Self Destruct (6 page)

Aiden

I heard the sound of tires crunching gravel as her car rolled to a stop in
Toni's driveway.  I managed to hold myself back from rushing towards her while she got out of the car.  She didn’t know that I dumped my girlfriend, or that my inner caveman was itching to break free and drag her to my cave. 

She
must have felt me watching her. She looked up, straight into my eyes, and gave me her sweet shy smile.  I felt the air rush from my lungs, and like some lovesick pussy I leapt off the porch and swept her off her feet.  I guess that stuff from movies does happen occasionally.

“Hey,” she said
timidly.  “Hey,” I grunted.  I stared at her plump lips, and reminded myself I had to catch her up to speed before I attacked them.  “I need to talk to you.”  My voice had lowered to a growly decibel.  I saw her flinch, and told myself to calm down before I scared her away.

“Is something wrong?” she asked in a shaky voice.  Dammit, I wish Toni had told me something abo
ut her past. I felt like I was scaring her right now.  I brushed my thumb across her cheek. “No, actually something is very right.  At least I hope you will think so too.” 

She wrapped her arms across herself, and I wasn’t sure if it was nerves or a chill.  It was summer, but night in eastern Washington was much colder than the daytime.

“Are you cold?” I asked concerned.  “A little.  I guess I’m a little nervous too.  I don’t really like surprises. Our friendship is a bit strange, and I have no idea what you need to talk to me about.” 

“What if I told you I didn’t want to be your friend?”  I asked trying to verify her feelings for me.  I was pretty sure she was feeling
what I was, but I didn’t want to be over confident.  Everything happened so fast with us, but I knew she was supposed to be mine.

She sucked in a shocked breath, and stuttered, “Y…you d…don’t want to be friends?
  I mean, that makes sense.  I agree.  I don't think I can handle being just friends.”  “That's exactly what I am saying.  I don't want to be just friends.  I want more from you.  I want everything,” I confessed. 

She began
to shake her head.  Shit, I was missing something.  She turned toward her cabin.  Then I realized I was a dumb ass, because I told her backwards. 

She
looked back at me and I saw the fire dancing in her green eyes.  She was hot when she was pissed.  “Don’t you try and tell me you want everything from me when you can’t return it!  I won’t be the other woman Aiden.” 

I smiled at her, and it royally pissed her off.
“Of course you won’t.  I would never ask you to do that.”  “But you said…. I’m missing something, I have to be,” she mumbled. 

“No you aren’t missing anything.  I have a few screws loose obviously, because I opened my mou
th and the wrong words came out,” I answered.  “Oh, well, I’ll ah, forget you ever said it then,” she said in defeat. 

I reached for her arm and managed to grab her wrist. 
She tensed, like being touched panicked her.  I really should have pushed Toni for a few details.  I stroked her soft skin with my thumb to soothe her panic.  There was a lot buried inside this girl, but I had to bare my own past before I could get close enough to learn about hers.

“No, I meant what I said.  I
desperately wanted to kiss you when I saw you, and I forgot to tell you the most important part. I broke up with Vanessa today.” 

“You broke up with her?  Today?
Why?” she fired questions at me.  “Simple, she wasn’t who I wanted.  She hasn’t been someone I’ve liked for a long time, but she and I have a sordid past and I couldn’t seem separate myself from her.”

“I’m not like a rebound am I?” Becca asked quietly.  “No
Red, you could never be that. I haven’t felt anything for Vanessa in five or six years.  I never loved her.  I only felt responsible for her.” 

Becca looked off in the distance weighing my words.  I knew she was apprehensive, but I hoped she would stick around after all of the darkness I had to unveil.  “So what now?” she asked, returning her gaze to me.  “Now I tell you a story, and you tell me if you still want to give us a try.”  She nodded, and that was my cue to begin.

“Vanessa and I started dating senior year of high school.  We had the same friends, were in most of each other’s classes, and our parents ran in the same social circles.  She came on to me at the beginning of the year.  I was a teenage boy, and she was beautiful.  Our parents were busy with business and endless social obligations, and they gave us a lot of space.  Too much space for teenagers with hormones running wild." 

I studied her face, but she hadn't turned away from me yet.  "
Our relationship moved too fast.  We had sex without a condom one time.  Neither of us were virgins, so we should have been prepared.  But we were young and stupid.  Things stayed hot and heavy between us for the next month.  Then the bomb dropped.  She was pregnant.

I stood beside her of course.  I was prepared to put my life on hold and figure ou
t what the best thing to do was. I felt enormous guilt for that one mistake. I realize now I should have given myself a break.  She pressured me not to use protection, and swore she was on the pill. 

Vanessa tried to hide her pregnancy for the rest of our senior year.
  I thought after school ended we would tell our families and get their advice and help, but she refused to tell anyone. 

I was a wreck. 
I declined my admission to Gonzaga, because I thought I needed to work full-time.  Finally my dad confronted me, and I spilled the entire mess.  He agreed not to tell her parents. 

Obviously they were going to find out
.  She started showing sooner than I expected. She had to tell them, and I was sure she would, but I was wrong.  She never intended to tell them. 

She hadn’t been getting prenatal care, something I was too naïve to know she was supposed to.  She went into labor early, and delivered a premature little boy.  I loved him instantly, and he seemed to be doing fine despite his rough start. 
Actually, he was perfectly healthy.

I thought everything would work out.  It had to right?  I was his dad, and he was perfect. 

I left to get some things she said she needed from the store. While I was gone, she signed away our parental rights, and he was adopted without me getting to say goodbye.  I never saw his new parents, heard what they named him, nothing. 

I wanted to leave her right then.  Just walk away and never come back, but I couldn’t be that heartless.  I was dying inside and
figured she must be hurting too.  I tried to talk her out of it, but she refused.  She said she couldn’t be tied down to a baby, because she was going to NYU.  I demanded to see him, but she wouldn’t tell me who took him. 

We broke up afterwards, but she changed her mind about seeing him again.  Apparently her parents found out about the pregnancy toward the end and set-up the entire adoption. 

It was their idea to do it behind my back.  She told them she wanted him back and they said if we were still together, and making something of ourselves when we graduated from college they would hire a lawyer to get him back.

Things weren’t hor
rible between us all the time, but it was a bad time for me in general.  My grandparents died in a car accident before my son was born. I was very close to them, and I couldn't attend the reading of their will because it was too hard.  Before I knew it they were gone, my son was gone, and I was drowning in guilt.

My brain was in a fog, and I couldn't muster the fight to leave Vanessa.
And, I wanted to see him again.  The last couple of years though, I began to realize he wouldn’t appreciate us tearing him from a family that has loved him for years.  He deserves the stability and family we couldn’t provide for him.

My dad helped me get in
touch with the adoption agency.  His lawyer threatened them and got the information I needed to be able to let him go.  They initially refused to tell me anything, but when they realized I never signed over my rights they gave me any information I wanted.

I wanted to know about the family.  I met them.  They are a nice couple in their late thirties.  They wanted children, but weren’t able to have any of their own.  They showed me pictures, told me about his first year of school, and promised if he ever wanted to contact me they would let him. 

That was actually right before I went to visit Vanessa in New York.  I was confused, and I wanted to see if there was anything real between us. I never told her about them. 

She was preoccup
ied with her current flirtation. Yet she still talked about us like we were inevitable.  I left there bitter, and intended to drink myself into a coma while I was here at the lake. 

That was before
I saw a flame haired temptress taunting me with her innocence and freedom.  See Becca you aren’t a rebound, you are my lifeline.  You pulled me from the darkness I’ve been living in." 

I took a deep breath and continued.  "
Does this story change your mind about starting something with me?  I would rather know now, than fall farther for you and have you rip my heart out.  I can see that falling for you will be as easy as breathing if nothing stands between us.  Let me know gorgeous, is this going to stand between us?”

She stretched up from her shorter
five foot four inch stature and I leaned down to help breach the gap between our heights.  She smiled sweetly and kissed me gently on the mouth. 

“Why would that scare me away.  I
hate her more than I did before. Before this story she was the girl who had what I wanted.  I was blind with jealousy then, but now she’s the girl who hurt someone I care about.  I’m sorry that happened to you.”

My jaw clenched.  I didn’t deserve her sweetness.  “Don’t you see it didn’t happen to me.  I was irresponsible, and she got pregnant.  I created the problem in the first place.”  She raised her eyebrows in challenge.  “Oh, I see. 
You forced her to have sex with you.”

“What!” I choked out.  “I would never, ever force a woman to do something she didn’t want to do.”  She smiled like I played into her hand.
“You mean she was an equal participant?  She could have stopped things and verified that all precautions were taken as well?  Oh, wait you said she pressured you to forgo protection.” 

“Shit,” I muttered.  “Right, this self-hatred you have is shit.  Sure it is partly your fault, but it was her fault too.  And it. Was. An. Accident.” 

“I don’t deserve you.” I exhaled forcefully.  Her lips quirked in amusement. “Well then I guess you are going to have to work real hard to change that, huh?”  “Hmm?” I asked inarticulately.  “I’m agreeing to give you a chance.  Obviously I’m not easy,” she teased.

Rebecca

I was smiling like an idiot.  If he was unsure how I felt about him before, I’m pretty sure the stupid grin on my face cleared things up.  I did manage not to break out into a celebratory dance, or laugh like a hyena. 

“I love seeing you blush,” Aiden whispered in my ear.  Naturally I only turned a deeper shade of red.  He chuckled, and his warm breath tickled the side of my neck. 

“Can I make you dinner?”  “You want to cook for me?” I asked surprised.  “You haven’t eaten yet have you?” he whispered again. “No, not yet.” Actually not at all, stress kills my appetite.  “Do you like pasta?” he asked nervously.  He was cute when he was anxious.

I was about to answer him when my phone rang.  “That better not be one of those tools over there,” he mumbled.  I pulled my phone out of my purse
and looked at the screen. Jake.  I showed Aiden my phone. 

“It’s a little late to wonder where you ran off to don’t you think?”
he complained.  I silenced it and stuck it back in my purse.  “You could have answered it.”  He scowled at my phone.  “I know, but he isn’t who I want to talk to right now.  Besides I left a note at the front desk when I checked out.”

“You aren’t curious what
he has to say?” Aiden asked.  “I might be if I were at all interested in him, but for some reason he just doesn’t do it for me anymore.”  I shrugged. 

“I wonder why that is?” Aiden said nuzzling into my neck.  “Mmm, you smell amazing what are you wearing?”  “
Peach body lotion,” I answered breathlessly.  “I’m gonna get you a life time supply of that.” 

My voice lowered, “I thought you were going to make me dinner.”  “Right, I guess I can’t have peaches for an appetizer.”  I gripped him tighter,
my nerves humming.  He cocked an eyebrow.  “Too fast?”  I nodded.  “I have no problem going as slow as you need.”

“You’re kinda amazing you know that?” I said running my fingers through his dark blonde hair.  He leaned in to kiss me, and my phone rang again.
“Just answer it,” he grumbled.

I dug back into my purse again, and slid my thumb across the screen to answer it.  “Where are you?” Jake demanded as soon as I answered.  “I take it you didn’t get my letter from the front desk?”
I questioned. 

“I’ve been worried about you since you disappeared from the reception.” 
Jake sounded frustrated.  “I didn’t disappear, I waited for a half an hour then took a cab back to the hotel.  I checked out of the hotel and drove for four hours, and you are just now checking on me?  I’m fine, ok.  It was a long drive and I have a great offer for dinner. Bye Jake.”

“Wait.  I’m sorry ok?  I shouldn’t have left like that, but Candi is an old friend and needed to talk to me.  I lost track of time.
  Really, I'm sorry," he apologized.

“I’d be mad, but the rest of my night
is actually going really well.  Let’s just forget it," I said. 

Aiden grabbed my hips and pulled me into his body.  His lips brushed across my ear.  “Get off the phone, and I’ll feed us, or stand there and I’ll have peaches,” he whispered provocatively.
My breathing hitched. 

“Becca is everything alright?”
Jake asked. I couldn’t think with Aiden’s lips skimming the skin beneath my ear.  He reached out and grabbed the phone.  I was too stunned and distracted to stop him. 

“Hey
, Jake is it?  This is Becca’s boyfriend Aiden."  Aiden looked at me to see if I would object, but I blushed instead.  Seeing my agreement he continued talking to Jake. 

"
I gotta thank you for screwing up tonight.  I was a real idiot from the moment I met her a little more than a week ago. I could have missed out on any chance I might have had to fix it. Thank God you were a bigger idiot than I was.”  Aiden hit end and handed me back my phone. 

My mouth
hung open.  I should have yelled at him for pulling that macho bullshit.  I should have told him jealousy was unattractive, but deep down I found it hot. 

My face flamed thinking about his possessive display
.  “What brought out the blush Red?”  “Did I hear you tell him you’re my boyfriend?” I asked nervously.

He wrapped his arms tighter around
me. “I know we are just got together, but I don’t want to be with anyone else.  I’m not saying I’m going to propose, but as long as you and I make sense together I want it to be exclusive.  Does that work for you?” 

I looked up at him, since Aiden towered over me.  I felt safe wrapped in his arms.  I realized I trusted him too.  Feeling safe and trusting someone, especially a guy
, was hard for me.  “Having you to myself.  Oh yeah, that works for me," I agreed.