“Ok,” I said, patting his arm. “Let’s drop it. I won’t bring it up again.”
Jez caught my eye and raised a finely arched brow. She wanted me to push the subject. I could see it in her eyes. However, she wasn’t making the best decisions lately. I shook my head in answer to her silent question.
“Anyway,” I continued, “I can’t keep wasting time chasing after something that could be hidden on the other side of the planet for all we know. There are rebel vampires to deal with. I’m not letting them fuck shit up for me.”
“And Arys?” Jez pulled a napkin from the dispenser and began to tear small pieces from it. “Sounds like he’s fucking shit up too.”
I didn’t want to discuss that, not with Kale present. It was just too awkward. “I’ll deal with Arys.”
“Alrighty. Let me know if you need me to hunt down some rebel vamps.” Jez barely looked up from the small mountain of napkin bits piling up in front of her. The girl was a jittery mess.
“What I need is for you to come try on bridesmaid dresses tomorrow afternoon. Kylarai will be expecting us.”
“That’s tomorrow?” With a crooked smile Jez pushed a golden lock out of her eyes. “No problem. I’ll be ready. I can also stay at my own place alone until then too. If you guys can possibly let me out of your sight.”
She laughed like it was a joke, but I could tell that she was upset. Too bad. I was not going to apologize for wanting to make sure she was safe after how we’d found her.
“We’re done then?” Kale asked, pulling car keys from his pocket. “I’m going to take off. I’ll drop Jez off at home.”
“Going out to get your freak on before sunrise?” Jez snickered and elbowed him teasingly.
“Something like that.” Kale rose with the sound of creaking leather. He seemed to be in a hurry to leave. Considering how strained things had been with us recently, I couldn’t blame him. He paused to wait for Jez to gather her napkin mess. “Alexa, don’t try anything crazy. Please.”
A laugh burst out, and I almost spat coffee across the table. “Are
you
telling me not to do something crazy? Really, Kale. I don’t think you’re qualified to make that call.”
I probably shouldn’t have said it. Immediately I regretted it. Without another word Kale stormed from the coffee shop.
“Yikes,” Jez giggled as she stuffed the napkin bits into her empty coffee cup. “Way to go, Lex. Now I get to sit in that car while he broods. Good job.”
I felt like an ass. It was too late to take it back. “Be ready tomorrow afternoon at three. I’ll pick you up. If you need help staying sober, call me. I mean it. Any time.”
Jez’s smile faded, and she gave a tight nod. “Thanks. I’ll be ready.” She leaned in for a quick hug before following Kale out. The click of her heels was loud in the quiet coffee shop.
I said to Willow, “I’m going to head home. If I’m not up and ready on time, Kylarai will have kittens.” I gathered up the garbage left on the table and carried it to the trash container on our way out.
Willow and I stepped into the parking lot in time to see Kale’s black Camaro vanish around the corner with a squeal of tires. I listened to the roar of the engine as it faded in the distance. He was pissed and rightfully so.
“I’m coming with you,” Willow said, heading for my car. “I’ll stay until sunrise. Don’t tell me not to because I’m the guardian and you’re the one that has to mind me. So get in the car.”
His feisty attitude coaxed a smile from me. Though I didn’t believe I was in any danger sitting at home, his concern was appreciated. Sunrise would steal him away.
“Arys isn’t here yet.” I breathed a sigh of relief when I pulled into the driveway. “He’ll come.” What I didn’t say was that I planned on kicking Arys’s ass off my property when he dared to show his face.
“Is that going to get nasty? From the look on your face, I presume that it is.” Willow followed me inside, pausing to survey the large, dark yard. “It’s really beautiful out here. You can actually see the stars.”
With a brief glance skyward, I nodded. The stars called to my wolf, and I longed for the forest. I pushed the door open and began to flick on lights as I went through the house. It provided a false warmth that made the big house feel a little less empty.
“Yeah, I’m sure nasty is a pretty good word for what’s going to go down.” I dropped my keys on the island before shrugging out of my jacket and removing the dagger from my waist. “Our relationship is built around conflict. I know that’s what they say happens to twin flames. But it doesn’t make it any easier to accept.”
Willow slid onto a stool at the island. His gentle gaze followed me as I fetched a snack from the fridge. He held up a hand in polite refusal when I offered him some apple pie. I devoured some leftover takeout, hoping it was still good. I was too tired to cook.
“Then don’t accept it,” he said. “You don’t have to be a victim of circumstance, Alexa. Conflict may haunt twin flames, but that is only one side of your union. The other side is love. Don’t forget that.”
Something Lilah said rose up in my memory to haunt me with the truth. “Lilah once said the twin flame bond is a curse, not a gift. I wanted so badly to believe she was wrong. But some of the things she said, they’re true.”
“Don’t say that,” Willow warned. “Lilah is a demon. Nothing she speaks is the truth. She’s a vile creature that sees and spreads only evil.”
“No really, Willow. She talked about how the twins hate each other as much as they love each other. How there is no escape from one another. We are chosen, and we’re meant to suffer.” Suddenly I wasn’t so hungry anymore. I shoved my plate away and poured a glass of water. “It’s starting to feel like the truth. Like it is a curse. I mean, Arys and me, we can’t even walk away from this. Too much time apart will drive us insane, just like it did Lilah.”
“And Salem,” Willow added. “You only know half of that story. It drove him mad too. The last time he caged Lilah, he rarely left her side. He couldn’t bear to.”
“But he still imprisoned her against her will. That’s not love. Why would an angel and a demon even be twinned?” I scowled, disgusted with the harsh reality of the dark side of a twin flame bond. It wasn’t all power trips and deeply personal lovemaking.
“For the same reason you and Arys are. A rare partnership with a shared purpose that can be achieved by no other. In anything so trying and difficult, there is always room for growth and revelation. Don’t focus so intently on the hard parts that you miss the beauty of what you share.”
I tried to take Willow’s wise words to heart. Letting Lilah get inside my head was exactly what she’d want. I couldn’t give her that victory. That was easier said than done, especially when I felt Arys’s arrival. I groaned and shoved a hand through my hair. “He’s here.”
“I’ll take off so you two can talk. Remember, you have everything you need to fulfill your purpose, but there will always be forces trying to stop you. That’s where the conflict comes in. Pick your battles carefully.” Willow slid off the stool and pulled me into a warm hug. Then with a ripple of the atmosphere around us, he was gone.
I turned toward the front door, waiting for the knob to turn. Willow had great advice. However, he could only see the situation from the outside. Being on the inside, having my twin turn on me, there was no letting that go. Emotion spilled through me. I was mad, hurt, and humiliated. The door opened, and it all came pouring out.
“You have a lot of fucking nerve to show up here after that crap you pulled at Shya’s.” I faced Arys with my hands on my hips and my body thrumming with electricity.
He stopped just inside the door with Jenner a few steps behind. The door swung shut with an ominous creak. Arys held both hands up, ready for my temper. The fact that he’d walked in expecting a tirade didn’t make me feel any better.
“Alexa, let me explain.” He approached as if expecting me to start hurling dishes down the hallway. “Can we just talk, please?”
“You want to try to explain what I saw you do tonight? Sure. Go ahead and tell me why you threw me across Shya’s kitchen.” I stared into Arys, letting him see the raw emotion in my eyes.
He kept coming down the long front hall toward me where I stood in the entry to the kitchen. Jenner crept over to the stairs and stealthily escaped to the top floor, leaving us the illusion of privacy.
“I’m sorry about that,” Arys said, his gaze heavy upon me. “I had to turn Gabriel. Shya and I had a deal. If I didn’t make good on that, he would never have removed that mark.”
“You know, so far, you’re off to a pretty shitty start. Try again.”
He stopped about ten feet away. Close enough to face me like a man but too far away to slap. “I made that deal intending to keep it. I know that’s not what you want to hear, but you know me. That can’t possibly surprise you. As long as we bear Shya’s mark, he owns us. I will not be owned by a demon.”
“So you took the life of a young man barely into adulthood. You ignored Hurst’s warning and we are going to pay for that.” Accusation dripped from my tone. The image of Gabriel’s body was burned into my memory. It shouldn’t have happened. Not on my watch. I felt like I had failed him somehow.
“I upheld my end of the deal. Look how much control Shya has over you because of that mark. I had to get rid of mine. He can’t have us both.” Shoulders stiff, a frown creased his brow as Arys stared at me, pleading with those midnight eyes.
Guilt rose up to join the onslaught of feelings. Keeping Shya’s mark was not by choice. The only way to get rid of it was to give him a dreamwalker. The FPA had one in lockup; I saw her. But I could never do that to her. She was safer where she was now.
“You know I’d get rid of this mark if I could.” I sniffed as my temper flared. “The only way to do that is to hand an innocent person over to Shya. And I will not do that. Maybe it was easy for you, but I’m not quite that far gone yet.”
I turned my back on Arys and went to clean up the dishes. He wasn’t convincing me that killing Gabriel was necessary. He was just showing me how different we were.
I shoved things into the dishwasher with more force than required. The plates crashed against each other, somehow not breaking. I slammed the door shut and whirled around to find Arys right behind me.
“I understand why you haven’t paid your debt to Shya,” he said. “Can you try to understand why I had to pay mine?” He reached to take my hand. The heat of his skin reminded me of where that stolen warmth had come from, and I pulled away.
“Arys, you killed someone. In front of me while I begged you not to. Then you threw me across the room. No, I’m sorry, but I do not understand that, and I don’t even want to.” I was backed into a corner, up against the dishwasher. I needed some distance. “You should go home. I need some time alone.”
“I’m not leaving you alone. We’ve already been over this.”
“Give me a break.”
“I’m not going.”
We glared at one another until the power flowed between us with a scorching hot intensity. There were so many ways I wanted to react. Still, I thought of what Willow said, and I opted to take the high road by simply walking away.
“Fine. Stay then. You can bunk with Jenner or take the couch. I’m going to bed. Alone.” I shoved by him, expecting resistance. He didn’t stop me, but he didn’t let me go either.
“We are not done talking about this, Alexa.” Arys was hot on my heels as I climbed the stairs.
I rushed into the bedroom and swung the door shut. “You might not be, but I am.”
The door bounced off Arys’s foot as he kicked it open. My jaw dropped. He came closer, and I threw my hands up to ward him off. A burst of power went out from me, throwing him out of the room where he crashed against the stair railing. The wood creaked but didn’t give.
Arys got up uttering obscenities. I was ready when he appeared in the doorway again. My fingers crackled with power.
“Go ahead. Do it,” he taunted, holding his hands up in invitation. “I know you’re pissed off, so get it all out of your system. Let me have it.”
“Is that what you think?” I sputtered. “That I’m pissed off? I am so much more than that. You sold me out in front of Shya. You allowed us to be divided, and you humiliated me. I’m not just pissed; I’m hurt.”
The truth hung between us. The atmosphere was thick with pent up energy seeking an outlet. I vibrated with the strength it took to keep from releasing the force I held.
Arys’s face fell. “I had to. Don’t think for a moment that it was easy to do that to you. I didn’t want you to see any of that. When you showed up, I knew I had to make Shya believe we could be divided. The best way to do that was to make you think so.”
I couldn’t believe this. The way he had looked at me at Shya’s, so stone cold, it hadn’t felt like an act. “Well, call the fucking academy. That was an award winning performance. But you did divide us. I needed you to back me, and you didn’t. So it wasn’t just an act, Arys. It was a betrayal.”
“No, it wasn’t. I did it for us. Shya needs to underestimate us. If he thinks we’re falling apart, he’ll let his guard down.” Arys approached quickly, backing me up against the dresser. With a hand beneath my chin, he tipped my gaze up to his. “It had to be real. So it was. You’ve got to understand.”
I shook my head and pressed my lips together. It was the only way to keep myself from telling him to go to hell. I pushed him away, but he held tight to my arms, refusing to be budged.
“We went to Vegas with a united front,” I ground out between gritted teeth. “We agreed to present that same united front to our city, to the vampires and the wolves. Then as soon as we need to show that to Shya, you abandon me. That’s what I understand.”
“It wasn’t like that. You’re not even trying to see this from my side.” Arys’s fingers tightened, digging into my skin, and his eyes flashed wolf for just a moment.
“Let go of me.”
“Not until you calm down and discuss this reasonably.”
“Don’t tell me to calm down.” My shout echoed in the room, hurting my ears. “Nothing you say is going to take back what happened tonight. You think that you played him, but you walked right into his trap. You turned on me while he watched. That was real.” My wolf rose up to stare out at him, issuing a silent challenge. I wished he would leave so I could fall apart by myself.