Mom and Brynn get me settled into my bed when I get home, but I don't like that Chase isn't here. I know he needs to get a shower and that they all need to rest after what I put them through last night. I am just so much more at ease when he is with me.
“Call me for anything,” Brynn tells me. “Anything at all! I know how you're feeling right now.” She heads home after that and Mom is in full-blown smothering mode. She brings me some soup to eat, makes sure I have the remote for the TV and a glass of water, and tells me that she'll be sure to bring me the pain pills when it's time. I haven't seen this much of my mom in years, and it's beginning to make me feel claustrophobic.
She is finally still for a moment and sits down on the edge of the bed, just looking at me.
“I'm okay, Mom.” I swallow past the pain. “I promise,” I assure her.
“I know. . .I just. . . There's so much I don't know about you, Haylee. I feel like I've let you down as a mom. I could have lost you last night.” Oh no, I don't like where this is going. We had a good thing going on before. I'm eighteen and have been living my own life for three years now. I love my mom, but I don't want her to start treating me like a thirteen-year-old child all of a sudden.
“I'm right here and I'm okay.” I whisper. “You haven't let me down, Mom.” My throat is on fire but I need to be clear with her.
“You said that Parker was high, and then Chase mentioned something about ODing. . .I felt so out of touch with your life. I was so scared to realize that I had no idea what you were into or what you'd gotten yourself into. Were you high?”
“No!” I insist in a sort of raspy hiss and close my eyes briefly. “I've never touched drugs, Mom, and I want nothing to do with them. I've even told Parker before that I don't want anything to do with him when he's messed up on that stuff.” I pause for a second to swallow slowly and wince a bit. “And Chase is clean now. He ended up in the hospital in LA and never wants to touch drugs again. It's part of why he wanted to get out of there.”
She nods and purses her lips. Great, she isn't done yet.
“I had no idea how close you and Chase were all of a sudden. . .”
“It just sort of happened when he came back last month. We both had feelings for each other before. . .” I feel so awkward talking about this with my mom. I know that moms and daughters often talk about boys, but I've never really been serious about anyone before, and Mom hasn't been 'with it' so to speak, so this is new for us.
“Haylee, the doctor explained to me that when he examined you, there were no signs of rape. Are you sexually active?”
“Oh my God,” I groan, my voice no more than a whisper now and cover my face with my hands. This can't be happening. “Mom, really, I'm eighteen. . .”
“I know that, sweetie, but I guess I just took for granted that you didn't really date that much. I've been so consumed with my own pain and loss that I didn't realize you were growing up before my eyes.” There are tears sliding down her cheeks as she speaks. “I just. . .with everything that's gone on in the last couple of days, I just. . .I need to know that you're being safe.”
My stomach rolls with the anxiety of talking about this with her, but I understand that she needs this right now. She needs to know that I'm making the right choices, because I'm sure it doesn't look too good to her when she had to come to the hospital last night. “Yes, Mom, I'm being safe. And to put your mind at ease, I've only ever been with Chase.” I pause again as I swallow. I really need to stop talking. “I'm sure it looks like I'm an irresponsible teenager with some kind of death wish after everything, but I'm not. I try to make the right choices.”
I can literally see the relief wash over her and she sighs. “I want you to know that you can come to me with
anything
. I'm not so out of the loop. I knew that you and Chase were always close as kids and, well, I'm not blind now. . .he is gorgeous. . . “
“Mom! Seriously? I think I need to rest now,” I tell her as I flop back gently onto the bed. This is just getting to be too much.
“Okay, Haylee, but I'm serious, if you want to talk about anything. . .”
“Got it, Mom. I'm good,” I whisper to her as she smiles and stands up.
“I love you,” she says as she makes her way to my door, looking much better than when she came in.
“Love you too.”
I breathe a huge sigh of relief as I stare up at my ceiling. That conversation could have gone much worse, but it's still a rite of passage as a teenager that I thought I had escaped. I lay in bed absently watching TV, but I can't keep my mind off of Parker and how he looked and the things that he said last night. Had I inadvertently led him on somehow? I'd been hanging out with Parker for years now and I had
never
before gotten the impression that he is dangerous in any way! Had I just been foolish and missed something? How damn lucky had I been that Chase found me when he did? He'd been angry with me, and rightfully so, and had gone back to the table. I didn't know what made him look for me all of a sudden, or how he found me at all, but I'm so grateful to him.
Mom comes up a while later and tells me that she has dinner waiting downstairs. I don't feel much like eating, but I know she won't let me out of it. She's made chicken noodle soup which had been my favorite when I was a kid. It's the first time that she and I have sat down to a meal together in, well, I can't even remember how long.
“How are you feeling?” she finally asks me, and I take a spoonful of my soup.
“I'm okay. I'm just tired,” I tell her. My throat is much better already.
“Don't forget I've got those pain pills if you need them,” she reminds me.
“That's okay. I'd rather not take anything unless I have to,” I reply. I don't want to feel foggy and spaced out, and the thought of taking anything scares the crap out of me right now. I don't want to end up acting anything even close to how Parker has acted. Besides, other than my throat being sore and a few minor aches and pains, I really am okay.
I'm not able to eat much. Swallowing is painful and eventually it gets to be too much. I thank Mom for dinner and tell her that I'm going to go back upstairs and lie down.
“I'm supposed to work tomorrow, but if you don't think that's a good idea, you just say so,” she tells me. She's never said that before. Work has been her escape from her feelings, but she's doing so much better now. The transformation is amazing.
“Um, thanks, but I'll be okay,” I say softly. She's like a different person standing before me. Or maybe just a little more like the person she had been before Dad died.
I'm exhausted by the time I get up the stairs and take a quick shower to get the smell of the club and the hospital and Parker off of me. It's getting dark out, and I turn the TV off because I can't keep focused on anything on there anyway. I slide on a cami and an old pair of dance shorts before I climb into my bed. As tired as I feel, I can't fall asleep because every time I close my eyes, I see Parker on top of me. I finally give up and turn the TV back on. Maybe it will at least distract my thoughts away from Parker.
An hour or so later, I think I hear a tapping sound. I mute the TV and listen for a second. My heart starts to race. By not pressing charges against Parker, he'd been released, and I realize I'm terrified, suddenly wondering if he's come here, angry with me for the way things turned out. The tapping comes again and my eyes dart around the room that is dimly illuminated by the flickering screen of the TV. Finally my eyes land on my window and it dawns on me that the tapping sounds like it's coming from there. I stand up slowly and walk toward the window. Parker has only ever been in the downstairs of my house so he wouldn't know which window is mine. . .
This thought doesn't stop my heart from pounding against my rib cage. I carefully pull the curtain back just a bit and peer cautiously through the crack. It's pitch black outside, but the light from the TV illuminates the shadow just enough that I know it's Chase, not Parker. I take a deep breath and chastise myself for even thinking for a second that Parker would come here. It's ridiculous. I slide the window up and Chase quietly pulls himself inside. It's funny to me that he made this look so much easier when he'd been just a boy and not a man.
He stands up once he has hauled himself all the way inside and smiles down at me. “I'm not sure if this is all right. I know you're probably exhausted, but I just. . . I needed to see you, to know you are okay,” he whispers and smoothes some of my still damp hair back away from my face.
He has no idea how right this feels. I just lean in and wrap my arms tightly around his waist. The warmth of his body and the scent of him instantly relax me and I'm able to breathe easier.
“I guess that means it's okay?” he whispers, his chin resting on the top of my head, his strong arms enveloping me.
“It's better than okay,” I say quietly and lean back a bit to look up at him. His deep blue eyes are lit by the light from the TV and even though he's smiling, I can see the concern on his face. I reach down and take his hand in mine and have him follow me over to the bed. I slide over to the far side by the wall and he sits down beside me.
“How are you feeling?” he asks softly, and I can tell that he is checking my bruises out in the dim, dancing light.
“Okay. Tired,” I start. “I just want the bruises to disappear so that I can start to forget. I don't want the reminder.”
“I know,” he whispers and lets his knuckles run gently along my cheekbone beneath the eye that is still black and blue. “They'll fade in time and so will the memories.”
I close my eyes while his hand traces a path over my ear, back behind it, and then slowly down my neck. I just enjoy feeling safe now that he's here with me.
“Listen, Hayles, I didn't come here expecting. . .“ his voice trails off and I open my eyes so that I can see his expression. “I just wanted to hold you tonight, if that's okay.”
A warmth spreads from the center of my chest, outward in all directions throughout my body. I lay back on the pillow and pull his hand so that he gets the message and lays down beside me. He's on his back and I tuck myself tightly against his side with my arm draped across the hard muscles of his abdomen, my cheek resting against the softness of his t-shirt. “I actually couldn't sleep,” I admit softly. “I just keep thinking about last night, and seeing him whenever I close my eyes. And when I heard you at the window, it's stupid, but I was scared that it was him somehow.”
I feel him tense a bit beside me, but he keeps his fingertips gliding softly up and down the length of my arm. “I'm sorry, Haylee. I'm so sorry that you had to go through any of that. I'm not gonna let him hurt you again, and I'm here now so you can sleep.”
“I feel awful about the other day,” I whisper, a warm sensation beginning in the backs of my eyes. “I was
so
excited to see you there on the dock. I don't think I've ever been so happy. I was in your arms, I was kissing you, finally. And being with you again upstairs at Griff's, it was amazing, right out of a dream. So when I saw you with Lexi out the window, I felt like everything had been a lie and I felt like a fool. I shouldn't have run out of there. I should have given you the chance to explain. And I never should have played you the way I did at the club. I'm so, so sorry, Chase.” The tears are spilling from my eyes now, and I'm shaking in his arms.
He pulls me tight to his side in an embrace as he kisses the top of my head. “Hayles, it's okay. I don't blame you for the way you reacted. I'm sure I'd have done the same thing. It was just really poor timing on Lexi's part. I hate that she ruined our evening. I had another surprise for you.”
I pick my head up to look at him and he uses his thumb to wipe the tears from under my eyes. “What do you mean another surprise?”
He chuckles softly at my reaction. “I planned to surprise you by just showing up without letting you know I was coming, but I had something else planned that night as well.”
“What?” This is the first I have heard of all this and I hate Lexi even more for royally screwing everything up. I can't imagine what else he planned. Just having him back here is enough for me.
“It's okay. I can show you when you're feeling better.”
I narrow my eyes at him. “I'm feeling fine.”
He laughs quietly again, his chest shaking me slightly. “Still no patience, huh, Hayles? I can't show you right now anyway; it's late and you're tired. Maybe I'll show you tomorrow if you get some sleep.”
I hold his gaze for a moment, trying to figure out what he's up to. I finally give up with a sigh and let my cheek rest against his chest again.
“And I'm sorry too, Hayles, for Lexi interfering in our lives. I don't think I've ever felt more hurt than when you looked at me as you were coming down the stairs like I was the devil himself and you told me not to touch you.” I cringe as I remember. “I'm sorry for losing it on the dance floor when you told me what was really going on. As soon as I cooled off and talked to Griff, I realized that I'd overreacted as well. You weren't trying to hurt me; you were trying to get rid of Lexi. Although I can assure you, you have nothing to worry about with me and her. I can't blame you for what you did. I'm actually kind of flattered that you went to all that trouble.”
I prop up on my elbow again and shoot him a look of disdain. His smile lights a fire inside of me that I know will never burn out. It's moments like this when he looks at me that way that I know I will always just give him whatever he wants. It's the look he'd always had when he'd been up to his latest prank when we were kids.