See Jane Fall (39 page)

Jane pushed off of his chest, sitting up
cross-legged and crossing her arms, which not only hid her breasts
from his view, but made it clear she wasn’t feeling very happy with
their conversation.

“I don’t like this.”

“Well, I don’t like seeing you mistreated.”
He pushed back to sit against the headboard, staring at her,
crossing his arms too.

“You think I’m so weak? I’d just go back to
her? Just like that?”

“I think she’s crappy family, but she’s the
only family you’ve ever known. So, yeah, I think she’s a
weakness.”

Her eyes filled with tears and she breathed
through her nose, tilting her head back. He watched her blink
several times rapidly and swipe at her eyes, and it took everything
in him not to reach for her, not to comfort her. But, damn it, he
loved her, and he would do anything to keep her here, even if that
meant hurting her a little so she would see things the way they
were.

When she looked at him again, he knew she
was
hurt. Her voice was raspier than usual, and not in a way
that was sexy, but in a way that was holding back tears, and he
hated himself for it.

“You know what, Lars? You have your dad and
three siblings still living. You have a brother-in-law and a
sister-in-law and a bunch of nieces and some adopted friends, and I
bet you have a slew of cousins, aunts and uncles somewhere nearby
too. I saw you all today. You have this big, beautiful, loving
family
. You have something I’ve never even dared to dream of
having.

“You didn’t lose your folks when you were
ten
. You had your Mom until you were in your
twenties
. You watched TV shows with her. She taught you how
to make waffles. Do you know what I’d give for memories like that?
You’ve lived in one small town your whole life with a handful of
people you’ve known your whole life, with an amazing family and a
job you love.

“Well, I don’t have an amazing family or a
job I love, but I have Sara and her parents. That’s it. Three
people in the whole world. So forgive me if I want to try to mend
fences a little bit before she leaves. But, our lives are
very
different, so I’ll thank you
not
to judge
me.”

“I’m not judging you, Jane. I just don’t
want you to be Samara Amaya’s grateful doormat.”
Whew.
It
even hurt to
say
the words. He knew he was pushing her,
really
pushing her, now.

She recoiled as if he’d slapped her. She
gasped, pulling the comforter around her, covering herself, finally
staring at her hands in her lap.

“Is that how you see me?” her voice was
small and broke a little.

He couldn’t bear it anymore.

“Jane,” he breathed, low and desperate,
reaching for her.

“No.” She stared at him, her eyes
glistening, and her jaw taut. “Please answer me.”

He winced. He looked down, shaking his
head.

“No,” he breathed. “You’re funny and strong
and smart. Adorable. Beautiful. You’re the most interesting,
fascinating, teasing, infuriating woman I’ve ever known. Ever. How
do I see you? God, Jane. You’d run if you knew.”

She stared at him, eyes wide and watery.

“They’re
not
all you have.”

“What does that mean?”

“Sara and her parents. They’re not all you
have.”

“Yes, they are, Lars. I don’t have any
other—”

He reached out putting his hands under her
arms, and in one quick move, he pulled her onto his lap, cradling
her against his chest before she could protest. He wrapped his arms
around her as her face shifted from confused to indignant, as
though she was trying to decide whether or not to fight, to escape
him. He searched the green eyes so close to his face, the (right
now, sad and angry) green eyes he loved so much.

“They are
not
all you have.” He
swallowed, holding her eyes. “You have me.”

She had been tense and awkward in his arms,
but now she softened and relaxed, staring back at him with her
mouth lightly open, her eyebrows furrowed.

“I’m all in, Jane. I’ve never felt like
this, ever before. Not for anyone. I’m all in.”

He looked at her mouth, and then back up at
her eyes, which were so conflicted, so confused, he almost wished
he could stop talking and just kiss her and make love to her and
reassure her that way. But, Jane was someone who had never felt the
sort of belonging that he had taken for granted his entire life,
and if he wanted Jane, he was going to have to be extremely
clear.

“Jane…” His heart was racing, and he
swallowed against the lump in his throat. “I want you to stay. I
want you to stay in Gardiner. With me.”

She took a hitched, audibly ragged breath
and held it, staring at him, before finally releasing it in a sob
that shook her shoulders, and made her crumple forward. Her
forehead fell into his neck, and her arms, which had stayed crossed
over her chest as he held her, loosened until they fell limply into
her lap. He tightened his hold on her, cradling her in his arms,
and let her cry.

She finally lifted her head to look at him,
and it broke his heart a little, to see her looking so young and
undone.

“You okay, Minx?”

She sniffled, staring at him. “You do? Want
me to stay with you, I mean?”

“I do. Whatever’s between us, I want to give
it a chance. I want you to stay, Jane.” He shrugged and smiled, a
man who couldn’t account for the depth or speed of his feelings,
but maintained their presence nonetheless. “I know Gardiner’s not
exactly the epicenter of the world…but maybe it would grow on you.
You could stay a while and see what you think.”

“I love Gardiner. I love”—her voice trembled
with emotion as she dropped her eyes—“the idea of staying with you.
But are you sure? You sure you won’t regret it? Some girl you
barely know complicating your easy life…”

“This
isn’t
complicated and I know
you a lot more than barely.” He smiled at her, one arm releasing
her back so a calloused thumb could swipe away her tears. “I want
you to stay with me, Jane. It’s as simple as that.”

***

And just as those threads had snapped to
release her from Sara, she felt a new one knot, behind her ribs,
under her heart, binding her to Lars even more indelibly than she’d
ever been bound to her own flesh and blood, and she heard herself
whisper:

“Then I’ll stay.”

His eyes closed slowly, as she imagined they
would if his body was cold and tired, and he slowly entered a hot,
waiting bath. As though those three words from her mouth could
offer him that much comfort, that sort of pleasure. While they were
closed, she placed her hands on his cheeks, and leaned forward to
touch her lips to his. A feather touch at first—light and gentle, a
kiss to seal a promise. And he let her kiss him, still and
waiting.

She leaned back and looked at his face, the
silver stubble of his beard, his blond lashes still on the delicate
skin under his eyes, his cheekbones so tan and high. Gazing at him,
she heard the words in her head
I love you, I love you, I love
you, Lars
…she felt them in her heart and she knew their truth
in her soul, but she couldn’t say them.

The strange and simple fact was, since her
parents had died, Jane had never actually said those words. To
anyone.

As much as she wanted to say them to Lars,
her lips didn’t form them, no sound came from her throat to propel
them, and she realized that she wasn’t ready to hear her voice say
them again after so many lonely years. Holding them close to her
heart was safe. Keeping herself safe was all she knew. Sharing them
would mean that that her gasping heart would be filleted—laid open
to any wound, any harm, to any loss. To grief.

Jane loved Lars. She knew she did. But
saying the words would mean he knew it too.

Instead, she threw her leg over his lap,
straddling him, and watched as his eyes opened, surprised, then
electrified in a liquid second. He wet his lips with his tongue,
his eyes darkening, staring into hers with hunger, with
certainty.

“I want you, Jane.”

And with one, swift move, he repositioned
her on top of him, impaling her, sinking into her, claiming her
body just as surely as he’d claimed her heart.

***

“You’re going to be late,” Jane murmured, her
voice thick and drowsy against his chest.

Lars, who sat comfortably against the
pillow-padded headboard, sighed. He looked at the clock radio on
the bedside table. 5:52.

“I’ll be a little late, then.”

“I don’t want you to be late,” she said,
moving her fingers slowly across his chest as though she were
writing in cursive.

“Then come with me.”

“I really do have to pack up my cousin. At
least get started.”

“It worries me,” he admitted with a
sigh.

“Why?”

He took a deep breath, running his hand
through her curls, realizing how delicate they were, occasionally
snagging on his rough skin.

“I know you said you’d stay, but Gardiner’s
no San Francisco or Boston or New York. I’m worried you’ll realize
you’ve made a mistake. I know—I mean, I know we haven’t known each
other that long, but I don’t
like
what my life looks like
without you in it, Jane. And I don’t want some brutal,
long-distance relationship because that’ll kill this. It’s too new
for that. I have to come to you or you have to stay with me.”

Jane leaned on his chest and caught his
eyes. “Lars, I already said I’d stay.”

He put his hand on her cheek, looking at her
face, loving her as he had never loved anyone. “I know.”

“I
want
to stay.”

“After living in all those amazing
places?”

“They
are
amazing,” she conceded.
“But not one of them has Lars Lindstrom. And he’s
more
amazing.”

His heart contracted and he leaned forward
to kiss her lips gently. “Happy.”

“Handsome.”

“Beautiful.”

“Crazy.”

“Adorable.”

“…late.”

“You trying to get rid of me?”

“Nope. But, I want your family to like me. I
don’t want to be the girl that blew into town and stole you
away.”

“You’re stealing me either way, Minx. I’m
yours.”

Jane smiled at him, running her hand through
his hair. “They don’t need to know that yet.”

“Truth be told, I’m not just stalling for
you, although you are worth stalling for…”

“Other distractions?” she asked, raising an
eyebrow.

“You said before…I’ve lived in one town my
entire life with a big family and a job I love…”

“And…”

“And I
don’t
love my job. Not the way
it’s gonna be, anyway.”

“What’s going to change?” She put her head
back down on his chest and he went back to stroking her hair.

“I love Yellowstone. A hundred percent. I
love being in there. Tracking, hiking, camping. I also love leading
tours—taking regular, normal people into the park and showing them
something awesome. That look they get?” He smiled. “Like you, with
the bison? Man, that feels good. We get these people coming in from
all over the world, and they’ve used their life savings for one big
trip. And they come to
me
. They
trust
me. And I take
them fishing or hiking or camping. And…they see what
I
see,
and then, they
have
that. That experience. That memory.
That’s what I love.”

“So, what’s the problem? That’s what you do,
isn’t it?”

“Sort of. Maybe not for long, though. My Dad
and my brother want me to start this new company called Lindstrom
Elite. More jobs like your cousin, movie stars, TV crews. People
willing to pay a lot for personalized service while they’re
visiting. More Samara. Less average American Joe.”

“More lucrative?”

“Probably.”

“You don’t want it,” she murmured and her
smile was so tender, he wondered what it was about their
conversation that had softened her face so dramatically. He tilted
his head, distracted by how beautiful she was, smiling up at
him.

“I don’t think so,” he finally answered,
shaking his head. “Nah, that’s not true. I know I don’t. Like I
said before. I just want to be a really good tour guide. Maybe help
the yahoos now and then.”

“The yahoos?”

“Rangers. If they need help tracking or
something.”

“Well, I don’t see the problem. You know
what you want. Tell your Dad and Nils you don’t want Lindstrom
Elite. Tell them what you want.”

“Oh, is that all there is to it, Minx?” he
asked, grinning down at her curly head, loving her, loving that she
was in his life to listen to him, to talk to.

“Pretty much, Just-Lars. Unless you want to
keep doing something that doesn’t make you happy.”

“So says the girl who just quit her job
who’s going to go do her old job tonight.”

“I’m not going back, Lars. I can’t think of
anything that would make me go back. I’m staying. I’m yours.”

Even though he was already late…

Even though he needed to get to his father’s
house and she needed to get to Sara’s cottage…

Even though they’d already spent all
afternoon in bed…

Even though neither of them had actually
said ‘I love you’…

His heart exploded with happiness with her
simple reassurance—
I’m yours
—and he pulled her up to kiss
him again.

CHAPTER 14

Jane smiled at herself in her motel room
mirror, turning around twice to admire the way Maggie’s dress fit
her body. It was a simple sheath dress of light wool plaid with a
black patented-leather belt at the waist. When Jane had commented
on the pretty blues and greens in the plaid, Maggie had tilted her
head, giving Jane a sad smile and sharing that it was called a
Campbell plaid.