Secret life: firsthand accounts of UFO abductions (13 page)

No, for a little while. But I don’t feel sick anymore, I just feel a little chilly.

Now when you look into his eyes, what kind of feelings do you have?

He makes me feel happy. I think that he likes me.

Do you feel positive toward him?

Mm-hmm, he doesn’t scare me when I see him. The smaller guy scares me, but he’s okay because I feel like I know him, but not like this….

[The Taller Being then left Barbara for a short time and when he came back to her he resumed his bonding procedure.]

Then the tall guys comes back, and he asks me how am I doing, and I say I’m fine. And he looks at me again, looks at me for longer.

What kind of a feeling do you get when he looks at you?

I feel wonderful. I think that he’s wonderful.

Now when you’re looking at him, does this sort of have an almost romantic type of feeling to it?

A little bit, yes. He just makes me feel okay, makes me feel good.

[I asked her delicately if there was a sexual component attached to these feelings.]

Yes, I think that there is.

…you look at him and he looks at you, and you get this rush of positive feelings. Is that the way to describe it best?

Yes, I just feel like I fall into it.

Does he say anything, communicate anything while this is going on?

No, just a general happy feeling.

What do you think he’s doing?

I don’t know, I think he… I don’t know. I think he can read what’s in my mind, he knows what’s in my mind…. He makes me feel grown-up, sort of. When he says things to me he talks to me like I’m really young, but I feel womanly or something, I guess because I think that he thinks I’m attractive or something.

(Barbara Archer, 12, 1979)

Twenty-three-year-old Patti underwent a bonding procedure that attracted her to the Being. She struggled to explain what it was like.

So now he comes over and he sort of stares into your eyes. Do you have those same feelings of liking him?

Yeah, kind of liking him. Not being really threatened by him. Kind of sympathizing with his purposes, whatever they would be.

Patti, do any of these emotions seem sort of bordering on romantic feelings or anything approaching that?

Well, I don’t think he means it to be that way, but I may interpret it to be that way. Like he’s just so curious, and he’s looking at me with such questioning eyes, and maybe I interpret it that way. But he gives me a feeling, just kind of a head rush. A real head rush, just all different emotions. He’s trying to tap into me, maybe he’s just evoking things from me, it’s because he’s curious as to what they are… . A real powerful feeling, but it’s really, you can’t really describe it adequately. Romantic is just too shallow…. I think you become one with this thing. You’re happy. It’s just like a symbiotic relationship. It’s like you exist together with him, there, while your eyes are locked and you just kind of feed on each other, charge each other. It’s really a very hard thing to describe.

Do you have a feeling you have a certain vulnerability in this?

Yeah, I really do. Because he’s definitely the dominating one.

Do you feel that you’ve sort of given yourself over to him?

Um-hmm. Like possession in a way.

Does this have a sort of sexual component to it?

Yeah. In a way. It’s not unpleasant, though. It’s like you are meant to do this.

(Patti Layne, 23, 1985)

At times a female Being will perform Mindscan and bonding, especially with abductees who are children. (Somehow the abductees know that the alien is a female even though they see no anatomical differences.) The female Being is kind and sympathetic. She explains that they are not going to hurt the abductee. She considers the abductee to be a “very special” person who is helping them. She is grateful for this help. The alien might state that the abductee may even be “one of us.” She is very gentle and empathetic. The abductee cannot help but be fond of, or even love, this female Being.

When Jill Pinzarro was ten years old in 1959, she received a strong “friendship” impulse during the bonding procedure. A Taller Being stared at her, and she began to feel positive emotions.

It’s quite reassuring for some reason. I don’t know why it’s reassuring. It’s not love or care or anything like that, but there is a sense of connection to this Being, and it’s not false…. I guess there’s a sense of not even guardianship, but of being personally important in some way to this Being…. And the sense of protection too. I know I won’t come to harm, I know the Being cares about me to the extent that it cares, and that… it’s not cold, it’s limited but it’s not cold. In fact, in some ways it’s more than human beings give because even though it’s not as intense, it’s unconditional.

While he’s looking down at you and you’re getting this sort of feeling, does he touch your forehead or anything?

I can’t think of this as a he.

Do you think it’s female, or does that apply?

It’s more like a she than a he, more like a nonsex than either. But sort of leaning toward the she?

Yeah, just because of the nonmasculine quality of its personality. Maybe it’s the unconditional warmth or something. I don’t know. I don’t think men are so unconditional, maybe that’s why I’m picking this up.

Does this Being put his or her hand on your forehead while you’re thinking about all this?

As a matter of fact, yeah. I almost think that it wants me to look into its eyes, then it links up with me in that caring way, and then it touches my forehead and I feel quite calm and at peace. I think this one is a little different from the others in some way. I don’t mean physically…. I do feel such a strong emotional… emotional isn’t really the right word, but bond. I trust. I, to a degree, love, I think, because I so much need what is being given.

Does this feeling, as you’re lying there, have a slight sexual component to it as well, not necessarily directed toward them, but more amorphous?

Wait a minute, let me get ahold of this. There is, yeah, if you want to say that willing surrender is sexual, it’s there.

Is this a little bit confusing to a ten-year-old girl?

It’s not a child’s emotion. But who analyzes like that? It’s just something new.

Is it embarrassing?

It doesn’t have… no. I don’t think it’s embarrassing. I don’t have words. It’s desirable, good, beautiful, and shocking and traumatic, without having as much intensity as those words imply because I can’t analyze it, it’s just there.

Now this feeling that’s being created in you, does this feeling last very long? Do you feel it sort of ebbing away as you’re lying there, or does this maintain a high level of intensity for a long period?

It ebbs away slowly. It does have a slightly sexual component which I don’t recognize at the time. But in another way it can never leave. It’s there, as a perfect experience, and you always try to recapture those, don’t you?… I don’t think I’d want to give it up.

(Jill Pinzarro, 10, 1959)

From time to time the aliens will induce rapid, intense, sexual arousal and even orgasm in a woman as part of their Mindscan procedures. A few abductees report that arousal occurs through manual genital manipulation during Mindscan. Others think that it is a combination of physical and Mindscan procedures that quite suddenly creates sexual feelings. Most women, however, know that the feelings are being elicited from them almost as if the aliens were pushing a mental button. In spite of their attempts to fight it, sexual arousal builds to a peak in a few minutes and then subsides. As often as not, orgasm will take place. The orgasm is not a pleasurable event—it is usually something to be endured until it is over. Some women, knowing what is happening, become very angry and humiliated when this procedure begins, but control is not theirs.

When Mindscan is completed, or when the sexual arousal procedures are at their peak, the Taller Being immediately begins a set of gynecological and urological procedures.

Reproductive procedures are a constant feature of the abduction experience and are ultimately directed to the production of offspring. Women endure a complex series of gynecological procedures designed to collect and implant eggs and to extract fetuses. For men, the urological procedures are focused on taking sperm.

The Taller Being breaks off from performing Mindscan and begins what is reported to be ova harvesting. With one hand he presses on the woman’s abdomen in the region above the ovaries, and with the other he inserts a variety of instruments into her vagina. The first is a speculumlike instrument that creates an opening large enough to work with. Then he inserts a long, thin, flexible tube that women report goes in very far. One woman described it as being as thin as a “daffodil stem.” The women then realize that the tube is going to an ovary. Most women in some way know that he is taking an egg. As this procedure goes on, the women may feel ill, they may feel a “twinge” of pain, cramping (a little like menstrual cramps), or pressure. Some women perspire, feel dizzy, nauseated, and weak.

In another common procedure, also presumably for egg harvesting, the aliens insert into the woman’s navel a thin needle attached to a “syringe” apparatus. When they did this to Betty Hill, the Beings evasively told her that they were performing a “pregnancy test.” Other women have reported that the Beings told them they were taking eggs. Still other abductees have felt that the procedure was related to both but not specifically to either. One woman stated that the needle in the navel was used to take an egg from the ovary when she was menstruating. On some occasions a slightly larger tube is placed in the navel and a liquid is injected. Abductees feel cramping when this procedure is performed. Sometimes the insertion of the needle is painful, but most of the time the aliens succeed in blocking any discomfort.

Now they come up and they’re poking at my bellybutton….

When they poke at your bellybutton, do they use their hands or do they use an instrument?

An instrument.

Can you describe what this one is like?

It’s long and pointy. It’s like a needle…. It pinches.

Do they insert it into your bellybutton?

Yeah.

Does it hurt?

Yeah.

Do they stop the pain, or… ?

They put their hand on my head.

Does that stop it?

It seems to take it away.

(Lynn Miller, 30, 1985)

After the egg has been harvested, the Taller Being puts it into a container and places it on a cart or gives the egg container to a Small Being who quickly takes it out of the room. After he is finished with the egg-harvesting procedure, the Taller Being goes over to the woman’s head and stares into her eyes again. Some women “black out” or go to sleep when he does this as a wave of irresistible calmness overtakes them. Then the Taller Being turns around and walks out of the room.

Implanting a fertilized egg into the abductee is another critical procedure of the primary experiences. Usually the woman knows that something is being inserted into her and left there. She receives the impression that she is now pregnant. She does not want to be pregnant, and she certainly does not want to be pregnant under
those circumstances. The Beings ignore her objections. Karen, for one, was furious at the gynecological procedures performed on her during an incident.

And now… I’m wondering what he’s doing, and I say in my mind, “You son of a bitch, I’d better be all right,” and he says, he’s down at the other end of the table, he says, “But you are all right,” or that he’s just making sure. And then he comes back up…. I think he takes an instrument, and I think he’s taking… it always reminds me of a Pap smear, but I think that’s what he does next…. I remember it feels like a long, rounded instrument.

Thin, or… ?

Thin. I can feel it. A long… I don’t know what he’s doing. This part is mystifying to me. I can’t see and I don’t know. It’s a long, rounded instrument.

You mean, sort of tubelike, or… ?

That’s what it feels like. I must have seen it at some time, too, because I have a better image… Is it something that would just sort of take a smear, or is it something that has an apparatus on the end of it?

It definitely has an apparatus on the end of it, and it definitely has a hole somewhere on it, or an impression. I can see it. It’s sort of like a bullet. It’s something, it’s got a bullet in it. I don’t know how I know this. I don’t think this is for removing an egg, I think this is for inserting one.

For inserting an egg?

Okay. That’s why he gave me that exam. That’s why they were worried. He’s implanting an embryo in me, I’m positive of it. There’s absolutely no doubt in my mind.

How do you know?

I have no idea, I just know it. I have the impression of something being shot into me, or put into me, but I can see this instrument and I don’t know why. Stapled into me is a better way. I don’t know how I know this. But I know it, even while it’s going on. He must have told me, or I could see it in his mind. Because I’m saying, “This is repulsive! You’re not going to get away with this. I will not let you do this!” And he said, “Yes, you will let us do it. It’s very important.” They never say, “There’s not a damned thing you can do about it,” they always give you some reason. And I say, “I’ll remember this and I’ll have an abortion.” And he said, “You won’t remember this.” That’s a suggestion he’s giving me. He’s saying, “You will not remember it.” It’s hypnotic. And I’m saying, “I will, I will.” But then I’m thinking really fast in my mind, I can never get an abortion. How can I go into someone and say, ‘I’m one day pregnant’? And then I think, there’s got to be a way to get it out, because I know when they put it in they’ve got to take it out, and that means I’ve got to go back. And then he says, “You know there’s nothing to worry about. We’ve done this before.” And I think I know they’ve done it before, and it always makes me feel sick. I can’t believe it, they really are doing this. They really are doing this. And there’s nothing I can do.