Seeking Nirvana (10 page)

The waitress approached us just as I was lowering myself opposite the gorgeous two-some.
I had no reservation that those two would have some seriously stunning kids. The thought was unwelcomed. And the fact that it was unwelcomed, I found slightly unnerving.

“What’ll
it be?”

“I’ll have a white wine. Walker, what are you having?” I called over the table.

“I’ll have a Jack,” he laughed. I pointed my finger and pursed my lips at him as he subtly teased about the alias I gave to my nosey-neighbor earlier.

Liv pressed her hand
on his thigh and leaned in, showing off as much of her cleavage as possible. “And I’ll have a screaming orgasm”––she looked back at Walker, pouted her lips and fluttered her eyelashes––“I haven’t had one in a while, and they aren’t as effective if it’s one of your own.”

The sandwich I ate for
lunch slowly made itself known as it clawed its way back up my throat. My stomach rose then freefell in a knotted mass. The heated smirk Walker bade my best friend had me averting my eyes, and studying my fingers as I tangled them together in my lap.

I never felt so out of place as the waitress scampered off with our order.

Liv rested on her right hip, her right arm propped on the curve of the arched couch. Her left hand traced small circles on her chest. “So Walker, you work for Liam?”

“’Aye.”

“In what area?” she probed her voice heavy and throaty. She was going all out tonight, her left leg swished from side to side, causing her ankle to finely graze his lower leg.

I
observed as his attention sank from her smoky eyes to the seducing strokes that the fingertips of her left hand were making over the bulge of her breasts. He licked his lips, “Construction.”

“I should have known with the size of those arms.
” She halted her stirring fingers. “May I?”

He nodded
warily, granting his permission to have her physically examine his muscles.

“Wow, you are definitely packing there, Walker.”

I scanned around for the waitress who was taking far too fucking long. If I was going to sit through this mating scene without throwing up or feeling antagonized, I was going to need a fucking drink––and something stronger than the white wine I had just ordered.

“Finally,” I rolled my eyes as the dark-haired waitress drew near with a tray in hand.

“I have one white wine, one screaming orgasm––”

“I hope to have more than one tonight,” Liv injected with a
seductive, rasping chuckle.

“And a Jack.”

“Make that two Jack’s will you, babe,” I ordered, bleeding my wine in two large gulps and slamming it back on her round salver. Walker glowered at me as I pushed myself from my seat. “Excuse me, I need the restroom.”

Managing to squeeze through
the crowd on the dance floor, which were being turned all manner of different colors with the flashing lights, I felt a firm hand clutching on my hip. Tossing the guy an affronted stare, I just managed to pull away before being pulled into the throng of sweaty, grinding dancers.

Not
for a second did I acknowledge my own strength, when I pushed the door to the restroom open. A woman shrieked, “Hey,” as the door hit the wall before slamming shut.

Frowning,
I held my hands up. “I’m sorry,” I apologized rounding the right corner and forcing a firm grip on the unit of washbasins. For the umpteenth time I stared into the mirror, and a stranger stared back. “What the fuck is your problem?” I hissed under my breath.

“Excuse me?” A blond behind me gasped, holding her hand to her chest
as she surfaced from one of the stalls.

Admonishing myself for not staying home,
I hung my head. “Sorry, not you. I was talking to myself.”

“Y
ou want to be careful with that,”––she placed a cold hand on my shoulder––“it’s the first sign of madness.”

I snorted, “I think I’m already there.”

When I got back to our table, Liv was throwing all of her best moves, moves that I saw time and time again when we were working Red Velvet together. Flipping her hair over her right shoulder to entice her target with a view of the curve of her neck, stroking the bulge of her chest, her thighs, and the rasping giggles as she tipped her head back then pressed her chest against his arm as she fell forward.

Seeing the effect that she was having on him stirred my frustration further. Each time I saw his eyes drop to her flaunted, flawless flesh, I heard my heart thrumming in my ears, my pulse puncturing through my neck, and my lungs all but gave up on even sucking in air. I must have been watching like a hawk because I even noticed
each of his gasps, the way his eyes fluttered closed for a few precious seconds whenever her body made contact with his, as though relishing that connection.

I felt so angry, so irritated that it made me feel sick with adrenaline.

I leaned over the table, snatched the shot of Jack and tossed it down my throat, hoping that it would contain my rising jealous fury and turn it to love and happiness.

Yeah, I felt like a fucking flowerchild.

“Kady, are you alright?” The pleasant lilt which usually had me secretly squirming in my seat and the air ousted from my lungs now filled me infuriation, and aggravated my hidden bitch.

“I’m fine,” I hissed, not even attempting to lift my eyes to meet his gaze.

“So how old are you, Walker?” I stared at my best friend, my jaw working rapidly under my flesh as her fingertips traced over the tribal-sleeve tattoo on his left arm.

“I’m twenty-five, what about you?”

She giggled again and I just wanted to wrap my hands around her throat to shut her up. “I hope I’m not too old for you, Walker, because I’m nearly thirty…”

Thirty…

Two years
ago.

“I’m not sure about this, Liv. I don’t think I can do it.”

She dropped her head, yet I remained restrained by the intensity of her golden, almond glare. Hands set sturdily on my shoulders she incited me, “Yes, Kady, you can…we can. You said you had no idea what to do for his thirtieth, what better gift than every man’s fantasy?”

She was right. I’
d been brooding for what seemed like months about the perfect gift for Liam’s thirtieth birthday. He had already achieved so much, and I was finding it increasingly difficult to decide, considering I was still unemployed after leaving my three year job at Red Velvet.

I stared at my best friend for a good few
minutes not saying a word. I simply heaved a sigh, which merited me with her, “Good girl” praise that always made me relax.

“Hey, Kady, baby, I’m ho––” He was just closing the apartment door when he stopped abruptly.
In a loud din, his briefcase plummeted from his grasp onto the hardwood flooring of the smallish hallway. “What’s going on?”

Liv and I both sported tiny satin gowns which barely covered the tops of our thighs. Liam’s eyes burned with
questioning hunger as he watched my friend stand behind me down the hall to our bedroom, her arms coiled around my waist caressing my body through the silken fabric.

Liv was the first one to break the
earsplitting silence, her hands gliding with teasing purpose over my body. “Happy birthday, Liam, we have a surprise for you.”

“
A surprise? For me? What is it?” he asked cynically.

“It wouldn’t be a surprise if we told you, would it?” I muttered and crooked my index finger, demonstrating the universal language of ‘get your ass over here now’.

He strode towards us. His hands reached up to his throat where he unraveled his sapphire tie. He was pulling it through the collar when Liv and I stepped into the master bedroom.

“
So what’s this surprise then?”

The mattress shifted as I flounced over into the center. Liv
’s alluring form crawled to meet my trembling, nerve-wrecked body in the middle. We were both on our knees as Liam stood in the doorway, his shoulder braced against the wood, the corner of his mouth twitching infinitesimally while his eyes narrowed in bemusement.

Filling my lungs to capacity, I took a liberal breath, hoping that the volume of air I possessed woul
d somehow enhance my confidence and rid me of the terrified, anxious feeling that was solidifying in my belly, and turning my blood to ice in my veins.

Finally, the one word which traveled on my exhalation ricocheted around the room as both Liv and I unraveled our satin robe ties, and let the material s
kate and float down our bodies, “Us.”

Liam’s
green and blue speckled eyes widened, his jaw slacked as we turned to face each other. Liv gripped the back of my head and wrenched my mouth over hers. She was inexorable. Lips pressed firmly against mine, her tongue brushed and stroked against me while we explored with sensuous sweeps through each other’s mouths. As we pulled back a fraction, I heard Liam pant and felt him close the distance between us as mine and Liv’s tongues coiled around each other freely, offering him a front row viewing.

“Oh, my God.
I can’t believe how hot you two look right now. I’m already getting fucking hard.”

Liv pulled away. She eyed
him up with a calculating lopsided smirk. He was unbuttoning his shirt, belt buckle and then his pants, when she teased, “You haven’t seen anything yet.”

Kneading my tits with exact precision, she tweaked my nipple and I groaned as pleasure spiked through the
peaking flesh down my body to end at the most sensitive point between my parted thighs. Her soft, full lips met the curve of my neck and descended over my throat and chest, before fondling the straining peak with her tongue. Flicking and circling it, I begged for her to take it fully into the warmth of her mouth. She answered my pleas and began to suck gently. My body’s reaction impossible to fight as my wetness pooled.

It was such a turn on having my best friend touch and taste me in such an intimate
way while my boyfriend was watching, knowing that we were turning him on beyond belief. And I knew we were, because as my right hand cradled Liv’s head as she teased my nipple, my left hand was fisting around Liam’s stiff cock. He gasped and I felt that warm spurt of pre-come secreting from his tip as I massaged it over the crown. Sliding down his length, his veins were prominent under my touch, while he jerked in my hand.

“
Both of you lay back” he ordered. We did as we were told like good girls for the birthday boy.

I rolled my head against the pillow to face the brunet
te at my right. She smiled and whispered that I was doing amazing, that this is something he would always remember, and would always be grateful to have experienced.

I smiled back and faintly nodded.

Wiggling her eyebrows, she dipped two fingers of her left hand into her mouth, and reached down to make contact with my core. Her fingers were so warm. I wasn’t sure whether she did a good job at lubing them up, or whether the anticipation alone had got me that wet.

I threw my head back and
circled my hips as her fingers orbited my clit, gliding over my slickness before plunging inside of me. My walls constricted around her as she manipulated that spot deep inside of my body, which spawned incoherent whimpers and caused more juices to flow.

I
met Liam’s gaze at the foot of the bed. His jaw was working, his teeth clamped shut as he watched his girlfriend being royally finger-fucked by her best friend. He tore the foil packet which he recovered from the dresser drawer, and rolled it down his length. The sound of my juices spilling from me every time Liv withdrew and massaged my throbbing clit once again was driving me crazy, let alone what it was doing to him.

I reciprocated
and dipped my fingers into my mouth before touching her. I trailed down her landing-strip as her thighs unsealed, falling open farther, allowing me entry to fondle and play with her, the way she was playing with me.

“Oh, my God…rub her good, Kady, baby. Rub that pussy good,” Liam’s voice was husky and
unsteady. I felt my heart beating ruthlessly in my chest, the blood gushing through my eardrums was practically deafening. Yet Liv’s guttural groans and moans surmounted the muffled ringing. Her hips gyrated, her clit swelled under my strokes.

The next thing I kne
w, I felt the bed dip and Liam’s tongue was working over my steeped fingers. I splayed them; holding Liv completely exposed, giving an unobstructed access to her center. Mouth agape, I stared on as he glided his tongue over her, around her, in her. She tipped her head back, her hips bucking as did mine when I spotted my boyfriend’s eyes darken almost instantly. He studied me intently as he licked, sucked and French kissed my friends cunt.

And even though I felt that surge of overwhelming jealousy at that point, I couldn’t help but find myself even more turned on
by it.

My clit was aching. I shoved my pelvis upward,
but Liv’s fingers had stopped moving. They just lay there, pressed against the swelling ball of nerve endings which were screaming for release. It was torture.

Writhing beside me, she whimpered,
“Oh, God, I know what you mean now, Kady. He is so fucking good with his tongue.” My scrutiny dove back upon my boyfriend, who was resting with his face in-between her golden thighs. His lids fluttered closed and he released an approving, feral groan as he sucked on her pussy.

She begged him for more as he pulled away.

But he didn’t give in…yet.

Her fingers
drilled back inside me at a brutal speed, for which I was thankful. I tweaked my left nipple between my thumb and index finger, as my hips twisted passionately with burning desire. Liam fisted his cock and traced his engorged head up the length of her dowsed slit. She squirmed and swore until the atmosphere in the room turned blue.

“You’re so wet, Liv. Did Kady and I just make you that wet?”

“Yes, I need to come. I can’t stand this,” she pleaded.

The
ball of jealous rage hardened and weighted in my belly, in my chest, yet in that moment, I was powerless to stop. All I wanted was to come, and as out of sorts as it may have been, there was something about this feeling of degradation, this humiliation, that was adding to my already exceptionally aroused state.

“Do you like her fingers inside you, Kady, baby?”

“Yes,” I keened.

“
Be a good girl, Kady, watch me as I play with her clit with my cock.”

I did as I was told and felt my heart in my stomach,
the throbbing traveled into my back. My pussy was soaking as Liv pulled out and rubbed my lips with my own sweet juices.

Liam bent down a fraction and dipped his tongue into my mouth. I could taste and smell my friends
honeyed juices from her cunt pasted all over him, like she had marked her territory. When he pulled back, she bucked her hips and I observed as my man’s cock slowly descended inside. He pulled his hips back then thrust into her again. His eyes screwed shut, he gasped when his hands found their way to her hips. He clutched tightly. “Fuck, Liv…you’re so fucking tight,” he growled, pushing his way in her body until he was buried to the root.

“And Kady’s so fucking wet.
” She set her eyes on me. “Are you okay with this, chick?”

I felt like we had already gone past the point of no return, so I just whispered, “Yes.”

“You’re okay with your boyfriend fucking me? You’re okay watching him pull his cock from my cunt, seeing it glisten with my pussy juices instead of yours? You’re okay with him making me come?”

That was it.
So much humiliation, so much jealousy, but I was powerless. My back tightened, my toes curled, my body sang in ecstasy as my eyes rolled and my core felt like it was pulled back in a slingshot.

As I exploded over her hand and my body rode out the waves, Liv screamed and trembled. Liam soon followed as
he called out my friends name, stilled, and crashed down atop of her slender, yet curvy naked body, before pulling out of the cunt which was responsible for his release.

********

I pulled my head back when I snapped out from my reflection. I was met by Walker leaning in and whispering something in Liv’s ear. By the way she was beaming and tittering, you would have thought he just stuck his tongue in it. And for a brief minute, I felt that sensation of envy and possessiveness which I had been seemingly accustomed to when it came to Irish, resurface and send my world and logic in a spin.

Unable and unwilling to force myself to
behold the spectacle the two were engaging in, I hung my head. It made me nauseated with desire and resent. Nevertheless, I knew I had no right to feel that way. I was already in a relationship, a serious, long-term relationship with someone who could offer me a future. Someone who, even though I discovered his lies and was something we would have to discuss, had looked after me for all these years. He bought a house for us…that’s not something you do unless there’s a future promised.

Liv pushed herself from the
curvature of the bench and held her hand out to Walker. He accepted and freed himself from the seat. “We’re going to dance. Are you coming, Chick?”

The bitter taste of fury was rising, and there was nothing I could do to halt its progression. I rolled
my lips over my teeth and shook my head, abating the stinging bitterness back to my stomach. I gestured to the bar at my left with a cock of my head. “No, I’ll be at the bar,” I shouted over some female’s throaty voice singing about
You Got The Love,
and my eyes timidly fluttered up to chance a glimpse at Walker.

His brow furrowed
somewhat quizzically, but I forced a smile, albeit a sad smile but a smile nonetheless. Liv merely nodded and began escorting him down the steps to my right, to the throng of raging hormones on the dance floor, while I stomped my way to the bar.

I rolled the
fourth shot of the night over my lips then slammed it on the bar. “Another,” I called to the bartender, pointing at the empty glass.

“The rate you’re knocking them back, you either had a bad day, or you’re––”

“Don’t even try and go there, buddy,” I hissed at the guy sporting a buzz cut as he took up the adjacent stool. Lifting and draining the clear liquid in the glass, I rolled it over my lips, slammed it on the bar, and called for another.

“I’m
Tyler.”

Unenthusiastic
, I craned my head to the right and gaped at the man with a raised brow. He held out his hand and after an ephemeral second of reluctance, I accepted. “I’m confused, pleased to meet you.”

“One of those days is it, c
onfused?” he smiled.

My shot waited suspended in mid-air. “Actually, it’s been more of a few weeks.”

By the time I slammed the glass back onto the white counter, which shone lilac under the ultra violet lights, my new drinking partner, Tyler, had already ordered another four shots of tequila. He was asking me if I wanted to talk about it, and my instant response to that stupid question was, “I told you, I’m confused.”