Secrets (2 page)

The other girl extended her hand to shake mine
.  “Hi.  I’m Bianca.”   

             
“It’s nice to meet you both.  I’m Samantha, or Sam, and this is my best friend Deanna.”

             
“Well, you’ll love it here.  We’re you guy’s suitemates, so we’ll be seeing a lot of each other I’m sure,” Jen smiled and seemed to space out for a few seconds.  “Met any cute guys here yet?  They’re all over the place.”

“Oh, we both have boyfriends,” Deanna
replied.

             
“Really?  Do they go here too?”  She inquired.

Her words reminded me that I was separated from
AJ.  “Deanna’s boyfriend, Karl, is here, but mine is actually on his way to Westwood as we speak.”

             
“Oh, that sucks that he’s gonna be so far away.  No offense, but the long distance thing rarely works.   I tried it once and it was too hard to keep things going just over the phone.” 

My stomach dropped.
  “Well, I’m pretty sure we’ll make it work.  He’ll be here in January. His application was just submitted too late.  That’s all,” I replied defensively.

She didn’t seem convinced, but I think she caught the hint of irritation in my tone.  I rolled my eyes at her and continued to fidget with my laptop. 

              “Do you have a picture of him?”  Jen asked. 

             
“Yeah, but it’s still packed I think.  It’s one my mom took of us on prom.”

             
“How long have you two been together?”  She inquired.

             
“It’ll be a year in October.  So, ten months.”

             
“Where’d you guys meet?” she asked.

I rolled my eyes.
“School.”

             
“Is he hot?” She asked. 

What the heck?  Are we playing Twenty Q
uestions or something?
  I sighed and stared at the computer screen.  “Obviously
I
think so.”

She finally got the hint and dropped the subject.  “Wel
l, hey, do you guys wanna go to The Rip with us later on?  A bunch of us are going at like nine.”

             
“The Rip?”  Deanna asked.

Bianca laughed.  “Y
eah, it’s really called Mitch’s Diner, but the food is deadly so we nicknamed it ‘The Rip’.  You know, like R.I.P.?  It’s honestly only a matter of time until that crap finally kills one of us.”

             
“That actually sounds pretty gross,” Deanna said glumly.

             
“We know, but it’s the cheapest place to eat near campus, so we just deal with it,” Bianca stated.

             
“I guess I’ll tag along,” Deanna replied.  “But I don’t think I’ll be eating anything.”

             
“What about you, Sam?”  Bianca asked.

             
“Umm….actually I’m supposed to meet my boyfriend online later, but you guys go and have fun.”

             
“Ok, suit yourself.  Want us to bring you anything back?”  Jen asked. 

I pictured a plate of green slop with a face and hai
r, and quickly replied,  “No, thanks.”

             
“Ok then, Deanna, we’ll be by in about an hour to pick you up.  Sam, hope you change your mind and come too,” Bianca smiled. 

             
Doubt it.

             
As soon as they were gone, Karl came in through the open door and sat on Deanna’s bed.  She greeted him with a kiss, sending a wave of jealousy crashing down on me.  Immediately I thought of AJ being miles and miles away while these two had one another right here with only a short walk between buildings separating them. I dropped my gaze and stared at my comforter. 

             
“Oh, Sam needs you to set up her laptop so she can talk to AJ tonight,” Deanna said to Karl.

             
“Sure.  Hand it here,” he replied.  I passed it across the open space between me and Deanna’s beds and then leaned back on my pillow.  I stared at the ceiling and daydreamed so that they didn’t feel like I was watching them.  They were laughing and joking together while Karl worked on my computer.  It only took him about ten minutes to get everything going and to get me set up to video chat.

             
“Thanks,” I said cheerfully – it wouldn’t be long now before I could talk to AJ, which was going to be the highlight of my day.

A few minutes later Jen,
Bianca, and three guys showed back up at our door to get Deanna.  Karl tagged along of course.  I shut the door behind them and checked the time on my phone.  AJ was probably just getting in so I had a little while before he’d be ready for me.  I decided to shower and pack for New York in the meantime.  I gathered the nerdy toiletry basket my mom bought me before I left – she had a container for everything.  I changed out of my clothes and pulled on my robe.  The heavy door leading to the bathroom creaked a little as I pushed past it and flicked on the light. 

There were strands of
long brown hair from Jen and Bianca all over the floor and counter which made me gag a little.  I frowned and walked to the door joining our room with our suitemates’, locking it so that I didn’t have to worry about anyone coming in on me.  I placed my basket on the long counter and started missing my clean, private bathroom at home.  I’d never had to share and now I had three other girls to deal with.  I closed my eyes and tried to think of home.

             
When I stepped out, I was careful to step right into my slippers to avoid picking up the girl’s hair on my wet feet.  After unlocking the other door, I nearly ran back to my room.  I rubbed on some lotion and dressed quickly before pulling out my suitcases to pack.  Four pairs of pajamas; four outfits; three pairs of shoes; underclothes; and a small bag for personal items.  I squeezed the bag together, forced the zipper closed, and moved it to the floor of my closet. 
Now what?
  I sat on my bed and waited pitifully for AJ to text me, and he did about twenty minutes later.  I could hardly get the message open from the excitement that jolted me. 

“
Already waiting 4 U.”

I tossed the phone onto the nightstand
carelessly as I scrambled to get the computer open.  The glow from the laptop was plenty of light, so I hopped out of bed to shut off the switch.  It didn’t take long to boot-up and I quickly signed in to chat.  With the webcams it was going to be very much like sitting right across from one another, minus being able to touch him.

             
When I saw his face, I swear the corners of my smile actually reached from ear to ear.  He smiled back and I could almost smell his cologne – like he was really in the room with me.

             
“Hey, beautiful.”

             
“Hey.  How was the drive?”

He shrugged.  “Long. 
Tiring.  How ‘bout yours?”

“It was ok.  My mom talked my ear off the whole time, telling me stories about when
she
went away to school.” 

“Nice,” he replied sarcastically.  “You all settled in?”

I did a quick scan of my room.  “Mmm mostly.  I have a few things left to put on the bookshelf, but other than that, I’m good.  What about you?”

“Yeah, everything’s pretty much as together as it’s
gonna get.”

There was a long pause.  I watched him, observed the sadness in his expression, and quickly thought of something to say to get his mind off of us being so far apart.

“Where’s your roommate?”

             
“I’m right here,” someone called out from the background.”  AJ turned to his left in response to the voice and laughed.  A blond haired guy appeared on the screen next to AJ waving into the webcam.  “Hey, I’m Jimmy.  Nice to meet you.  Well, this is kinda like meeting you anyway,” he added.

I laughed and waved back. 
“Nice to meet you, too.”  He disappeared into the background and it was just me and AJ again.

             
“Where’s Deanna?”  He asked.

             
“She left with our suitemates and Karl awhile ago, headed to some restaurant.”

             
He shot me the look that I was expecting him to give.  “Why didn’t you go?  You need to get out and meet people.”

             
“Stayed behind to talk to you, duh.”

             
“Yeah, but you can talk to me anytime, and you’ll see me tomorrow; I want you to make friends – female friends of course,” he joked.

             
“I can hang out with them some other time.  You’re more important.  Plus one of the girls, Jen, is getting on my nerve already, and I didn’t really feel like being bothered.”

             
“Why don’t you like her?”  He asked.

             
“It’s not so much that I don’t like her, she just got under my skin a little.”  I chose not to share her thoughts on how long-distance relationships tend to end up.  “The other girl, Bianca, was pretty cool, though.  I could see us getting along.”

             
“Well that’s good.”             

             
“Yeah, I guess.  It seems like you’re getting along well with Johnny,” I said.

             
“It’s Jimmy,” the voice in the background called out. 

             
“Oh, right.  Sorry, Jimmy!”  I said apologetically as I chuckled.

             
“Yeah, he’s pretty cool,” AJ replied.  

T
he door to his room shut in the distance and I assumed that Jimmy left.  AJ yawned and I remembered how long he’d just driven.  “Why don’t you rest, so you don’t oversleep in the morning?  You have to be at the airport before me right?”  I asked.

             
“Yeah, at like six.”

             
“Well, don’t forget to set your alarm.”

             
“Already did – for five.”

             
“Okay, good – love you,” I said with a smile.

             
“Love you too,” he replied.

I wanted to hug and kiss him so badly, but instead was only able to tell
him goodnight and that I’d see him tomorrow.  He didn’t protest for long which meant that he must’ve been pretty tired.  I packed my computer away and lay down on the bed.  Tomorrow was going to come quickly and I couldn’t afford to be tired.  Excitement crept in as I thought of seeing AJ in person.  It hadn’t even been a full day since we’d seen each other last, but that fact did nothing to dull my anxious feelings.

I’
m not sure what time Deanna finally made it in, but when my alarm sounded at 7:00, she was in bed sound asleep.  The first thing I did was call for a cab to ensure that I wouldn’t be late getting to the airport.

My hair
was a mess, so I flat ironed it until it cooperated with me somewhat.  The goal was to look perfect today, but I’d have to settle for ‘good enough’.  Once I gave up, I threw the last of my things into my bag and slid my tennis shoes on. I made sure to dress comfortably enough for the plane ride, but it was even more important that I looked cute for when I met up with AJ.  My light-colored, fitted jeans and white tank top did the trick.  I looked over myself in the mirror and played around with my hair a little more before double-checking my bag and heading out the door.

The hallways
were shockingly quiet compared to the night before.  Every so often I’d pass a room where someone was snoring, but other than that, the building was absolutely silent.  Outside, the air was refreshingly cool and the breeze swept over my skin. I sat on the step and waited for my cab.  7:
35
……I’d be pushing it if the driver was much later.  When he finally pulled up, I gathered all of my bags and paced toward the car.

             
It felt like we were driving for hours because I was painfully aware of being pressed for time.  I thanked and paid the driver hurriedly and rushed inside, pulling my bag behind me.  Another two minutes and I would’ve been too late.  When I took my seat, I breathed a sigh of relief, both because I’d made it there on time and also because I knew that in a few short hours I’d be with
him
.

C
hapter
2

Sam

              LaGuardia was so packed that I couldn’t move one inch without bumping into someone.  I’d been cussed out twice, flipped off, and molested already and I hadn’t even been off the plane ten minutes.  Not to mention, I got stuck sitting next to an obnoxious twelve year old returning home from visiting his grandparents in St. Louis.  He talked my ear off, passed gas the entire time, and kept trying to lay his head on my boobs when he faked sleep.  If there hadn’t been witnesses, I would’ve put the brat out of his misery halfway through the flight.  Needless to say, I was very thoroughly irritated by this point, so imagine my surprise when I felt someone’s hands slide around my waist.  I’d been groped one too many times that day, so my first reaction was to inflict as much pain as possible on the offender. I clenched my teeth and shot an elbow into the ribs of the unsuspecting victim.

             
“Not quite the greeting I was expecting,” AJ said as he backed off a step or two.

My eyes widened with surprise at the sound of his voice.  “Shoot!
  I’m so sorry.  It was a really bad flight and I thought you were……  Never mind.” I gave up trying to explain as I comforted him.  He laughed it off, but clearly still felt a twinge of pain.  “I can’t believe I did that.  Are you…” 

He
interrupted my rambling with a kiss.  “I’m fine.”  He cleared his throat and straightened from his doubled-over stance.  “It didn’t hurt, you just caught me off guard,” he joked.

             
“Sure……whatever.” 

I looked at him
– dressed in a pair of breakaway pants, t-shirt, white socks, Adidas flip flops, and his headphones around his neck.  I chuckled a little to myself.

             
“You laughing at me?”

             
“Who wears socks with flip flops?”  I looked him over again. 

AJ
looked down, assessed his attire and then shrugged nonchalantly in response. 

“Let’s just go.”  I shook my hea
d at him and grabbed his hand.

             
We pushed and shoved our way to the baggage claim area where I retrieved my bags, staring at AJ curiously when he didn’t seem to be searching for his
own
luggage. 

             
“Uh, don’t you have to get your stuff?”  I asked.  He pointed at the backpack on his shoulders that apparently was the only thing he was traveling with.  “You are such a guy.  How could you possibly have everything you need in that one bag?” I inquired.

             
“Simple.  I only need a few pairs of clothes, a pair of gym shoes, and boxers.  My toothbrush, deodorant and stuff like that fit right up front.”  He flashed his perfect smile.

Again I say: such a guy. 
I rolled my eyes at him playfully and we moved to the exit.

              “So, do we actually have a plan or are we gonna be sleeping on the streets while we’re here?”  I asked.

             
“Maybe,” he replied, smiling to himself.  I wasn’t sure what that meant, but something told me that he’d gone all out – as he often did.

             
There were three taxis parked along the sidewalk, so I picked one and started walking toward it.  I felt AJ grab my hand, holding me in place.  When I stared at him questioningly, he pointed toward the elegant, black sedan parked at the front of the line.  The driver was standing beside it holding a sign with AJ’s last name printe
d
in bold black letters.  I looked at AJ questioningly as he led me to the vehicle awaiting us.

             
“How did you pay for this?  Won’t your dad find out?”  I asked nervously.

             
“Who cares if he does?  Everything’s already covered.”

AJ
nodded at the driver once and the short, round man tipped his hat before opening the door for us and placing our bags in the trunk. Before stepping into the car, AJ looked over his shoulder briefly as if he expected to see someone there.  It was strange, but I blew it off.  He realized that I was watching him and smiled reassuringly. 

I had no clue where we were headed from th
e airport and AJ made sure that he kept the details of the trip a secret. 
Fifth Avenue
…We turned onto the street and AJ started preparing himself to get out of the car, so I knew that we were close. We drove a few more blocks before pulling up in front of a large hotel that looked super expensive.

             
When the driver climbed out of the car and came around to open our doors, I thanked him and stepped out onto the sidewalk.  I must admit, I felt a little like a celebrity getting out of a luxury vehicle in front of such a pristine hotel; the only thing missing was the red carpet and paparazzi. 

While
AJ checked in at the front desk, I leaned up against a nearby wall and let my eyes wander over every detail of my surroundings.  A few minutes later we were on the elevator and on our way up to the fourth floor. We followed the hallway around to our room and it seemed like it took AJ forever to open the door – probably just me being impatient as I waited to see the inside of our room.  As soon as I heard the lock disengage, I rushed inside and jumped up onto the king-sized bed to sprawl out. 

“This is
perfect,” I said as I stretched out on the comforter.  AJ laughed and sat our bags down in the foyer before coming to lie beside me.  We stared up at the ceiling with our fingers interlocked, finally able to enjoy being alone with one another.  Our last months together at home were closely monitored after we’d gotten caught in the attic by Mom; and before that AJ was under his father’s close surveillance.  This trip was going to be like a breath of fresh air for us both.

             
“You like it?”  AJ asked.

I turned to face him.  “Are you k
idding me?  This is like a dream!” He smiled and turned back to look up at the ceiling.  “So, what’s on the agenda for today?”  I asked.

             
“Figured we’d hang out, do a little sightseeing, and then hook up with Angel tomorrow before we go see the exhibit.”  In all the excitement I’d nearly forgotten that I’d get to see my favorite cousin during my stay in New York. 

             
I looked at him again and tried my best to just live in the moment, but I’m too much of a realist.  I suddenly became aware of the fact that, soon, I’d have to leave him again…..for
real
this time.  No secret hook-ups like this in New York.  When it came time to part ways at the airport in a couple days, we’d definitely be feeling the sting of missing one another.  I was pretty sure that, after this, I wouldn’t see him again until returning home to visit our families for Thanksgiving. 

             
“What’re you thinking about?”  He asked.

I didn’t want him to k
now that I was being so pessimistic this soon after arriving, but, as usual, I wore my heart and my emotions on my sleeve.  There was no sense in trying to hide it from him.  “I’m already thinking about having to leave you again.  Can’t help it.” 

AJ
didn’t respond right away, only stared into my eyes while he thought to himself.  I shouldn’t have said anything.

“Just enjoy the time we
do
have together and try not to keep thinking about that.  We’ll talk everyday and I’ll do whatever I can to get there to see you, but don’t be so focused on me while you’re at school.  Have fun!  Go to parties!  Hang out with your friends!“ He laughed a little. “Well, first start by actually
making
some friends, and
then
hang out with them.” I punched his shoulder playfully in response.  “I’m serious.  You don’t even open yourself up to let people in anymore.  Like that girl you told me about yesterday.  What’s her name?  The one you already don’t like.”

“Jen.”

“Yeah, her.  You didn’t even give her a chance, Sam.  I know you love me, but you have to have a life outside of us.  Seriously, it’ll make those months go by so much faster if you fill up your time.”

In my heart I knew that he was right, but I still didn’t like the idea of being without him.  Maybe I
could’ve
done a better job of making friends.  Deanna was of course there for me, but she’d no doubt be spending her free-time with Karl.  I refused to be a third wheel.

“You’re probably right,” I admitted.

“I’m
always
right,” he smiled, which earned him another hit to the arm. 

“So, what about you?
  What’re you gonna do to fill up
your
free-time while we’re apart?”

“I’ll just use the extra time to study.”

I looked at him curiously.  “So, you want me to morph into some social butterfly while you get to be a recluse and hide out all the time?  How’s that fair?”  He didn’t seem to find the humor in my statement like I expected.  Instead, he zoned out.  “What’s the matter?”  I asked.

“I just don’t wan
t you to think I’m gonna be out screwing around or anything.  I know that was a concern of yours once upon a time.”

I immediately felt guilty for
ever accusing him.  Granted, I could blame some of my craziness this past spring on the pregnancy, but I’d allowed myself to go off on a tangent thinking that AJ would be unfaithful while off at Westwood.  I realized now that I was being stupid, but I didn’t know if I could reverse the damage that my baseless suspicions had already done to our relationship.

“
If I could take all that back I would.  Seriously.  For what it’s worth, I
do
trust you. 
Completely
trust you.”  And I meant that.

He shrugged
casually, giving me the impression that he’d already thought this through and was content with the decision.  “It’s just not worth making you uncomfortable so that I can hang out and stuff like that.  It’s not really all that important.” 

He didn’t seem
totally convinced of my change of heart.  “I’m serious.  If you want
me
to hang out, you’ll have to do the same.  Deal?”

AJ
stared at me and then finally gave in.  “Deal.”  I made him shake on it and everything. 

He
turned to rest on my arm, only inches from my face.  I still hadn’t become immune to that scent of his; it brought to mind intimate encounters that I was trying so desperately to forget.  It wasn’t easy.  AJ still had so much power over me that if he’d said the word right then and there I wouldn’t have put up a fight, but to my surprise, he didn’t make a move at all.  His eyes began to close and it wasn’t long until his breathing deepened and I watched him doze off.  I didn’t mind the quiet; it wasn’t like I didn’t have enough to think about.  Besides, I just wanted to be close to him anyway.

 
He was out for about an hour before my arm fell asleep and I had to slide it from underneath him.  He turned over and continued to rest while I unpacked and checked in with my mom.  She and Daddy hadn’t called when they got home the night before and I wanted to make sure that they made it safely.  I quickly put my clothes away in the drawers and went into the bathroom before dialing.

“Hello?”  She answered.

I made sure to speak softly so that I didn’t wake AJ.  “Hey.  Why didn’t I hear from you when you got in last night?”  I asked, sounding like a parent myself.

             
“Your father wanted to, but I told him to give you some space.  I figured you’d be out mingling with the other kids.” 

I didn’t want to te
ll her that I stayed behind to talk to AJ.  She would’ve probably had the same reaction he did about me not being friendly enough, so I just ignored her statement.

             
“Well, I just wanted to check on you guys.  I’ll talk to you later.”

             
She seemed shocked that I was being so short, but I didn’t want to say anything stupid that would give her any clues that I wasn’t at school.  She’d have a fit if she knew I was here alone with AJ. 

“Uh, ok.  I guess
you can just call us if you need anything,” she replied.

             
I felt a little guilty for rushing her.  “Love you, Mom.  And tell Dad that I love him, too.”

             
“Ok, I’ll tell him.  Love you.”

             
When I walked out of the bathroom I was glad to see that AJ was finally awake.  “Good nap?”  I asked.

             
He smiled.  “Sorry about that.  I didn’t get much sleep last night and I guess it caught up with me.”  He stood from the bed and stretched.  “I’m gonna shower and change so we can go out and walk around or something.”  He kissed me once before disappearing inside the bathroom.