Second Chances (10 page)

It damn well
better
be a woman. I thought and waited for a response, then looked up from my plate. I’d been focused on it because, damn, I made killer lasagna.

When I looked up Brian was shaking. His eyes were rolled back and I could see a little drool running out of the corner of his mouth. Then he dropped his fork and it hit the floor with a clang. Holy shit, he was having a seizure. Another one. My heart fell through my stomach and crushed my balls when it hit them, and the nausea and fear hit me like a fucking sledgehammer. I jammed it down, jumped up, and went around to his side of the table.

I grabbed my belt out from around my waist and doubled it over. I took his mouth and forced it open with pressure to both sides of his jaw and shoved the leather into his mouth to stop him from swallowing his tongue. Then I waited, made sure he didn’t hurt himself. Watched over him and worried.

After about five minutes that felt like five hours, his seizure ended and his body relaxed. I picked him up and carried him into the den and laid him on the couch. His breathing evened out. His eyelids fluttered, and I could tell he was starting to come back around.

I stroked his face and talked silly nonsense to him to make the transition a little easier. And soon enough, his eyes opened and he struggled to focus on me. He tried to raise his head and get up, but I made him lay there. Slowly the light came back into his eyes, and he looked up at me. I knew now, after dealing with the smaller seizures he’d been having, that he was going to be okay.

“I’m sorry, Mark,” he rasped, “so sorry. Did I break anything? Let me get up and—”

“Shh. No, it’s okay, babe,” I told him and rubbed his chest. “Nothing got broken. And you’re going to stay there ’til you feel a hundred percent. Now tell me, are you okay? Does anything hurt?”

He sighed and relaxed back down on the sofa. “How bad was it?”

“Not bad at all, sweetheart. I wasn’t paying attention, so forgive me? I just wasn’t watching,” I apologized.

“Now you hush,” he chuckled. “Not a damn thing for you to say you’re sorry for. This isn’t your fault.”

“I know. But it hurts to see this happen to you. I want to take it away and fix it and make it all better for you. I just can’t….” I said as my voice broke. He pulled me down on his chest, and I started to silently cry right on top of him. I reached my arms around him and pulled him in close and just hugged until I got control of my emotions again.

He comforted me when it should have been me being strong for him.

“Let’s go back and try to eat something. I think I can keep it down and your lasagna is just too good to waste, babe,” he joked. He was able to stand under his own power and made it back to the table. I went to the kitchen and got him a clean fork and we sat down to finish our meal, all thoughts of Antonio left behind.

Monday I was calling the doctor and demanding some more tests. I had to know what was wrong with him.

January 2004

I
WAS
on my way to take my last box of personal items out to my car when Dan called out to me. “Mark, are you about done? Anything you need some help with?”

“No, this is the last load, then I’ll be headed out. Has everybody else already gone? Am I the cow’s tail?” I joked.

I went in and sat down, taking in the emptiness of the office. Dan’d already taken all of his things out too, it looked like. “I think you and I are it. Isn’t it always the finance and money guys who bring up the rear? But yes, it’s just us two then we can turn out the lights,” he said. He looked around and like me, was reluctant to leave.

“I’m going to miss this place. The work we do. You.” This was the first time we had to ourselves since the board of directors voted to close shop after the loss of our major city grant. All of the good wishes and warm fuzzy promises don’t mean shit when the money goes kaput. And fuck the bastards on the city council sideways. Self-serving, arrogant pricks.

“I know you don’t like praise much, but it’s been an honor working with you these past six years,” I told him, knowing this was my last opportunity. “I’ve learned so much, and I know I can be a bear to work with, but you always just listened and were fair to me. And never made me feel like I was wrong. I’ll take that with me to Hope House.”

He looked at me with that slight smile that barely drew up the corners. Fuck, the first month I worked here I thought Dan was British; he was so tight-assed and… frigid. Then I slowly got to know him and realized he was just a dry version of me. Same smartass attitude, but mine was loud and in-your-face while his was quiet and needle-sharp.

I considered him one of my best friends, and I would miss working with him more than I ever thought.

“Mark, the pleasure’s been all mine. We made a difference here. We had some good times. And we didn’t do anything but the best we could. Right?”

Damn. He knew, as he always did, what I was really thinking. I felt, deep down, that there was something more we could’ve done, someone we didn’t talk to, a funder we didn’t reach out to.

“Right?” he asked again, raising one eyebrow.

“Right.” I smiled at him. And almost,
almost
believed it. And probably, someday, I would. But not today.

“Then let’s take this last box out for you, lock the door, and get the fuck out of here and have a drink,” he said.

I
HAD
the week off before I started my new job. I was honestly torn between being excited and scared shitless. The new position I’d found was as the chief financial officer for an agency that worked with kids in foster care. It was my first time being totally responsible for the whole financial running of an agency, but I knew I was good at what I did.

And this cause was so fucking important that I wanted to get it right. After seeing the way Brian was still hurting after his experiences in the foster care system, I knew I could make a difference.

“Are you looking forward to starting your new job next week?” Brian asked.

We were lying in bed, just relaxing and listening to John Mayer and talking. It’d been a long day for him, work and then a doctor’s appointment, another test with no clear result, and then we went out to eat. That way we could kick back when we got home. The more tired he was, the worse the slight shaking that was in his hands sometimes got.

“Yeah, I am. I think I can do good work for Hope House. Those kids’ll have everything I can give them and more. But what I want to talk about is you. How’re you feeling tonight, babe?”

I rolled over and straddled him, looking down at him. God, he was so beautiful. To look, you would never know—no, I wouldn’t think about that. Not tonight. I reached down and brushed my lips across his, not quite kissing yet but letting him know what was coming. Soon.

“I feel good, Mark. Just was a little tired from the day. You know all that doctor stuff. Hurry up and wait to get in, then sit there for half an hour to be seen. But thanks for taking me out to dinner. We haven’t done that in a while,” he said while chasing my kisses.

“Mmmm, well, you just lay back and let me take care of things for you then,” I whispered into his mouth, then slowly touched my lips to his. After the day he had, I wanted to make him feel good. Make it better for him. Show him he was loved still. That nothing was changed. Fix things. Him.

My tongue slid across his bottom lip, then pushed its way in. I ran it over his front teeth, then around in a lazy circle. It touched his tongue and I took the kiss deeper, closing my mouth more firmly to his. I could feel his moan more than hear it, and I sucked at his tongue, feeling his cock start to harden in his sleep pants.

I leaned back a little so I could look at his face and take in what I saw there. “I love you, Brian,” I said. I saw the happiness, the love, the passion and excitement, and the sadness there, swirling around and dancing in the bright blues and silvers of his beautiful eyes.

“Love you too, Mark. So much, so very much,” he moaned.

I moved my mouth back to his and placed slow kisses on his mouth, then moved to suck on his earlobe. The whole time I straddled his body, but I kept the contact to a minimum. This was for him, all about him, and I wanted his body lit up and alive.

My mouth found its way down his jaw and to his throat. I could feel his pulse in his neck, the excitement right under his skin, moving all through his veins. I sucked against his collarbone for a minute, then allowed my mouth to move down his body.

“Please,” he whispered. “Please.”

I wanted this to last and didn’t answer. I moved to the other side and licked a long trail across his neck and paused to kiss and lightly nibble. I put my mouth right over his left nipple and puffed warm hot air onto it. The skin began to tighten and pebble up, and I licked it with just the tip of my tongue, pulled on the ring with my tongue.

Something like a sob came out of his mouth, but he kept his hands bunched in the sheets and closed his eyes. God, what he did to me. I lowered my mouth over it and bit the tiny tip slightly, worried it between my teeth just like he liked. I tugged the piercing with my teeth ’til the moans broke out of his throat and his breath got more shallow and raspy. Then I moved across to the other one and gave it the same treatment.

“Oh, God, I want you to stop, don’t stop, bite it, please just bite me,” he breathed. I don’t even know if he knew what he was asking for at this point.

Now that I had him where I wanted him, I moved my mouth lower still, licking between his pecs and down to his stomach, slowly… slowly… slowly. I trailed across his abs. They were nice and smooth, not ripped but tight and powerful. I darted my tongue into his navel and teased him there, sucking and licking.

I shifted backward and sat up, finally touching him with my hands, and nudged him on both sides of his hips so he would lift them and let me slide his sleep pants down. I rolled to the side slightly and pulled them off.

His cock flopped up against his belly and lay there, pulsing with his heartbeat. His balls were full and hanging, like two ripe figs. I straddled his legs and sucked one in, rolling it on my tongue, then tugging it away from his body with my teeth.

The sounds he was making were incredible. Moans, gasps, sobs. He loved it when I used my mouth on him, and I was going to show him how much I loved and needed him.

I moved my attention to his other ball, not touching it with my hands, just my mouth. And he knew, knew not to move and not to touch. Tonight I would’ve allowed it, but no words needed to be spoken. His gasps and moans told me what I needed to know.

I let his balls slip out and turned my head slightly sideways so I could suck the base of his cock. I grabbed it between my teeth lightly and moved up and down the shaft, almost up to the head, but stopped short with every stroke. I ran my tongue up and down the vein. My warm breath made the movement gentle and almost frictionless.

When I saw his thighs tremble with the want and need he felt for me, I took pity on him and edged forward and sucked the head into my mouth, making his cock stand upright. I started slowly, running my tongue in circles on the glans while I took in a couple of inches at a time.

I finally reached down and held his hips in place. But not before I grabbed his hands and moved them to my head to let him know, yes, it was okay to take his pleasure. Wordlessly, I gave him the control.

When his hands were locked in my short, straight hair, I took in all of his cock. Deep into my throat. I didn’t suck cock often, but I knew what I was doing and how to make it feel good. I slid my hands under his hips and grabbed two handfuls of that ass, that gorgeous ass I loved so much. And I sucked. I sucked him deep and drew his ass up and fucked my face with his body.

He got the point and began to pump his hips forward. He held my head in place with his hands and got depth and sweet friction. The pace was slow at first, because I wanted it to last and to be so good for him. And it was, I could tell. I lost myself in the rhythm.

I could feel the tension and the increase in speed. He was getting close. My tongue worked the sweet nerve bundle right under the slit, above where the knot of his circumcision scar was. His breath was fast, almost panting, and his hands flexed in my hair, gripping and pulling.

I slid my hands further under his ass and spread his cheeks and let my index fingers brush close to his hole, and he lost it. I heard him grunt and cry out, and then his cock grew thick and hard and the waves of his load started to splash in my mouth and throat.

I swallowed down every drop and kept the suction on his cock hard and steady until he gave a big shiver and his hips dropped back onto the bed. His breath came in big gulps and his hands released my hair. I let his cock slide out of my mouth and licked up and down the shaft, and made sure he was cleaned.

I moved up over him and put my mouth right against his again and let his breath whoosh out into my mouth. I slowly captured his lips in a kiss, light and gentle. He relaxed into it and reached up again to hold me by the back of the neck and deepened the kiss, but never took it over. He met me man to man, and I let him.