Second Chances (94 page)

Sarah had felt as though she was under the microscope all day.  She would catch Brian watching her in the car on the way to the airport.  He studied her on the plane, in the elevator, in their room, across the table at dinner, and even now as she was trying to enjoy
Les Mis
.  At first she gave him an exasperated look.  When that didn’t work, she leaned over and whispered, “I thought you wanted to see this production.”

He looked sheepish.  “I do,” he mumbled.  “I just wanted to see that you were enjoying it.”

In response she squeezed his hand and smiled.  Brian leaned back into his seat.  It didn’t get much better than this.  At least that’s what he believed before they reached the hotel later that evening.

Almost as soon as they made it back to the room, one of those nasty spring thunderstorms rumbled through.  Sarah wasn’t prepared for how different a storm like that felt from the fifteenth floor.  The lightning strikes seemed more vivid, the thunder booms were louder, and the wind seemed to rock against the windows.  She rushed to the bathroom and changed into her black jersey knit spaghetti strapped nightgown as quickly as she could. 

Originally, she had planned to call her mother as soon as they returned to the room to tell her about the theatre, and check on Chloe.  She hadn’t spent many nights apart from Chloe, and felt guilty for doing so now, with the little girl’s life in such an upheaval, even if she wasn’t feeling it as deeply as she would in six months when Josh moved out and then in with Tessa.   Now with the storm in full force, there would be no phone call.

Disheartened, she flopped into bed, and snuggled under the covers.  She had intentionally left the curtains open so that she could watch as the storm passed through.  It wasn’t passing fast enough for her liking, and it was soon evident, and verified by the local weather channel, that the storm would be wreaking havoc for some time. 

And through all of her silence, Brian had sat and watched and waited.  He knew he just needed to give her time.  Sure enough, she rolled over and spoke to him.  “I can’t call home.”  She looked out the window again and continued to speak with her back to him.  “I always try to call when Chloe and I are apart.”

Feeling helpless, but wanting to comfort her, Brian crept over to her bed, sat next to her on the covers, and said quietly, “Tomorrow.  You can call before we leave tomorrow morning.”

She shocked him then.  She rolled over abruptly, wrapped her arms around his waist, and dropped her head onto his chest.  “I’m sorry,” she whispered.  “How is it you always catch me at my worst?”  She looked up at him, her emerald eyes now sparkling from tears.

“Just lucky, I guess,” he replied.  It was true.  He did feel lucky.  Sarah was lying in his arms.   A guy couldn’t get luckier than that.

She stayed there on his chest a few minutes, listening to his heart beat rapidly in silence.  “Is it always that fast?” She asked curiously.

He chuckled, a bit embarrassed.  “No, only when a beautiful woman gets too close,” he joked.

She glanced up at his face again.  “Do you want me to move?”  She watched intently, studying his body language with her mesmerizing emerald eyes.

He sighed and slowly looked away.  “Not unless you want to.”  His eyes were a stormy sea color tonight, completely giving away his mood.  He liked Sarah close, yearned for physical contact with her at all times. 

She plopped her head down; satisfied with the answer she had received.  “I guess I’m just being selfish tonight,” she murmured.  “It’s been so long since I’ve been close to anyone like this.  I just want to stay here for a while.”

He nodded, pleased that she had subconsciously known what he wanted, and then grew more daring with his touch.  Brian reached up and started running his hand through her hair, playing with it, massaging her scalp.  At first he was overly conscious of his own movements, but when he discovered that he would receive no objection he paid less attention to what he was doing.

For Sarah, it was just the opposite.  She closed her eyes the minute his fingers first caressed her hair, savoring every second of it.  She sank into him, relaxed completely, barely conscious.

She lay motionless for so long that Brian thought she had fallen asleep.  He started to move her gently and return to his own bed, but she grabbed onto him fiercely once more.  “Stay with me,” she mumbled in her half-sleep.  “Stay with me until I fall asleep.”  He was frozen, neither standing nor sitting.  She opened one eye.  “Please?”

Brian sat immediately.  “I’ll stay,” he said.  “I’ll stay until you’re asleep.”

It took a long time for Brian to fall asleep that night.  Even as the lightning faded and the wind’s menacing howls ceased, even after the thunderous booms melted into the distance, he laid there watching Sarah from his bed.  She looked so peaceful lying there with her hair fanned out from her face.  He had carefully brushed it away so that she wouldn’t be bothered by it as she slept.  He had felt her breathing slow, had matched his breath to hers until they were one.

Gradually he had eased himself from under her.  He kept waiting for her to awaken and beg him to stay with her, but she didn’t and he had no excuse to remain there in her bed.  Brian had contemplated just sleeping snuggled against her all night, but as he couldn’t bear the thought of lying to her in the morning, he kept his promise and begrudgingly returned to his own bed.  Yet he couldn’t part without planting one tender kiss upon her silky forehead.  It didn’t even alter her breathing.

The next morning Sarah woke up first.  She hauled the phone from the nightstand in between their beds, pulled the cord as taught as possible, found it would only stretch as far as the closet, and settled on making her call from there.  She opened her purse to remove her phone card, and saw their family picture. 
Isn’t it funny? 
She pondered. 
I open this wallet all the time.  I put things in and I take things out.  And all the times I have seen this picture, not once has it stirred me as much as it does today.

The photo was pulled from its protective sleeve, Josh’s image was folded underneath, and then it was shoved easily back into its original spot.  Sarah smiled. 
That’s better.
  She nodded.  Dialing the phone, she waited for it to begin ringing before shutting herself into the closet.  Her mother’s sleepy voice answered.

“How was it?” She queried.  “You had fun, I hope.”

“Oh, yes,” Sarah gushed, partially in truth, partially because she was so happy to have reached her mother.  “How is Chloe?”  Her voice took on a sad edge.

“Still sleeping.  Why aren’t you?”  Her mother waited for a response, but answered her own question before Sarah could.  “Oh, guilt.  I see.  We’re fine.  She had fun.  She hasn’t been traumatized by your absence.”  Sarah sighed.  “Enjoy yourself.  We’ll see you later this afternoon.”  And with that, there was a sudden click as her mother hung up the phone.

Just as the phone disconnected the closet doors opened.  Brian stood there wearing nothing but boxer shorts.  And it made Sarah wonder whether the sharp intake of her breath had more to do with the shock of the closet doors opening or the sight of his nearly naked form before her.  He had amazing muscle definition in his body.  She had vaguely noticed it through his clothes, but now it was before her.  There was light fuzz across his chest and a glorious happy trail leading from around his belly button into his boxers.  His six pack and pectorals were as well defined as any movie star.  Sarah couldn’t take her eyes off of him.

He tried to hide a smile as he noticed her reaction.  “Did I surprise you?”  Brian waited for her response.

She shook her head to clear her thoughts, regain focus.  Then without speaking a word, she put out her hands for him to help her to her feet.  Brian gave a healthy tug; Sarah flew up and toward him, resting soundly against his chest.  She could feel the heat of him against every part of her that made physical contact with him.  It caused a strange stirring in her low in her belly.  She didn’t recognize it at first, and when she suddenly did, her face flushed a flaming red.

“Well, hello,” he said chuckling as he relished her response.

Blushing, Sarah didn’t think she would ever regain her composure.  “I’m going to shower now,” she mumbled on her way to the bathroom.

“Hurry,” he began, “I need one, too.” 
More than you know,
he thought.

In the light of day, everything became clearer to Sarah.  She chastised herself for her behavior the previous night, and the way she responded to his scantily clad form that morning.  She used her shower time to pull herself together.  She took inventory of her life, reminded herself who she was and of her place in the world. 
You are a mother,
she thought. 
You are a professor, a highly regarded professional, and a lady.  You don’t fawn over your male friends, and you don’t fall for the first man who might show an interest.  Brian is just being kind.
  She concluded her pep talk a little harshly. 
Pull yourself together, girl.  Don’t make a fool of yourself.

By the time she left the hotel in her weathered Calvin Klein jeans, comfy Old Navy t-shirt, and hair pulled back into a ponytail, she could scarcely be recognized as the woman who had caused such a stir in the sexy red dress the night before.  And that was the point.  She was going back home, back to normal, and she would act and look the part.

Brian noticed the change immediately in both her clothes and her demeanor.  Sarah wasn’t as warm and welcoming as she had been.  He watched her, spoke with her, and yet found he was unable to reach her or recapture the sentiment of the previous day and night.

When he dropped her off in front of her farmhouse, Chloe came racing through the open screen door while Josh wandered out onto the porch and leaned against a post surveying the scene.  Sarah sat for a second before getting out of the car.  “Thank you, Brian,” she said seriously.  “I had a wonderful time.  Thank you so much for taking me away for the weekend.  I couldn’t have asked for a better friend.”  He sat there, watching her, nodding slightly.  “I hope I wasn’t terrible company,” she added, struggling to get some sort of reaction from him.  The entire scene had this first date gone wrong feel to it, with the maraschino cherry being that her soon-to-be ex-husband was watching everything unfold.

“You were great last night,” Brian said honestly. 
It’s your behavior today that I’m having a problem with,
he thought.

She smiled slightly at him, grasping his hand and giving a friendly squeeze.  Then she bounded from the car to meet her daughter as Chloe rushed toward her.  Had she thought about it, she would have been struck by how oddly the scene unfolded.  The men were on the outskirts, watching and waiting while Sarah and her daughter twirled in between.

The last three weeks of school passed quickly.  Sarah and Brian were both so consumed with grading final projects, presentations, and exams that they barely had time to speak.  Maybe it was better that way, since when they first were able to spend time together; all the discomfort of their overnight in New York had worn away.  Sarah was back to being her happy relaxed self, and Brian was almost able to set aside the idea of being more than friends.

“Well, so we get one glorious week off before we start our summer session,” Sarah remarked as they basked in the sun while perched on the side of the fountain.  Then she leaned in close.  “How do you plan to spend it?” She asked slyly.

“I wasn’t sure, until the other night,” he remarked quietly.

“So now what’s your plan?”  Sarah wore a mischievous look on her face.

Brian was silent a moment.  He hadn’t planned to tell her this way.  “My mother is sick.  She has cancer.”  He took a breath, trying to gain strength before continuing.

“Oh, Brian,” Sarah said sadly.  “I’m so sorry to hear that.”

“Well, it began as a small tumor in her breast.  Every time they did surgery, the doctors believed that it would be the last.  She has had chemotherapy, radiation, lost her hair, and tons of weight, more than she could afford to actually.”  He sat there looking at the ground.  Sarah couldn’t help it.  She reached out to him, took his hand in hers, held it close to her heart.

The action surprised him, the sincerity of it, the outpouring of warmth.  He inhaled sharply, but continued to speak.  “She is an amazing woman.  I would love for you to meet her.”  He looked at Sarah and gave a half-smile.  “So, anyway, she called a family meeting.  She wants everyone she loves to be together one last time while she can enjoy us.  You see
, the doctors have done everything they can for her.  The cancer refused to respond to any of the treatments offered by the doctors.  They told her to spend the rest of her time with her family.”

“Oh, no,” Sarah murmured, tears springing to her eyes.  She knew what it was like to lose a parent and she hated that her friend was about to experience it.

“I’ll be leaving for Myrtle Beach immediately after turning in my grades.  That’s where I’ll be spending the entire week.  I’ve been working late into the night ever since we spoke in order to prepare for the summer classes so that I won’t have to do any work while I’m there.”  He stood up and gazed into the fountain.

“Your family lives in Myrtle Beach?”  Sarah didn’t think she had ever known anyone who lived in such an exotic place.

“Yup,” he said stretching.  “We used to go there for vacations every year growing up.  My family had so many great memories of the place that when my parents retired they bought a house on the ocean.”

“Wow, I’d love to live on the ocean.  They must adore it.”  Sarah leaned back and tried to imagine what that kind of life must be like.

“Sarah,” he began tentatively, “would you and Chloe like to join me?”  His voice was full of hope.

Sarah thought for a moment.  “I would love to go, but I think you need to be with your family right now, not worrying about entertaining us.  Some other time.”

Brian squatted in front of her.  “I’m not asking for you,” he said quietly, ashamed of the admission he was about to make.  He swallowed hard before continuing.  “I’m asking for me.  I don’t want to go alone.  Everyone else will be there as a couple or a family.  At the end of the day they have each other to vent to, to be with.  I don’t want to be alone.”  He rested his forehead against her thigh.

Without thinking, Sarah ran her hand through his hair then over his neck and shoulders.   “Are you sure?”  She asked carefully after a few moments thought.  “I don’t want to be a burden or distraction right now.”

“No, I’m asking you to be my...” he swallowed again, struggling to say the word that he had grown to detest, “friend.”

After a moment, Sarah took his head in her hands, forcing him to look at her.  The pain was evident in his eyes.  She knew how difficult it had been for him to even ask her.  He needed her and despite her reservations she had to be there for him.  “All right,” she said quietly.  “I’ll go. 
We’ll
go.”

Too soon the three of them were piled into his car.  They had discussed flying, but Sarah didn’t want him to waste any more of his frequent flier miles on her.  Brian had gone home, showered and taken a three-hour nap.  They were on the road by midnight. 

By driving through the night, Brian expected to make great time and arrive shortly after lunch the following day, if they stopped a minimal number of times.  And because Sarah was along as a friend, she was determined to make this trip as pain-free as possible. She had given Chloe a little talk before their departure, ensuring the child would be on her best behavior.

They rode in silence much of the time.  At first Sarah didn’t know what to say, so she tried to make polite conversation about which family members she would be meeting upon her arrival.

“How large a gathering should I expect?”  She asked.

“Whoa, good question,” he replied.  “Let me think.”  He began the tally in his head and then gave up.  “I guess that depends on how much extended family they invite.  There could be anywhere from thirty to sixty people present at any given time.”

“Wow, can your parents’ home accommodate that many people?”  Her mind was swimming with images of strangers all but tripping over each other, confined in a small space.

“Oh, yeah,” he said.  “I mean only my siblings will be staying there with their families, but everyone will fit otherwise.”