Second Chances (97 page)

“Emma would like us to sleep out here tonight.  And she’d like to spend some time alone with me.  So, kiss her goodnight.  We’ll be right here in the morning.”  He tried to sound convincing, but he spoke with fear in his eyes.  “Go on now,” he urged when no one moved. 

Brian was the first to walk over and kiss his mother.  “I’ll like you forever.  I’ll love you for always.  As long as I’m living my mother you’ll be,” he whispered in her ear.  Tears came to his mother’s eyes as she listened to him quote one of the books she had read to her grandchildren so often in recent years.

“Good night,” Sarah said in a hushed voice as she gave the woman a light hug and kiss.

One by one with teary eyes Emma’s children stepped forward, kissed her, walked slowly into the house, and up the stairs to bed.  Brian was holding Sarah’s hand.  They made a brief stop before going to their room.  He opened the balcony door as silently as possible, so they could take one last look at his parents.  His father had effortlessly lifted Emma onto his lap and was holding her in his arms.  He was rocking her slightly, like one might rock a child, and singing to her.  An occasional sniffle told them he was crying.

Sarah squeezed Brian’s hand.  He led her to bed.  “I don’t think she’s going to make it through the night.”

She made no comment.  She was thinking the same.  Tonight, when they climbed into bed, Brian tried to roll onto his side away from her.  “Oh no you don’t,” she murmured.  She reached out to him, pulled on his shoulder, and forced him to roll toward her.  She knew he would be crying when he looked at her.  She opened her arms to him.

Brian laid his head on her chest, wrapped his arms around her, and closed his eyes.  “I’m sorry you have to see me like this,” he whispered.

“I’m just glad you’re letting it out.  I was getting worried,” she replied.  “I’m going to hold you like this all night, okay?”

Brian nodded, his head brushing her chest. 
I love you, Sarah;
he thought it as hard as he could, willing her to know what he wanted so desperately to tell her.

I’ll always be there for you,
she thought.  And then, as she nodded off to sleep, something stirred in Sarah’s chest.  It was a feeling she hadn’t felt in some time.  She wasn’t ready for it.  She refused to welcome it.  So she simply shook it off.

They were awakened too quickly.  Just as the sun was rising in the sky, they heard Brian’s father crying out.  They rushed to the balcony, as did all the rest of the siblings and mates.  “Emma, no!”  He cried.  “Please don’t leave me.  I’m not ready yet.”

Everyone rushed to his side.  Sarah would have remained where she was, but Brian grabbed her hand and pulled her with him.  Reluctantly, she trailed behind him, not wanting to intrude on this family moment.  When they reached the lounger, they found Emma lying there with her eyes closed, wearing a peaceful look on her face.  She wasn’t breathing.

Brian and his siblings rushed to hug their father who was crying unashamedly.  Tears rushed down his face, his nose was running, and he looked lost.  He reached for Sarah as she stood back apart from the family.  “At least we had yesterday,” he mumbled.  He sat down on the ground next to Emma’s body.

All of this was too much for Brian.  He turned to Sarah and pulled her close.  “I just need to hold on to you right now,” he murmured into her hair.  “Please, let me.”

Sarah nodded.

The remainder of the day passed in a blur.  The coroner had come to take her away.  He had marveled at the number of people present.  “She must have been very loved,” he had said to Mr. Waite in an attempt to offer the distraught man some form of comfort.  “It is very difficult for people to be around death.  She must have been a very special person to have so many people willing to stick it out.”  Mr. Waite had nodded then wandered away wringing his hands as though he needed to find some task for them to accomplish.

Funeral arrangements were made.  Emma had asked just last night to be cremated then sprinkled around her new lilac bush.  Still, the earliest date that could be set for the funeral was Monday.  Brian and Sarah had gone up to their room late in the afternoon to talk.

“I want to be here for you,” Sarah had said sadly, “but our classes start on Monday.” 

Brian had nodded numbly.  “I know the Dean won’t expect you to be there, but I have to be.”  He sat there blankly.  “What if I take your classes on Monday and Tuesday so that you don’t have to worry about them?”

At last he spoke.  “That would be very helpful.  Thank you.”  His voice sounded mechanical.

Sarah walked over to the window and gazed out at the vacant chaise lounger.  For the first time all week the entire yard was empty of adults.  The kids were the only ones outside, playing undisturbed on the swing set.  “I’m going to fly home tomorrow.  Can you take me and Chloe to the airport?”

Brian had walked up behind her and set his hands on her shoulders.  She knew he must have been thinking the same thoughts she had when he looked at the yard.  “Of course.”  He turned her to face him.  “I just wish you didn’t have to go.”

They stared at each other for a few moments before Brian made a move.  He bent down until their lips were inches apart.  Sarah stood firm, curious.  And then his lips were upon hers.  The kiss was gentle at first, soft and sweet.  Then his hands found the back of her head.  He held her still as he nibbled on her lower lip, kissed a path to her left ear, and whispered, “I need you, Sarah.”

She gasped.  Her stomach was a ball of emotions.  On the one hand, Sarah felt that he was merely reacting to a difficult situation and reaching out to her for comfort, while on the other she felt as though he had overstepped an unspoken boundary.  Instantly, she was torn between wanting to open up and let him continue to kiss and cuddle her, and pulling away.  It had been a long time since she had been showered with affection, and it had been even longer since she felt that kind of heat.  She shook her head, trying to clear it, to think sensibly.

“I’ll always be here for you, Brian,” she said.

Instantly he knew what that meant.  He froze for a
moment, the finally pulled back, and dropped his hands at his side.  “As a friend, right?”  He felt hollow, like the wind had been knocked out of him.

“Of course,” she mumbled.  “We’ll always be friends.”

“I can’t do this right now,” he said, hurting now on a new level.  He turned and stalked from the room.

He just needs to cool down,
she thought. 
He’s just going through a lot right now.  He’s not thinking clearly.

Leaning against the other side of the door, Brian shook his head.  “I know what I’m doing, Sarah.  I know what I want,” he said in disgust.  Then he moved down the stairs to get something to eat.

The next morning Sarah said her goodbyes to the family.  She felt terrible for leaving now, but they understood.  What they didn’t understand was what had happened between Sarah and Brian.  Since the previous afternoon, they had been distant with each other.  And no one could quite put his or her finger on why that was.  At the same time, everyone was a little more consumed with the impending funeral to give it more than a passing thought.

They rode to the airport in silence.  Chloe watched them from the backseat.  “Are you guys okay?”  She asked quietly.  Brian and Sarah looked at each other, but neither responded.  Sarah didn’t know if they were okay or not.  “I said,” Chloe began loudly.

“We heard you,” Sarah said quickly.  “And I don’t know.”  She turned and looked out the window.  In the past, Brian would have reached out to her, grabbed her hand reassuringly, messed up her hair, or made some sort of comment, but today he gave no indication as to how he felt.  Sarah felt even worse than she had last night.  And last night, she hadn’t imagined she could ever feel worse than that.

She had expected Brian to make up with her so that he could be close to her.  Instead, when she went up to bed that night, she found Chloe in his spot.  He had taken the cot and was turned away from her.  She had crept over to him, knelt beside the cot and lightly touched his back.  He hadn’t responded.  “Brian,” she had said in a hushed voice.  She continued prodding him until at last he gave in and answered.

“Please come to bed.  Let me snuggle with you.  Let me be close to you tonight.”  Sadly, she laid her forehead against his back while she awaited a response.

He rolled over then.  She thought she had gotten through to him that they could go back to where they had been, but the look on his face told her otherwise.  “I can’t be close to you.  I can only be your friend,” he spat, his eyes glistening a stormy blue.

“Friends can be close,” she mumbled, but once again she found herself speaking to his back.  She had sighed then and wandered back to bed alone feeling more desolate than she could ever believe possible.

When they pulled up at the gate, Sarah realized that he wasn’t planning on waiting with them.  He unloaded their bags, and set them on the curb for her.  He climbed back in to the driver’s seat.  “I’ll see you at school,” she said.  He nodded.  “Thanks for the ride.”  He gave her an indecipherable look then drove off.

Sarah wanted to cry then and there.  She wanted to cry for the hurt he was feeling and the hurt he was inflicting on her.  She wanted everything back to normal.  For the second time since she and Josh split up, Sarah felt as though her life were out of her control.

“Come on kiddo,” she called to Chloe as she picked up her luggage, putting on a brave front.  Then they marched into the airport to fly back to Vermont.

As soon as she had arrived at home, Sarah had checked the answering machine.  She kept hoping that Brian would come to his senses; that he would call and tell her he missed her, that he needed her to be his friend and that everything was back to normal between them.  But the only message on the machine was from Tessa to Josh. 

“Last night was great, baby,” Tessa’s childlike voice said.  “Thanks for letting me stay over.  It’ll be our little secret.”  There was a ‘kissy’ noise followed by a dial tone.

“Big mistake,” she said angrily.  Once again Josh would be the target for her rage.  He had a gift for making it so.  

Sarah waited up for Josh that night.   She had snapped her book shut the minute she heard the screen door creak.  Sitting expectantly, she stared at the doorway until he entered the house.

He sighed when he saw her reading in the living room. “Now what?”  He asked wearily.

“You keep it up, you’re not going to make it six months,” she warned.

“Why?”  He asked angrily.

“Follow me,” she urged, stomping off to the kitchen where the answering machine laid on the counter.  She pushed play and watched Josh’s shoulders sag as he listened to the message Tessa had left.

“She didn’t stay,” he lied.  “She’s not allowed here, right?  How could she have stayed?”  He kept blustering for several more seconds, but gave up after seeing Sarah’s face. 

“She’s just trying to get to you.”

“I don’t care about the sex.  I don’t care if you love her.  I do care, however, if it takes place in my house.”  She glared at him.  “And I care that you don’t keep your word.  Oh, and the lying part kind of ticks me off, too.”  Josh shifted nervously.  “Do one more thing to irritate me, break our agreement in any way, shape, or form, and you’re out of here.”  He gave no indication he’d listened to a word she said.  “Got it?”  Her tone snapped him from his thoughts. 

“Yeah.  Uh, yes.  I understand.”  He turned and walked up the stairs.

“Oh, and my trip was great,” she called sarcastically after him.

The next morning she sat sadly in her office, gazing out the window at Brian’s dark empty space.  He wouldn’t be returning until some time Tuesday.  Sarah didn’t know if he would call to check on his classes.  She’d just place all of his materials in his box in the office, she decided. 

Her class would be first, before lunch.  Brian’s class would follow the lunch break.  He had asked for that schedule.  He was not a morning person, she had discovered on their trip.  She was just about to pack up and walk to her classroom when there was knock on her door.

“Professor Waite,” the young man said tentatively.

“Nope, Professor White,” Sarah replied without looking up, used to correcting students

who took a wrong turn looking for Brian.  Since their names were only off by one letter, it happened frequently.

“Oh, sorry,” he mumbled.  He stood there anxiously.  “Can you tell me where to find Professor Waite?”  He asked.

“Yup,” she said.  “He’s away on family business.”  She shoved her pen into her bag, pushed the strap on her shoulder and turned to go.  The young man was blocking her exit.  She was about to ask him to leave when she looked at him for the first time.

Sarah stopped in her tracks.  The student before her was handsome in a way unlike anyone she had ever met.  He was...Calvin Klein underwear model handsome.  And judging by the way his clothes fit him; he had the physique to match.  He smiled at her in a manner that suggested he was used to being appreciated by women and stretched out a hand.

“I’m Evan Winters,” he said.

Sarah leaned back on one leg.  “What can I do for you Mr. Winters?”  She asked.  She felt guilty for being short with him moments earlier, and for all but blushing when she first studied him.

“You see, I need to take this class that Professor Waite is teaching this summer.  I must have all my core classes done before I go on my study abroad.”  He watched her with interest.  She was young, attractive, tan.  She couldn’t be much older than he was.  And for the moment he had her attention. 

“I see.  Well, Professor Waite won’t be back until Wednesday.  Is there another class you can take?”  The way he looked at Sarah made her uncomfortable.  He was too familiar, too at ease with her.

Evan shook his head.  “I’m afraid not.  Do you know if his class is full?”

Sarah sighed, set her bag on the chair and walked over to her desk.  She picked up the enrollment for Brian’s class.  There were twenty-four students registered before they went on vacation.  Who knew how many had registered since they left?  “Well, it’s difficult to say,” she said honestly.  “It wasn’t full at the end of last semester, but now who knows?”

He walked over to her and looked her in the eye.  “What if I attend until he gets back?  I could just go and show him how dedicated and determined I am.  Do you think his replacement would mind?”  Evan’s blue eyes twinkled with mischief.

Sarah smirked a little.  “I am his replacement,” she said.

“All the better,” Evan said boldly.  “In that case, I’ll see you this afternoon.”  He strode confidently from her office and walked to his first class.

Unsure of how she felt about walking into the classroom, Sarah waited until the last possible moment before she entered.  Just as she had expected, Evan had taken a seat at the very front of the room.  She walked in, mustering all the confidence she could, and set the materials Brian had left on the desk.

She wrote her name on the board, which had several students scrambling to check their course schedules.  “I am Professor White,” she began.  “Yes, you are in the right class.  Professor Waite will return on Wednesday.  Until then, you are saddled with me.”  She glanced around the room and found Evan was virtually beaming.  Somehow she found this terribly unsettling.  “Let’s begin.”

The class ran smoothly, a tribute to the effort Brian put into his plans.  Anyone could have walked in off the streets and been moderately successful.  She packed up her materials and said goodbye to the students.  They had all left eagerly, probably hoping to get some sun while it was still out, all of them except for Evan.  He stood next to the desk, waiting for her to acknowledge him. 

Sarah looked him in the eye.  “Yes, Evan?”  She was exhausted.  Summer classes were so much longer than semester classes.  That’s what happened when you condensed sixteen weeks into six.  All she wanted was to get home, change her clothes, and chase Chloe through the sprinkler for a bit before dinner.

“I wanted to give you mine personally,” he said, handing her the response he had created for the warm up exercise.

The question on the board was “Why is it important to study foreign cultures?”  She had glanced through some of the answers students had written while they were working in groups.  Most had commented on the need for an understanding of cultural differences and its relationship to their area of study, such as business, marketing, or finance.  Sarah glanced at the paper Evan handed her.  Apparently he felt cultural studies were important so that he could take a beautiful, sophisticated, professional woman on a vacation to some foreign land without making a fool of himself.  It was a thinly veiled attempt at flirting.

“You know I have to turn all of this in to Professor Waite, correct?”  The look on her face was grim.

“Oh, yeah.  That’s right.”  This was obviously not the reaction he had hoped for.  And he certainly hadn’t considered that this paper would reach his true instructor.

Sarah studied him for a moment.  “What did you think I would say?  How soon can you be packed?”  He smirked at her.  “I’m a professor and you are a student.  Technically, you’re not my student, but that is irrelevant.  I’m also working on a divorce right now and I have a five year daughter to consider.”  She paused.  Why was she telling him all this?  Was she hoping to scare him away?  Or was she simply reasoning out loud?  No, she didn’t find him attractive in the least.  He was far too aggressive.  She had enough issues.  She stood there looking resolute.