Selby Snaps (15 page)

Soon the bed had gone from a hum and a ripple to a very relaxing jiggle.

‘According to my calculations this is perfect,’ Percy said. ‘Now all we have to do is wait till a wormhole squiggles its way around here.’

‘Gosh,’ Mrs Trifle said, yawning a big yawn. ‘It’s making me sleepy.’

‘Me too,’ Dr Trifle said.

Selby lay there, struggling to stay awake. He closed his eyes for a moment and then opened them again to see the picture on Mrs Trifle’s needlework in front of him. Suddenly there was a loud
snap
and he and the Trifles were tumbling through darkness. Seconds later, they landed with a thud.

‘What happened?!’ Mrs Trifle cried.

‘I think we snapped,’ Percy said, smiling broadly.

‘Where are we?’ Dr Trifle asked. ‘And
when
are we?’

‘It certainly isn’t Bogusville,’ said Mrs Trifle, pointing to the castle behind them.

‘Sheeeeeeesh,’ Selby thought. ‘It actually worked! This is sooooo scary!’

‘Let’s go back before we get stuck here,’ Mrs Trifle said.

‘Or end up somewhere else and some
when
else,’ Dr Trifle added.

‘Don’t worry,’ Percy Peach said. ‘It’s a slow moving wormhole. We’ll be okay if we only spend an hour here. Let’s have a look around.’

Suddenly the castle’s drawbridge dropped with a crash and twenty men in armour came riding out. One, with a red feather in his helmet, spoke.

‘Who are ye?!’ he demanded.

‘I don’t believe this!’ Selby thought. ‘I must be dreaming! Wake up, Selby! Wake up!’

‘Is this a movie?’ Mrs Trifle whispered. ‘Who is this fellow?’

‘I’ll talk to him,’ Percy whispered. ‘Pray forgive us, sire,’ he said. ‘We are but poor souls who have lost our way.’

‘Lost your way
— in a bed?!’ the knight boomed. ‘Ye are camping on my property!’

Before anyone knew what was happening the soldiers lowered their pointy sticks and herded Percy Peach and the Trifles over the drawbridge and into the castle, leaving Selby behind.

‘Oh, great! Now they’ve captured Percy and the Trifles!’ Selby squealed. ‘Dream or no dream, I’ve got to get them out!’

Selby dashed around to the back of the castle.

‘Oh, no, there’s no back door!’ he thought. ‘What now?’

Selby was just wondering what to do next when he noticed the tall tower behind the castle. In the top window was a beautiful young woman.

‘Save me!’ she cried.

‘This is getting sillier by the second!’ Selby thought. ‘This dream is turning into a fairytale!’

‘Pray, come hither, kind sir!’

‘She thinks I’m a sir,’ Selby thought, as he moved a bit hitherer. ‘Can’t she see I’m a dog? Maybe she needs glasses and they haven’t invented them yet.’

Selby looked up again. A tear fell from her eye and glistened in the sunlight.

‘I have been locked in this tower by the evil Red Knight who lives in yon castle,’ she said.

‘I’d like to help,’ Selby said talking to her in plain English because 1. she probably didn’t know he was a dog and, 2. it was probably all a dream anyway. ‘But I’ve got to rescue my owners — I mean — my friends from the castle.’

‘Rescue me first and I shall help you to rescue them,’ she said, throwing down a long yellow ribbon. ‘Pray, climb up.’

‘Oh, well,’ Selby thought. ‘What do I have to lose?’

He grabbed the ribbon in both paws and climbed up the side of the tower.

‘Oh, thank you, thank you,’ she said, kissing him.

‘You’re not surprised that I’m a dog?’ Selby asked. ‘A talking dog?’

‘All the better to hatch my plan with,’ she said.

‘She probably believes in dragons and magic,’ Selby thought. ‘So what’s a talking dog to her?’

‘Who is this evil Red Knight?’ Selby asked.

‘His name is Prince Nigel. Nigel the Naughty. He’s my brother. I added the “Naughty” part. I am Gwendolyn. Princess Gwendolyn the Good Girl.’

‘Did you add the “Good Girl” part?’

‘Yes. My brother is horrible. He locked me away because I shredded his teddy when we were little.’

‘He locked you up for that?! How awful!’

‘And I shaved his head when he was sleeping, and swapped his undies for pink frilly ones, and I put slugs in his bed, and told Mum and Dad that he ate all the chocolate cake when it was really me, and told everyone he was in love with Agnes Snoot, and I put my name on the tags of his Christmas presents so I got them all and I —’

‘Okay, okay, okay,’ Selby interrupted. ‘I’ve got the picture. So why don’t you just tell him you’re sorry?’

‘Because I’m not sorry!’ Princess Gwendolyn the Good Girl exploded. ‘He deserved everything he got! He was a pest! Besides, when our parents retired to the little castle at the beach
they gave Nigel the big castle. He only got it because he’s a boy! It’s not fair!’

‘So what have you been doing all this time?’

‘Weaving my hair. Every time it grew a bit I’d cut it off and weave it into that long yellow ribbon so that I could be rescued.’

‘That ribbon was … your
hair?’
Selby cried.

‘I wove it on the golden loom my mother gave me,’ Gwendolyn said, pointing to the loom in the corner. ‘It’s a valuable family hair loom.’

‘Why didn’t you just hang your hair out the window and wait till it grew down to the ground? Then I could climb up it that way. That’s what happens in the fairytales.’

‘I hate long hair,’ the Princess answered. ‘It’s such a pain. All that brushing and shampooing and conditioning. But enough. Nearby lies a cave. In it is a magic ring that will give three wishes. It was given to me by a witch. I hid it there so that my brother couldn’t get his grubby little paws on it. We must fetch it.’

‘What about my friends?’ Selby asked.

‘After I make my wish on the Wishing Ring, the ring will be yours. You can have any leftover wishes.’

Gwendolyn tied one end of the ribbon to her bed, stepped onto the windowsill and quickly slid to the ground. Selby followed.

‘Now on to the cave, dog.’

Selby ran after the fleeing Princess.

‘Why didn’t you just climb down before by yourself?’ he asked as they ran.

‘I could have,’ she said. ‘But to get the ring I needed a passing knight — or a dog like you — to slay the dragon.’

‘The dragon?!’ Selby laughed. ‘But they’re make-believe!’

The Princess stopped and pointed to the cave ahead. A huge animal lay sleeping in the entrance. A huge animal with fire and smoke coming out of its nostrils as it snored.

‘Sheeeeeeesh!’ Selby thought. ‘A dragon. Now this
has
to be a dream.’

‘Slay him, please, and I will fetch the Wishing Ring,’ the Princess said.

‘Hold the show!’ Selby whispered. ‘You’ve got the wrong dog. I’m not the dragon-slaying sort. I’m just a medium-size talking dog.’

‘Without the ring we have no wishes,’ Gwendolyn said, stroking Selby’s head. ‘My
brother will find me and lock me up again. And you will not rescue your friends.’

‘Let’s use our heads,’ Selby said. ‘Couldn’t we just sneak past him?’

‘You are such a clever dog.’

Selby and Princess Gwendolyn tiptoed past the dragon and into the cave. There in a wooden box was the Wishing Ring. The Princess quickly put the ring on her finger and she and Selby were just tiptoeing out again when the sleeping beast’s eyes snapped open. He let out a roar.

‘Run!’ Selby screamed.

And the Princess did but Selby was too slow and suddenly, he was snapped up in the dragon’s mouth and lifted high in the air.

‘The ring!’ Selby cried. ‘Hey, Princess! Make him let go of me!’

‘But that will use up a wish!’

‘Who cares?! I’m about to be a dragon’s dinner!’

‘As you please,’ the Princess said, pointing her finger at the dragon. ‘I wish you would let the dog go!’

The dragon stood there in silence for a second. There was a strange stillness in the air. Then he put Selby gently on the ground and let him go.

Selby and the Princess ran back towards the castle. The dragon stood still for a moment and then started after them.

‘You should have wished he was dead!’ Selby squealed.

‘You’d have fallen and hurt yourself,’ the Princess said.

‘Good point.’

‘But don’t worry, he is well behind us.’

When they reached the castle, Princess Gwendolyn began throwing stones at the drawbridge. And in a split second it opened and Prince Nigel the Naughty came riding out.

‘Get back in yon tower, sister!’ he yelled.

Gwendolyn pointed the ring finger.

‘I wish that you would forget all the terrible things I did to you and that I can have half of everything.’

Prince Nigel stood there in silence for a second. There was a strange stillness in the air. He looked at his sister.

‘The Wishing Ring is yours now,’ the Princess said, slipping the ring on one of Selby’s toes. ‘Go ahead, make your wish.’

‘But, hang on,’ Selby said. ‘You used up all three wishes! That last bit was
two!’

‘No, it wasn’t.’

‘It was! You wished that he would forget the terrible things you did to him and you wished that you had half of everything.’

‘That only counts as one.’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Absolutely.’

‘Gwenny, darling sister,’ the knight said, jumping down from his horse and giving her a big hug. ‘Where have you been?’

‘I’ve been away, Nige, brother dearest. Now we had better go inside, I think there’s a dragon coming.’

‘Yes, indeed, darling sister. It is your castle too, remember.’

Selby could see Percy Peach and the Trifles sneaking out of the castle and over the drawbridge. Gwendolyn the Good Girl distracted her brother so he didn’t notice.

Selby felt the ground shake as the dragon came closer. He pointed the ring at Percy and the Trifles and then at himself.

‘Okay, ring, take us all back to Bogusville where — and when — we started,’ he said.

The Trifles and Percy stopped dead in their tracks, their eyes gaping. Selby waited to be snapped back through the wormhole but nothing happened.

‘Selby!’ Mrs Trifle exclaimed. ‘You talked!’

‘Never mind about that,’ Selby said. ‘Hey, the ring didn’t work! The wishes
were
all used up after all! The ring is as useless as last year’s bus pass!’

‘But why didn’t you tell us you could talk?’ Dr Trifle asked.