Secrets (9 page)

             
It was heavily salted like the cook was trying to mask something that had spoiled.  I grabbed my napkin and spit it out hurriedly.  It wasn’t until I heard the laughter all around the table that I realized that I had an audience. 

             
“There’s nothing like seeing someone’s first reaction to the food here,” Andrea said.  Deanna was smiling at my reaction and handed me my glass of water.  I guzzled it and didn’t stop until it was empty.

             
“You get used to it after a while,” Nina added.  I covered my plate with a napkin and pushed it away from my face so I didn’t have to smell it.

             
“I guess I’ll be eating pizza again for dinner,” I decided.  That would be the third time in one week.  Pretty soon all of the employees would start to recognize my voice.

             
There was no chance I was going to eat anything else in that place.  Instead I sat watching the others choking down their food.  They’d built up some sort of immunity to it I guessed.  The laughter surrounding me seemed to lull into the background as I checked my phone to see if maybe I’d missed AJ’s call, but he hadn’t even tried to text.  Deanna saw me deep in thought and placed her hand on my shoulder.  I’d filled her in on the drama between him and me, so she already knew why I was bothered.

             
“It’s ok. He’ll call,” she said caringly.

             
“He won’t even acknowledge me.  Has he said anything to Karl?”  I asked.

             
She shrugged her shoulders.  “If he has, Karl hasn’t said anything to me about it.”

             
I sank back in my chair and folded my arms over my chest, waiting for everyone else to finish.  When I heard chairs scooting back from the table, I hopped up from my seat and walked toward the door impatiently.  As we walked back to the dorm, Deanna and I lingered behind the other girls.  There was a lot on my mind and I didn’t really feel like being in the conversation.

             
We reached the building at nearly eleven o’clock, but there were about fifteen guys out on the lawn playing football; Terrell was in that group of course.  He waved at Deanna and me as we started to walk inside with the girls. 

             
“Wait up,” He called out.

             
Deanna was starting to get tired, so she went on up to bed.  I sat on the step and watched Terrell as he approached.  He sat beside me and continued to watch his friends’ game.  He turned to me for a second and saw that I wasn’t in the best of moods.  “What’s up with you?  You still upset about whatever was bothering you this morning?”

             
I didn’t really want to tell him my business, so I replied, “Nothing’s wrong.  I’m fine.”

             
“You could at least just say you don’t want to talk about it.  Don’t lie and say ‘nothing’.”

             
“You’re not my daddy.  I’ll say whatever I want to.”

             
Terrell laughed and turned back toward the game.  “Ok, we’ll talk about something else then.”  He paused while he thought.  “Where’re you from?  If I had to guess based on personality alone, I’d say the deepest realm of Hell, but I’ll give you a chance to answer.”

             
I glared at him for a second, but couldn’t fight back the laughter.  “Whatever.  I’m from Virginia.  Fairfax.”

             
“Hmm…You like it there?”  He asked.

             
“It’s alright.  I’ve never lived anywhere else.  What about you?  You from around here?”

             
“Not too far.  About an hour or so north.  You an only child?”

             
“Yep.”  I recalled our conversation from the day before.  “Is it just you and your sister?”

             
He didn’t answer right away which made me glance over at him.  “Yeah, just me and Danielle.”

             
“Are you two pretty close?”  I asked.

             
“I don’t have any other family really – well, besides my grandma.  But ever since we were little, it was always Danni and me.  I’m two years older, so I took care of her.  Helped her learn to ride her bike, took up for her when she got in trouble, threatened her little boyfriends; you know, all the things a big brother is supposed to do.”  He was thoughtful for a moment, so I left him alone.  I could tell that he really missed her just by listening to how he talked about her.

             
“So, what’s this AJ guy like?”  He asked.

             
My mood shifted as soon as Terrell brought up his name.  “What about him?”

             
“I don’t know.  What do you like about him?  What’s his family like?  How long have you guys been together?”

             
“I like a lot of things about him, but this isn’t a good time to ask me that question.  His family is…..well, his mom’s nice.  And we’ve been together since last October.”

             
“What’s the problem with his family?”

             
“You are soooo nosy,” I stated and smiled.

             
“Just answer the question,” he sighed.

             
“His mom likes me, but his dad doesn’t think I’m good enough for him.”  I told him the whole story about Christmas – minus all the racism – and AJ being grounded.  He couldn’t believe the things Mr. Hahn said about me. 

             
“Dang!  That’s messed up.  It sounds like it’s been a hard road for you two.”

             
“You don’t even know the half.”

             
“So if you and AJ have been together since October, where does the guy from the store fit in?”  Terrell inquired.

             
“Aww man, I don’t even feel like talking about Antonio.  That’s a story in itself.”

             
He leaned back on the step.  “We have nothing but time.  Tell it.”

             
I sighed.  “We were together and then I met AJ.  Now Antonio is just kind of lingering.  I don’t know what his deal is.”  I told as much of the story as I could without giving Terrell too much information. 

             
He stared up at the stars thinking.  “Has he ever tried to hurt you or anything?”

             
I made a face.  “Antonio?  No.  He’s not like that.  He might be irritating, but not crazy.”

             
Terrell turned to look at me.  “Keep thinking that.  Just let me know if he tries anything.” 

I didn’t protest. 

It wasn’t until I yawned that I even thought about how late it was getting.  “It’s almost midnight.  I’m about to hit the sheets.”

             
“Yeah, me too.  I’ll walk you,” Terrell replied.  When we stood up, he towered over me and I felt safe around him.  There wasn’t
anyone
who was going to try anything with him around.  He stopped at his door and watched me until I was safe inside my room.

I immediately lay down and hugged my pillow
to my chest.  My talk with Terrell got my mind off of my argument with AJ for a while, but I was miserable not being able to talk to him. In one last act of desperation, I called him again.  With each pause between rings, I held my breath thinking that he finally answered.  When I got his voicemail again, I threw my phone to the nightstand.  If he was going to be stubborn and unreasonable, then so was I. 

             
As I showered for school the next morning, I became more set in my ways.  It hurt that AJ was being this way, but I wasn’t going to keep chasing behind him like some lost dog either.  I became content with this decision and figured that he’d call when he came to his senses.

             
I was so fed up with him that I didn’t think about him once during class.  Ok, that isn’t entirely true.  I couldn’t help myself.  Only now, instead of being sad or hurt, I was mad.  Why would he do this to me knowing that it was hard enough for me being away from him? 

             
My pace was slower than usual as I walked back to the dorm.  I was trying to pass it off as fatigue, but I knew better.  No matter how hard I tried not to let the situation with AJ get to me, it did anyway.  By the time I got to my door, I already had my flip-flops off and my mind was made up that I’d spend the rest of the day sulking.  When I opened the door I dropped my book to the floor and gasped as I realized that someone was lying on my bed.  AJ stirred a little and sat up wiping his eyes sleepily.

             
I should’ve been happy to see him, but I was furious.  “So, you can’t answer the phone, but you’ll cross a couple states to sneak up on me?”  I tossed my shoes to the floor and slammed the door.  He didn’t say anything, just leaned back against the wall and stared at me intently while he sat.  “How’d you get in here anyway?  Don’t you think you should’ve called first?”  I asked harshly.

             
“Does Terrell call before he comes over?” He shot back.

             
“Don’t be stupid.  If you’d listened to me or returned
one
of my calls then maybe I could’ve told you that he’s just a friend!”  I started pacing.  “You’re impossible!” 

             
“Yeah, whatever.  I wonder how you would’ve reacted if you’d called and I had a girl in
my
room.”

             
“There were like six other people in here with us!  And Karl was one of ‘em!  What was gonna happen?”

             
He rolled his eyes but didn’t answer. 

“I see you have nothing to say now. 
First, you want me to make friends and have fun, but when I actually decide to do that you have a freaking temper tantrum and blow me off!  I need you to make up your mind ‘cause I can’t keep up with your mood swings these days, AJ.”

             
“You don’t even have a clue what’s going on,” he said without looking my way.

             
“Tell me something I
don’t
know!  Of course I don’t have a clue, because you won’t tell me anything!”  I stared at him as he sat with his eyes fixed on the floor.  “Whatever it is……..you’re different.  Like…..
really
different.  And apparently I’m just expected to just act like I don’t notice.  And you know what’s gonna end up happening?  You being so secretive, trying to keep things from me like you have been lately, it’s gonna push us apart.  It’s only been a week and we’re already arguing.”

             
He paced toward me quickly and stared down on me when he spoke.  “You know?  For once in your life, don’t make everything about
you,
Sam!
This is
my
problem, so forgive me for trying to protect you!”  His words stung as they pierced my heart.

             
“Really?  I make everything about me?  So, it was all about me when I stuck it out at your house on Christmas despite how your father openly disrespected me?  It was all about me when I stood up to my father on
your
behalf?  Well, thanks for setting me straight.  Are you done now?”

             
He glared at me, shaking his head as he brushed against my arm on his way out of my room, slamming the door behind him.  As badly as I’d wanted to see him, I was so angry that my feet wouldn’t let me follow after him.  He paced angrily down the hall and I stood there listening until I couldn’t hear his footsteps anymore.  I was absolutely outdone that after everything we’d been through together, he’d actually thought of me as selfish. 
Unbelievable.
 

By
5:00 when Terrell arrived to study, I figured that AJ was halfway home.  Terrell brought two pizzas and a two liter of pop. 

             
I looked at him questioningly.  “You expecting some other people?”  I asked. 

             
“No, what you talking about?”

             
“You do know that I can’t eat an entire pizza by myself, right?”

             
He ignored me and sat the boxes down and had a slice in his hand before I could even shut the door.

             
“Eat first , study later,” he stated.  I rolled my eyes and sat on my bed while I waited for him to finish his food.  I looked at the first problem of my calculus homework and instantly got a headache.

             
“Just wait ‘til I get done; I’ll help you.  You’re gonna give yourself a stroke over there.  Leave it alone,” Terrell insisted, laughing as he stuffed his mouth again. 

I sat back and stared at the wall thinking of my fight with
AJ.  He’d driven all this way and all we did was argue.  It sucked.  Unfortunately, there wasn’t much I could do about it now.