See Jane Fall (37 page)

She sighed. “A house. I haven’t lived in my
own house in a long time. I’ve been a guest in someone else’s since
I was ten.”

“Then let’s go crazy and make it four
bedrooms, just in case I can convince you to have third. I helped
Erik build his house, I guess he can help us build ours.”

“Free labor! Even better!” She giggled,
glancing at him, though her chest was starting to tighten.

“Stay in Gardiner?” He glanced sideways at
her, grinning.

“Absolutely.”

“Lots of family coming and going,
though.”

“I haven’t had much family in my life, so
I’ll make up for lost time by adopting yours. Church wedding?” Her
voice was getting smaller and lower and her throat started to feel
thick, but she couldn’t stop.

“Is there any other kind?”

“Apparently not. Weekends in Yeller?” Her
eyes burned.

“I’d have to insist.”

“Just like this one,” she murmured, her
smile fading.

“Just like this one,” he whispered, pulling
over into a parking area that looked out over an expanse of green
meadow.

What started off as silliness was making her
feel dizzy and foolish. A man she loved, a home of her own, babies
and family, church and Yellowstone. She realized that she wasn’t
kidding; she was articulating her ultimate fantasy under the thin
guise of teasing. She suddenly felt like the emperor in the
children’s story who realized he was naked, and she wished she
could cover herself.

Her head was turned away from him, confusion
jumbling her thoughts. She was in love with him. In love with him.
And she didn’t want to go back to New York. She didn’t want to go
anywhere. She wanted to stay with him. But, he hadn’t asked her to
stay, and she didn’t know how to protect herself from taking the
biggest fall yet if he didn’t. But, she could certainly start by
reigning in her words before he saw the stark honesty behind
them.

Because the only thing more painful than not
getting what your heart wants is imagining that you could have it
in the first place.

***

“Mrs. Lindstrom?” he teased. But then he
glanced at her and saw her face. He furrowed his brows together in
confusion. “Jane? Jane, are you okay?”

“Foolish,” she breathed softly, not
necessarily to him. She seemed to be lost in her own thoughts.

He looked out the window so she wouldn’t see
his face fall. The mood in the truck had changed in an instant, and
he wondered if she was slipping away from him, reviewing what a
life stuck in Gardiner would look like, and deciding she wanted
none of it.
Sure, come live with me in some small house my
brother and I build, surrounded by crazy Swedes coming and going
all the time, in this tiny town, and have a bunch of kids with me,
and wander around a gigantic national park every weekend.

She was, essentially, a city girl. It must
have sounded like hell to her. And all the while, the thought of
Jane in his life permanently had sounded like heaven to him.

“We’re here,” he mumbled, his heart heavy.
“Maybe get your camera ready.”

***

Two hours later they headed out of the park.
Jane had gotten some good shots of grazing wildlife, although none
of the elusive grizzlies. They’d seen moose and deer, elk and
bison. No grizzlies in sight.

Not to mention, the playful mood between
them hadn’t been restored since they’d lost it, and as they headed
back to Gardiner to have lunch with the Lindstroms, Jane wished she
knew what to say or do to recapture the playfulness of the
morning.

“Tell me about your brothers and sister,”
Jane urged. “Paul told me a little, but I’d love to hear about them
from you.”

“Well, there’s Nils, who you know. Me and
Erik. And Jenny.”

“Interesting how you grouped yourself with
Erik.”

“Huh. I didn’t even realize I did.”

“You’re closest to him?”

“I don’t know. I guess,” Lars said, drumming
his fingers along to the Shirelles singing “Baby, It’s You.”

“I love this song,” Jane said, glancing at
him and grinning. “…I can’t help myself, when baby, it’s you. Baby,
it’s you.”

And finally she got a little smile back from
him.

“So, Nils. What do you think the story is?
How come it took so long? Him and Maggie?”

“Now, that, I may have some insight on that.
There was this girl in high school. Years ago. I mean, Nils is
thirty-three—”

“How old are
you
?” She blurted out.
All this time, Jane had imagined Lars in his mid-to-late thirties
and Nils edging up toward forty.

He looked at her, smiling, curious. “How old
do you think I am?”

“I-I thought about thirty-six.”

“Thirty-six!” He ran a hand through his
hair. “Do I look thirty-six?”

“Clearly I’m not a good judge.”

“Jane! I am thirty.”

Thirty. Wow. No wonder he was so…energetic.
She grinned at him.

“What are you thinking about?”

“I’m not telling.”

“You owe me one after thinking I was
thirty-six.”

“Okay, fine. I was thinking that you are
very youthful…in bed.”

Lars threw back his head and laughed.
“Like…adolescent or…”

“Or,” she confirmed.

“Oh, so we’re talking about stamina.”

“Actually we’re talking about Nils.”

“Damn, Jane.” He shook his head back and
forth, almost unable to keep his eyes on the road. “You get me so
hot.”

“I aim to please,” she said quietly. She
couldn’t stop smiling either. He was just so fun.

“You succeed.”

“Nils!”

“Right, right, okay. So, before I was so
rudely interrupted, I mentioned that he’s thirty-three. Anyway,
there was this girl in high school. His year. Veronica Olsen. She
was gaga for Nils, and he had it bad for her too. They were hot and
heavy senior year, but after graduation, she moved away to
Missoula. Nils got this forestry internship for the summer up near
Missoula to be close to her, but he came back at the end of the
summer and he was…different. I don’t know how to explain it. He
never talked about her again. Never. I’ve still never heard her
name pass his lips.

“After that, he never dated much. I’m pretty
sure he had a thing with this girl Tessie Branson for a while, but
I don’t even know what that was. Friends with benefits, I guess?
Tessie wasn’t the type of girl you get serious about. Anyway, speed
up ten years, and Maggie blows into town, all sassy with this thick
Scottish accent, and she looks a lot like Veronica. A petite,
good-looking redhead. The one time I mentioned the similarity to
Nils, he told me we’d have a problem if I ever mentioned Veronica’s
name again.

“So, years go by, Maggie’s patient…and one
night my girlfriend, Jane, is hanging out—”

Jane interrupted him. “Wait a sec. Can we go
back a few steps, Professor?”

Lars grinned at her. “Sure. Which part do
you want to go over?”

“You said that years went by and then one
night…”

“Oh, the part where my
girlfriend,
Jane, is hanging out with—”

“Yep. That’s the part I’d like to
review.”

“Any objections?”

“Just some clarification.”

“I told you how I felt about you last
night…and after everything we did
three times
…well, I sure
as hell
hope
you’re my girlfriend, Jane.”

She shrugged. “Well, I guess…”

“You guess what?”

“I guess I’m your girlfriend.”

“Thank God. You know, since we already
planned out our future.”

“About that…”

He nodded at her, feeling sheepish.
“Foolish, I know.”

“I shouldn’t have said that. About it being
foolish. I didn’t mean it. It was sweet. I just…things feel like
they’re moving fast between us. And I don’t want to slow down, but
it still makes me a little nervous.”

“Jane.”

“Lars.”

“I have no interest in hurting you.”

“I know, but—”

He pulled over under the Roosevelt Arch and
looked at her. “Listen to me, Jane, because this is the truth. I’m
not going to hurt you. Not now, not ever. If anyone gets hurt
between you and me, it’ll be me. Not you. I promise.”

“You can’t promise me that.”

“I just did.”

She unbuckled her seatbelt and slid over to
sit next to him, staring ahead at the expanse of prairie in front
of them before turning to him and lifting her eyes to his.

“I’m falling for you too,” she
whispered.

“Aw, Jane,” he murmured, searching her eyes
tenderly before closing his and lowering his lips to hers.

CHAPTER 13

Lars’s father had set up two picnic tables in
the front yard of his property, which had a direct view of
Yellowstone and the mountains beyond. As Lars parked the truck Jane
recognized Mr. Lindstrom at a grill near the picnic tables talking
to Maggie, and sighed in relief. It was good to see a familiar face
amidst all of the blond Lindstroms filling Mr. Lindstrom’s front
porch.

Lars looked over at Jane. “You ready?”

She took a deep breath, smiling for him. “As
ready as I’ll ever be.”

He hopped out of the truck and opened her
door for her, holding her hand as they approached his father’s
house.

“Lars!” A tall, blond man who looked a lot
like Lars jumped up from where he was sitting on the porch steps
and rushed to greet Lars and Jane.

“
Minste
!” Lars let go of Jane’s hand
to embrace his brother, clapping him on the back. Jane watched as
these two hulking blond men had a brief but touching reunion,
wondering what it would feel like for one person to be that glad to
see her, let alone a whole porch full. Lars put his arm around her
shoulders, drawing her up against his side. “This is Jane.”

“Heya, Jane.”

“Heya, Erik,” she smiled. “I didn’t think
you guys would look so much alike.”

“Ugh!” Erik cringed, hitching his thumb over
at Lars. “Are you saying I look like him?”

“
Minste
is just sore he’s the
baby.”

“Jenny’s the baby,” countered Erik.

“Jenny stands alone,” said Lars, looking
over Erik’s head.

“Yes, she does,” said a tall, striking,
blonde woman, who approached the brothers with a wide smile.

“Heya, Lars,” she said softly.

“Jenny-girl.” What a different reunion now.
Jane watched as he enfolded Jenny gently in his arms, careful not
to wake up the blonde baby sleeping on her shoulder. “Aw…Look at
Erin.”

“Nothing nicer than a sleeping baby,” said
Jenny.

“This is Jane,” he whispered, reaching for
Jane’s hand again.

“Heya, Jane. You guys don’t have to whisper.
She’s out like a light.”

Another blond man, with slightly redder
hair, came up behind Jenny, putting his arms around her waist, and
Jenny leaned back against him.

“Want me to take her, Jen?” he asked in her
ear.

“No, I’m good. Sam, this is Jane. Came with
Lars.”

Sam stuck out one hand from around Jenny and
Jane shook it.

“Hey, Jane.”

“Hi, Sam.”

Another woman, blonde and petite, approached
them, holding a blonde baby in the crook of each elbow.
This
must be Katrin, Erik’s wife.

“Oh,” sighed Jane, “They’re so tiny!”

“They’re a handful,” said Kat Lindstrom,
raising her eyebrows at Erik until he took one of the babies from
her, transferring the little girl to the crook of his own elbow
instead.

“You look good, Kat,” said Lars, winking at
his sister-in-law.

“Watch it, Lars,” said Erik, giving his
older brother a sour look then softening as he glanced at his
petite wife with love in his eyes.

“Thanks,
Midten
,” Kat said, coloring
pink as she kissed Lars’s proffered cheek. “It’s good to see
you.”

She turned to Jane. “I’m Kat, by the
way.”

“Hi, Kat. I’m Jane.”

“Oh! So, you’re
Jane
,” Kat smiled
warmly, touching Jane’s arm with her free hand and winking at Lars.
“Paul’s told us all about you.”

Lars huffed beside her and she felt his
fingers tighten on hers.

Jane looked over at Maggie, who stood beside
Mr. Lindstrom at the grill, then caught sight of Nils, sitting with
Paul at a picnic table. She had expected to see them canoodling,
but it seemed that they were keeping their distance from each other
instead.
Hmmm.

“Is that so?” she asked Kat, loving the way
Lars kept her firmly anchored to his side.

Jenny grinned and Jane had the distinct
feeling that Lars was about to be teased. “Called you ‘Lars’s
Jane.’”

Jane looked up at Lars, as if to say,
See? I told you that you had nothing to worry about.
His
expression softened to a grin as he winked at her, shaking his head
softly.

“Lars’s Jane is going to go say hello to
Paul.”

Kat took her arm with her free hand. “I’ll
come!”

***

Lars watched them go, feeling a stab of
jealousy as Jane sat down next to Paul at the picnic table, across
from Nils. Lars clenched his jaw, narrowing his eyes, and put his
hands on his hips. He didn’t have any reason to be jealous, right?
Jane was with
him
.
His
girlfriend. Not Paul’s. His.
Lars’s Jane.

He was suddenly distracted by Erik’s sharp
elbow in his side. “Whoa, brother, back up. That’s Paul. Our
friend
. Your
best
friend.”

“Yeah. I know. He likes Jane.”

“Not like you do, Lars,” said Jenny, with a
touch of humor in her tone. “Besides, Jane seems likeable.”

Erik clapped Lars on the back. “He’s into
some girl online. From Boston or thereabouts. Talking about going
to see her, even. I don’t think you have anything to worry
about.”

“Yeah, I know. It’s just…it’s new, you
know?” He turned to Erik, glancing down at the baby in his
brother’s arms. “Who’s this?”