her feet, startling me. I look up at her, my eyes wide.
“Don't you dare blame yourself! You are
not
responsible for what he did in
any
way!” I realize that she is telling me what she'd had to learn the hard way. “No matter what you dress like, or do, that does not give any guy the right to do what Parker did!” I understand what she's saying, but I can't help but look back and wish that I could have changed just one thing to prevent this from ever happening.
“What happened. . .to Parker. . .after?” I ask, and she sits back down in the chair again. I imagine it hit her really hard last night when she found out what happened to me. She had been through something even worse and I couldn't even begin to imagine, nor do I want to.
“The police found him still lying unconscious in that room where Chase had knocked him the fuck out. He's being held right now while they wait for your statement, I guess,” she tells me, and a sickening feeling rolls through my stomach. What will happen to Parker now? He has made a huge mistake while under the influence, but should it cost him for the rest of his life? “I'm gonna go let the police know you're ready so that when the paperwork is finally done, we can get the heck outta here.”
I sit back against the upright part of the bed after she leaves and pull my knees up to my chest. The movement and position make me aware of a few more sore areas. The door to my room opens and Chase and Mom come in smiling at me, closely followed by two policemen in uniform.
“Sweetie, they know you're having difficulty talking, so they're gonna try to keep the questions brief,” Mom replies as she and Chase stand on either side of the bed. The officers stand at the foot of the bed and introduce themselves. They ask a bunch of questions about my and Parker's relationship and what happened last night. I find myself crying a little as I describe Parker grabbing me and pinning me against the wall, then dragging me into the room and the things he said to me. It's hard to talk about it in front of Mom and Chase because I know it's hurting them to hear it as well. I'm still glad that they are here with me though.
When they finally finish the questioning, one of the officers asks if I want to press charges, and he looks as though he already knows my answer. I hesitate though and glance between Mom and Chase nervously. What happened last night is inexcusable, but I know that if I press charges, Parker will go through hell and be made to register as a sex offender. Parker isn't a bad person. He was under the influnce when this happened, and although I am hurt and angry about what he did, I can't bring myself to ruin his entire life.
“No,” I say quietly, and Mom and Chase flip out like I had known they would.
“Haylee! Do you know what you're doing? You're just going to let him get away with what he did to you?” Chase is shouting.
“Did he threaten you if you pressed charges?” Mom asks, but I shake my head. I'm sure he hadn't been in the state of mind to think that far ahead.
“He was stoned,” I whisper.
“I can assure you that that doesn't make any difference! I've been high before. . .hell, I OD'd, but I never once even
thought
about putting my hands on a girl in that way!” Chase is running his hands through his hair and pleading with me with his eyes.
“Ms. Weston, are you afraid at all that Parker Allen will try something like this again with you or with anyone else?” one of the officers asks me.
I can't say for sure, but I know what I believe. “I don't want to be around him anymore, but no, I don't think he'll do it again.”
“You didn't think he'd do this in the first place, Haylee. You trusted him,” Mom pleads with me.
“We can get you a restraining order if you do not wish to press charges at this time,” the other officer offers.
I nod. I can't imagine seeing Parker again just for the simple fact that I would remember how he looked that night, how he smelled, how he hurt me and destroyed my trust. But if it really is just one huge mistake on his part, I don't want to condemn him for it.
“If you change your mind or think of anything else, this is where you can reach me,” the first officer says as he hands me a card with his name and number on it. I nod absently and wait for the shit to hit the fan after they leave my room.
“Are you out of your mind?” Chase demands, sitting down on the bed beside me again. “What he did to you. . .I mean. . .just look. . .you're in the
hospital
! The only reason it is only 'attempted' is because I came in, otherwise. . .”
“I know, I just. . .can't do that to him.” I sigh as tears stream down my face. I know that they don't understand. Hell, I don't completely understand! “I don't think he'll even come near me again.”
“I sure hope you're right, Haylee,” Mom sighs as she slowly shakes her head. Luckily this conversation is cut short as the nurse comes in with a wheelchair. I'm going home now.
Griff, Brynn, and Max arrive a few minutes after I bring Haylee in and I am relieved to have them here. Making that call to Haylee's mom is no picnic and she arrives shortly afterward. Brynn is a wreck knowing how close Haylee had been to being raped like she had been. I am pacing in the hallway until we are allowed to go in and sit with her. It's against the rules with visiting hours being over, but they let us basically camp out for the night.
Mrs. Weston comes over and throws her arms around me, thanking me for getting to Haylee just in time. I don't feel like a hero though. I feel like a failure. If I hadn't turned my back on Haylee, none of this would have ever happened in the first place. I wonder if Haylee will hate me now. I certainly deserve it if she does.
When I walk into Haylee's room, I feel a huge lump form in my throat as I look at her pale, sleeping form in the bed. The lights are dimmed, but they are just bright enough to see how awful her throat looks. As I step closer to her bed, I can see that her left eye is black and swollen and her lip is split on one side, but they cleaned all the blood up. My heart aches for her and I would give anything to trade places with her.
When Haylee finally opens her eyes the next morning, a huge sense of relief overwhelms me. She is disoriented at first, trying to figure out where she is. I remember how that felt, opening my eyes in a strange room. I hold onto her hand and explain where she is and that she's going to be just fine. I can tell that she's relieved to see us all here. Her voice sounds so strained and painful that I tell her not to try and talk.
It kills me to take her to the mirror to see what that animal did to her. I want to protect her and seeing herself in this condition can't be easy. She takes it all amazingly well though. I should have known. She isn't vain or overly concerned with how she looks. She doesn't need to be because she's naturally beautiful.
When she pulls me into the bed beside her later on, I go without an ounce of hesitation. I'm cautious of all of her bruises, but it feels so good to feel her in my arms again. She snuggles up close and I take deep breaths of the scent of her hair; it's slightly polluted with smoke from the club but I don't care. Holding her here like this, I realize that it's the first time that I've been able to breathe freely since she'd gone missing last night. When she dozes off again, I finally let myself relax and follow her in sleep.
She's still sleeping a couple of hours later when I wake and carefully slide out of the bed so I don't wake her. Brynn has brought her a change of clothes to wear home and I sit down between her and Griff in the waiting area where Griff has fallen asleep with his head tipped back against the back of the chair. Griff finally wakes up when Brynn goes in with Haylee.
“Man, this chair is uncomfortable,” he grumbles, sitting up straight again and stretching out his arms and legs.
“Didn't look so uncomfortable a second ago while you were snoring with your mouth wide open,” I tease him.
“How you holding up?” he asks me, and I sigh and slide way down in the chair, stretching my legs out in front of me and tucking my hands into the pockets of my jeans.
“I don't know, Griff. I feel like I let her down. I feel like this my fault.”
“How the hell do you figure that?” he asks, his brow creases as he looks down at me.
“I got mad at her for the game she was playing and I walked away from her on the dance floor. If I'd just stayed there and gotten that what she was doing was really no big deal in the grand scheme of things, none of this would have happened. That fucker wouldn't have had a chance to. . . “ I start, but Griff stops me.
“Whoa! This is not your fault. This is not Haylee's fault, and this is not Brynn's fault. She was saying the same thing after we got here. This is all on Parker, and it makes me sick to think that I thought of him as a friend. He used her friendship to get close like that because she trusted him. No one else is to blame for any of this shit but Parker.”
I hear what Griff is saying, but his words can't erase the guilt that I feel. I don't know if it will ever go away. I've waited almost eight years to be with Haylee and I don't want anything like the last couple of days to come between us. I want to see her happy and smiling again. I want to see her out shredding the lake. I want to see her caring for all the random damn critters in Griff's barn and most of all, I want to see her come apart beneath me again. I want to make her happy and I
need
her to feel safe with me.
When it comes time for the police to question Haylee, I'm not about to leave her alone. Her mom and I go in ahead of them and I immediately smile at Haylee to try to put her at ease. Even battered and bruised she's still take-my-breath-away beautiful. She's changed into the clothes that Brynn has brought for her and that alone helps me see her as 'well' instead of 'sick' in her hospital gown.
I stand on one side of her and her mom is on the other, and we both hold her hands while the police ask her about last night. I can't help but tense up when she describes the way Parker pinned her against a wall, his hands and mouth all over her. Hearing that he hit her and pinned her down on the floor of the storage room causes me to swallow back vomit. She's crying as she relives it and I need to be strong for her. I can't fall apart right now. When she describes the moment she realized that I was there in that room, she looks up at me with the most appreciative, tender smile, and I can only wish that I deserve that look.
When the officer finally asks her if she wants to press charges against Parker, I almost laugh until she glances at her mom and I and whispers the word 'no.'
“Haylee! Do you know what you're doing? You're just going to let him get away with what he did to you?” I shout. I hadn't meant to get so worked up, but seriously! How can she even be considering this? Her mom and I exchange a look of concern and there's more talk while I try to wrap my brain around this. If she doesn't press charges, then Parker Allen will be free to live his life, free to attack her again at any given moment.
I know though that she's made up her mind. It's typical Haylee. She doesn't want to see the worst in anyone and she wants to help others. She can't bring herself to condemn Parker to the life that he deserves. I think she's wrong in this case and being far too generous, considering what he did to her. She gets a restraining order at least, but I know that won't do much good if Parker really wants to come after her again.
Haylee rides home with her mom and Brynn. Griff, Max, and I head home in Griff's truck. I already don't like the separation from Haylee, but I know she needs to rest and I need a shower and a change of clothes. I fear that her Mom is going to be stricter with her now and I don't want that to keep us apart. Maybe I'm being selfish, but I have come too close to losing her.